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Christmas

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Original poster

DH has to work on Christmas Day....soooo upset

84 replies

proserpine · 18/07/2012 07:44

DH was made redundant last year and has applied for everything going. A few weeks ago he was offered a job which sounded perfect, to our utter relief. He started on Monday and in his first training session it was casually mentioned that the office was open on Christmas Day and he would have to come in - they treat it like any other day. I know we should just stop moaning and be grateful he has a job when so many don't but this is such a blow.... For years, I hated Christmas due to bad memories, having no family etc. But spending the day with DH and DD had made it special and it's the biggest day of our year - we don't go on holiday or have any other 'big things' through the year - can't afford them - so a special family Christmas is what we look forward to all year. I usually start planning/buying about now, but this year I can't. DD is devastated too.
He's even got to pay £40 for taxis on the day.... Sorry for the rant, and for sounding so ungrateful. Just needed to vent :(

OP posts:
slartybartfast · 18/07/2012 08:31

you still have your DD op?
make it a different type of chirstmas.
or go to work with dh?
is that feasible.
it is NOT the end of the world. just change your plans.

SoggySummer · 18/07/2012 08:38

Its horrid I know. DH wont be here again this Xmas. DD will be 14 by xmas this year and he will have only spent 8 of those christmases with us at home. To a certain degree yep I am used to it and just get on with it but it does still bite and hurt. Just because I have done it lots does not make me immune to feeling shit about it(so I do know how crap you feel) - although I think I now do a pretty good job of just getting on with it.

Its gutting initially but you HAVE to make the best if it for your DC if not yourself. Move it to another day and make that your special family xmas day doing whatever you would normally do. Take the phone off the hook and just re enact the whole thing. We have done this as much as 3 months before Xmas due to DH being away for 6 months at a time.

I would suggest you keep a few gifts back for the actual day (Dec 25th) and still celebrate it in your own way just learn to do it a different day.

For Xmas day itself make sure you have batteries, screwdrivers etc handy for the kids toys. Dont cook a big dinner if DH wont be there because whats the point and also you will be busy assmebling toys and playing with the kids. Make an easy buffet treat lunch instead of picky foods that your DH can enjoy as well as either a packed lunch at work or/and when he comes home.

hattifattner · 18/07/2012 08:38

How old is your DD?

Original poster
proserpine · 18/07/2012 08:39

ChopstheDuck, I'm not religious at all but DH is. Another reason he's upset about it.
Cokeaholic, I'd never give him a hard time about it - it's not his fault after all, and anyway, he's probably more upset than I am! It's just been an awful year and when he was offered the job we thought, well, at least we have a lovely, worry free Christmas to look forward to....

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 18/07/2012 08:41

I can inderstand, my dh used to farm so always had to work some of Christmas day when dds were yound. Like others have suggested you have to change what you usually do to suit when your dh is actually there.

What time does he leave in the morning and get back in the evening? Could you all open a few presents before he goes( things which will keep the dd busy) then get dh to "find" more presents when he comes home.

How old is dd?

slartybartfast · 18/07/2012 08:45

will you go to mass on christmas eve.
can you celebrate on that evening?

or can he ask to have the day off?

Mindyourownbusiness · 18/07/2012 08:48

What hours will he be working on Xmas day OP ? Can you not at least have a few hours special family time in the morning or evening.

Mindyourownbusiness · 18/07/2012 08:49

sorry Quicklookbusy - see you've just asked that !

Moln · 18/07/2012 08:50

what sort of office is it? Can't think of many offices that open on Christmas day (cab?)

You don't have to answer that as I'm just being nosey really!

surely they have to pay more as it's a public holiday? The two weeks could pay well? Silver lining etc

ajandjjmum · 18/07/2012 08:53

I think you've had some great advice on here from people who are in the same position.

FIL always worked on Christmas Day, so DH always remembers it as being a bit back to front, but they loved it just as kids do. But that was down to him Mum being practical and making it fun, just a different schedule to most.

Glad your DH has found work. Smile

ajandjjmum · 18/07/2012 08:56

I have to say that if seriously your thought when he got a job was 'great we can have a good Christmas', you need to look at your priorities. I would have thought food on the table and bills paid for the remainder of the year would be more important!

ElephantsCanRemember · 18/07/2012 08:59

Aw Op. Yes it feels shit right now, but really, you have 6 months to plan and make sure it isn't shit.
Honestly, looking back on my childhood I would struggle to remember which Chrsitmas was celebrated on the correct day and which wasn't. You will have a great day with your DD on 25th and then whichever day you celebrate it with your DH, just means double the fun.

QuickLookBusy · 18/07/2012 09:00

Ajandjjmum was that comment necessary? She says in the op that they felt "utter relief"

GaryTankCommander · 18/07/2012 09:03

Unfortunately Christmas is just another day and life and work goes on, the world does not stop. It's crap I know. Think of all the Doctors, nurses, policemen, firemen, paramedics, armed forces etc...
My DB missed his DD's first Christmas because he was in Iraq.
It's life, he's got a job, which is brilliant!
I know it doesn't stop you being disappointed though, perhaps you can celebrate on Boxing Day? Smile

MrsHelsBels74 · 18/07/2012 09:03

Sorry you're upset but you can have a special day just on another day rather than Christmas Day. Or depending what hours he works just shift the plans for the day to fit in.

He's lucky to have a job, I'm sure you know that, & it's really not the end of the world.

ajandjjmum · 18/07/2012 09:09

Sorry if I upset you OP. I just think although you're disappointed, it needs keeping in perspective for your DD. But obviously, MN is for venting! Smile

hattifattner · 18/07/2012 09:22

OP, look at this - a whole list of ideas of things you could do on Christmas day to make it magical for you and your DD while your DH is working. Just get your head space right! STart imagining a lovely day baking cookies and making decorations, ready for when daddy comes home and you get to open presents.

STart making new traditions if this is a possibility for the future - invite your neighbours in for mulled wine and mince pies at 11. Go for a chilly walk around the block to look at the lights, then home for hot chocolate and marshmallows with a peppermint stick.

Dont rely on your DH to provide all the magic of Christmas - otherwise you are setting your DD up to be miserable if he is not there. Make the rest of the day just as magical and build up the excitement.

beatofthedrum · 18/07/2012 09:24

I sympathise too, it's horrible having to be grateful for a job that in other times you really wouldn't be!

We're in same situation, this is the third christmas in a row my DH had to work and first of all I felt disspirited. But now we've decided to move it to the 23rd, it's a Sunday so you could do that too. Our kids are 1 and 4 so we're not going to let on it's moved, just pretend it is proper Christmas Day iyswim. We are lucky to have family nearby so me and kids will visit them on 24th and 25th for an extended Christmas, but you could just as easily have a lovely couple of 'post-Christmas' days with your dd at that time. Does she need to know the actual day of Christmas? If she's young I think you should just switch it without telling her.

Original poster
proserpine · 18/07/2012 09:26

That's ok ajandjjmum :) By 'good Christmas' we didn't mean 'lots of stuff and spend loads of money' though - we've never been like that. We meant 'time together free of worry'. I've been very ill this year too so it's been worry HQ around here! So we figured that he'd get stuck in and work really hard, then have a few days at Christmas to be together and do family stuff, board games and festive films, that kind of caper :)
Moln, it's customer services. What makes it really odd is that they're not open Sundays or between 10pm and 8am - but Christmas Day, they are Confused They do pay time and a half, but that won't actually cover the cost of the taxis (neither of us drive).
DD is 14 so it's not as bad as if she were a littlie. His shift pattern is between 8am - 10pm, so could be any 8 hours between those times.
Thank you all for your fab advice btw, means a lot that you've taken the time :)

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 18/07/2012 09:27

I work in the Nhs and we all have to work Xmas day at some point most of us just move Xmas day to boxing day and do all the celebrating then or open pressys before or after the shift, tbh I grateful to have a job so for one day of the year I don't mind too much!

Ormiriathomimus · 18/07/2012 09:29

DH worked christmas day when he worked for social services. It was OK inspite of my misgivings. He worked until mid-afternoon, kids and I had a lovely day with my parents and then went home to have a proper christmas with DH in the evening. It will be fine.

zipzap · 18/07/2012 09:33

I guess you have to ask yourselves would your dh have applied for the job if the advert had said that there was no sick pay and you had to work on Christmas day?

It is naughty of them to spring it on you but maybe they have discovered that people don't apply and they just want to get people signed up.

Hopefully he will be able to make friends there and sort out a lift. Or talk to his boss once he is settled and explain that due to the lack of normal public transport it's going to cost him more to come into work than he earns when you take tax etc into account and he won't be able to go to church and see what happens.

And keep looking for different jobs in the mean time - he could get lucky!

May I be the first to wish you a very happy Christmas - however and whenever you celebrate it this year... :o

FormerlyTitledUntidy · 18/07/2012 09:41

I'm a nurse and Dp is police. We've had one Christmas together out of 8. I'm also in the "could be worse, get over it" camp. We have 2 small children so they don't really understand why mummy or daddy is not there at Christmas, your dd will.

You hardly still have Santa etc

motherofallhangovers · 18/07/2012 09:46

If he's religious you could still go to Christmas Mass the night before couldn't you?

motherofallhangovers · 18/07/2012 09:47

I would second looking for another job irrespective of Christmas - they don't sound like great employers Sad

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