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Original poster

Buying presents for DC. Would you mind if someone said this?

53 replies

PollyDodo · 01/12/2012 13:25

Dc are really lucky that we have quite a few friends and family members that will buy xmas presents for them both. Several usually ask me for ideas and opinions on what to buy. Do you think it would sound rude or ungrateful if I said something along these lines to them:

-Please, please do not buy anything with lots of small parts. They just get scattered around the house and DC quickly lose interest in the toy. I spend more time on finding/sorting the parts than they ever do on playing with them.

-No large presents. They look impressive and exciting but are really impractical as we only have a small house with limited storage. We already have multiple scooters, doll's prams/buggies/cradles, art easels, play houses etc. When it needs to be unfolded and assembled every time and then dismantled again afterwards, it looses its fun factor and gets played with less often.

-Also I feel the need to remind some people to buy for both DC equally, not just in value but also in the thought that has gone into it. They do notice and it upsets both of them.

In fact IMO they have enough toys already, many of which don't really get played with very much. What my DC would really appreciate would be a gift of your time. They would love it if you took them for a day out somewhere, it doesn't have to be expensive, it could be a trip to the park/beach/woods. Or even an afternoon spent playing play-do with them or reading stories together.

Would you mind if someone said this to you and what would you think about it?

OP posts:
chaosisawayoflife · 01/12/2012 13:30

I've got to be honest, I'd be thinking 'i wish I hadn't asked!' That's a lot of dont's.
Why not just say, 'oh they really don't need much, some time with you would be lovely, or if you'd like to buy some thing physical, how about books or craft stuff.'

LadyKinbote · 01/12/2012 13:31

I think the sentiment is fine but you need to really think about how you say it (especially if they've already bought the presents!). I would just make some positive suggestions (such as a day out) rather than listing the things you don't want.

Bluebell99 · 01/12/2012 13:34

I think it would be better if you suggested something that you know your children would like and enjoy and I think that is what your friends and family are asking. So something specific that they can go out and get. Only you know what that would be. I would actually be a bit offended if you said that and would probably not end up getting anything. And as for the gift of your time, are you saying you want your friends and family to be free babysitters? How would you feel if your friends and relatives said that to you?

fuzzpig · 01/12/2012 13:35

I think you'd be better off just giving a specific suggestion TBH. My friends wouldn't mind if I said 'nothing big' or similar, or vetoed a certain type of toy, but ALL those instructions together are a bit much, and might turn the joy of present shopping into a chore as they have to run through all the rules.

I have some friends who have asked this year as we are spending Xmas eve with them - I suggested Lego as my friend has been desperate to get them some! I did specifically say 'no Lego Friends stuff' but thankfully said friend had already discounted that :o

mercibucket · 01/12/2012 13:36

Just the last bit!

Or come up with some suggestions?

I'm starting to think of 'days out' type presents, or national trust membership or zoo membership type presents

mercibucket · 01/12/2012 13:36

Just the last bit!

Or come up with some suggestions?

I'm starting to think of 'days out' type presents, or national trust membership or zoo membership type presents

Arisbottle · 01/12/2012 13:38

The tone is awful.

Can you not just say we are really cutting down on presents so please do not buy this year .

LilQueenie · 01/12/2012 13:41

not keen on the value part. 2 gifts of different value that the individual dcs want is fine but often same value results in a gift just to make the price add up.

fuzzpig · 01/12/2012 13:55

How old are your DCs BTW, is there an issue with favouritism? Since you said about them noticing the difference between their presents.

fuzzpig · 01/12/2012 13:56

(I don't do equal ££ either necessarily - even for my DSDs who are twins - sometimes the cheapest things are the most appreciated anyway!)

CalamityJones · 01/12/2012 14:04

I think that if someone is being thoughtful and generous enough to spend their time and money buying my child a gift, I really don't want to dictate what that gift is. My sister is incredibly generous and loves buying my baby dd expensive gifts. They're always bright pink and plastic (she has two ds, so I think she's enjoying uber-girlie stuff), whereas I would hugely prefer wooden and educational - but you know what, she loves picking the gifts and my daughter loves playing with them, the traitor, so who am I to get involved.

I'd personally be quite pissed off at that list of instructions. Maybe if you just stuck to suggesting the day out option to people?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 01/12/2012 14:16

Can you not just say "they have lots of toys already but books (or whatever your preference is) would be lovely"? Your little speech has too many donts in it and I know I'd be then getting in a right stress about what to get, even more so than if I was already!

MrsCampbellBlack · 01/12/2012 14:20

You really can't say that - its beyond rude.

I'd do what others have said and make a positive suggestion of book/craft stuff or membership of local zoo/museum/cinema/theatre vouchers.

I mean I don't disagree with your sentiments but you just can not say it to people.

clam · 01/12/2012 14:37

I'd be hacked off if someone said all that to me, if I'm honest. Particularly the part about equal value. How old are your kids to be able to notice how much things cost?

Afrodizzywonders · 01/12/2012 14:47

I have to say when I read all those instructions it really did not sit well at all, if someone I knew sent me that it would annoy me. Like others have suggested, concentrate on the ideas which is what they asked for, so give them some nice suggestions but don't for heavens sake put all of that in as well as it seems a bit rude. Whilst I understand some of your reasoning, try not to sweat it.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 01/12/2012 15:28

I must admit that if you said that lot to me I'd be likely to go to Poundland and find the biggest, tackiest, most small parted things I could find - just to underline how daft/rude/ungrateful you sound!

I think it's fine to say, 'perhaps you could get them a 'day out' dind of day to share, or to offer a specific suggestion if somebody asks for one - but that's it.

Kirstoll · 01/12/2012 19:01

Think some people are being a tad harsh.... It is christmas after oll. But the fact does remain that people are getting a lot out of giving you that gift, whether you need it/ want it/ have space. I find the best thing is just to smile, through gritted teeth or not, and then maybe take it to charity in the new year. Some body will want it :)

PurpleTinsel · 01/12/2012 19:11

Your list is a little overwhelming and offputting.

I would suggest a few present ideas, rather than give them a list of 'don'ts', if asked. Better to say what you actually want them to get, IMO.

i.e. tell them DC would probably like a book / craft set / particular type of character toy / voucher for day out / other specific type of toy or gift.

Taffeta · 01/12/2012 19:13

Yes, as with most feedback say what you do want not what you don't.

Cash/voucher/time sums it up I think.

RooneyMara · 01/12/2012 19:19

No, you can't do it - it would be so rude. Though I understand.

You have to just accept that people enjoy buying the sort of presents THEY like buying.

If they are really stuck then yes by all means suggest something specific.

Otherwise, just accept what you get given, and if it's wrong for your kids, give it to charity.

Taffeta · 01/12/2012 19:22

"you have to accept that people enjoy buying the sort of presents they like buying"

This is very true. I have gone against all that is dear to me this year and bought the most horrific amount of tasteless crap for people to their taste. We'll see what happens...

lljkk · 01/12/2012 19:28

I don't mind some guidance, I just think explaining every bit of why comes across badly. I reckon OP could cut that down to ... ? 60 words. And smile graciously & say thank you if they ignore.

"The gifts I and they would like best are time and experiences spent with you. Otherwise, large or small fiddly items aren't practical for them, and as the children can be competitive, I'm sorry to say, similar gifts for each child may be best."

vigglewiggle · 01/12/2012 19:34

Why don't you graciously accept whatever is given and then donate it to a local children's hospice if you are so overwhelmed?

UptoapointLordCopper · 01/12/2012 19:35

please do not buy anything with lots of small parts

That rules out Lego! What else is there to buy? Shock Grin

Seriously though, we only say non-battery-operated toys. Must think eco. Smile

RooneyMara · 01/12/2012 19:38

I am guessing OP doesn't want these things given to the children before she has the chance to filter them - well, I try to filter stuff so I understand.

I have a quick look if I get the chance. And if it's something appallingly unsuitable I won't give it to them.

Thankfully ex is fairly good at choosing something, and my parents let me buy stuff then pay me back for it - and my sister is also really good at it.

Granny not so much but then I get to filter her presents for them and sometimes she comes up with something cracking. We don't have a huge family.

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