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Christmas

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Original poster

What do you do about differing amounts of presents for cousins?

55 replies

reddaisy · 16/09/2014 16:43

We are contemplating spending Christmas Day with my SIL, her DH and their DC. Our DC love their cousins and they have a huge house with arcade games and enough space for us all to stay including Mil and Fil who live near to them.

We live four hours drive away and our only reservation is that we will probably spend £100 each on our DC but SIL and her DH are very wealthy so they will probably spend lots more on their children like they have in previous years. Obviously their choice. But what would we do about Christmas morning? It would be awful for our DC to sit through their cousins getting far more presents than them and I can't think of a solution.

We have thought about waking up at home and then doing the four hour drive on Christmas Day but it doesn't sound like much fun for us or the DC who will have to leave their new toys behind. We don't fancy staying in a hotel nearby and doing it there so not sure where that leaves us. What do you all do?

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clairemum22 · 16/09/2014 21:03

A cheap present that my ds (6) would be delighted with - small box with couple of mini cans of fizzy drink, fizzy sweets, that horrible candy that's a spray... Things I wouldn't normally buy him but santa would.

Also match attax type collector thing and few packets of cards?

Original poster
reddaisy · 16/09/2014 21:10

I didn't even know there was candy as a spray! Consumable treats are a good idea, I don't want to bulk out their presents with 'stuff' just so they have more presents as we are sooo limited for space in our house.

Lillian, opening presents one at a time sounds excruciatingly dull for your DC and more suited for a grown up day. Did your DC know FC hadn't brought the presents?

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LizzieMint · 16/09/2014 21:17

My SILs the same with Christmas (although they don't have as much money as we do) and we usually see them for lunch etc. her eldest DD last year was saying to mine that she'd counted and she had 23 presents from Santa. I cringed inwardly, knowing my dd had had about 4, but thankfully it seemed to just get forgotten about. I'm sure it'll come up more as the children get older (oldest ones are 8 now), don't know how to approach it really, but you are not alone!

LillianGish · 16/09/2014 21:29

red daisy - we told the dcs we had told Santa to leave the Wii at our house. he also left other presents at Granny and Grandads where we spent New Year. We never had strict rules about what Father Christmas did and didn't do - to be honest the whole idea is so far-fetched that I worked on the principle that if they believed in him they'd believe anything - there was no need for logic.
The present opening was excruciating for all of us! It's an experience we've never repeated.

WildFlowersAttractBees · 16/09/2014 21:37

What a horrid situation.
A few years ago we got the DC's a family zoo pass for the year (the zoo was under 8miles away). We attached it to a helium balloon, placed inside a box with confetti and a small stuffed animal each. They love it, we all used it and it worked out at around £12 a month and we got great use out of it.

NoSquirrels · 16/09/2014 21:48

We spend Christmas more often than not with cousins - and it's not been a problem. But think we're more matched in income/expectations and also it's my sibling, so no clash of family styles. Plus both do stockings and maybe one gift from FC and ask else from family, which is much easier to explain.

Having said that, visiting SIL last Christmas her 8 yr old had got an iPad and it was the first time I could see the cogs turning in my 4 yr old's head that actually an iPad might be a gift a kid could ask for and get... frightening! They also have mounds of presents, and spend more than US, but DH and I witnessed it once pre-kids and made executive decision never to mix Christmas morning present-opening there!

NoSquirrels · 16/09/2014 21:49

"they spend more than us" ... not more than the US, which would be quite something!

PenelopePitstops · 16/09/2014 21:53

I think a combination of leaving a few at home so you can truthfully say 'these aren't all your presents' and just general distraction will bat away most comments and questions.

How much older are cousins? Could they be talked to about being sensitive? Talking to your dcs is a good idea too. They will already know from school that their friends get more or less presents than them, don't worry about it.

sillymillyb · 16/09/2014 22:06

Could you open some together (including a special one like mentioned above) then say you are going for a walk or something while they open the rest?

Or make yours a treasure hunt to find the special one so that they can be opening the bulk of their presents while your dc are looking for there's?

sillymillyb · 16/09/2014 22:07

Theirs.... Sorry.... It's late!

Original poster
reddaisy · 16/09/2014 22:29

A treasure hunt is a good idea too and could separate the DC for a bit which would help. Their cousins are lovely and I am sure they wouldn't brag about their presents but they will be really big and impressive and DD's main present is likely to be roller skates for example so it will be difficult for them all not to compare. But the reason that I want to go ahead and see them is because I know how these family Christmases will be the ones the DC will remember the most as they will be having the run of an amazing property with their older cousins whom they love and look up to.

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Babiecakes11 · 17/09/2014 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
reddaisy · 17/09/2014 08:49

Babiecakes, I hope you are right. And if we had similar lifestyles, I wouldn't worry about it at all, but their presents will be lavish. Maybe I could wrap each present in a huge box (when I get there) to make them look more impressive to begin with Grin

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HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 17/09/2014 08:55

I find this thread really sad. Since when is Christmas only about the presents? OP you are prioritising the whole present thing over time with your family

I depair sometimes.

BertieBotts · 17/09/2014 09:09

I think you're overthinking it too. We had one Christmas like this (we were the "poor" cousins!) and it just didn't register. The giant pile of presents on Christmas day was quite overwhelming enough and there were too many (presents and people) to sit down and sort through them one by one or compare piles etc. We got probably more than we would have because we were staying there so they put more into our gifts than they would probably have done. And children don't really understand the value of an iPad or whatever, so eveni fhthe cocousins get expensive gifts they probably won't realise that.

I think the only problem would come if there's something big ticket that your dc really want and are hoping.for and you don't get it, but their cousins do get it. I think that would be the only situation which would really register as "that's not fair".

But generally we just had a great time being giddy with our cousins, I couldn't even tell you what the main present I got that year was.

StupidFlanders · 17/09/2014 09:10

If the cousins are a couple of years older you may find that more money spent on presents = a couple of small expensive things (in thinking xbox games etc which won't look impressive to a child a little but younger).

Anyway, I doubt anyone will care- if they're all opening presents at the same time will anyone notice?

StupidFlanders · 17/09/2014 09:11

Hmm I just repeated BertieBotts!

Original poster
reddaisy · 17/09/2014 09:19

I am not Hearts, if I was doing that we wouldn't go at all.

I am prioritising my children by making they don't inadvertently feel like the poor relations because I haven't thought the day through ahead of time. If they were old enough to know that FC doesn't exist, it also wouldn't be a problem as they would have to accept that different families have different circumstances. So 'depair' all you like.

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Original poster
reddaisy · 17/09/2014 09:25

I could well be overthinking it and I hope that they will all play with their favourite bits together, happy to report back on Boxing Day to give an update on how it goes!

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AGnu · 17/09/2014 09:25

My niece used to get 30-odd presents from "Santa" & I knew I had no intention of doing the same for our DC so before DS1's first Christmas I had a word with DMum about it & she instigated a "2 present maximum" rule from parents. We're welcome to give our DC as many presents as we like but only 2 are to be brought round to go under their tree. We also drive over in the morning but it's only an hour for us & is preferable anyway because we're not planning on doing the whole Santa thing but my siblings are & we quite like to go to our church & see our friends before we go over. Works for us thus far, but DS1 is only 3 so we may have to review it in the future.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/09/2014 09:33

Your SIL's dc might actually be quite blase about their mound of presents, but really 'taken' with something your dc get - like the roller skates - so your dc could find that they have been give the popular present of the day, the one everyone wants to have a go with.

I would suggest buying several presents - maybe bulk it out with consumables, as others have suggested, or things that they need - socks, gloves etc, or fun stuff that you can pick up cheaply like bath foam, colouring pens etc.

If you look round your supermarket, they've probably got lots of that sort of thing, at prices where you could pick up a couple of things each week, and hide them within the cost of the weekly shop - I definitely do this, in the run-up to Christmas.

Original poster
reddaisy · 17/09/2014 10:10

True, SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius and I haven't started the shopping yet so I can bear the arrangements in mind for the day when I do. Just as well we have ruled out getting a trampoline for the garden as their joint main present from FC, otherwise they wouldn't have much to open at all on the day!

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BertieBotts · 17/09/2014 10:32

Santa explanation = some children have more presents because they have more space and a bigger house. Santa doesn't give as many presents to children in small houses because they don't have as much space.

Used ONLY as justification if they ask outright and frame it more like "Well that would be silly, imagine if you got loads every single Christmas, our whole house would be full up with stuff and we wouldn't have anywhere to sleep!"

I agree with buying multiple smaller presents rather than fewer more expensive ones. Not "useful" presents though, unless they are fun as well.

ajandjjmum · 17/09/2014 11:02

I would leave a note from Santa for your children amongst their presents (make sure you get someone else to write it!), saying how good they've been this year - perhaps mention a couple of special things that each of them have done - and that's he's left some surprises back at home for when they return.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 17/09/2014 19:11

Really please don't ask your SIL to spend less on her children. It's up to her how much she spends and given that she has lovely children she clearly isn't spoiling them. It's possible to give children iPads without ruining them for life.

Don't have your DH say anything either. They've been good enough to invite you, you would be so so U to start talking about how they spend their money (I know it's not AIBU but still!).

I think you're overthinking this. Your oldest is only 7, surely she won't be looking at things and putting price tags on them anyway?