DH has to work on Christmas Day....soooo upset

[proserpine]

DH was made redundant last year and has applied for everything going. A few weeks ago he was offered a job which sounded perfect, to our utter relief. He started on Monday and in his first training session it was casually mentioned that the office was open on Christmas Day and he would have to come in - they treat it like any other day. I know we should just stop moaning and be grateful he has a job when so many don't but this is such a blow.... For years, I hated Christmas due to bad memories, having no family etc. But spending the day with DH and DD had made it special and it's the biggest day of our year - we don't go on holiday or have any other 'big things' through the year - can't afford them - so a special family Christmas is what we look forward to all year. I usually start planning/buying about now, but this year I can't. DD is devastated too.
He's even got to pay £40 for taxis on the day.... Sorry for the rant, and for sounding so ungrateful. Just needed to vent :(

Can you have a second Christmas, at the weekend before or after? A day you spend just together and enjoy being a family.

I know it is not a competition but my DH is currently on a 6 month tour in Afghanistan. His last working day of tour is 25 December (was supposed to be a week earlier but Army changed dates at last minute) and by the time he makes it home it will be 28th Dec at the earliest. Initially I was massively disappointed for him, me and our 5yo DD that he cannot come home a few days earlier and celebrate Christmas with us but when I thought about it rationally, I decided it was more important that he was home safely and that we would just celebrate a week later. There will be other Christmases and I am sure your DH won't have to work every one. And imagine he won't be working 24h on the day? Paying £40 for the privilege does sound a bit unreasonable though!

I am sure you can find other days in the year to celebrate being a family and being together. Putting so much emphasis on one day a year doesn't sound that healthy TBH!

dog you sound very sensible. Yes it is a disappointment, but I agree, far more important he comes home safely a day or 2 late. I am sure you will make it a wonderful Christmas whenever you get the chance to celebrate it.

I think there is do much pressure these days up have this perfect family Christmas, when years ago it just amounted to s few pressies, big lunch and visiting relatives. Now we have to have some gourmet orgy, the best of everything otherwise our Christmas is Not Good Enough.

Last Christmas was dominated by SIL getting everyone to play a family game in which we were not allowed to talk to each other,, leave the room, or play music. Frankly for those four hours I'd rather have been at work

Chin up. It's a bugger, but really not the end of the world is it?! It's 8 hours (plus travel) - you can plan around that. Christmas is a whole period, not just one day. Make lots of little plans - x movie this evening, y game that morning, carpet picnic & silly games that evening... and you and DD can plan things that DH doesn't want to do (paint nails, watch girlie movie, repaint her bedroom - whatever you're into!) for when he's at work.

Of course you are allowed to be upset/pissed off - but limit the time you wallow in it - say until bedtime tonight, then it's time to get over it, be grateful for what you do have and start planning to have a FAB Christmas regardless - OK!

Aboutlastnight Yep - been there, done that!!

Does anyone remember the thread last December when an MNer was panicking as both she and her OH had to work on Christmas day and her wider family wouldn't look after her DD :(

Yes l do. Wasnt she quite put out that they wouldnt or something? l just seem to remember her getting flamed though that is so common on here may be mistaken .

I think it's understandable to be fed up at having to work Christmas day. I work fit the health service so it's part of the job and people do need you on that day just like any other.

I would be more fed up if it was office based customer services though, it does seem a bit tight to have someone working on that day.

christmas day is a tuesday.
celebrate it on 23rd instead.

i know it sucks, especially as you hadn't banked on it, but it will be fine.

plenty of jobs, such as healthcare and emergency services and catering have to work Christmas day. :)

I feel for you, but both me and DH have had to work Xmas and New Year for the last 20 years we've been together (and before that)(Both doctors).

Can you ask friends/ relatives if you can visit them? Or have them over? Grim, I know, but quite a well known situation.

It is difficult I know - but there are ways round it. When the children were small we started having our first full Christmas meal on Christmas Eve so I could enjoy the present opening, going to church etc. without having to worry about the turkey. Try having your first full meal on Christmas Eve - by candlelight (candles on the table) and with the Christmas tree lights on (we carry the table into the lounge). There is still such a wonderful sense of anticipation at the meal that we have never stopped doing this.

Could your daughter open her Christmas stocking before he leaves for work on Christmas Day? (You and she can always have a nap later - no turkey to cook if it's done on Christmas Eve.) Then the rest of the presents could be done when he gets home - and you could have another full Christmas meal then. You've got lots of time to work out what you and DD would like to do during the day - you could even build in things like decorating Christmas cupcakes etc.

I'm sure you'll have a lovely Christmas once you've got over the initial shock. Congratulations to your DH on his new job.

Right, if you are planning now see if your dh can see if anyone from work is driving in and offer to pay petrol money to pick up/drop off, see if work will contribute to transport either to or from as if your dh is not going to be earning enough/just above the taxi rate there really isn't much point in him working that day so he could either pull a sickie (not recommended) or take unpaid leave either way you won't be earning much for that period of time so the lAoss of the money will even itself out. He may have accrued enough holiday to take it as holiday though.

Celebrate and attend church on the 23rd, ask him to see if a driver will swap his shift with him (a younger colleague perhaps) for New Years day?

As an alternative have a lovely time on the sunday and get your dd and you all settled in for the best of xmas tv with nice snacks and opening presents at the time he is at home. Also if you are on your own try and go to church on the day if you can, will give you a sense of community and involvement and you can "sub" for your dh. Alternatively if you dh is very religious he could bring this up at work and tell them that he feels very strongly about xmas but would be happy to work the other days in the holidays. Its always worth a shot and if they say no then at least you know where you stand.

Also remember to get your dh to keep looking around for another job, if he is in a job now then is he likely to find a similar job because he is already employed (appreciate am grasping at straws )

Thank you all so much for your suggestions, commiserations, personal Christmas stories and no-nonsense comments - all of them are super appreciated
After reading this thread and having a family chat last night, I/we have realised just what a bunch of divs we're being... Of course, if DH has to work on The Day it'll be sad, but the end of the world it ain't. We've decided on a plan of action thus: First, ask for the time off on the condition he'll work New Year's Day (we don't 'do' NY so not a problem, but he works with lots of younger people who do and would actually prefer that day off to Christmas). If that faills, and he has to work, we'll have Christmas and Boxing Day on the weekend beforehand, and on 'actual' Christmas Day me and DD will volunteer at the local homeless shelter while DH is at work. I used to do that years ago when I was a single girl and it was a brilliant way to spend Christmas Day. DD is well up for it.
Thanks again everyone - I hope that when it does roll around, Christmas is peaceful and happy for all of you and that you and your loved ones are all safe and well :)

My dp wrote for the nhs. Our kids are young and she works most Christmas days. Like your dp it's a shift, so she can be gone really early or really late. You just have to get on with it really and work around it. You will make do nd it will be a special day. Your dd is 14, I'm sure it will be fine.

I work 1 Christmas in 4 (also office based) at a managerial level. The "workforce" level is staffed by a combination of rota and people vounteering to do it. Any newbies are expected to work. Nobody likes it, but it is no the end of the world.

At home - presents before work, play with presents, bake gingerbread biscuits, run around outside - Christmas meal when working parent get in. It's OK. Or have Christmas meal on Christmas Eve, like they do in much of Europe.

Your DD is 14?!
OP, I don't want to be harsh but you do realise that it won't be long before she may not even want to spend Christmas with you don't you?
I think you sound a leeeetle bit princessy about your magical day, especially as you won't even be celebrating from a religious POV. Could you maybe book a day or two away for you all and focus on that instead?
That said, I don't really get the fuss about Christmas, unless you are a practicing Christian. It's just another day.
Congratulations to your DH for getting a job btw. No mean feat in this day and age.

And for god's sake please don't listen to those suggesting he chucks a sickle.
Career suicide.

to you OP. Glad you have talked things through with your DH and DD. Sounds like you have got some good plans in place whatever happens. I bet you will have a wonderful day can't believe I am wishing someone a Happy Christmas in July!

Plan for a really gorgeous, romantic evening...you can have candlelight, carols and a lovely dinner waiting for him when he gets home...and then do your presents.

If you would like DD to b awake...you could save half her presents for then...itwill be more exciting for her...she'll be having two celebrations.

In the day, when it s just you and DD you can watch Christmas movies...pull crackers and open gifts...it will STILL be gorgeous...it's just that DH will be joinng you later

Just read that DD is 14! She's big enough then to have some real fun with...you can eat, drink and be merry with her....ok she can't have wine or anythng but she can oveeat chocs with you!

It's a bit daft to focus so much on one day. I'm one of three, and many Christmases in my childhood were blighted by illness etc. I remember lying in bed, floored by d&v, and my folks bringing the presents up to me.

Your pipes could freeze. You could have the worst cold of your life. A close friend could have a personal crisis.

My point is, Christmas doesn't stop life from doing its thing. The best laid plans etc. Please don't pin your family's happiness on one unmoveable day of the year. Who knows what that one day will bring.

OP what a lovely lovely idea - to work in a homeless shelter along with your DD. You will be truly showing her the true meaning of Christmas and not the commercial materialistic phoney it has become.

perplexed and KissMy - your posts aren't even x-posts!

the OP just updated with her (reasonable) solution about an hour before you posted!

Yeah, cos no-one ever posts before reading every single comment do they?
Fwiw, I still think asking for the time off is a bad idea. He's only just got the job and if I were his boss it wouldn't sit well with me.
However, volunteering is a lovely idea. Hope you have a great time OP.