childless christmas- help me make it bareable.

[waitingtobeamummy]

I did one of these last year but can't find it, and we had family come to stay in the end so circumstances changed.
This is our 3rd xmas of desperately wanting to be pregnant/sharing it with a baby and It's not happened.
This year myself and ny dh will be spending Christnas eve and most of xmas day just the two of us.

Most probably because we are desperate for family, Christmas seems to be all about children. I used to adore Christmas but I just feel miserable and a failiure. We used to go to midnight mass but I feel wrong about that too now as the carols just make me feel sad.

I am on the verge of getting mopey and maudlin. What I'm trying to say is please give me ideas of how to make our Christmas happy and a positive "adult " celebration. Also what adult things can we do in the run up to Christmas?

Thank you

Go on holiday?

And massive sympathies. This will be my 5th Christmas of wanting to be pregnant or having a 2nd child (and I appreciate the fact that I already have a child so things aren't really as bad for me).

I would go away. Good friends of mine go to Bruges at Christmas every year. They go to the same small hotel, where the owner now knows them well. They have a champagne breakfast in the hotel on Christmas morning and then a lovely dinner in a nice restaurant in town.

Perhaps the way to think about it is that Christmas isn't about children, it's about appreciating the people you love the most. So for you that's your husband. You can still be part of the "real meaning" of Christmas, because you have each other. Do exactly what you want to do all day - drink champagne in bed, don't eat a turkey dinner unless you want to (I mean, don't do the traditional meal for the sake of it), go for a lovely walk or just watch films.

Thanks both- going away isn't really an option as much as I would like to and I think it would just emphasise the whole no children issue.
I am o the verge of being mopey about it and do need to pull myself together, lurcher I think it definatly is about making the most of what I have got, and that me and dh have a lovely life together.
I think alcohol is definatly goig to help, champagne for breakfast, no need to get dressed early as well. A nice walk would be a good idea too.
Le freak- sorry to hear about your circumstances.x

What about doing some voluntary work?

All members of my family (8 of us including mom and dad) volunteered in a homeless shelter.. It meant helping serving Christmas lunch to the homeless and other such activities.. Really made us feel humble..

I'm in a similar boat, but me and DH love christmas.

I love decorating the house, baking and cooking goodies, and DH makes a photo shopped christmas card of us every year.

What do you love about christmas? Think of those things and try and incorporate them into those days.

I used to go for a walk on christmas eve and look at everyones christmas dec's.

Go to a christmas market in the week leading up to christmas.

Spend christmas morning in your pj's watching telly and opening your pressies, you and your partner could do stockings for each other, with a price limit.

Then maybe book a table at a restaurant for the afternoon.

We don't have children but are way past the TTC stage - I'm 47 so it's now very much a fact of life.

TBH, I initially found your thread title quite offensive, though on reading the post I can get a better idea of where you are coming from.

Personally, I adore Christmas - we go down the poncetastic route with knobs on - hand made cards, lots of home made presents, lots of home cooking. Instead of thinking about what you haven't got, please turn it round and think positively about what you have got going on.

It helps considerably to have a plan. Depending on how long you and DH are off work, try to aim for a mixture of couple time, family and friends time. Start your own Christmas traditions - why not throw a party over the Christmas period? Plan a special menu for Christmas Eve, invite friends over for a evening of board games and fun, do great day time activities. Our local RSPB reserve often does guided walks or there are often activities at NT properties etc. We have lots of Christmas rituals including Muppet Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve, stockings for everyone in the house, etc... these are our traditions because we think of ourselves as being a family not as "just" a couple.

Just because you don't yet have your own Dc, can you involve DC in some other way? One of our favourite Christmas activities is our nephews coming over for a pre Christmas charity dog show that a local rescue organises. Boys get to dress up in fancy dress, enter a few classes, come home with rosettes, and we all have a blast. Why not take some DC to a pantomime? The theatre, ice skating? Make a big party of it and add some hot chocolate and a good time. Make home made presents - I do big batches of lovely fudge and truffles which are then given to various friends, DC etc.

When I was younger, and it bothered me, it would irritate when smug, childed colleagues would ask about our Christmas in a rather pitying way. However, when I reeled off the list of a week filled with laughter, entertainment, special people, planned activities and lots of nice time snuggling on a sofa with a wine glass, it would often end up with them looking rather wistful and saying how nice it sounded.

You may not have DC yet, but I can assure you that a Christmas without your own DC is possible, and can be made to be meaningful, rich, joyful and very, very special.

Go to the pub on Christmas Eve knowing that you won't be woken at 5.30am.

Get up late, eat what you like, have champagne for breakfast, listen to the radio or some music that you like instead of the beeping/screeching/singing of electronic toys.

Relish the fact that you don't need to drive to the local garage for batteries only to find that it has sold out because all the other families realised that they had forgotten batteries for toys 10 minutes earlier than you.

Don't watch the inevitable Pixar cartoon in the afternoon. Or do watch it, and enjoy being able to actually hear the words.

I'm sure there are more...

I am feeling very wistful about your Christmas plans Scuttle

I think you have proved my thoughts, that you are a Christmas person. Having kids doesn't come into it. You can enjoy Christmas for the season that it is.

When I was single, 4 of us used to get together and have a blast at a friends cottage in the Cotswolds. We'd order in some deliveries,chop a load of wood and then batten down the doors on our own grown up Christmas.

Mulled wine and mice pies in the afternoon on Christmas eve. Fondue for dinner with wine, then off to Church. Back to celebrate with champagne at midnight, and a few tunes, mad dancing.

Up midmorning, coffee in our pj's. Then the girls would enjoy a leisure preen, while the men went out and did wood choppy/hunting type things. We'd all prepare a lovely breakfast. Champagne, oj, French toast, bagels, salmon etc.

Then we'd have a long woodland walk, call friends, family etc.

We'd come back for sherry, open a few pressies, then cook lunch together.

Late afternoon lunch - exactly what we wanted, when we wanted it.

Then we'd watch a few DVDs or a comedy.

Play some games, drink more wine.

In the evening nibble on cold cuts, play games, doze infront of a big fire.

Oh how I hanker for those carefree days.

Do lovely romantic christmassy things like ice-skating outside or wander looking at pretty christmas lights then snuggle up and drink something warming by a roaring fire in a pub.

Go for a wintry country stroll on a crisp morning with a flask of hot chocolate, go to a ballet, have a christmassy party with cocktails fairy lights every where...

There are loads of classically festive things to do that are actually trickier with children. Watch romantic christmas films for inspiration. Even the lovliest christmas can make you feel a bit wistful (I feel a bit wistful for the above!) but it can still be magical. I hope you have a really special christmas.

This thread is making me quite nostalgic for Christmasses past! Mine and DH's involved the pub a lot - socialising with friends the week before, then local pub til late on Xmas Eve then basically as soon as they opened on Xmas Day . Plus lots of lovely walks, huge amounts of food/drink, and visiting rellies, and nice presents.

scuttle I'm sorry I didn't mean to be offensive.
Thank you everyone for your ideas. Ice skating is something I hadn't thought of, walks in the evenings too. I'm going to look at it as a positive too that we have a nice life and will be able to have a boozy Christmas

That's the way to think of it OP, why not make that christmas pud vodka to enjoy on the day?

Ooh yes our neighbours are already asking when I'm making mine!

My claim to fame would be introducing the taste of Christmas pudding vodka to Switzerland in 2010!

Hee hee that would be good and we could make it together too!

Caribbean holiday sounds like fun to me

Yes a childfree friend of mine goes to Mexico for three weeks' all-inclusive every Christmas!

Vodka recipe

We used to spend Christmas day making bespoke crackers, special dishes etc for a family lunch on boxing day. Always in new pj's, eating our favourite food, watching favourite films, taking tbhe dog for a long walk (yes still in the pjs.....)
All of the rest of our friends and family had their babies about when we started trying so they had very baby/child orientated Xmas days and then boxing days the grandies came to us for a boozy lunch and a snooze.

I totally undstand about midnight mass, but if you love it, try to go for the music and the tradition.

I fail to see how the thread title could possibly be offensive? Isn't it just the OP expressing how she feels?

Xmas highlights any sadness i think. You made me remember this will be the first without my nan
I hope you can stil enjoy it and your dreams come true x

It took me 14 long painful years to become a Mum, and although I like to think I was quite sane about the whole thing (outwardly any way!), Christmas Eve used to just kill me. In the early days I did go out, but stopped in the end because I was so miserable. All I wanted was to have kids at home, putting stockings out for them, putting them to bed etc and I just couldn't understand why people with kids would want to be out when they could be with their own kids. I know this sounds self-pitying, and I tried so hard not to be, but this was the time of year when it really hurt. After all this you'd think I would have some useful advice, but I haven't! I really do understand though. You will get through this, be kind to yourself x

ledkr I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you think of sad things.
toxic yes that is how I feel. And I know that I have lots to be grateful for, but it is the whole traditions that I did when I was little, that I want to do with my family.
So, in the run up to Christmas, winter walks, skating, Christmas fairs, snuggly nights of films, go out for a nice meal, go out with friends.
Christmas eve, either go out for a meal, go for walk, maybe go to midnight mass.
Christmas day, lazy morning with bucks fizz, opening presents, nice breakfast. Get dressed up, have dinner, go for a walk, have parents round for tea.
Just the start of my ideas. Does that sound ok?

You could put stockings out for each other too, though?

Dh and I enjoy a lot of grown up things about Christmas. Such as filling stockings for each other.

Wrapping family gifts each evening, whilst watching a Die Hard medley is a big one.

DS is never bothered about decorating the tree, so we do it together on a Sunday evening, with Blackadders Christmas Carol, and listening to Christmas Cocktails - my funky cd that DS can't stand!

These have become our grown up traditions...we like new pjs on Christmas eve too, and exchange one gift each, quietly together before he slips me a Christmas length

Thanks binfull , we used to do stockings for each other so I will start that tradition up again. Will get us new Christmas eve Jim jams too.
Not to sure about the "christmas length" but It's an idea to put to him

I would go skiing for a week. If it wasn't for the dogs and the difficulty getting anyone to look after them over Christmas, we'd be going ourselves!

In the run-up to Christmas we usually go ice-skating at one of the outdoor rinks, then hot chocolate or mulled wine afterwards. The Christmas markets are great too. Go to the ballet or a concert.

A couple of years ago I went to a winter solstice ritual, the emphasis is more on returning of the light, hope etc, rather than birth of a child. Or go for an early morning walk on Solstice day and watch the sun rise.

Also, Christmas is optional. You don't actually have to do it if you don't want to. Fine if you enjoy it, but it seems sometimes people see it as a compulsory thing, despite it causing them more stress and sadness than joy.