childless christmas- help me make it bareable.

[waitingtobeamummy]

I did one of these last year but can't find it, and we had family come to stay in the end so circumstances changed.
This is our 3rd xmas of desperately wanting to be pregnant/sharing it with a baby and It's not happened.
This year myself and ny dh will be spending Christnas eve and most of xmas day just the two of us.

Most probably because we are desperate for family, Christmas seems to be all about children. I used to adore Christmas but I just feel miserable and a failiure. We used to go to midnight mass but I feel wrong about that too now as the carols just make me feel sad.

I am on the verge of getting mopey and maudlin. What I'm trying to say is please give me ideas of how to make our Christmas happy and a positive "adult " celebration. Also what adult things can we do in the run up to Christmas?

Thank you

DH and I always used to open our presents on Christmas eve pre DD.

Real fires,lots of rest and sex

What about volunteering to help to Christmas lunch at the local homelessness shelter, or similar?

We do Christmas Day - big dinner - at church and have done for several years. We invite anyone who doesn't want to be on their own (couples and individuals) for Christmas dinner. It's seems to be appreciated and we quite enjoy it.

When we were just married we did traditional British Christmas dinner for International students, in a similar vein.

I second the idea of a party (can't remember who suggested it first). Get all your friends round during the week between Christmas and NY and organise a really sophisticated, grown up party with lots of posh food, bespoke cocktails and amazing poncetastic decorations. You can really go to town on the planning - handmade invitations, putting together a Spotify playlist, testing the cocktails, writing out the menu - and this will take up the time and energy that you would prefer to spend doing things for your children.

I've been where you are and I know how much it hurts - I'm really sorry. I wish I could say "make the most of this time, you'll have lots of Christmases with your children" but I know that doesn't help.

Last year we were in exactly the same situation, It was our 3rd christmas since starting ttc and in the run up I felt really worried I wouldn't be able to cope.

I actually had an amazing christmas, I felt so close to my DP, we did lots of grown up things but also enjoyed spending time with the children in the family.

We went to stay at my mums on christmas eve we went to a christmas market and then met up with some friends for an early evening drink, then we went back to my mums to help her wrap my little sisters father christmas pressies. On christmas day we drove around and popped into relatives houses and then back to my mum's for a big family dinner, my sister and her 2 little boys (1 and 4) and my 9 year old sister were there and I had bought them special pressies that they loved. Once the parents had taken screaming/tired/sugar hyped kids home me and DP sat in my parents hot tub looking up at the starts and drinking champagne, in that moment I didn't want my life to be any different I still wanted a baby but I was so happy to have that special time with my DP.

My advice is have loads of wine, lots of blue cheese and enjoy your independence.

This year I am pregnant the baby is due on december the 8th. This christmas will be so different to last year. I am so happy to have had last year to spend with my DP, we will probably never have such freedom at christmas I'm glad that I appreciated that one last "adult" christmas.

Something that helped was me thinking this time next year... or thinking this is the last chance we will get to do this at christmas.

good luck with your christmas plans I hope it's your last christmas as a couple.

I too have been in your position - about 3 years of ttc then another three years on the adoption trail. And if I'm honest each year got progressively worse. Not that anyone would have known, I smiled and was busy and certainly didn't spend much time thinking about it.

Lots of people was the key for me. Arrange lots of things. Borrow a dog if you can. If you have the money go away between xmas and New yEar. I flew to new york on Xmas day and back on New Year eve - it was much cheaper!

Good luck