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Christmas

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Original poster

Poll: My parents have just anounced they are coming to stay nearby for Christmas. To what extent would it be wrong to...

87 replies

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 12/10/2006 10:28

...go away without telling them?

Seriously, my father likes to celebrate Christmas in an aggressive strop, and I am sick of mending door handles and plaster. Not a fab example for the kids really, either.

My mother likes to get Christmas out of the way early, so starts eating dinner around 10.00, on her own if need be. Then with that out of the way she is free to needle my dp and make dispraging comments about his family for the remainder of the day.

my brother retires to the bathroom with a 2 l bottle of diet coke and a copy of "Which Model Aeroplane" and stays there all day.

Alright, I am a cow, but I said I wanted a quiet family christmas this year, just the 4 of us. No rows. Just us having fun.

So they have rented a cottage a mile away and are just going to pop in for the day.

Am thinking Edinburgh is nice this time of year. Or I have a friend in Oban.

Scale 1-10. where 10 is very wrong and 1 is ah sod it, pls?

OP posts:
Cackle · 12/10/2006 11:38

I think that the only answer to this is for you to either refuse to see them or for you to go away.

Everybody elses suggestions haven't helped you so far so you need to pick one of the above options.

It would come as a '1' on my scale but this year I have written off the inlaws and am probably biased.

Personally, I have found it theraputic to say what I mean and stick to it. Our kids now fly up to see the inlaws with my dh and everyone is happy.

moaningpaper · 12/10/2006 11:41

Our local parish church has a family service from 4-5 on Christmas Eve

Christmas Day parish service from 10.30 - 12

That takes up good family time

Sounds like they wouldn't join you

You could always say you were off there and go for a nice walk

mummydoc · 12/10/2006 11:41

just go away , ring your mum say your are very sorry , she should have checked with you first but you have plans . if she asks " where are oyu going " i would be tempted to to be honest( ish) and say you'd rahter not say as you don't want anyone knowing and coming along as you want it to be just the 4 of you on your own.

nellie245 · 12/10/2006 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fennel · 12/10/2006 11:42

I would do what you want and be firm with them.

My parents are regularly alone at christmas despite having 3 lots of children and grandchildren. I think that reflects on them really, they are so undesirable as guests or hosts that none of us can fact spending Christmas with them. We're not all totally selfish, but some things just aren't worth the anguish.

moaningpaper · 12/10/2006 11:42

GAH I have had pils sitting on my bed on christmas morning

NOT a good start to the day

Original poster
FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 12/10/2006 11:48

ok i know i have dissed lots of suggestios but actually its been really helpful talking things through here.

realising that none of these scenarios work is pushing me to action. they are kind of ridiculous. i should be able to stay home at christmas w/o fearing my db would pick the lovks! (they'd then walk in as though nothing had happened, btw)

am veering towards showdown. we normally have our big argument on boxing day trhen don't speak til march...don't see why we can't bring it forward a day, it is christmas and all...

thanks people!

OP posts:
joelallie · 12/10/2006 13:54

Could you book christmas dinner at a restaurant. Invite them to share it with you and then pointedly don't invite them back to your house? Still cheaper than going away.

My parents don't really want to come to ours - house is so cramped and noisy and they are 75 - but will come because we've told them we want to be at home this year. Could do without mil though - she just sits and eats and one of us will have to remain sober to drive her home or she'll have to stay the night

VanillaMilkshake · 12/10/2006 22:07

Scribble - had to laugh at though of your IL's on end of bed, and then realised I would not be laughing if it was mine. I dont even like them in the same house.....

fennel · 13/10/2006 10:20

joelallie, that's probably another thread. "Things your parents can do to really embarrass you in restaurants so that you never dare go back there".

for instance my father complains, very loudly, if hte food takes mroe than 5 minutes to arrive (imagine that at christmas). or if it doesn't have enough meat in, or if it has any spice. etc. and he tells the waitresses off. etc.

joelallie · 13/10/2006 12:04

fennel - yes I suppose it could be a minefield Like starting the 'why are you trying to avoid us on Christmas day' discussion in the middle of a crowded tinsel-festooned restaurant .

Original poster
FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 14/10/2006 13:43

you're right, joeallie, not the best place for the discussion.

you probebaly couldn't even hear each other, what with the seasonal arguments and screaming and all.

think I'm going to be "howtheFillyjonkStoleChristmas" for my xmas name.

OP posts:
TooTickyTheAppleBobber · 14/10/2006 14:01

Running away sounds idyllic but won't solve the problem. You could hire a bouncer? If you were rich, you could treat them to a Christmas holiday on the other side of the world. I don't do confrontation either. My situation is different but has its moments.
Just go and do YOUR thing.
Oh, good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TheUnholyTrinity · 14/10/2006 14:03

Haben't read thw whole thread but by the OP I would say 1, run away and don't worry about till next xmas. You can come here if you like, we live by the sea in scotland

Original poster
FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 14/10/2006 14:07

Running away sounds idyllic but won't solve the problem. You could hire a bouncer?

rofl ticky

cos a bouncer will solve the problem alright

rofl

hey trinity, where are you? went to uni in edinburgh, lurking on any thread with "scotland" in the title gives me way too much vicarious pleasure.

OP posts:
belgo · 14/10/2006 14:09
  1. Do what's best for the four of you!
TooTickyTheAppleBobber · 14/10/2006 14:35

I know! Hire a friendly but forceful person, maybe a clown, to gently but firmly lead them away to have lessons in festivity and Good Manners.

Original poster
FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 14/10/2006 14:41

maybe i could go to Moominland

oh i would like that sooooo much

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 14/10/2006 14:54

Well I would just be very firm and blunt and say "We are having Christmas by ourselves this year and so we will see you on X day instead."£ I would repeat this ad infinitum until they get the message. If as you say they really are so bonkers that they would still come round despite the above, I would have no hesitation in going away to a secret location, in fact I would have instigated it as a tradition years ago.

Dp and I always have Christmas Day on our own. It is bloody lovely and after a few years everyone stops dropping hints and giving out invitations (oh except a few lovely friends who we often secretly spend the day with )

If there is nothing special about Christmas Day then what is the problem about not seeing your grandchildren on that day, I say? Do what you want and let them do what they want. Good luck.

WideWebWitch · 14/10/2006 15:05

God poor you. If you know damn well that they absolutely WILL descend if you stay where you are then go away. And tell them you're doing so but DO NOT tell them where. And tell them why adn tell them they ARE NOT invited next year and it's all their own doing. So I guess I'm saying bring the row forward a whole couple of months.

Their fault and you'll have a lovely time, I bet. It's early enough to book somewhere lovely too.

FrannyandZooey · 14/10/2006 15:10

If you come and stay anywhere near us Filly we would love to entertain you and your beloveds for a bit

Er, I think you have my address don't you?

Original poster
FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 14/10/2006 16:51

aw, ta frank

and ditto, if you find yourself halfway up a bleak mountain in wales with a bouncer waving menacingly at you...do drop in

i find the clown scarirer than a bouncer btw.

OP posts:
Original poster
FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 14/10/2006 16:52

have googled

it is a leetle expemsive for somewhere lovely, www...

but hey.

OP posts:
bewilderbeast · 14/10/2006 17:16

It's a 1 for me, xmas should be special and in an unpleasant family atmophere (and in your own home as well) that just isn't going to happen. Mind you, given that your children like their company I might try one last ditch attempt at saying to them "I want xmas to ber really special for my children and to become an important family tradition. If you wish to come to us on xmas day we would like you to enter into the spirit of things and make xmas special. And that involves no fighting, no punching MY walls and no eating on your own at 10am. If you have a problem with xmas and think it's bourgeois then don't come and celebrate with us. Feel free to join us on another day for a sunday dinner instead. If you can't be civil and can't behave properly in my home then we will be having xmas elsewhere.'

taMummy · 14/10/2006 17:27

If you come to Edinburgh then you can visit HandKnit and come and knit with me and Pruni

Seriously, I am also a complete coward when it comes to confrontation but I think you're going to have to bite the bullet. If you run off this year then you're sorted for 2006 but this sounds like it's going to be an ongoing problem that's going to cause you to miss out on enjoyment of a lot of Christmasses. It sounds as though the only thing that would let you off the hook is the appearance of more grandchildren, and without wishing to be rude, your description of your brother's behaviour doesn't make me very optimistic....