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Christmas

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Original poster

This is a shit present isn't it? what can I add to make it better?

63 replies

noosahl · 21/12/2010 15:39

For my mate.
He's a builder, always moaning about having cold hands. He loves jammy dodgers and films. Doesn't drink...

I've got him a big selection box of biscuits (including jammy dodgers), an amazon voucher and some of those gel handwarmer things.

But it just seems a bit crap.

He's a good mate but his girlfriend hates me (because he used to fancy me) so I don't see as much of him as I used to and lots of the things I would have bought him in the past seem a bit too personal and may add to her dislike of me which is the last thing I want!

OP posts:
Hulababy · 21/12/2010 18:23

Sounds fine to me. He is your friend. I don't do gifts for friends personally, but if you do, then it sounds life a gift froma friend to me.

It doesn't sound like a gift for a dh/dp to me - a voucher is def too impersonal for a partner surely?

belgo · 21/12/2010 18:23

You sounds quite protective of your relationship with him.

jollyoldstnickschick · 21/12/2010 18:24

FGS its Christmas she is his friend ....I think we have a lot of over active minds on mn these days....handwarmers,biscuits and amazon voucher doesnt make for a romantic gift imo.

Original poster
noosahl · 21/12/2010 18:25

Belgo I am overthinking it, because I know his girlfriend is jealous and don't want to make trouble for him. She has no reason to be, he did fancy me yes but that was over 3 years ago and we have never been more than friends.

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Original poster
noosahl · 21/12/2010 18:26

I am protective of all my relationships. I value my friends.

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norfolkBRONZEturkey · 21/12/2010 18:27

I think its more than enough and yes address the voucher to them both

julesrose · 21/12/2010 18:33

What presents has he got for you in previous years? Bit nosey but may help with your dilemma!

chrimblycompo · 21/12/2010 18:37

What will he get you?
If you really don't want to tread on her toes get him a bottle of wine and tin of celebrations

minipie · 21/12/2010 18:40

I think it is unusual - and might be seen the wrong way by his girlfriend - to get a friend more than one gift. As Balloon says, getting several little things is quite "boyfriendy".

So give him the handwarmers (they are a thoughtful and personal present as it's for his cold hands) and give the other two to the family.

And stop worrying so much about whether it's a good enough present - it's that which makes you seem "girlfriendy"...

Original poster
noosahl · 21/12/2010 18:46

I'm not going to get him wine-he doesn't drink! How are biscuits more personal than celebrations? Confused

Don't know what he is getting me this year. Last year he got me Baileys and a book I wanted (and a promise to babysit so I could go out-had just split up with exH), the year before a couple of dvds and some chocolate, a couple of years I got perfume sets, got a top once...have had a whole range of things over the years!

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skydance · 21/12/2010 19:03

It's not just any old impersonal box of bisuits though is it? I get the impression you've made up a personal selection of biscuits that he likes.

The hand gel warmers again personal jokey husband sort of present.

You say the girlfriend gets jealous, I'm not surprised, it's all a bit much for just a friend.

If you really wanted to not cause trouble, then an impersonal box of biscuits or celebrations etc would have been the way to go, although you clearly don't want to go that way, which is exactly what would make me a bit Hmm if I were the girlfriend.

Original poster
noosahl · 21/12/2010 19:04

It's a box of family circle!

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Original poster
noosahl · 21/12/2010 19:06

And it would feel weird to just give him the biscuits because it's such a step down from our normal presents iyswim

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OldAndUngraceful · 21/12/2010 19:12

Noosahl, I'm sorry but you sound sooo defensive, and with all those little bits and pieces is almost like the message you want to send his girlfriend is 'I was here first'. If you know she's the jealous type, why don't you just get a big box of something that the whole family can enjoy and leave it at that?

skydance · 21/12/2010 19:13

It's a box of family circle!

Oh that's much better then, sorry, I was imagining some personally selected special box of 'his' biscuits.

Ok then I think that the biscuits and voucher with all their names on, that sounds impersonal enough to me, and then perhaps the hand warmers just for him as a joke, as long as you think that wouldn't upset new girlfriend too much if she's feeling insecure.

OldAndUngraceful · 21/12/2010 19:15

and what does your own boyfriend think of all these presents for your mate anyway?

pagwatch · 21/12/2010 19:16

I think op is sounding defensive because people won't believe this is just a mate.

She doesn't sound ' but I secretly love him' defensive. She sounds beating her head off her laptop defensive.

Op, c'mon. Do you love him or is your forehead bleeding?

pagwatch · 21/12/2010 19:17

Lol at sky dance imagining willy shaped biscuits with love heart shaped ones and boob shaped hob nobs

msrisotto · 21/12/2010 19:18

Ok, I think everyone on here who are saying it's inapporpriate are frankly weird. The present is fine, no need to disappear - only an unreasonable person would ask you to disappear when you have only ever been friends with this guy.

BelligerentYhoULE · 21/12/2010 19:19

I agree, Pagwatch. The op is being moaned at for thinking about a friend! Dp had to stand for ages and ages in the shop, whilst I chose presents for my male friends. I'd be horrified if their girlfriends thought I was being 'too personal' in my choosing.

create · 21/12/2010 19:21

As others said, If you really don't want to upset his girlfriend you should get them a joint present, maybe even biscuits and voucher. Doesn't matter if there really is nothing for her to worry about, that (or probably any) present will make he worry.

TitianTinselTemptress · 21/12/2010 19:22

What Pag said

Original poster
noosahl · 21/12/2010 19:26

My forehead is bleeding pag!

Ok so the biscuits AND voucher to them all and the handwarmers to him.

Oldandungraceful I don't have a boyfriend currently, but exh was always fine with it, as was my friend's ex girlfriend.

I think the current girlfriend is only jealous because they have only been together 9 months and when she came into his life we were sending a lot of time together because we were both single and bored-so when they first got together she was getting pissed off that he was seeing me 3 times a week or so. That's when I told him we should see less of each other and he should see me together with her to put her mind at rest. Her ex cheated on her several times so she has admitted she is paranoid in that respect and it is nothing personal against me.

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LarkinSky · 21/12/2010 19:28

Ditto Pagwatch. Sounds a perfect present, and in my experience, platonic cross-gender relationships are often harder to keep than same gender ones; it's nice that you have such a great and considerate friendship that you value.

I think it's thoughtful and pitched at a perfect level. Address biccies and vouchers to entire family, and put a jokey message in the (communal) christmas card about the weather and cold hands. Needless to say, don't write 'love from noosahl' or add kisses though. Maybe through a babysitting offer for 2011 in there too - that's truly a joint gift for him and his girlfriend

LarkinSky · 21/12/2010 19:29

throw, not through. Sorry.