Woefully imbalanced presents for my DDs - does it matter

[DeckTheHallWithBowlsOfPomBears]

DD1 is getting a laptop - about £250 worth. This is more than we would normally spend and it was a bit of a spontaneous decision when DH was at the airport recently.
DD2 is getting an ipod speaker docking thing - more like about £50.

DH thinks we have to get her another big main present to make up for the massive discrepancy. They also both have brilliant stockings with loads of stuff in them, and a couple of other decent under the tree presents. DH thinks we need to go and get DD2 a DSi or something, but I think it's entirely pointless getting her something just for the sake of it. She already has an ipod touch (DH's old one) so she has something to play games on. She could probably do with some clothes but I would rather get these with her after Christmas. She's 8 btw. I'm hoping she won't be calculating enough to recognise the difference in valuation, IYSWIM.
Any views / ideas? Thanks.

At 8 she probably won't notice the discrpancy, but her older sister might so you might need to prime her not to tease.

I would take her out in the new year and get some nice clothes to compensate (but only if she needs them)

Why don't you make DD2 a special invitation to invite her to go on a special shopping day out with just you, to have lunch out and to buy hersef an outfit or two? You could even wrap it up with a cheap disposable camera so she can record her day out shopping.

I took my 8y on a clothes shopping trip earlier this year and she loved it!

Do you think it would help to explain the laptop is part present and part boring educational thing and that you expect it to be used responsibly for schoolwork?

My 8 yr old dd would notice without a doubt. I'm with your DH.

Aren't they old enough to have a sensible discussion about it? When we were about that age, Mum and Dad had a bit of a chat with us all and just said that some years we would get more and some less, depending on what we had asked for, what we needed etc etc.

I'm not sure that an 8 year old is doing the sums, if an iPod dock is what they want then surely that will be as great in their eyes as the laptop will be to your elder DD?

I think it is a dangerous precedent to set that you will always spend the same.

They are both getting a desirable piece of electronic wizardry. Seems fair enough to me. But my 8yo is blissfully unaware of how much things cost and much more likely to count the number of presents than their value!

I'm with your DH too, they should be treated the same regardless of age difference when they are old enough to realise things.

My sis hated everything as a hand me down and missing out on new things or being treated the same - something I hopefully made up for once working and could treat her myself.

Thanks for the input so far... not really a clear consensus. I like your idea Hulababy, we might do something like that. They are so competitive, whatever we do someone will take it badly.

i must confess i would notice the difference at that age and would have been very upset sorry!

I don't think I would have noticed the difference in price at that age, but it's pretty borderline - I would have a couple of years later and after that point I think it's important to spend the same.

Is there something she has asked for and isn't getting that would fit the bill? If she's getting all the big things she asked for then she will probably be ok.

If she is upset on the day you could always say that it's too expensive to buy them both a laptop the same year and she will get one when she's a bit older.

My 9 year old would definitely notice the difference - as would my 6 year old. I'm with your DH

What about a portable DVD player? I hd a similar prob and needed to get my DD 6) a techno-ish gift...they have nice pink ones in ToysRUs and they are 50 pounds down from 60. That and a couple of DVDs maybe?

I don't think new clothes in the future make up the difference. An 8 year old would get those anyway!

or get dd1 something more modest and give the lap top school related?

If you stick with the lap top, I wouldn´t get dd2 another expensive gift just because. If they are fiercely competitive
I think pandering to it is only going to make it worse.

I agree with Allibell. Some years is more, some less.

This year ds1 get new bike. $$$. (about 250)
Ds2 get (identical) new bike $$$
Ds3 get punch bag & boxing gloves (about 30)
dd get mostly hand me downs and a tea set (about 30)

But I just spent $$$ on ds3 & dd bedroom furniture. Not as exciting as a lap top, granted.

Get the laptop for joint present

if either child is likely to notice, then you should even it up in some way (dd1 noticing is as bad as dd2 noticing, imo)

did dd2 ask for an ipod dock as her main-ish present? or is that just somehting you think she will like?

why only get a cheap ipod dock? you could have gone for a more expensive one - more in line with what a laptop cost (but obviously only worth it if dd2 really wants the dock!)

I totally agree that there is no point in just getting her something for the sake of it, but there must be somehting she wants/needs that hasn't already been covered?

Give the laptop as a joint present and spend £50 on DD1.

If the laptop was spontaneous then it sort of suggests it wasn't something she really really wanted - so say it is for them both.

Cheaper than having to spend £200 to even it up for DD2.

No it can't be joint. They have recently stopped sharing a room and I feel they really need their own space and their own stuff. Their identities had merged a bit ifswim.

The iPod dock is cheap because it's a fun one, It's a novelty pig one. And we chose it before we thought about the laptop. DD2 hasn't really asked for anything big, I came up with the idea because I think shell like it.

what about some tickets to a show?

I do htink you should do somehting to even up this situation (and I am not a "spend equally right down to the last penny" kind of person) because you (and dh) have decided both girl's main present - the laptop was an impulse buy, and the dock is because you think dd2 will like it.

the imbalance in what oyu are presenting here is huge, however it has come about.

I have to say, I don't add up totals and purposely do not, because some family friends of ours were brought up this way, and it led to the children being very concerned that everything was always 'equal' and getting very concerned about any perceived unfairness. This has carried on into adulthood, and I have to say I find it a very ugly trait.

In our family, we were brought up to have the same number of presents, but that everything works out in the wash. Some years more were spent on one sibling, and some years more on the other. So long as you got what you wanted, what your sibling got was irrelevant. Hence, this year, DD1's main present is £50 and DDs main present was £120. I've spent far more on DD2 than on DD1, and I'm not going to redress the balance because I don't want to teach my children to start adding up the differences and calculating the cost of their presents. All they need to be concerned about is whether they get what they want. And they have, and they will be happy.

but the difference here, if I have read it correctly, is that neither dd is getting what they have asked for.

both main presents have been chosen for them (nothing wrong with that!) - and this is where the poblem lies, imo.

it would be easy for either girl to get the wrong impression form this - dd1 to think that she is "worth" more, dd2 that she is worth less.

if the presents were what the girls really, really wanted, and had asked for, then it might be different.

but they aren't, so saying "if you get what you really want that shouldbe enough" doesn't fit in this case

I agree with the poster who said that the laptop, as well as being a nice present, should be for school work, and that you should keep your eyes open over the next few years for a good deal to get DD2 her own laptop when she gets to DD1's age.

I remember getting a CD player for Christmas one year - it was in a big box and I saved it until last because it looked the most impressive (I must have been early teens) and I had no idea what it was as I hadn't asked for it. I was actually disappointed, because I already had a tape player and hadn't desparately wanted a CD player, and then immediately felt guilty because I knew it was a big present and had probably cost a lot. So expensive presents can backfire (however in the next few years I came to love that CD player and use it constantly, so I did get the use out of it)

My sister didn't get as big a present that year and neither of us noticed or minded. She got a CD player of her own a few years later (And I remember being annoyed since hers was the later model and had more features than mine )