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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

What would you get someone for Christmas if they may be terminally ill?

32 replies

lilibet · 15/12/2011 00:11

Bil's fiancee finds out a few days before Christmas if her cancer is terminal. We have got them a joint present at the moment which I now think is midjudged anyway.

We have got them an Italian cook book and various ingredients, which was ill thought out as chemo is making her ill and throw up all the time.

We don't live near them and have actually never been to their house, they come over here as it's where his children and PIL live, so I don't know what she has in terms of dvds etc,

Am I being shallow thinking of crap like this when she is waiting for this news?

OP posts:

belledechocchipcookie · 15/12/2011 00:16

A ride in a hot air balloon.

It's not shallow. I hope the news is positive though.

oreocrumbs · 15/12/2011 00:25

Its not shallow of course you are thinking of her, and I hope she is ok.

I would get her what you would get her if she was well, maybe something pampering - spa treatment?

JinglePosyPerkin · 15/12/2011 00:25

Even if the news is bad, does it necessarily mean that this will be her last Christmas? I ask that because my Dad lived for two years after being told that his cancer was terminal. She may just really like the "normal" sort of Christmas present - perfume, a jumper, handbag etc. Even if her illness is terminal it may not mean that she won't get to use it. Just a thought.

Let's hope the news is good .

And no, it's not shallow. It's amazing what apparently trivial things go through your mind at a time like this.

SydneyScarborough · 15/12/2011 00:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

underbeneathsies · 15/12/2011 00:29

Without meaning to be a downer, we are all terminally ill - just some people have more time, or less depending on how you look at it.

I'd get her something she'd enjoy: same as anyone.
A hot air balloon ride sounds good but a bit excessive?... and she may catch cold (immunity is low with chemo), but a tree or something alive might be a lovely idea for her: something she can plant for the future.

KinkyDoritoWithFairyLightsOn · 15/12/2011 06:59

How does she pass the time on treatment?

DD has cancer; I've bought her a Kindle so we can load it with books if we have to go into hospital. She would also have access to a DVD player there, so I buy DVD boxsets of things she would enjoy.

Does she sew or knit? Could you get her some things for a hobby that she could do when she's up to it?

Cancer is a boring grind, for the patient and those around them. Get her things to entertain her.

Another suggestion might be nice feminine things if she likes them: nice nail varnishes, pay for a manicure/pedicure, nice makeup, perfume.

girlywhirly · 15/12/2011 07:32

My friends aunt was at her lowest ebb during cancer treatment, and my friend bought her some audio books which she could listen to lying down with a walkman while in hospital. She couldn't hold a book long enough to get very far with the story.

Darlingdamsel · 15/12/2011 07:35

A star named after her ...

KinkyDoritoWithFairyLightsOn · 15/12/2011 07:48

girly I've had them suggested to me before too. At certain points of treatment DD wasn't able to focus on reading. I think that's a really good idea .

Original poster

lilibet · 15/12/2011 08:04

Thanks for your replies. Sydney, so sorry to hear about your mum. I should have said that my budget is very low, we spend about £30 on them as a couple. There isn't going to be any more treatment if this scan shows it has spread, it will be the third place they have found it since it was first diagnosed last December.

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Original poster

lilibet · 15/12/2011 08:09

kinky I hope your dd is well enough to enjoy Christmas, I'd send you a hug, but this is mumsnet after all !

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Northernlurker · 15/12/2011 08:11

My bil was terminally ill last Christmas. We bought him and my sister an antique candle stick with snuffer. It was about £35 I think. They both loved it. He died in March so now it's just hers. I would go down the scarf/blanket route I think.

BebeBelge · 15/12/2011 08:24

A star named after her ...

I'm sorry that your brother's fiancee is going through this, and I have no experience in this area but I think the star suggestion is a truly, awful idea. If it were me, it would just remind me that the universe is a big, scary place and I will not be around for much longer. I'm sorry I can't really express myself but I physically recoiled when I read that suggestion. Just my opinion though..

Northernlurker · 15/12/2011 08:28

Oh Bebe I do agree - for me it's right up there with buying a tombstone! I was looking for a nice way to say that but have plainly failed!

KinkyDoritoWithFairyLightsOn · 15/12/2011 08:37

Thanks lilibet. She's having vincristine 3 days before so I'm praying it doesn't make her too wiped out. I hope you all have a lovely Christmas together and I am really sorry about your BIL fiancee; it's such a horrible, cruel illness.

latrucha · 15/12/2011 09:07

I bought my dad a dvd of a film he loved but only had on video. We all watched it together. Might nit be suitable if your SIL is younger.

AKMD · 15/12/2011 11:06

lilibet, what a horrible situation. You aren't being shallow at all; it's a difficult situation to judge. When my SIL was being treated for cancer last year I sent her audio books on CD and she was so happy with them. Your could ask your BIL who her favourite authors are and whether there are any books she has been trying to read but hasn't managed to. Maybe a slanket too?

Galaxymum · 15/12/2011 14:25

When my dad was terminally ill he most appreciated really great films on DVD that he could enjoy with us - blockbuster adventure and comedies he enjoyed. Also I remember we got him one of the Tenor concert DVDs.

He also appreciated gifts of good books and puzzles books which he could keep doing (and did) till the day before he died.

GladbagsAndYourHandrags · 15/12/2011 14:35

So sorry for all the sad situations on this thread. I think the scarf suggestion is great. Not too expensive and not making a point, just appropriate, comfortable and not difficult to use.

There is a scarf that everyone on the style&beauty board loves if thats helps.

lilbet I do hope it is good news for your BIL's DF.

ujjayi · 15/12/2011 16:20

Another vote for a beautiful scarf. I too am awaiting diagnosis for a potentially life-limiting condition (I believe that's the "term" these days....) and I will be horrified if anyone starts naming stars after me or any such thing.

I truly hope your SIL gets the best possible news and sending much strength to you and your family.

ujjayi · 15/12/2011 16:22

Oh and I also wanted to say that you are not being shallow. You are being thoughtful and also carrying on as normal and not treading on eggshells, behaving like the last rites are imminent. It's important that you do this. That you acknowledge what she is going through but that you treat her as you always have done.

Catsdontcare · 15/12/2011 16:26

Definitely don't do the star!

I would go down the entertainment type gift, DVDs, books, theatre tickets if she is likely to be well enough to go out and about

pud1 · 15/12/2011 16:27

I went through this 4 years ago wil dsil. She was diagnosed as terminal on the 15th December. Tbh I can't even remember what we bought for her but she bought my yet unborn dd a star to remember her by. It was the nicest gift my dd has ever received.

olibeansmummy · 15/12/2011 17:05

Agree with not a star, or a tree. These are things you dedicate to people who are actually dead . Like the idea of a nice scarf to keep her warm and that's something you might buy even if she didn't have cancer.

Original poster

lilibet · 15/12/2011 17:52

gladbags could you possibly link to it please?

Ujjayi - I hope so much that things turn out well for you.

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