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Christmas

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Please help me see that Christmas isn't all about presents...

67 replies

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 28/10/2011 09:26

I grew up with very little...4 kids and it was the 70s, most people where I grew up had few toys and clothes...th area was very depressed and as a result I have gone overboard at Christmas when buying fo the DDs. They are 7 and 3 and DH hates that I end up buying tonnes of gifts.....he rightly thinks that around 7or 8 well chosen and good quality presents is plenty along with a stocking....but in my mind, I see that less than 25 things to open is a failure.

Its some kind of chip on my shoulder from growing up poor I think....DH and I aren't well off but we're doing well at the moment and I keep wanting to buy EVERYTHING they like on TV.

How many presents is ok? How many is "right"?

I want to get DD1 a DS and DD2 some kind of toddler computer thing....they like numerous stuff on the ads....board games etc.

HOw much is too much?

OP posts:
twinklytroll · 28/10/2011 11:48

Sorry we serve the same thing for breakfast every year .

ShowOfHands · 28/10/2011 12:02

We're skint at all times. It's a comforting constant in a changing world. My parents were similarly afflicted. I remember Christmas as a wonderful, magical, brilliant, inspiring, comforting time. And we got very few presents indeed. We buy dd one present from us (an alarm clock this year) and some stocking fillers. We will have a 4 month old this year too. I'm gift-wrapping my boobs.

DD adores Christmas in the same way I do. The sheer magic of story-telling, singing, baking, crafting, going on long icy walks, whispering about magic late at night, dressing up, laughing, sharing etc is what it's all about. Christmas isn't about a jolly red man (though we do tell that story as well as stories of St Nick and Baboushka and pagans and yule), it's about the world slowing down into a frosty, happy haze for a few days of the year. The whole family comes together and the same traditions are entered into with the same joy each year.

DD parcels up things each year to give to local charities, we go on local soup runs, we volunteer, dh jumps in the North Sea on boxing day to raise money for the local hospice, we visit as many people as possible and use the time off and the open roads as an excuse to get out and spend time with people we love.

I understand why you want to buy lots of gifts, I have the urge too. But you do that and Christmas contracts down to that one thing, to the story of FC and being given things. And it creates this surge of excitement and almost disappointment once it's over. Boxing Day feels a bit like it's all over and that's wrong. Boxing Day is as brilliant as Christmas Eve. The day sandwiched inbetween is fabulous yes, but the anticipation beforehand and the appreciation and continued enjoyment afterwards mark it out as a slow burning and happy time, not a day of frenzied highs and sugar crashes and overtired tantrums.

I'm a bit evangelical about it now I think. Last year my Mum was recently diagnosed with cancer on Christmas day and it cast a gloomy spell in some ways. And dd when given her Christmas wish at the table (sixpence in the pud) asked for Grandma's leg to get better. And that summed it up for me. She was 3.7yrs old and she didn't want presents or more pudding, she wanted the people who make the day special for her to continue to be around for her. Thankfully, her wish came true and this year we'll sit round my Mum's table at 2pm and thank whichever deity or luck or fate or Father Christmas for the fact that my Mum's there and well and we get to spend it with her listening to her not getting basic cracker jokes and getting cross because I won't wear a paper hat and mourning the fact that the carrots are a bit overdone. Perfect.

Our Christmas will start now. We're starting the pudding this weekend and the cake next weekend. In a few weeks we'll go and collect holly, bake some orange slices and spray some fircones to make decorations. We'll colour paperchains and make snowflakes. I'm spending the evenings while dd's in bed illustrating a Christmas story about her and her favourite bear and a magical Christmas adventure. It all costs me nothing but they're the things we'll remember and the things dd asks to do time and again.

I like presents btw. DD adores them. But they're part of the day, not the be all and end all.

ShowOfHands · 28/10/2011 12:04

Oh the feeling of Christmas. I went out to fetch the washing in the other morning and it was a wee bit frosty. I saw a robin flutter up onto a branch and I could smell autumn drawing in. I honest to god shuddered with barely contained glee.

[nob]

PinotScreechio · 28/10/2011 12:06

Showy that made me cry. So glad your Mum is OK.

AngryFeet · 28/10/2011 12:11

My kids get 4 presents each. Usually one expensive one and 3 average priced ones. We don't bother with stockings. I also don't buy them stuff throughout the year apart from birthdays. I can't imagine how many toys some of you must have! It would drive me mad and since my two barely play with the stuff they have and prefer to play imagination games with each other it would be a waste of money. I find if you have too much stuff they go through opening it at the speed of light, focus on one or two things and the rest gets ignored and then maybe played with a couple of times a year or ends up in the charity shop.

Just my opinion of course.

If you get them the computer thing I bet most other stuff is ignored. 25 presents is way too much.

twinklytroll · 28/10/2011 12:13

Showofhands said it much better than me.

oksonowwhat · 28/10/2011 12:13

Lovely post showofhandsSmile

TheFidgetySheep · 28/10/2011 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelenMumsnet · 28/10/2011 12:24

Hello. We're just moving this thread to the Christmas topic

worldgonecrazy · 28/10/2011 12:34

showofhands your post made me cry because it was EVERYTHING about what Christmas is really about.

ShowOfHands · 28/10/2011 12:37

Helen, can you move the aibu topic to the bin

Stop crying the lot of you. It's nearly here...... GrinGrin

choccyp1g · 28/10/2011 13:21

I suffer from wanting to buy too many presents, (probably due to being oor as a child). I want there to be a big pile under the tree, despite having only the one son, so we have developed a tradition where Father Christmas delivers various christmas -necessities- goodies, all wrapped up nicely.

Both sorts of crackers, a packet of shortbread, jars of special pickles, wine etc.
It means there are more fun "presents" without filling the house with toys.

choccyp1g · 28/10/2011 13:22

Oh why the fuck can't I strike through in an amusing (huh) fashion.

CeliaFate · 28/10/2011 13:24

ShowofHands I'm blubbing here too dammit! Excellent post.

MindtheGappp · 28/10/2011 13:25

We have five kids, and they get very few 'treat' items for Christmas. They end up with 4 or 5 things each, but probably 3 of those are practical essentials.

I think when they are little, you are stocking up with basic toys. DS1 got loads when he was a toddler, because we were building up our Duplo (then Lego) stock, Brio, books etc. You don't have to do that for subsequent children.

We teach our children that Christmas is about giving rather than getting, and it is such a job to see them think of what to buy one another rather than making wish lists for themselves.

belledechocchipcookie · 28/10/2011 13:33

I know exactly where you're coming from OP. It was the same when I was a child. I do remember that the presents were mostly things that we needed anyway; socks, underpants, pencils etc. A few bags of sweets, a tube of smarties and a few things to play with. It looked like a lot but most of it was needed. I've been scaling the amount I give to ds down every year. He doesn't need 'stuff', he has loads from grandparents and aunties. It is hard though. Smile

Becaroooo · 28/10/2011 13:34

What a lovely thread Smile

My dc get far too much but I have given up trying the rein in the GPs, aunts, uncles and cousins now! They also get gifts from godparents and family friends too!!!

I am ashamed to say it took ds1 45 mins to just open his gifts last year Blush

Dont think I have gone mad this year...ds1 has had a big gift (ps3) and some little ones (dvd, book, toy car) Ds2 is only 3 and will be very happy with the playdoh, puzzles and books he has got.

I too grew up poor and a lot of my buying represents stuff that I wish I had been given as a child...its sad, really Sad

Its funnny but ds1's fave thing about xmas is the pancakes I make on xmas morning Smile This year I have done stockings and put new PJs and an xmas themed dvd in for them for xmas eve.....Am excited!!!!!

twinklespeciallyforlittlegirls · 28/10/2011 13:59

I always got lots of presents at Christmas as I am the youngest in my extended family by a country mile, but it was the things we did at Xmas that I remember, like being allowed to get in my nana's bed in the middle of the night cos I was too excited to stay asleep, putting out mince pies and beer for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph, listening for the bells, going for a walk before dinnertime, helping to make the gravy, playing a game and writing my thank yous before tea, then having a bath with new bubble bath and putting new pjs on and watching the telly with everyone, going to my aunty's house on Boxing Day, etc.
There was one year where my mum and dad were skint so they wrapped up loads of random stuff like tea bags and toilet roll so everyone still had a massive pile of presents - it was great!

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 28/10/2011 15:54

SOH

Sniff....that post should be printed and given out to ALL families! It's really inspired me...thank you!

that's a MN Christmas if I ever heard of one!

OP posts:
PinotScreechio · 28/10/2011 17:04
Moblem · 28/10/2011 20:46

A good compromise between lots of presents, and not buying too much crap is just to wrap things that they would be getting anyway Grin.

My DDs usually get about 20 items in their stockings. But this includes things like:

Vest
Pants
Tights
Dressing Gown / Slippers (usually alternate these - buy one every other year)
(nice) cereal
Drinking glass
An outfit
hairbands / clips etc
Flannel
Showergel
(electric this year) toothbrush
Lunch boxes
Anything they need for their bedrooms
That sort of thing.

Now who can say they don't buy these things for their children? You almost certainly will, so why not buy a year's supply and wrap it up? I do. It makes a huge Christmas sack, but actually a lot of it would be bought anyway. Win win all round Grin.

In addition to the above, I also usually add several cheaper items for about a pound or so:
Chewing gum
Chocolate selection pack
Arts and crafts replenishables etc

Then the DDs will get books and they usually request 3 presents that will be toys. I also usually throw in a couple of cheap DVDs / books etc. And that's done.

Lots of presents, hardly anything bought for the sake of it (which I loathe doing!)

Becaroooo · 29/10/2011 09:59

Thats a good idea moblem

I have got my 2 dc PJs in their stocking this year - needed!

I dont think I have gone too made this year tbh....ds1 has 1 big pressie and some little ones like books and dvds and ds2 has lots of little ones like books, dvds, playdoh etc.

Dh just getting stocking fillers really...bottle of port, choc etc

Am making gifts this year too...jam, marmalade, mince pies, xmas fudge etc which I will ropre the dc into helping me with!

bytheMoonlight · 29/10/2011 11:22

I agree about stocking up with basic toys. I buying some duplo, some books, some playdoh cutters, a board game, a couple of puzzles. So it will look as if she has lots.
On the other hand dd2 (who will be just turned 1 at Christmas) is not going to have a lot as we are really struggling of things to get her. She will get her first corelle doll and a little pram/buggy, some musical instruments in her stocking, but thats about it as we have everything saved from dd1.

One thing I have always done is make sure that what I am buying is quality and will last through subsequent children, which means limiting the plastic tat! We son't have masses of toys we have a box of duplo, a box dolls clothes, a box of playdough cutters, a box of puzzles and games, and then a box with musical instruements etc, and a craft/paper box in - but when you write it down it sounds a lot!!

RefereezaWanka · 29/10/2011 12:06

We have two DCs, 7 and 3.

We buy them one main present each (this year they are each getting a play tent which cost £35 - quite expensive in my opinion) and three or four other 'tree' presents (board game, DS game, books etc) + stocking fillers. They get presents form my parents and a few aunties, too. That is ABSOLUTELY enough, as far as I'm concerned. I think 25 presents each is ridiculous. What is the value of those things? Surely your children cant possibly appreciate or even find time to play with that many gifts.

Obviously you are overcompensating for your own childhood, but you have to sop this madness or you will end up with extremely spoilt older children who are expecting all the computers, gadgets, phones and designer clothes they want from you every birthday and Christmas.

RefereezaWanka · 29/10/2011 12:08

And I have to say, I see such spoilt young adults around who just expect the best of everything and all that they want without having to work with it...and I can see why. I;m not being mean to you in particular, OP, but I just find this culture of buy, buy, buy so, so depressing. Especially at Christmas! It's supposed to be about family, getting together, celebrating (Jesus I suppose - or at the very leasy Christian values) not filling your kids rooms with tat.