The "Chrismas dinner" conversation

[MrsLindor]

Wish me luck, I'm telling MIL today we're having Christmas dinner at home this year, DH is working do were going to eat in the evening.

I've tried to have a quiet Christmas at home before and its never worked, due to family illnesses and other complications, i end up rolling over for a quiet life.

This year I'm getting in first, DD and DH are on message so it's happening.

Hopefully.

Good luck.

Are the extended family local, so you could see them for an hour, or does it involve travel and staying?

Have a plan for when you WiLL see them near 25th, just not on or not for dinner.

And enjoy your own family day

Good luck. I've got to have same convo with my mil.

Wish I was as brave!

Me and DD will call to see my PIL sometime Christmas Day afternoon, and my mother will call to see us briefly Christmas morning, so they'll all see DD, just not for long.

We'll see PIL boxing day evening as well.

This won't be enough though, MIL likes us there for lunch and dinner both days.

I'm hoping SIL invites them and they'll go there.

Why are these conversations so difficult? Don't ask them. Just tell them. Don't give them any chance to persuade you otherwise.

Good luck MrsL .. I think you're being more than generous seeing them both for an hour :D
We have so the same issue, so this year I've booked us into a nice hotel for the 3 days.. Just me, dh and my 2 teen boys. I cannot wait! I haven't told the family yet though ..

Foot down. Wishing you luck, these things get so out of hand don't they?

Good luck. I did similar with my pil and they were fine. Very understanding actually, considering we are staying at home but having my parents for dinner. Would love to be able to invite them for dinner but sils have made it very clear that they want Christmas at there parents as they have always done it and we didn't want to put pil in a difficult position. We are popping up to see them in the morning for an hour. Next year we will invite them for dinner and they will have to choose. Not looking forward to broaching that with sils (who will be invited too) but I'm trying to be fair to DH and pil, whilst retaining some of Christmas just for me, DH and dd.

What bugs me is that PIL never went to their parents houses Christmas day, DH and his brothers got to spend the day in their own homes, as i did as a child, expectations seem to have changed.

The problem will come if FIL doesn't want to go to SILs for dinner and there's the prospect of them having dinner on their own, guilt trip nirvana.

I'm standing firm.

Stick to your guns! I had my first Christmas away from my childhood home last year and it was lovely.

This won't be enough though, MIL likes us there for lunch and dinner both days.

Its never enough for mils is it????

one year we offered, dh pop in for a few hours boxing day then staying for meal the following night, it wasnt enough, we had phone calls, coming round and so on, millions of emails...

the follwing year we said we couldnt go at all...funny that!

stick to your guns op.

Oh and same here!!! My MIL totally ignored HER OWN MIL, she was a neglected and abandoned old lady who never spent an xmas with them in 7 years until she died .

maybe its their own guilty conscious kicking in.

Good luck. I am so happy we do our own thing at Xmas. Visit FIL Sunday before Xmas and that's it.
No travelling, sleeping in strange beds, upheaval or people staying with us.
Xmas is so stress free.

Don't know why there is all this angst about it.

MIL wanting to be the hostess and centre of attention is the problem for us.

For years MiL insisted her little boy came home each Christmas and my DM sulked if I didn't go home for Christmas. End result was spending Christmas apart from DH until I grew a spine and put my foot down.

I often wonder how it gets difficult when limited travelling is involved. However when travel is lengthy I find it easier to see how things can get fraught.

We used to have difficulties with my mother but most of it was due to the distances involved and she would want to stay for 2 weeks. Not only did we have to collect her, but had to take her back as well. 20 hours driving and a thousand or so miles for the round trip.

Feel your pain here too. Going to tell my own mum that now DS is older the plan from now on will always be the 3 of us. It's hard as she's by herself but we have a very turbulent relationship and it's not worth it.

We'll round one went ok, DH buckled and started suggesting me and dd go without him but I stood my ground. MIL offered to do dinner in the evening, I countered by reminding her DH might not finish on time and everyone would have to wait or there's no point having it late.

So its left at the moment that we're not going but she's clearly not happy about it. She said at least 4 times it's going to be weird this year.

Hopefully SIL will invite them, she's said they won't go out to eat without us.

Lots of face pulling.

Well done for standing your ground.

Lets see what round 2 brings, this isn't over yet.

MIL wanting to be the hostess and centre of attention is the problem for us

same here except ours then likes to tell us we are ruining her house, spoiling her things. its a power thing and attention thing/ if she was a good host i wldnt mind i like family gatherings and stuff but its tense.

stand ground.

say brightly, werid for you but strangly lovely for us

As previous poster said, stand your ground. i think you handled it ver well and was assertive but polite.

I am in awe - please, please can you come round and tell my MIL, too?

we desperately want a quiet Christmas at home but dreading telling the ever-controlling MIL, and very nervous of the fall-out and histrionics that will follow

Many thanks

its being nervous of the fall out that stops you from doing what you want.
face your fear whats the worse that can happen?

as long as you behave as you would wish to be treated, your fine.