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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Those who say they don't buy for any adults ....

56 replies

nappyaddict · 28/10/2011 10:05

I would like to do this but I'm in a bit of a quandry.

What about your parents/grandparents?

What about if your siblings/godparents/children's godparents don't have children of their own?

What about if you have elderley relatives who don't have children or have grown up children and they buy something for your DC?

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WestsAwake · 30/10/2011 16:02

We don't buy for any adults in our family. DH and I don't buy for each other and none of us buy for our parents, or they for us. We all made the agreement a few years ago. If anything, whoever is hosting Christmas will get lots of gifts of food, drink etc as a contribution, but that's it. Only under 18s get gifts, and teenagers will only get little things from those who aren't their parents. Its all completely agreed on by everyone in the family,m which makes it easy to execute Grin

Original poster
nappyaddict · 30/10/2011 16:09

WestsAwake Do your parents buy for their grandchildren though?

OP posts:
Original poster
nappyaddict · 30/10/2011 16:11

ExoticFruits When you go out for the meal do you pay for it all or does everyone pay for themselves IYSWIM? I think I would prefer to do something like this with my sister and her boyfriend as I never know what to get them!

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WestsAwake · 30/10/2011 16:17

Yes, we all buy for the kids - us, our parents, mine and DH's siblings etc,

Ragwort · 30/10/2011 16:19

We don't exchange gifts between adults (well, my parents insist on giving us a cheque Grin) - I tend to give school photographs & small charity gifts to grandparents, Godparents and family friends who give to my DS and something from DS to grandparents ie: bubble bath/choc biscuits. I know it can be a bit hard on the Godparents if they don't get many presents themselves but as a Godparent myself I really don't expect my GC to buy me anything. My lovely GodM still sends me a generous cheque at Christmas and birthdays and I am over 50 Smile.

Also agree to stop buying for children in the family once they are 18.

My present list is very small Grin - and I nearly always give money/vouchers to most neices/nephews !

To me Christmas is so much more important than 'presents'.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 30/10/2011 16:24

WestsAwake Do your and DH's siblings all have your own children though? My sister and DP's 2 brothers don't have children of their own, but they buy for my DS.

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DrinkYourWeakLemonDrinkNow · 30/10/2011 16:31

I wish we could stop buying for adults. My dad is always suggesting we scale adult presents down but my mum, although saying yes, never goes along with it and then how awful do you feel if you don't reciprocate?Hmm

I also struggle HUGELY with what to give them. Dh's 91 yr old nan just doesnt need anything, but not to get her anything would be Christmas suicide.

We have 3 dc to buy for anyway and dh and I never give each other a present because we cant afford it (even though I rather wish we didSad)

SuePurblybiltFromBitsofCorpses · 30/10/2011 16:42

I have never bought for aunts and uncles and g.parents. As a child, my parents did from all of us, when I grew up I just never got into the habit. We send cards but not presents. When would you start? Aged 16/18/21/when you got married?

leftmydignityatthedoor · 30/10/2011 20:23

Sue - I started when I had my first job so about 16.

Lindax · 30/10/2011 21:09

We (siblings and partners) agreed to stop buying each other unwanted tat and only buy for kids years ago before ds was born, so I had many years buying for nieces and nephews with no returned gift and it didnt bother me at all.

Christmas for our families is about enjoying seeing the kids opening their pressies, and the whole family getting together (there are a few of us so we are rarely in the same place at the same time, other than Xmas).

ohnosecretsantatime · 30/10/2011 23:34

we buy for all the children of family/friends, we have no children, and have never been given a gift, we usually get a card. Off one family member, we get a telephone call to say thankyou, but the rest just seem to absorb whatever we send.

Tigerbomb · 31/10/2011 00:25

We just buy for our adult DC (no GC) and both sets of parents. I don't buy gifts for my DB or his children and he has never bought for us.

Unfortunately the gifts for our adult DC can be more expensive then when they were small Sad

KatharineClifton · 31/10/2011 00:59

I just buy for my children and my nieces and nephews, and I ask that nobody buys for me. I do do nice birthday gifts for adults throughout the year so I'm not a complete miser. I just decided one year that enough was enough and Christmas is all about my children for me.

piprabbit · 31/10/2011 01:16

Our family have agreed that everyone goes madly overboard buying gifts for everyone - adults and children. We have an orgy of present opening, sometimes spread over several days.

It helps that my entire family consists of myself, 4 other adults and 2 children. DH deals with his side of the family - and there are only 3 of them. My DCs are the only children, so for 15 years we only had adults in the family (once my DSis was old enough to be classed as adult). Christmas would have been a bit boring if we hadn't included adults in the gift giving - and it's a habit we don't want to break because it's rather a lot of fun. (Only managed to stop my DM doing stockings for everyone about 5 years ago - stockings are now officially the preserve of the children).

Original poster
nappyaddict · 31/10/2011 09:49

Sue

Did your aunts/uncles and grandparents still buy for you once you reached 16/18/21/got married though? I'm 23 but I still receive 5 pound off great aunts/uncles and 15 pound off my grandparents. And now they give DS the same as well. Did yours buy for your DC once you started having them?

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QuintessentialShadow · 31/10/2011 09:54

I buy for grown ups.

I buy for my single childfree friend (as Christmas is really lonely for her, and she usually spend it with another friend and her family, sad that her brother has not invited her)

I buy for my cousin and my best friend.
I buy token gifts for my parents
I buy something nice for my sister
Something the kids have made, or photos to MIL and her sister

I buy small pressies for the kids of my friends.

My kids buy small presents for their godparents.
My kids buy small presents for their friends....

And that is it.

Christmas is quite expensive for us. We spend a lot on presents.

SuePurblybiltFromBitsofCorpses · 31/10/2011 09:56

Sorry just seen this.

The Grands send a fiver to everyone on birthdays, even my cousin who is late 40s and a Headteacher Grin. They buy or send money for me to buy for DD. My parents continue to buy for them (the Grands), as their parents, as I do for my parents. I just never got into buying for my Grands IYSWIM. Maybe I'm horrid Grin.

To be fair, they discourage it anyway. They're late 80s, well off enough and moan about what they do get because they say they need nothing and are moaning auld ones in any case. I send them copies of school photos and cards and such but I don't buy them actual slippers or bath stuff or the like.

QuintessentialShadow · 31/10/2011 10:00

My dad (84) is obsessive about owning things and getting the latest gadgets. He got a digital radio last year. I think I will buy him a nespresso pod machine this year.... I spend more on him that he spend on the grandkids. He has VERY high expectations to his own presents, but think we should save money when it comes to the children. For my 9 year old sons last birthday, he wanted a new desk for his room to have space for his homework. My dad, who is wealthy, thought it was too expensive a present for a 9 year old, and suggested me and him go half half. Even though he knows we are pretty strapped for cash......

QuintessentialShadow · 31/10/2011 10:05

I should add, it was a very uncomfortable conversation for me, when I explained that I could not even afford half a desk for my son. So, my son got £10 to buy a toy instead. It is not the money, it is the attitude. I know exactly what is in his bank account as I am in charge of it, his private pensions total up more than the annual salary for me and dh put together, and he has no mortgage. He is in a good place. I just feel a bit sad that he is so reluctant to spend money for good and useful presents for the grandchildren, whereas he expects ME to get HIM good presents.

When my mum was still of sound mind, SHE would overrule him and say "dont be such a silly grabbing old man, surely we can spend more than £10 on the grandkids for birthday and Christmas, THEY spend more on us than that!"

Original poster
nappyaddict · 31/10/2011 10:07

Sue So you don't buy birthday or Christmas presents for grandparents/aunts/uncles etc? Do your parents still buy for aunts/uncles as well or just their parents? Do you frame the school photo or just send the print? I might do that this year.

My mum doesn't buy for her parents or my aunts/uncles (big family feud), my dad buys for his parents I think. I suppose that's why I started buying them something when I got a job at 16.

OP posts:
BrokenRing · 01/11/2011 10:04

Oh and I buy for adults.

For our parents, and for one remaining step-grandmother.
For our adult siblings and their partners (four sets) - a token joint present
For a great-aunt who is also a godmother
For six adult close friends (two couples who get joint presents, and two singles); a present for the child of one of the couples.
For OH's main work colleague and their OH and kids

We buy for our own kids; and for any nephews/nieces until they turn 21.

SuePurblybiltFromBitsofCorpses · 01/11/2011 10:17

Eek, don't take me as a rolemodel for good behaviour. Nappy Grin

Yes, my parents buy for their siblings and parents, my aunts/grands. I buy for my siblings/parents and sibling's children. I don't buy for cousins cos we're not close but I would if we were, iyswim.

It's just that my parents bought for their parents/siblings from all of us, as a family, and when I moved out, I just sent cards. I was 16 and they live miles away - it genuinely never occurred to me to buy them stuff. Now I've had DD I still send cards and they get photos but not stuff. They don't want or need it anyway and they still think of me as a child (at 32) so I think they'd find it odd too. But that's just my family.

My cousins do sort of buy for the grands, they live very close so see them on the day - praps that's the difference. But they do stuff on the same lines: they get a calendar made up at Sainsbos from photos of the grandchildren or similar. I sent a posed photo one year (free session), a school one, a nice one I had taken by chance. I don't frame them because they have their own special frames and update them yearly. See? They're odd Grin.

Towndon · 01/11/2011 10:41

I buy for adults as well as children. Sharing and giving are good for all ages, not just the kids :) You don't have to spend much - a small token present can show a lot of thought (homemade cake, packet of seeds, a notebook, jar of nice jam).

bunnyspoiler · 01/11/2011 13:29

We buy for:
DC and us
DN x 5
Friends DC x 2
BIL and wife
BIL
SMIL and FIL
MIL
DM
Adult cousins x3
Aunt and partner
It's way too many, this year we're trimming this list down a little, as per the strike through.

Carrotsandcelery · 01/11/2011 16:19

I buy for my dSIL with no children, and her partner, but not my dbrother and his wife as they do have children.

My dSIL usually gives us an idea of what she would like and what her partner would like so it is quite good fun choosing the specific one rather than stressing about what they want.

The dcs make gifts for friends who give them gifts - this year they are decorating picture frames and boxes from Hobbycraft. Most of these people are elderly and seem to enjoy the things made by the children.

I would feel bad not giving to my dSIL with no dcs though as there will be no dcs with them at Christmas so it is not like they are enjoying someone else receiving instead.

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