furious

[drinkyourmilk]

My brother who is 31 has just called to say that he cant afford to get myself and my partner xmas presents before he day, and can i get something cheap on his behalf and he will pay me back.

He is a single guy with no kids. He only works 8 months a year and is on benefits the rest of the time, so i know money is tight, However its not like christmas is a surprise! Budget man! I did say to him that we were fine not getting anything as we knew he didnt have much (and id rather he went out new years or something similar tbh with the money).

However we are spending christmas with my family so my mum would notice he wasnt getting us anything - and as she is incredibly hard work anyhow (she found out what i had got my dad so bitched that i hadnt spent enough on her ergo i had to get something else for her) i dont want to rock the boat by giving her something to shout about on the day.

This has put me into the position of having to bail my brother out (yet again) or cause a scene on christmas day. I had told him on my mums birthday that I wouldnt bail him out anymore, but what can I do? Really cross with him as i feel he has made me responsible for his mistakes.

Sorry this is so long but if i don't vent somewhere i may implode!!

Tell him you can't afford it this time, sorry.

No, you have made yourself responsible for his mistake.

You don't have to spend Christmas with them all.

Really, Christmas is not about presents, it's about spending time with each other.

Don't let something so trivial spoil your day.

I don't get why some people get so angry about not getting/giving gifts at christmas. This year, money is really tight, and we have made the decision not to get people presents. Most of the family are fine with it, but others are like your mother and are really pissed off. Why? Christmas has got so grabby grabby. I agree with coconutty, just say this year you have decided to not exchange gifts.

Yes don't bother & say you're not doing presents any more

Just tell her you haven't bought each other gifts this year.
That would be up to you and bro you see?

This is a non issue. It's simple.
If your mum kicks up a fuss, then she's a really silly person, and would have no-one to blame for a fucked up Christmas but herself.
Not sure why you are taking on the role of peacekeeper here. Even if you feel it's expected of you somehow, you actually aren't obliged to do anything about it.

And no fucks were given that Christmas! x

So you are all adults and your upset because you will not get a gift that you dont need anyway?

Tell him you'd like vouchers for babysitting or lawnmowing or something else that he can do for you. He can print them here - www.moneysavingexpert.com/shopping/xmas-gift-cheques

As for placating your mum - if she shouts/kicks off, try "Don't speak to me like that please, it is rude" and "If you carry on speaking to me like that we will leave" (and follow through).

Tell him you don't need presents.

I couldnt give a monkeys if i get a gift.

Its about keeping the peace. Ive avoided seeing my mum at christmas for years because its just too stressful keeping her happy.

However i feel obliged to go this year, and if i go i would like to keep it as nice as possible.

Your mum bitches that you've not spent enough in her?

What a grabby, entitled, bratty family you all sound. And little wonder if that's the example your parents have set you.

You're furious because your brother doesn't have enough money to get you a gift?!!?!?! Remember, Father Christmas is watching. Only good, kind, generous, loving children get gifts. Or did you miss that message growing up?

Grow up.

Or rather, tell your mother to grow up. She sounds like at total cow.

I can see your problem and it sounds horrible but its your mum here that's the problem really. She needs to start treating you like an adult and with respect and you need to call her on her behaviour. What you and your brother do as adults is none if her flipping business.

winky - please read my post. I am not at all worried about pressies.
I would rather not have anything.

I'm furious because i feel ive been put in the position of keeping the peace or letting my mum get wound up.

Christ, I'd let your mum get (herself) wound up and leave her to it. She sounds like a nightmare:

"she found out what i had got my dad so bitched that i hadnt spent enough on her ergo i had to get something else for her"

Apologies drink. Your mother is the problem. Not your brother.

Where does it all end? (I've just been reading the benefit cards thread.) I so wanted to tell my family I couldn't afford to get them presents, but then they'll see me eating/driving my car and think I haven't budgeted properly. So instead I've bought presents that I can't really afford, just to not have anybody judging what I spend my money on. It's crap.

You are not responsible for your mothers happiness. Let her get worked up.

Ring your Mum now.

Tell her that you and DB are not exchanging gifts with each other.

Tell her to get over it.

Refuse to have a conversation about it on Christmas Day.

Don't be the peace keeper, this is not your problem.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

a man who has to budget hard and needs benefits sometimes does not waste money on presents. Good for him. I am happy to help support him because he is clearly an intelligent chap.

all he should do is declare a permanent moratorium on presents.

OP - your mum is responsible for herself!

If she's going to get wound up, let her. The only person putting you in the position of keeping the peace is yourself.