Competitive frugal present giving - for kids?!

[KERALA1]

Not come across this before - but several people when I ask what they are getting for their DC give a righteous look and reply "wellies" or "a new water bottle for school". Am slightly . Yes I get the wanting to be not commercialised, not spoiling DC etc of course. But this is too far the other way surely?!

None of these families are short of cash btw its not that. And actually all have really lovely DC who deserve decent presents. Seems rather a shame to me - surely ages 4 - 10 the really magical years still have happy memories of receiving a much wanted camera one year, pixie boots the next, game of Guess Who. Think I would have been gutted to receive a water bottle from my parents!

No not expensive. Just abit of magic and thought. I challenge anyone to find me a 6 year old excited by a new pair of wellies waiting for them under the tree..

And you do realise that a lot of your dc's friends are getting a pile of presents and everything your children are getting (family/tree/food etc), don't you chilli? They're not mutually exclusive.

My mil got dd a microphone last year can't have cost more than £20. It has been the basis of countless pop star games this year and she is thought of everytime it's played with.

and lots of gifts don't make up for that

neither does sitting round a table with the normal family, congratulating ourselves on a lack of presents.

because someone dared to offer an opinion

I find the opinion smug and I responded.

Someone told me earlier this year that the more middle class you are, the smaller your DC's present pile! We always got tons of presents at xmas, but unlike more comfortably off families we got very little throughout the year. We didn't have holidays or even days out either really. I don't get my DC's quite as much, mainly because they don't care about stuff generally, DS1 wants one specific thing and DS2 just wants "presents". They are very hard to go crazy buying stuff for. This is just how they are, not because I have instilled in them any non materialistic values!

Well actually Kerala, Mine would . But not if they were the only gift.

Rather a lot of build up for a pair of wellies.

Ive just get my kids stocking fillers and made a donation at both their schools/preschools for children in foster care.

My children are getting at least ten presents each from GP's aunts uncles and friends. I also get them things during the year as and when they need them - so these are just toys and things. We are also going skiing over the break.

It really depends on the family I think. I think it is a real shame that xmas is so commercialised.

I used to babysit for two kids when I was a teen. One got a lip balm and the other got a ball. That was it.

They did have several skiing holidays a year, however and the kids seemed happy enough so each to their own. I thought it was tantamount to child abuse mind you as I was from a family where life was hand to mouth all year but a big fuss was made over christmas

Yes to magic, yes to thought, but that doesn't make frugality 'wrong' (although even I would draw the line at giving wellies, and only wellies)
Yes of course I think kids should have toys, we have lots of Lego, playmobil, sylvanians, transformers etc etc and right now they don't need any more! They will also get presents from aunts, uncles, etc, in fact they've already opened some fab little wooden robots that were sent in the post by a distant relative. They probably cost less than a fiver each, and the relative got it absolutely spot on as the dcs haven't stopped playing with them.
One year we bought the kids wind up torches as recommended by another mum, and they played with them for hours and hours, sometimes its the most unexpected little things that are the biggest success!

I couldn't do that myself. I love giving my DCs presents. I spend ages choosing. Especially books - we rely on the library all year round with the occasional second hand book to keep, so at Xmas they get lots of lovely new ones.

Well, it is just me with DC and I have bought what I can afford and what I think they will like. It is easier with DS as he is younger, so toys do tend to be Christmas and birthday items. DD is older, she gets pocket money and we have had some shopping trips this year, so she is harder.
I do give monthly to charity, and to fundraising, and it is not like we have loads, so I am quite happy with the amount I have got DC.

My last sentence makes it sound like I have got loads, which I don't, to me it is a 'just right' amount for them given what they already have.

My Aunt who was considerably wealthier than our family would berate my mum for "spoiling" her children. My Aunt would give her children a stocking each and one joint present. Whereas we had a big present, a board game, books and maybe a puzzle and a doll each. However when we visited their house my cousins had the most amazing playroom with dolls prams, Georgian dolls houses and shelves full of games.

I just came across this thread about why people love Christmas which I think shows that for many people presents are just one part of a whole period of celebration. Interestingly one person for whom presents are a big deal said they don't give much at birthdays. Our family is simply the other way round.

I actually think Chilli's stance on this is extremely commendable. We live in an often disgustingly commercialised world where material possessions are given far too much importance. To be able to buck that trend is a very healthy attitude to have imo.

I personally don't have the will power to not buy a decent sized pile for my children, but I can entirely appreciate Chilli's sentiment. It's such a shame that some posters on here can't begin to appreciate a different view point to their own as usual with mn.

I am however, in no way condoning a bloody water bottle! That's just rude.

Cooki, Chilli just buys them more on their birthday's to make up for it! It isn't about anti-commercialism.

I am yet to meet another parent who has happily informed me that they don't furnish their small children with toys because "material possessions are given far too much importance". And I know a family who actually live in a tipi!

The only houses I've visited where children have very few toys are occupied by drug addicts.

The posters who come on these threads to proclaim that their dc's get nothing but a new pair of pj's for Christmas because they want to instill them with 'proper' values, just buy them the stuff at other times in the year.

If you're buying loads of random stuff at Christmas just because you've been 'sold' by the corporations, that's your problem. Don't assume we're all that naive.

I'm not really sure what your point is random. You like giving your children a "bundle" of toys for Christmas.

Chilli likes to concentrate on other things over Christmas and will be buying limited gifts for her children.

I will be buying my small children a few toys, but not as many as I could because I'd rather buy them more things in the summer, after they've got bored with the Christmas stuff.

So, in summary, we're all different. Wowser and shocker.

Just because you have difficulty understanding other people's views on this matter, doesn't mean they are wrong.

I think there's a balance, like most things.

A woman in a FB group I belong to posted a picture of (literally) a room full of toys and said they were all donations and how grateful she was because otherwise "he'd only have the six presents I could afford for him."

I was a bit , not because I begrudge her getting donations at all, but because mine are only getting 5-6 presents through my own choice. (Under the tree. More little things in their stockings.)

But yes, a water bottle or a pair of wellies is too far in the other direction!

When my dad married his second wife, a Scottish woman, I was surprised to see how little her kids got at Christmas. It just wasn't celebrated in the same way in her family.

I'm not sure it's that big a deal.

We work very hard to make sure our children get their ( reasonable) Christmas wishes fulfilled. Our bank does a Christmas Club scheme that draws a set amount of money from our account every month. Beginning November the money is released back to you and shopping commences!

My mum and dad were very frugal. Christmas was very special in my family but very much centered on church and family. I have lovely memories of romping with my cousins outside a and piling in for an enormous feast that went on forever. My family is scattered across the globe now and I am divorced from my older children's father. Our Christmas gathering is much smaller.

I try to make a balance between the spiritual and material at Christmas. I want my children to be thrilled by their gifts and I want them to feel Christmas..the sights, sounds and smells. This is the time to encourage joy, compassion and hope. I hope they will be making memories that will last a life time.

I think it is a bit easier to be sniffy about commercialism and presents if you are able to get the things your children want / need throughout the rest of the year. On the other thread quoted, a poster says that they don't get many presents but also mentions that they are going skiing over xmas. This is probably several times the amount I have spent on my childrens presents, it just doesn't come gift wrapped.

right now they don't need any more! They will also get presents from aunts, uncles, etc, in fact they've already opened some fab little wooden robots that were sent in the post by a distant relative

Op you see, this is a classic example of why you should always take what people say with a pinch of salt, usually the most seemingly frugal present giver at xmas actually a huge family in the background who are going to all be buying their dc gifts, so suddenly that pair of welllies doesnt seem as mean.....

I have often found on these threads that parents who give their children least are those with huge family in background all buying,

I think it is a bit easier to be sniffy about commercialism and presents

I agree and I also think it really patronizing to allude that children who are going to get over and above the wellies are going to have a shallow commercialized soulless Christmas....devoid of true Christmas spirit and warmth.

They get all that, and they also get gifts.

I can't remember where I read this but I read somewhere that stuff doesn't spoil children and I think that is right enough.

Having lots of stuff is not enough alone to spoil a child it is how that child is encouraged to think about the stuff.