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Original poster

Unwelcome Christmas guests

40 replies

fluffytowels · 24/12/2011 00:19

I'm gearing myself up for Christmas Day and don't know what to do. You can decide.

We are having lunch by ourselves then my siblings and family are coming for tea. My parents have died so it's just us.

My Dad's sister and her husband always used to visit my parents on Christmas Day.

So last year, they just turned up at our house. Shock. In previous years they had gone to my sister's but they turned up at her house and she wasn't in so they realised she must be at mine.

They only live a few miles away but I never see them. They haven't sent a Christmas card, have never sent me a birthday card or DC's. They didn't bring so much as a bottle of wine but settled in for the evening.

There has been no opportunity for me to tell them not to come as I haven't seen them since about August (at my sister's).

I'm all for Christmas spirit but it's Christmas Day FFS and feel taken advantage of.

My sister says it would be mean to not let them come and I'm not entirely sure how I stop them.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
unreasonablemuch · 24/12/2011 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fluffytowels · 24/12/2011 00:27

But they'll know we're not as my sister will be coming. Last year they only knew which house was mine because they saw her car in our driveway.

OP posts:
myBOYSareBONKERS · 24/12/2011 06:51

Don't answer the door and if questioned say you didn't hear it as had a house full of INVITED guests.

Lock back gate so they cant sneak in the back door (in light of above)

Pull curtains so they cant peer through and bang on the windows.

olibeansmummy · 24/12/2011 07:17

Shut the curtains, ignore the door, be really quiet and claim you were all having an after dinner nap!

WitchOfEndor · 24/12/2011 07:23

Close the curtains, lock the door, disconnect your doorbell, tape down your letterbox and turn up your Christmas music. Then ignore any noises coming from the front door and pass the mince pies. Xmas Grin

Seriously though, tis the season to be jolly but that doesn't mean you should let people take advantage of you.

3duracellbunnies · 24/12/2011 07:28

If the kiddies are in bed early, start a game of truth or dare, or suitable other inappropriate games, they may be so shocked they don't want to come next year!

itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 24/12/2011 07:31

I think it's a bit sad you call them your dads sister & husband

Surely you mean your aunt & uncle?

SilentBoob · 24/12/2011 07:31

Answer the door in your coats - everyone is just going out for... something booked that extra people can't tag along.

3duracellbunnies · 24/12/2011 07:41

Or get everyone's coats and annonce a new tradition of going on a walking tour of the lights in the neighbourhood. Can't leave anyone behind due to insurance. After 45 mins or so might be worn out, or make the wii compulsory for everyone to do, though is just possible they will think it is fun.

CrotchFlakes · 24/12/2011 08:02

Take the batteries out of the doorbell, close curtains, lock doors, disconnect the phone... get your sister to park her car around the corner

How bloody rude of them!!

Original poster
fluffytowels · 24/12/2011 08:29

Not sure why I didn't call them aunt and uncle, think I felt the need to explain exact relationship. Confused.

My sister will let them in if they turn up and thinks I'm mean for not wanting them. That's because she actually just wants me to host the Christmas she would have if it were her house, which also annoys me.

When they did turn up last year, they just sat and talked to her.

I have asked everybody invited to bring something. FIL is bringing champagne, DB is bringing chocolates, DSis is bringing dessert. All will turn up with gifts for my children and make a fuss of them, which
makes me even more angry that they expect to turn up, uninvited and empty handed Angry

My children don't even know who they are. Angry

OP posts:
3duracellbunnies · 24/12/2011 08:37

The other option is to invite them but tell them what to bring, and say you know it is hard to know what to buy for children, but x is into whatever, and y really loves something else. Let them battle with christmas eve shopping! Bit cheeky but then so are they, although I guess if it is always been their tradition and they presumably don't have other family nearby, they are a bit old to change their habits, they probably get a bit bored just the two of them, and they like to come along. A compulsory board game may stop the chattering!

molepomandmistletoe · 24/12/2011 08:40

You will have enough to do this year. If the kids dont even know them I would turn them away. Tell them but sorry, you have a house full already and you all have plans for the day but next year they are more than welcome. dont tell them that next year you are going to the pub instead

HattiFattner · 24/12/2011 08:40

When they arrive:

"Hello auntie and Uncle, nice to see you - do come in for an hour!"

Offer tea only.

Then..."Oh my, is that the time? Its been lovely to see you both, but I wont keep you. Now....would you like another quick cuppa before you go?"

toddlerama · 24/12/2011 08:44

If they're going to come anyway, invite them and let them know what they need to bring. Then if it really bothers you, go away somewhere snowy next year!

Original poster
fluffytowels · 24/12/2011 08:48

If I even had their phone number I would Grin

OP posts:
Mulledbee · 24/12/2011 08:54

I think pre- warn them they're not invited. I'd get in touch now and say, "I just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas now as we won't be able to see you on the day." maybe ask about their plans in a way that makes it clear it doesn't involve coming round to yours. It might be a little rude but so is turning up uninvited. If they say they're planning to come round, explain that you have plans already and with both sets of family, will be a full house (and how nice that everyone coming contributes to the day) and are going out for a walk.

It's not very Christmas spirited, but I know how it feels to have distant family who barely know you. I wouldn't react well to them turning up either - if they can't be bothered with you the rest of the year, why should you be bothered then?

Original poster
fluffytowels · 24/12/2011 09:26

They have their own family. They have 6 grandchildren FFS. my cousin (single) turned up too.

I am friends with my cousin on FB so maybe could tell her to bring champagne and what the children would like.

Although that is quite rude isn't it Blush

OP posts:
molepomandmistletoe · 24/12/2011 09:27

that's not rude, turning up uninvited and expecting to be fed, watered and entertained from someone who you may have spoken to once in the year is rude!

Original poster
fluffytowels · 24/12/2011 09:49

Maybe I'll get DS to answer the door. If he is able to identify who they are they can come in Grin

OP posts:
Mulledbee · 24/12/2011 10:03

Not at all rude, if they're planning on coming, they should contribute like everyone else.

3duracellbunnies · 24/12/2011 10:13

I would contact cousin and say 'if you and your parents are planning to come over my sister is brining x, fil bringing y, so maybe you guys could bring z, oh and just so you know the children like p and q, I think fil will probably bring r so maybe not that. Then you are making it clear in a nice way what the rules are for coming to your house on christmas day, if they choose to think that you are rude, maybe they won't bother coming.

PattySimcox · 24/12/2011 10:31

Park your cars elsewhere, get DH to answer the door and tell them that you have moved house six months ago.

Rude buggers (them)

Fairytightsonmychristmastree · 24/12/2011 10:46

If they turn up before lunch I would be inclined to invite them in for a cuppa (not a drink, dont want them getting too relaxed and comfortable) and perhaps a mince pie.

Make it obvious they are not welcome to stya for dinner. Using te tips someone above has mentioned. Like " Would you like another QUICK cuppa then before you go, as we will soon be sitting down for lunch/as I need to get back in the kitchen".

Or after half an hour/quick cuppa etc pick up their coats and bring them into the livingroom and greet them happy christmas but that you really need to get organised etc for lunch so ....goodbye!

How rude they sound. They may think its nice seeing family on christmas day and their intentions may be good BUT to expect lunch and to stay for hours uninvited is just plain rude and I think they are taking advantage of the fact they know it is awkward for anyone to say "bye then" and boot them out. You need to make a list of polite "Sod Off Now" comments and keep it somewhere accessible (like on the fridge door) so you can refer to it and use them accordingly. Get your DH and other relatives to help politely back you up if they dont get the hint or just ignore it.

If all else fails just say - I have only catered for X people and hide any excess chairs/cutllery and plates even!!

Good luck - please do come back and let us know how you get on.

Gracie123 · 24/12/2011 10:54

Wow.

I second the suggestion of telling them what to contribute. Make it expensive too Grin

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