DD, nearly 2, driving me NUTS refusing to eat.

[Pofacedagain]

She has always been picky. But she's always had a few things she'd eat - a bit of cheese, a few bites of bread pasta, the odd sausage roll, chicken risotto - and chocolate. As much choc as she can get her hands on. Recently she's started totally rejecting risotto, sausage rolls, cheese. She likes to chew food then spit it into my hand. It is absolutely infuriating. I try her with all my food - rejected or spat out. The other day she had a little of my bacon and egg. But it is as if she eats a little every few days rather than every day. She is small. She drinks a bit of milk and breastfeeds at night. But what can I do now she is reducing her diet and food choices further? I give her a vitamin/iron supplement. I am really tearing my hair out at her total lack of interest in food.

But chocolate - she just wants it all the time. Aaaargh.

Also, remember her stomach is tiny so try not to worry too much about the amount she eats. A few mouthfuls at each meal plus milk may be enough for her. If she seems active, healthy and happy then she is probably getting enough!

Seriously, treat it like a challenge. Don't engage when eating, don't worry about it, she won't starve. Treat every sneaky food-seeking toddler behaviour as a different level. Be more stubborn. Smile at life when she refuses food, take it away and stick it in the bin. Down from highchair, nothing else.

It'll take weeks, but it will work eventually.

What did she have after her meal in the restaurant?

My dd is on the small side and not a big eater, so i know how wrong it can feel when they appear to eat nothing. I now try to concentrate on the food that does get eaten rather than what is left behind on the plate/floor(!). I think they can be pretty good at regulating themselves and knowing when they're hungry.

I would definitely take the chocolate out of the equation for now though.

And remove her from the table the minute she spits something out. Explain to her that it's no longer acceptable then zero tolerance. She is quite old enough to understand.

Make sure first that she isn't putting too much in her mouth at once, though. My ds used to do this sometimes - he would suddenly discover that he had too much in his mouth to swallow and had to rush to the bin or outside to spit it out!

Is it a texture thing? My friend's DD2 often chew things and then spit them out. She just can't seem to stomach big pieces of meat etc and she's older than my DS1 (I think she's 2.4). Maybe give her stuff that is smoother and see how you get on with that.

The spitting thing is annoying but you have to keep reinforcing that it is unacceptable to spit your food out. DS1 still does it now and then but he knows now that he will get punished for it.

I don't agree with the other posters that you cannot have chocolate in the house at all. I love chocolate so there's always chocolate in our house but it is put away in a high cupboard and DS1 never sees me going to get it. And he is still allowed a chocolate treat now and then but you have to be very consistent. One piece and that is it. I don't want to 'disallow' things completely, because I don't want them to crave them even more because they are not allowed at home.

sorry internet when down last night. Thanks for all the advice.
Navy - ds ate all his food in the restaurant and had ice cream for pudding - and as dd hadn't had any food all day she had some vanilla icecream too. She really seemed to enjoy the flavour of the food that night, but has a problem with swallowing food that is chunky - not that she would ever eat any food I liquidized either.

I a terrified she'll starve, as crazy as that sounds. It has been a struggle to get food into her from day 1 of weaning.

I try to cut the pieces up small angel. She used to eat v small pieces of chicken in the risotto but is rejecting that at present.

I have been there - you NEED to get tough.

She is eating chocolate and ice cream because theyre sweet and yummy. Why would she not? You have to cut this choice completely out for her - completely - she will not starve.

Does she swallow anything that is not creamy / soft? If not Id be tempted to have a look at her throat just to check there's nothing wrong there. Im sure there isnt though - she is just being 2.

Stop giving rewards of ice cream / chocolate for when ds eats his dinner - also what is it teaching him in terms of he has ot eat his dinner to get ice cream but your dd doesnt? Thats not fair quite aside from the comfort food side of it.

Get tough and do it today.

You need to nip this in the bud pronto. You may have lots of screaming to put up with but it will be worth it in the long run.
Best thing to do, is to (if you can) go somewhere neutral like a B&B or even go camping, then she is away from the home enviroment, don't give her ANY chocolate at any time for at least a week and she will soon come round.
Don't worry about her not eating, no child will starve themselves.
She is on a sugar high and behaving like an addict. You are the adults and the ones in control.

Ok. But I think it would have been incredibly mean not to let ds have ice cream at the restaurant. I didn't say to him it was because he'd eaten his supper. But of course she saw it and wanted it too. We don't have ice cream at home.

But yes I am going to try to cut out sugar. Feel silly I've fallen into this classic trap. But she has been so difficult with food from the beginning - refused all the carefully Annabel Karmel home cooked food I used to give her [ds wolfed it all] from 6 months on, consistently. And meals always seemed to be a battle from the beginning. At 6 months I tried not to worry. At 12 months I tried not to worry. At 18 months she started eating a few things. And now at 2 we have this problem that has crept up on us.

You just need to stop sweet things for everyone imo until you get this sorted. then you can reintroduce them but PLEASE do not give dessert / choc as a treat or a reward.

Ds now views chocolate on a par with something like melon - something different from 'normal' and yummy - thats what you want to aim for.

It might be a long road but youll get there.

yes that would be great. Ds won't touch melon. But sees strawberries as a great treat. dd won't touch strawberries of course.

Pofacedagain - Don't be too disheartened, the other posters are trying to help. But it's difficult if you have a toddler to cater for too. I seriously doubt it's anything you do, some kids can be just a pain in the arse difficult about food. Took ages to wean DS1 as he wasn't interested but now he loves food and will eat most things but veges. Now doing the same with 5.5-month-old DS2 but again, he doesn't seem that keen. However, I gave him some finger food (toast with mashed banana) and he loved gumming it. DS1 did not do that till he was 8/9 months old, which just goes to show how different siblings can be. I now have to rethink my whole weaning strategy...

Sounds like texture can be a problem. I know you said she won't eat any liquidised food but have you tried that with her lately? They really do change quickly and might eat something they won't eat just weeks before. Or try those Ella's kitchen pouches. DS1 would used to eat those even if he ate nothing else. Or the innocent smoothies. Or fromag frais. That will get plenty of vitamins down her! When DS1 is teething and won't eat anything solid, I can be sure of getting him to eat a pot of fromage frais, Ella's pouch or Innocent smoothie. Another favourite is Cheestrings. I know, terrible mother I am! Just take it slowly...

My friend's DD1, at age almost 4, loves baby food and will still eat it if offered (she asks for my DS2's purees if I feed him at their place!) though she has a normal diet. Her sister (DS1's age) has a slight issue with texture (don't like chunky meat or big mouthfuls) but getting better. My DS1 will wolve down big chunks of meat but will spit food out if he finds the teeniest weeniest bit of broccoli in it, go figure!

Won't touch the pouches Ella. She likes innocent smoothies now and then. Reminds me to buy some more, thanks! Won't touch fromage frais.

I know everyone is trying to help. I am grateful for advice.

And remember 9this is very hard to do but you must) two really important things.

One - if she's healthy and happy and energetic and peeing andpooing then she's getting all the nourishment she needs from somewhere (generally they eat more than we think they do - tiny children need surprisingly little food).

And two - no healthy child ever starved themselves. She is programmed to survive.

My DS1 (4.6) is over-sensitive in his mouth (this is a confirmed dx btw) and subsequently is fussy with food. I'm not suggesting your DD is but some of things that helped us may be worth a tryp. It has improved a lot as he's got older but things that were helpful along the way include:

Large chunks of things that he can nibble at (he eats a bit like a squirrel does!) rather than small bits where the whole bit ends up in the mouth. He would nibble his way through a whole apple but baulks at cut up bits of apple as an e.g.

Occupational Therapist recommended mouth toys like little mouth organs to help desensitize his mouth.

Picnics with a range of foods but not massive amounts so he could help himself to what he wanted to try.

He was more likely to try wet food if he could dip something in it like a breadstick.

A friend suggested minidex (I think) which helps boost appetite after a period of not eating (though you should probably speak to a Health Professional to make sure it is appropriate for your DD as you're already giving a supplement).

Are you happy there is no physical problem with her chewing etc? I thought DS1 was just incredibly fussy and felt suitably guilty when it was discovered he was massively over-sensitive in his mouth. There are SALT's who deal with feeding (though my DS1's dx came from the Occupational Therapist as part of a sensory assessment he had).

Haven't read whole thread but my dd (19 months ish) can be a fussy eater but she went to stay with granny for a few days and ate like a trooper for Granny! Granny is very very relaxed, gets everything ready before dd is put in high chair and she devotes herself to dd for the whole meal introducing things one at a time and sometimes reads to her while feeding her, sometimes she lets her play with a toy etc.
I'm not as devoted but I think the
calm
the pre organised food
and the adaptability
all make a difference.
Also snacks have got to be controlled if you want them to work up to a proper hunger.
First thing is - relax, give yourself a break, it will sort itself out.
Sometimes, ime, the biggest problem is that we get stressed about it! And I say that with total empathy.
deep breath, all shall be well!

Anything given every day for whatever reason isn't a treat, it has become a part of your daily intake. Stop the chocolate for both children, nobody needs chocolate and rewarding behaviour with food so regularly is setting a child up for a lifetime of comfort eating and potential problems.

Her stubbornness is I think an integral part of being 2 - that's what they do best! She's asserting her will on the world and food and food related activities are one massive area in which even very young children quickly learn that they can have it all their way, as we are so worried that they might waste away!

Ignore her when she is screeching (easier said than done I know). Have no chocolate at all in the house then it's easier not to crack under the pressure of her tantrumming. Offer her meals, DO NOT let her spit it out in your hand - if necessary let her spit it on the floor and if you have a supportive friend let them be the one to tell her off sternly for spitting. Sometimes being reprimanded by someone that's not mum is very powerful.

Offer her meals, ignore her whilst she eats/doesn't eat then clear it away. No fuss, no cajoling, no bribing, no alternatives. She'll very quickly realise that there are no alternatives and start eating. Trust me, I had all this with DD1 who is now 11 and eats pretty much anything once I copped on to the fact that I was being played like a banjo!

I think there are 2 issues going on here:
one - she has developed spitting food out into a game. She thinks it is fun to taste food and then spit it out and is probably enjooying your reaction. I would just say 'no spitting', NOT let her spit into your hand, ignore her, and if she spits on the floor just calmly remove her from the table, no eye contact, ignore her completely for 3 or 4 monutes no fuss.
Re food. I would say no ned to remove choc and ice cream totally and completely, but definitely stop using it as a reward or incentive in any way. So, you go to a cafe or out f a meal, they have a nice first course. DON'T alude to any udding in any way. The first course is there to be enjoyed or not. Don't always have pudding at home. Maybe serve dinner without it for several days, just serve main courses that you know DS really enjoys. Maybe fruit afterwards. Or cheese. If they ask just say 'that's not what we're having today, we're having this'. Then casually the occasional sweet course, yogurt, ice cream or whatever. But not as a special surprise or reward, just as another form of food. Same with choc. Sometimes you happen to have some, no big deal, sometimes you don't. Personally I think that if you withold choc altogther it developes 'holy grail' status -ditto if it is an incentive or a reward or something to be looked forward toor treated as an 'exciting treat'. Just treat it like another food to be included in moderation occasionally and be straightforward about it..

Another thought - Have you had her tonsils checked? My friend's DD1 really struggled to eat for a long time and when she started having episodes of sleep apnoea, they took her to the doctor's. Eventually she had her tonsils (and something else with it, the glands?) removed and ate much, much better afterwards...

Plan your meal, prepare it. Normal food that she should be eating for her age (do not revert to purees- I'm an slt and that is not the way to go)

Sit down as a family as much as possible.

Give dcs their food, ignore dd's attempts to spit into your hand. Talk about anything and everything other than food and what she is eating. Keep chat going with everyone else and include her if appropriate.

If she spits onto the floor, ignore it and leave it until the end of the meal when you will wipe it up without comment.

Take meal away when everyone else has finished (unless she is actually eating it!) and serve whatever you planned to have after.

Repeat at next mealtime.

i.e. try to have a normal family meal that is not totally focussed on her behaviour, what she is or is not eating!

It sounds as though she is used to being centre of attention and having you react to everything she does, so she continues with the screaming, spitting and not eating because it gets your attention.

If you don't want her to have chocolate for breakfast, say 'no' once and then do not change your mind or continue the conversation i.e. do not keep repeating no or explaining (I find this just continues a tantrum)

Be strong and stick to your guns. You are the adult, she is the child

I don't think it's necessary to drop the chocolate/puddings for ever, or make them "forbidden" - just go cold turkey for a few weeks til the habit is broken and she is eating better.

Thanks for very useful tips and advice.

I was very firm today refusing chocolate [spurred on by all you lot] - and she did scream for about ten mins then stopped.She ate some feta cheese! Yay! But still managed to scoff half of dh's tiramisu later And a few strands of spaghetti and sauce. Ah well. Shall persevere.

Well done! Hold firm, my DS1 has just started tantruming for the littlest things (he wanted his jelly in the living room instead of the kitchen). His two friends were sitting at the dining table eating the jelly nicely. I left his jelly and spoon at the table. He shouted and screamed for his jelly for 10 minutes, I repeated told him it's on the table when he's ready. After 10 minutes of nothing happening, he finally stopped and slunk off to the table to eat his jelly.

Don't worry, she will be okay. Have you seen this website? It might make you feel better...

Tot it up