Don't like Christmas Day - your tips, pls

[NoNoNoMYDoIt]

Background: I have 2 DC - DS aged 6 and DD aged 3. I am divorced from their father.

I just don't like Christmas Day. I love Advent, tree has been up since 1 Dec. Taking kids to Lapland UK on Friday. Can't get enough of all that sort of thing.

But Christmas Day - bleurgh. Kids wake up early, overhyped, rip the paper off their presents in 10 minutes and then spend the day whingeing and bored and tired.

I want to give them a lovely Christmas day full of fun and excitement. But it's all about the presents for them and they just end up so overhyped and then ungrateful. Last year, DS said 'I hate these presents. I want different ones'.

Normally they are great kids but Christmas seems to bring out the worst in them.

So - what do I do to make the day less awful and to stop me wanting to strangle them by 7.45am?

No family around, so we won't be visiting anyone or being visited. I think we might go to church in the morning, so that will take an hour. We could go out to the park or something in the afternoon.

What do you guys all do which makes Christmas day special and stops all the whingeing?

Let them stay up a bit later on Xmas eve so hopefully they'll sleep a bit later in the morning. They're probably too young to be given a clock and told they can't get up til after 8 or whatever. Open small gifts/ stockings in the morning. Have a bit of a rest and breakfast before they open anything else. Maybe hide some presents til the afternoon or evening so it doesn't feel so rushed and anticlimactic. No idea if any of that will work but some might be worth a try.

I have no idea how DM managed with myself and DB on Christmas Day when we were little, as we were generally argumentive, screaming types of children :o But, I think she firmly told us the earliest that we could wake her up, then she'd make a cup of tea and we would open presents & the stocking before breakfast in our pyjamas.

We got felt tips in our stockings every year without fail and I think this helped as we could spend lots of time drawing or colouring in.

I don't remember us going out on Christmas day, but I think having a good walk would help clear the cobwebs out!

they don't sleep later if they stay up later. the opposite is usually the case, and then they are just overtired.

they do have gro-clocks so i will set them for the usual time. not sure if it will work tho.

maybe it is a good idea just to do the father christmas presents first thing? and keep the other presents secreted until later in the day.

their dad is coming over for 9am (by which time i will be ready to scream probably, so that will just make it all the more awful ).

he will bring presents and hype them further...

i thought if we all went to church for 1030 and then came back it would nearly be time for lunch. then he will go home

i could then unveil the other presents i guess. one of them is a game, so we could play that.

i will be cooking dinner for normal teatime, so 5pm.

i just want the day to be lovely - they are brilliant kids and i love them to bits. i only get them every other Christmas as the alternate Christmas they are with their dad, and I just want it to be special and lovely.

Get out of the house and have a walk? Go to playground? Watch a nice film together in the afternoon?

I don't like Christmas Day either, so really sympathise.

Part of the problem I think IS that we want to have a lovely day full of fun and excitement - it's just so much pressure. My own parents used to be mega-mega-stressed at Christmas, and so my one goal for the day is to be relaxed and chilled about it no matter what.

Can you make them wait a bit for the presents? Stockings before church, presents afterwards for example? And make a big deal out of one person opening a present at a time?

My DD went through that horrible stage of being ungrateful for presents, but last year at 7 and a half seemed to have outgrown it! So hopefully it will pass.

and i think that what it feels like to me - an anti-climax. I can do the build up very well. We have baked, and made paper chains and been to see Father Christmas and played Christmas music etc etc. It's just the actual Christmas day which always feels flat to me. But maybe that's just because I have always felt it was a bit of an anti-climax!

Right, firstly they should be ALLOWED to rip open all their presents in a hyped up frenzy. My sister's children always used to do this, and it really depressed me.

Mine have always been made to sit around in a circle and each take a turn to open one thing at a time. No-one is allowed to start until everyone is up, and reporting for duty, and parents have a Bucks fizz cup of coffee in their hand. That way we can all see each gift, admire it, and make sure to thank the correct person for it.

If they ever had way to many presents for one sitting we would keep some back for after lunch or the evening.

Yes - will have to try the one person at a time thing. DS is the worst - grabbing and impatient and ungrateful. But he has been getting slowly better and I think he should be better again this year.

He has Lego so can spend some time building that, hopefully.

I just find that they want more and more and more. And if they think there is stuff that they are getting that they haven't yet had they will whinge and whinge and whinge until I want to threaten to put it all in the bin!

Fellatio - how do you stop all the whingeing and stropping about one present at a time? it's that that makes me want to scoop the lot up and put it all in the bin!

the way I look at it, I get the whingeing whether I make them wait and open slowly (they whinge all the time while waiting and then whinge once it's over) or let them rip it all off in 10 minutes (they just whinge once it's over).

maybe it's my fault - should have stamped it out of them earlier.

think I will need to set expectations this year about what we are going to do. Reinforce the expectations and then remind them regularly on the day...

I agree with some of the above posters. Break up your day. Santa presents in the morning. Then church which will pass an hour or two. Lunch which will pass some more time. Then playing with presents for a while. A nice family walk (probably in the rain!) or even send them off with your OH, father or whoever while you stay at home "preparing dinner"AKA having glasses of wine and copious amounts of sweets. Rest of the presents after dinner then board games if they have not got each other killed by that. But it was so easy to type all that, putting it into practice is a different story.

Well it's not an issue any more because mine are all older now, but it honestly never was an issue. It was just the way we always did it. They were exciting, of course, but there were no strops.

I remember spending Christmas morning with my DSis's four children all pretty close in age to mine, so there were 7 children between about 4 and 11. My children sat like this > as their cousins ripped though their piles of presents in about about 2 minutes flat and the room looked like a whirlwind had hit it, as things were glanced at, and thrown to one side, then onto the next one. No-one had a clue who had bought them what.

I'll never forget my children's faces. They looked a bit shell-shocked.

Don't get me wrong, my kids are not always perfect; they've had their fair share of spoilt tantrums, but generally they can be relied upon to behave in a civilized and grateful way.

Not sure how old your DCs are, but it might be a good idea to discuss this with them in advance and say that this year, you will do things differently. If they cannot be trusted not to oman then just leave out a few presents at first, and keep the others a secret, introducing them only when you think they are acting deserving of them.

excited, not exciting.

I would operate a strict no tolerance policy on whinging between now and Christmas, so they get the idea.

Fellatio - I'm with you on that one - we take our time, and enjoy watching each other open gifts. I can't bear it when DH's family just grab their little piles and tear away.

My DSis used to hive off a few presents from under the tree, then bring them out later in the day for her DCs, or even in the New Year, so they could enjoy their gifts a few at a time. Maybe that would address the mid-afternoon boredom problem.

I think on Christmas Day you have a bit of a lethal cocktail of overexcited (possibly tired) children, huge expectations all round, sugar(!) and actually a massive break from normal routine which small children aren't always very good at.

I try and get a decent normalish breakfast into my 3, that seems to help behaviour levels in our house. I like slow present opening too.

I know what you mean about Christmas Day often feeling like a bit of an anti-climax. Maybe you need to plan a couple of little activities that you would all enjoy doing together - like your church/walk idea or watching a nice film all snuggled up together. You can get little windup reindeer - would they like racing them? What do the three of you normally like doing? That would be a good place to start I think.

Hope it all goes well for you.

How about:

1. get up, open stockings which include some fun little things to do (eg little glider to fly, a colouring book and pens), and a couple of sweets to keep them happy. They will then spend a while happy playing with stocking presents.
2. nice breakfast with something a bit special
3. go to church
4. go out on a treasure hunt that you've set out previously (eg you've hidden choc coins in trail round the park, or you give them some clues to follow till find treasure)
5. late lunch
6. play family game
7. open main presents
8. sing carols
9. a bit of tea
10. another game, or read them a christmas story
11. bed

The key things are having stocking in the morning, and saving the presents for the afternoon, and getting out for some fun fresh air and exercise. Best to make lunch quick and simple to prepare - so roast a chicken but buy all the trimmings.

Maybe you could fit a walk or some fresh air in? Getting out tends to ease the pressure cooker atmosphere at home.

Good luck

Oh and don't compare yourself to some idealised version of christmas you see on TV it's not real and up and down the country there are many many mopre families in similar situations to yours.

This year i'm going to have a chat with dh about a present an hour (after stockings)to try and make it last a bit more and make them appreciate just how lucky they are. (nb there won't be a prsent every hour but just to spread the ones they do have out..)

I think your problem is more one of age, if at 6 and 3 both still heartily believe in FC then they will see no need to take their time be thoughtful or grateful to people as of course FC has supplied all, free of charge and they've done their bit by writing a letter and being good all year.

As they get a little older and FC becomes a nice idea rather than a reality they will get the hang of being gracious, might be the last year they go barmy with excitment and inevitable whining and disapointment, rather than avoid it, enjoy it.

My DSs think that I have Santa's phone number...I reminded them to be extra good this morning as it is 6 days to Christmas and Santa expects all boys and girls to behave very well if they want to get pressies.

Not sure how much of that is believed. However, we do have a family story about my Dad's cousins. They were very naughty one year (about 1940) and ended up having to take all their pressies to the orphanage....so the fact that the pressies are under the tree doesn't mean you will get them if you are naughty.

I think fresh air is the answer. Definitely take them out for a run in the park. My DC used to like looking out for other people's Christmas trees and decs when we were out walking. It's amazing how many other people are out walking too and wish you Merry Christmas.

I thought that FC was only responsible for the stocking presents, not for the main presents?

I'd be tempted to explain, before Christmas day, that there is no problem if they don't like one of their presents, because you will then take it round to the Charity shop as soon as it opens, so the present doesn't go to waste.

Will the DCs be giving you presents? They really enjoy that, and it makes the thing less of a grabfest. They can buy your present out of any money they have, or make something special.

I used to let them open their stockings before breakfast. They then had to wait until after lunch for main presents. I used to make sure the stocking presents were things to keep them entertained and busy. Plenty of puzzles etc. it always worked for me.
Oh yes, they also had to help me get the table looking nice etc. it just kept them busy and was good fun.

Dromedary every family does it differently. For us, FC has always brought them all, ie. delivered them, but the children always knew that we ordered them from him (or they were on the wish list letter to Santa) and they were also told in no uncertain terms that WE got the bill, so outlandish expectations were quashed.

When they were very little they were left at the end of the bed, but even then we would all go downstairs and open them together. Then as they got older (and less likely to be properly asleep ) and the present might be a bike, or something large, FC would leave them in three piles by the tree downstairs. That solved to problem of being woken up at 3am with cries of 'he's been!' as well. If a child crept downstairs and there was something there, he'd come and wake the rest of us up.

Either way, once the children were up, we were up. There was no such thing as too early, but it was never really much before 6am iirc.

We always let them pick one small present from under the tree to open on Xmas Eve as well. This would usually be something from a relative, or presents from the boys to one another.