Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Your top tips for getting through grit-your-teeth family Christmases

52 replies

LePruneDeMaTante · 09/12/2011 20:03

Booze, obviously.

I had such a hard time with my egomaniacal MIL last year, and this year is shaping up the same. I think she really dislikes me, either that or she's unhealthily in love with her other son.

I need a mantra Grin

OP posts:
storminabuttercup · 10/12/2011 07:53

After reading this thread last night ( and drinking a teeny tiny glass of wine) I told dp that I was so relieved not to be spending Christmas day with his mother, to which he replied 'yup, just an hour or so in the morning to get through when she comes to see ds (18mo) open the presents she got him, she wants to see his face'

Now, I know what she has bought him as she asked dp to get them, they are DVDs as she doesn't believe in buying children toys, which is fine, but his face will be covered by the DVD as he chews it like he does everything else!

I shall grin and bear it, and will sneak over to your thread to moan!

Daily fail bingo would be no good here, she already has her own prejudices that are possibly more bizarre than those of the fail! Like dp's cousin on his fathers side, always referred to in hushed tones, she told me he's poorly, you know he's not well, said tapping her head Confused he's got that 'gay thing'! I later questioned dp as I was so Confused turns out his cousin is gay, that's it, no illness, he's just gay! The woman is bonkers!

I may buy in some Biscuit so everytime she spouts her nonsense I can hand her one!

Actually I can feel a migraine coming on, I predict it will hit around 10am on Christmas morning! Lying down in a dark room mumsnetting seems like my only option!

saythatagain · 10/12/2011 08:08

I genuinely feel really sorry for you lot. I'm get on with my very normal, it would appear, mil. I have no idea how lucky I am in this respect....it must be so bloody irritating...and it goes on for years too. Are they all just generally nuts then?

sandyballs · 10/12/2011 08:18

We've got the in laws at ours for Xmas. It will be just the same as every year .... FIL getting pissed while MIL shouts at him, telling him to slow down, asking DH not to give him anymore. so dh will be hovering with a bottle unsure who to listen to whilst his dad shouts "what does a chap have to do to get a drink round here".

MIL will have one small baileys then get a bit weepy, tell me about her affairs and how she only stayed with FIL for DH sake.

Both of them will make racist comments throughout the afternoon, eg "I had an appt at the hospital last week dear ..... the doctor was a black man but he turned out to be very nice".

What joy, I can't wait Grin

Original poster
LePruneDeMaTante · 10/12/2011 08:21

Oh I don't think they're all like that - and tbh until a few years ago, I wouldn't have said she was like that either. She has got worse.

DH and I talked it through last night, reminisced about some really superb Christmases, tried to work out what's different. We have a few theories:

  • that she dislikes me (DH thinks this is untrue...I think it's true);
  • that she doesn't like new SIL as much as she wants to;
  • that she just doesn't like kids - she talks about them a lot in reference to how they take up space and peace. Hers went to boarding school;
  • that she's unwell in some way and not saying.

Probably best to find out if it that last one (there are other details that make it sort of possible).

OP posts:
Florin · 10/12/2011 09:05

I am definitely up for a Christmas day mil rant. We are going for a lovely Christmas with my parents it will be lovely my twin will be there with her dh and my dh really loves my family. We are a loud bunch and like nothing more than loud conversation over the dinner table and just general lovely family time together. Problem is mil is divorced she has not a single other member of family apart from my dh. So we have no other option but to bring her with us even though no one else wants her there. She is a sour faced moody cow who will only have one glass of wine then sit there sour faces watching my family getting slowly sloshed and having fun. My parents have about 50 people from the village in for Christmas drinks and nibbles on Christmas morning she doesn't like it that dh is so integrated within my parents village and is so well loved by their friends (we have been together since we were 15 so they know him well) and seems shocked by amount of champagne consumed. She is like the bad smell hanging about in the corner of the room. To top it off both my twin and I are pregnant this year so we can't even drink through it. I could deal with it if we had her every other year but we are stuck with her forever. Oh and presents she has buckets of money and only dh and I to buy from but is incredibly stingy with presents, i don't care about me but feel sorry for dh. One year dh got given a navy blue dressing gown from her ( ok so far!) however she found it cheap and it had some awful huge chav logo on it and she knows dh doesn't wear stuff with logos all over it, to top it off it was cheap as missing the belt so she made up for that by giving him the white belt from her dressing gown (remembering the dressing gown she bought him was navy!). She just buys random cheap crap for him, she has no idea what he wants but feels if she ask she is admitting she doesn't know him as well. I wish she would ask as I have a huge list of things I know he would love. Oh and considering she goes to my parents for Christmas day she buys a present for my mum but not my dad which feels to them like I don't have a husband so I am not acknowledging yours. Either buy them each a small present, a small joint present or nothing at all but not just for one of them.
Ok I feel so much better after my mil rant -got a lot off my chest!

Original poster
LePruneDeMaTante · 15/12/2011 12:14

Gawd Florin what a bundle of laughs Grin

I'm feeling a little better than I was. I've seen MIL twice since starting this thread and I realise that she's bloody stressed about having so many people in the house. She presents it like we can't all be in the same room together, but we can - she can't. It makes her feel better if she's not removing just herself, if others are also going off for a bit of peace. I'm sure it makes her feel less strange about not coping.

She can also barely sit still for any amount of time and projects that onto others. She repeats herself to the point of annoying even her husband (this takes some doing!) and I rise to that because for some mad reason, I can't cope with repetition that well. It's a bit of a cocktail of spikiness for different reasons. I can't pretend to unravel it all but I'm going to aim for sympathy rather than taking offence.

I'm still going to get mildly hammered and plaster a dopey grin onto my face Grin like that.

OP posts:
titchy · 15/12/2011 12:40

Can I join in?

WE have somehow ended up hosting both PIL (who are easy-going, well-meaning, but will witter on about trivia - bingo, lottery numbers etc) and MY MOTHER. My high-maintenance, Hyacinth Bucket-type mother. For whom nothing is ever quite enough ('I am your GUEST. Treat me like one.'). She will make everyone feel incredibly uncomfortable. Make pointed comments about how the TV is STILL on, dcs having far too much stuff for Christmas, why on earth we have that amount of booze and food in the house.

She has already started - 'Email me urgently to discuss sleeping arrangements. I will NOT sleep on sofa-bed. I am 70.' (For the record PILs are older and will happily sleep on sofa bed whcih is very comfy, or anywhere else for that matter, even though FIL is recovering from major surgery. About which mother has not even aasked).

Will be dribbling in a corner with a bottle of port before Christmas Day is over.All are staying a whole week. ....

SantaffetaClaus · 15/12/2011 13:12

Vast quantities of wine ( spirits are useless don't bother )
Vast amounts of time busying yourself away from her with eg DC/turkey/washing/pretend phone call

But the best........other people

Toxic rellies often behave better with strangers in the mix. I always invite friends over Christmas Eve/ for drinks mid morning Christmas Day/Boxing Day for this reason. Failing that, ask the neighbours. Failing that, drag a dog walker off the street.

Fennel · 15/12/2011 15:00

My main tip is to have Christmas without the teeth-gritting-inducing relatives (my parents in my case). It makes me feel a bit guilty but it's just so much less awful.

Second tip. Alcohol, more alcohol, and a bit more on top. You can see why I choose option 1, for my liver.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 15/12/2011 15:05

I agree with Fennel ? just don't do family Christmases. I don't.

AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 15/12/2011 15:09

hahahahaahah pruni. [sympathetic]

nerfmum · 15/12/2011 15:49

I love the idea of family bingo. Can anyone help me think of things to spot?

I am sure I will be joining you for a post Christmas 'what the MIL did' thread. Really not looking forward to christmas day at my mums with PIL coming too. But must not resort to wine as I need all of my self control to keep my mouth shut!!

webwiz · 15/12/2011 17:30

We have family bingo as well - what you have depends on the quirks of your relatives nerfmum.

We have:any boasting from BIL about being "the best" at something (he's 47 not 12!), any refusal from SIL to join in with something completely innocuous, FIL will always moan about the amount DCs get for Christmas and MIL makes statements about things she knows nothing about but has heard about from her friend eg what its like to be a solider in Afghanistan because friend's granddaughter's boyfriend's friend is one Hmm

Unfortunately now that the DCs are 20,18 and 15 they are in on it and someone snorted accidentally last year at BIL telling us he did the "best presentation ever" at work.

3duracellbunnies · 15/12/2011 20:04

Can we make it MIL + FIL rant. My mil was lovely and contained fil somewhat. He will act surprised that I can't eat beef, (I haven't since I was 20 and ended up in hospital); he will moan about the children making noise, touching his things, and generally breathing, but also that it has been so long since he has seen them. He can't really do much now so we will cook for us and him, and bil+sil on boxing day (though they will help clear up). He will panic if we leave dirty plates on table because need to get ds down for sleep. He will then sing racist ditties and be annoyed that we try to censor him 'I can't even sing what I like in my own house', well not when the dc are likely to sing them at school or in supermarket afterwards. The worst I think was when he said to me, when I had my back to him 'oh bil name would make such a good father, such a shame you don't have any children', then apologised because thought I was sil, not because he was being incredibly tactless, they have been married for a while, and would like children but for whatever reason (and they don't discuss it) haven't had any. Oh and trying to tell our children off for things like not eating everything on plate etc. Ah can feel the christmas joy welling up already!

Original poster
LePruneDeMaTante · 16/12/2011 11:10

Aitch has met me and can confirm I am (as mentioned earlier) neither frothy nor zany Grin

I am going to fess up and admit to a massive dose of PMT. Thank goodness I'll be at the happily ovulating stage on Christmas Day.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 16/12/2011 11:16

she was a bit frothy after four pints of stella artois... Wink

AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 16/12/2011 11:16

btw ovulating makes me a cheap drunk. likewise my period. when i was a student i used to schedule nights out for these times to gain added value.

tardisjumper · 16/12/2011 11:19

Bigot bingo sounds ace!

Everytime burkas get mentioned I am downing my drink! (ILs obsessed by them)

Any others to look for

Original poster
LePruneDeMaTante · 16/12/2011 11:28

Aitch that is THE MOST SCOTTISH THING I HAVE EVER HEARD

OP posts:
AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 16/12/2011 11:33

hahahahaha. let's get out our ovulation charts and schedule a night of it. btw am seriously weeping over fud thread.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 16/12/2011 11:34

I'm boggling a bit at the notion of scheduling nights out as a student. As far as I remember which is not very far there weren't many nights that weren't out, and they didn't need scheduling; they just sort of ... happened. Grin

ProperLush · 16/12/2011 11:34

Ah, MIL.

Oh how my Christmases have improved, but we mustn't speak ill of the dead, must we??!

Incidentally, it was natural causes; I didn't murder her though there's not a jury in the land would've convicted me if I had!

WholeLottaRosie · 16/12/2011 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 16/12/2011 12:08

ladyclarice, you are, of course, correct. it was a nightly thing round our way. sometimes i just needed to take less cash.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 16/12/2011 12:16

Ah, that makes sense. Smile