Please help me see that Christmas isn't all about presents...

[MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll]

I grew up with very little...4 kids and it was the 70s, most people where I grew up had few toys and clothes...th area was very depressed and as a result I have gone overboard at Christmas when buying fo the DDs. They are 7 and 3 and DH hates that I end up buying tonnes of gifts.....he rightly thinks that around 7or 8 well chosen and good quality presents is plenty along with a stocking....but in my mind, I see that less than 25 things to open is a failure.

Its some kind of chip on my shoulder from growing up poor I think....DH and I aren't well off but we're doing well at the moment and I keep wanting to buy EVERYTHING they like on TV.

How many presents is ok? How many is "right"?

I want to get DD1 a DS and DD2 some kind of toddler computer thing....they like numerous stuff on the ads....board games etc.

HOw much is too much?

You are making a lot of assumptions refreenza, that I would question ...

1. you assume all 25 presents are toys - they may not be, some may be essentials you are ALSO buying your children, but just you're not gift wrapping them. I know a lot of people who would include toothbrushes, pjs and slippers as presents, or do you not buy your children these things??

2. why assume the OP has issues? There's nothing to suggest that. My DC have lots of presents (about 25 each, but as a lot of them are essentials, over half are things you also buy for your children, just you. Don't give them as presents) but I had a very happy childhood with magical christmases, and my mother did the same for me - lots of presents, but actually very little tar. My children only really get 3 toys that they choose. I have no issues, just a magical childhood which I am replicating for my children

3. you assume that lots of Christmas presents causes spoilt children. I beg to differ. Parents cause spoilt children, not presents. If my children break a toy, they either have to save up to replace it or they go without. They won't get any more toys or presents again until their birthdays in November. So my children really look after their toys - to the extent that all their jigsaw puzzles are intact, we have no lost pieces / broken games because my children are taught to respect their toys. My children are 7 and 4, so not old either. I find it's those children who have a constant stream of toys and magazines all year round who seem to disrespect their toys. Not those who have to wait until Christmas.

4. You assume three or four presents is enough. Says who? Why not one present or two? After all, no one actually needs any presents at all. It's all personal opinion and no one opinion is any better or more correct than anyone else's.

Not quite sure why you're making such a big deal out of it, unless of course it is you with issues

my dds will both be getting 20 ish presents each and now i'm feeling rather guilty!! My parents always gave us that much (although lots of cheaper ones) and so i guess i'm just carrying it on. They also get LOADS (equal number really) from family and friends. However i dont buy throughout the year and several are practical and stocking fillers.

My kids do get lots but they are not spoilt - they dont expect it which is why i like buying them. They also play with each and everyone - respect their toys and give older ones to charity each year - if they didnt do these things then i wouldn't buy them. I cant wait for xmas day to see their faces! I have spent £60 on a bike for DD aged 4 and £100 on a scooter for dd aged 6 and then about £200 between them on stocking fillers/practical things. The bigger presents they wanted as extra (£20-30) i organised so family members got them (they spend this much anyway) and i could get them more of the £5-£10 ones! I did budget throughout the year and kind of expected £350 in total.

moblem

Ah, I wondered how long it would be!!!

On MN there can be a bit of one upmanship about who spends the least on xmas gifts for their dc....some people deem gifts uneccessary if they havent been either;
handmade
bought in a charity shop or
come from freecycle

Nothing wrong with gifts from any of those places, obv, but if you can afford it, why not treat your dc at xmas and get them something they have been dreaming of/really want/really need??

I dont like the commmercialism of xmas either...for my family its about being together (my dh always takes at least a weeks leave) getting together with other family members we dont see often, playing games and going to church.

Just because not everyone does those things does not make them or the way they celebrate xmas wrong

I could afford to spend more on my dd at Christmas but choose not to, that has nothing to do with one upmanship. I choose to buy my dd things at other times of the year, I just don't want christmas to be about gifts . I also think it would not be beneficial to my daughter to get lots of stuff at once.

As a mother who has no choice but to work the one thing my daughter needs is my time. Therefore Christmas is about me spending time with my family.

With regards to spending time and buying lots of presents ... the two are not mutually exclusive twinkly.

I know they are not mutually exclusive and I expected someone to say that. However we have all year to buy each other stuff, it does not require time . We only have two times a year when we are together for a relatively long period of time with now irk interruptions ,Christmas and summer holiday. Christmas is the one time when our whole family gets together and that is what matters and that is where the effort goes .

We also have a higher income that other people indy family and therefore I do not wish to spend the precious time we have together as a family flaunting our money or making others feel uncomfortable .

My dd has a very materialistic experience of Christmas with her father's family and therefore we balance it out.

It is not about being mean or competitive poverty , we buy each other gifts all year and therefore feel no need to do it at Christmas.

I'll be honest we spend far too much at Christmas...but I can assure you that the presents are not the central aspect to our festivities. There's so much more that the DC adore.

The making of the pudding and cake.
Writing and sending christmas cards to all our relatives.
Buying and decorating the trees.
'Helping' Dad string ights around the entrance to the house.
Christmas Eve movie and hot pork sandwiches eaten in the new PJs brought by Grandma...

I think that is lovely and those are exactly the kinds of things my daughter loves about Christmas.

I just know my daughter and I know myself in particular . If we bought lavish presents Christmas would be about that and that is where our effort would go. I can remember the first year that I did not get a present from dp, I am ashamed to say that I sulked. A grown woman feeling hard done by because she did not get something I could have bought for myself anyway.

Although I don't do Christmas cards, I could pretend that was for ethical reasons but in reality I am just a bit crap at it.

Then twink you are a wise woman and should do what you know is best

Our children get one present from Father Christmas, one from us and a stocking. Last year, they bought each other a gift too (matching night lights ).

I'm thinking about £100 for my eldest from FC/us and probably less than that for the little one. On top, they get new night things and a new outfit. I'd never be able to compete in the 'who gets the less' competitions and I'll never compare with the over the top nature of a huge pile of presents.

Lots of our present gifts as useful ones - new toothbrushes, pairs of knickers or socks, hair grips, tights. But also fun little present toys from Letterbox online. A big hit last year was a little 'ship in a bottle' kit.

Eldest DD has a choice between asking for a (reconditioned) ipod, a kindle or an Amercian Doll. All three are £100 roughly each. She's only going to get the one!

I am happy with what we give. DH and I aren't too fussed about presents for each other - although he did ask me yesterday if I fancied anything.

I, also, had an extremely deprived childhood and can understand the overwhelming desire to spoil your own children. It's natural. But I remind myself that my DDs already have so much more than I did. They are not going to bed cold or hungry for a start!...

I can think of many words to describe me , wise would not be a first choice.

I too grew up with very little and wanted to buy lots for my dd.
In my opinion buying a lot can be something of a burden for the recipient and i have cut back over the years primarily for this reason.

Having too much to open cuts down on the time you have to do other things - my dd would actually rather spend time playing with relatives than endlessly unwrapping stuff. Owning too much "stuff" is a burden for the owner, even if the owner is a child. It all needs to have somewhere to be kept, it needs to be kept tidy and looked after, and got rid of when outgrown. Also children can feel that they are expected to be permanently grateful for the sacrifices made for them in buying all this stuff.

This consideration is what holds me back - I know that deep down I want to buy a lot mainly to make up to myself that I had little as a child, and that I am really dumping my emotional baggage onto my child by buying her too much.

Making christmas really special for kids is about other stuff, not all about the presents. Having "stuff" is not what makes you feel loved. And it's not really the lack of stuff from my childhood that I miss, it's the lack of love. If I had felt loved then the lack of decent presents wouldn't have mattered.

To show that sometimes I change my mind a little bit I have ordered dd some extra presents.

twinkly

I am sure your dd will be thrilled with whatever you have got her.

fattyacid I know what you mean...we never had much, but we did have a house full of laughter...playing monopoly/trivial pursuit til after midnight/singing carols/going to midnight mass etc. I dont really remember what gifts I did get, but I remember all that

We should be in our new house by beginning of December so am havnig a boxing day get together/house warming with a "Glee" theme (yes, I am that sad, actually!) and I am betting thats what my dc will remember about xmas!

Hi,

We went mad in the early years whenever ds showed an interest in something, we'd buy it. It overwhelmed him tbh. He wanted to play with the one toy, and we were still unwrapping on Boxing day.

Now he can ask for 2 big things, 5 things in total. He has asked for all Lego, ikeep a notepad and we write it down. He changes his mind a lot so that's why I keep the list for him, and then he chooses.

We have no family,so although a lot of people on here don't seen personally to give gifts, it seems that family do contribute a lot. The only gifts my son gets are ours,and from my db so I don't feel like I spoil him.

This year he has helped me clear a lot of his baby toys. We have boxed them, and he is going to sell them at the kids toy fair this Saturday (it's just for kids, no adult toy stalls!) He will put some of the profits towards an item he wants to buy, and has been saving for, and he will give some to a charity the school raises funds for ( putting clowns and entertainers in kids hospitals).

When we were kids we were given a cash budget, and used to scan the Argos catalogue and make a list, totalling on a calculator! [Now I know how I ended up as a retail planner.]

I agree about scaling down now. They really only want a few main pressies, and these tend to be the ones they mention more than ten times in November, or when they aren't watching cartoon network with their mouths wide open....

Becaroo a Glee theme indeed - I like your style!