furious

[drinkyourmilk]

My brother who is 31 has just called to say that he cant afford to get myself and my partner xmas presents before he day, and can i get something cheap on his behalf and he will pay me back.

He is a single guy with no kids. He only works 8 months a year and is on benefits the rest of the time, so i know money is tight, However its not like christmas is a surprise! Budget man! I did say to him that we were fine not getting anything as we knew he didnt have much (and id rather he went out new years or something similar tbh with the money).

However we are spending christmas with my family so my mum would notice he wasnt getting us anything - and as she is incredibly hard work anyhow (she found out what i had got my dad so bitched that i hadnt spent enough on her ergo i had to get something else for her) i dont want to rock the boat by giving her something to shout about on the day.

This has put me into the position of having to bail my brother out (yet again) or cause a scene on christmas day. I had told him on my mums birthday that I wouldnt bail him out anymore, but what can I do? Really cross with him as i feel he has made me responsible for his mistakes.

Sorry this is so long but if i don't vent somewhere i may implode!!

Your brother is an adult, he should take responsibility and tell your Mum he is not doing presents. I would not mention it at all.

And as for someone saying their present is not expensive enough well I would ignore that and spend whatever you want or don't want.

Your Mum's responsible for her own feelings.

Special. I completely agree!
He has worked really hard to get to where
he is. He left school practically illiterate and dependent on drugs. He has done brilliantly.

It is my mum. We all have this problem with her, including my dad.

So thinking on it- people are right, its not my brother I should be irritated with (no longer furious, I was silly to feel that strongly about it, but I'm human) its my mum and her behavior.

I will keep the peace this year. Next year we will announce that we are not doing any presents for adults. And she can.lump it.
It will be such a relief!

We just do token gifts for oh family and generally get a new board game we can.all play. It's lovely.

Meant to add, thanks for all your opinions
And advice.
Sometimes I need a mumsnet boot up the bum

I hope you have a lovely Xmas OP. if it helps my mum is really irritated that me and my bro don't buy each other birthday presents-we live in different countries, hardly know each other and are both happy with a quick Facebook message. But it really annoys me that it bothers her, but she is very present orientated and probably doesn't know how else to show affection so I feel a bit sad about it too