What would you get someone for Christmas if they may be terminally ill?

[lilibet]

Bil's fiancee finds out a few days before Christmas if her cancer is terminal. We have got them a joint present at the moment which I now think is midjudged anyway.

We have got them an Italian cook book and various ingredients, which was ill thought out as chemo is making her ill and throw up all the time.

We don't live near them and have actually never been to their house, they come over here as it's where his children and PIL live, so I don't know what she has in terms of dvds etc,

Am I being shallow thinking of crap like this when she is waiting for this news?

scarf

Thank you lilibet for your kind words.

I have the eBay scarf but from a different seller. If it is the same type it is beautiful - soft and expensive looking. If you don't want to eBay, then look at both H&M and Zara. I wear a scarf pretty much everyday and they are two of my favourite sources.

LOL ... I would have never thought the star idea would go done like a piece of lead. OOPs ...

Actually though that is what we bought my grandmother a few years ago and she loved it as it made her feel that she had this legacy that the grandchildren could always search the sky for her if she wasn't around.

Smile ..

(everybody is different I guess!)

I was going to suggest audio books and a new walkman.

Waterstones have a good selection and your BiL or his fiancee can exchange them if she already has them, if you keep the receipt.

Treats/ luxuries are what we got for my mum last year (and the year before, definitely was borrowed time), mainly to stop her from launching off into another round of "I'm not going to be here to enjoy it, you know" - I loved my mother and miss her like crazy but she was a right humbug about Christmas! Nail varnish, magazine subscription (though that brought out Eeyore as well), scarf, sparkly but not too expensive jewellery.

I would go down the normal-without-reinforcing-her-own-mortality route too. A scarf is a nice idea, or some posh hand cream, or something like that.

TBH I think the cookbook and ingredients is still a nice idea, if the worst happens and she is stopping chemo she will be able to enjoy them then, and if she's carrying on with treatment she can enjoy it when she's feeling a little better. Plus the distraction of cooking might be nice, even if she doesn't fancy the food.

Hoping it's good news for them.

Really hope it is good news for her, and for you too ujjayi.

I agree with everyone who has suggested nice 'normal' Christmas stuff, and also that the cookbook/ingredients aren't inappropriate at all - they're just normal things that she and BIL will probably appreciate. What I would say is that, if her news does indeed turn out to be bad, don't be surprised to feel like whatever you have bought is wrong. It won't mean that it is, but my experience of Christmas with a terminally ill family member was incredibly intense and confusing. My brother had asked for whatever we would have bought him had he not been in a wheelchair with months to live, so I bought him some interesting books; then, watching him unwrap them, I just knew he'd never get the chance to read them and I felt like a chump. But it wasn't the wrong thing, if you see what I mean.