Pinning ears back: can you tell me your experince of it?

[FrogPrincess]

DD is 9 and a half years old. She is a gorgeous girl (of course), but she has finally noticed that her ears stick out (particularly her right ear).
They're a lovely 'normal' shape but they're not flat against her head, that's all. Some girls at school have told her that she has big ears and she now feels extremely self-conscious about it (won't wear her hair up, will only do hairstyles that keep her ears covered).
I have spoken to her about it and told her we all find things about our body that we don't like, that she is a beautiful girl regardless, etc etc etc. She understands all this but she still feels terrible about her ears.
Now I know she could have an operation to pin her ears back, but I am reluctant to make her go through this, for various reasons: I don't want to send out the message that you can fix any little physical 'dislike' through surgery, and that only a perfect body is worth loving. I am also worried about the operation and side effects and stuff going wrong afterwards.
However I do not want her to feel miserable about something that can be fixed.
I would love to hear your stories about this, be they about you or your children. I want to make the right decision for her.

I just lurk normally rather than posting, but this is finally one where I think I've got someone useful to share!

I desperately wanted my ears pinned back from the age of 5 but my mother insisted that she didn't want to be responsible for putting my health at risk for something that wasn't essential and that it would be my choice when I was 16.

In trying to cover up my ears I avoided all sorts of school/social activities as I got older - swimming, going on school trips where I couldn't blow dry my hair to cover my ears etc etc. Really affected how I felt about myself. When I finally got my ears done at 18 I felt like a new person!

HOWEVER. It hurts. A lot. I had it done under local anaesthetic as I thought it would be less risky but forgot that this meant I would hear everything and feel lots of horrible pressure. And for the first week afterwards the pain was horrendous. Remember sitting up in bed with tears streaming down my face even when I didn't think I was crying! So pain management would be top of my list when discussing with doctors if you take this any further.

Realise here that I've given almost two opposing views: that it's a great thing to have done BUT that the process needs to be managed carefully.

In an ideal world I guess - like my husband who has HUGE ears - it would have been best if I had been able as a child to develop enough self-confidence to not care about the way I looked so much. That wasn't my experience though.

One final thing. Do a web search for ear scaffolding. I saw something in a paper recently about a doc who has developed a new way of ear reshaping. A little brace is put behind the ear I think and the cartilidge assumes the new shape. Might be possible to get signed up for this?

Thank you EchoBeach (love the song!!) for this. It is such a tricky one: in an ideal world I'd like dd not to care about this and be confident regardless, but I'm not sure it's possible. She's very much into drama and acting and singing and I don't want her to think she can't do a part because she needs a particular hairstyle which will uncover her ears. It's crazy.

I will look ear scaffolding up, thanks.

I have the same issue with DD1. She is 11 and so far I don't think she has noticed her ears - although they are practically 90 degrees to her head, but I overheard one of her 'friends' making a comment about them recently. Luckily, DD didn't notice but I think it is only a matter of time. DH and I have always taken the view that if she wants them done, we will let her, but it has to come from her, not us. TBH I think she has been very lucky so far not to come in for teasing about it, but now she has started secondary school that is likely to change. That is a really useful insight Echobeach, I shall go check out ear scaffolding.

I also had terribly sticking out ears as a child. My parents DID allow me to have the surgery, actually my mother pushed for it and I wasn't even consulted. She told me on the way to the GP's surgery that we were going to talk to him about it and I was to say I wanted it!

I am sooo grateful she did. I've actualyl come out with one ear slightly bigger than the other, but it isn't noticeable, I jsut know it is there. I have scarring behind the ears but it isn't visible. The biggest problem I've ever had is glasses arms rubbing on it sometimes.

I had mine done aged about 10, under GA. And I really do not remember any pain whatsoever. The thing I hated was not being able to wash my hair afterwards and losing my earrings because the holes healed up during the time my ears were bandaged up! I remember it bleeding badly once, and blood running down my face, but it still wasn't really painful. I thinkt he most painful bit was actually having the stitches out, but they probably use disolveable ones now.

I think ear scaffolding only works in very young children. I'd really consider the surgery. My daughter luckily hasn''t inherited my ears, but I wouldn't have hestitated to get the surgery for her had she needed it. My ds1 does have them, and I've recently grown his hair longer to cover it a bit. It's a bit of a family joke and he doesn't seem bothered by it. I'm hoping for a boy it will be easier, but if he does want them fixed I will try to get it for him.

I can understand what you are saying about maybe sending out the wrong messages, but ears are such a visible thing, I think it is not being vain to want them corrected. I would have hated to have gone through teenage years with 'dumbo' ears - which was the medical term!

It looks like ear scaffolding WILL be suitable for all ages Chops, see here - the downside is it won't be generally available for a couple of years yet.

yes, I went for a google, it does look quite promising. I was thinking of something different. There are kits you can buy over the net.

thanks Chops, another very interesting story and pov. I wonder if anyone will come along with the opposite view point or very negatice experience. At the moment I fell i should ring the GP now!!

oops about typing...

I had one sticky-out ear as a child (due to sleeping with it tucked under when I was a baby) and had it pinned back at 11. Don't regret it for a moment! The op (under GA) was straightforward, the only icky bit was having to have a bandage on my head for 2 weeks afterwards, and you could have fried chips in my hair when it finally came off! It did give me a lot more confidence and I've never been inclined to have anything else 'fixed' (have tiny boobs but would never ever consider a boob job) so I wouldn't say it sent out the wrong message to me - it just meant I looked a lot less lopsided and could finally wear my hair up and talk to people without thinking that my ear was the first thing they noticed about me - I became so much less self-conscious. HTH

My Ds had pinnaplasty(sp?) when he was nearly 6 . it was not a long op and he recoevered quite quikly.
he only had 1 stitch in each ear , they do both even if only 1 side sticks out, so they were very quick to take out.
the only problemwe had was when he came back from theatre and he was confused /woosy . He was aggressive with the staff and couldn't hear well because of dressings , so took a bit of calming down.
Docs did say if done in winter as his were, you had to be careful and keep wound sites warm as they hurt more if they get cold.
On the mouldthing y option , I was told that had to be donevery young to get good results . HTH

This all helps so much, thank you!!!! I am glad this is looking like a positive option for us now.

And EchoBeach, stop lurking and keep posting, you're good!!!

Keep your stories coming everyone, I knew MN would help hugely....

I'm another one who's had this op.

I became conscious of my ears at about your daughters age Frog Princess. We saw the GP who referred me for the op but I got "lost" on the waiting list so didn't actually chase it up and have it done until I was 18 (after my A'levels).

I had it done under GA -I don't remember any specific post-op pain but what I do remember is how much it hurt to lie on for ages and the excruciating pain if they were knocked for a while afterwards.

Wearing bandages around your head for 2 weeks was also a negative (especially as an image conscious 18 yr old with a boyfriend! I think I virtually went into hibernation to avoid anyone) but it was worth it.

My main reason for getting it done was to give me some freedom with hairstyles as I'd always tried to hide my ears with my hair.

So, yes, overall I'm am glad I had it done but would advise having it done before you're 18

Thanks NorbertDentressangle (I love your name, v funny, although I wonder why you chose it?). It sounds like an amazing experience for all who have had it done on this thread.

I think if the young frog goes for it we would try and get it done during Easter or summer hols (maybe use dh's company's private health insurance, for once....) to help with bandage, pain, etc....

Getting it done in the hols would be good if your DD is likely to be self-conscious about it. Do you think she will opt to have it done?

PS-my name came about after a fantastic thread about naming your daughter after the name of the next Eddie Stobart lorry you saw. It digressed into all sorts of haulage-based chat and silliness. I can assure you though I'm not a hairy handed trucker or a lorry-spotter I've just always loved the name when I've seen it emblazoned on trucks! (especially when you say it in a French accent)

PMSL, another good thread I missed during my many months of MN abstinence....

I know dd is interested in the op, I think dh and I will need to have a good chat about it and then see if she wants to do it. I'll also talk to my brother who's a GP in France.

Ah it's all coming back to me now! The bandages! I'd just met the guy I was going to end up marrying when I got the call to say I could have the op. Almost didn't go because I couldn't face coming back to uni with bandages on. But did and to his eternal credit he came up to me in bar in front of all his friends and chatted away all night, despite the bandages and stray locks of smelly unwashed hair...

You know, on balance now, I agree with Chops. I WISH mine had been done in childhood during the school hols. And pain management would have been better handled with a child of course. I felt so old before my time getting up each and every morning to blow dry my hair into a horrible pudding bowl style just to cover my ears.

And my experience same as Hellsbells - it was the only thing I was ever hung up about. Don't mind my tiny boobs, didn't mind having ugly great fixed braces for a few years, etc etc. So don't think it's the slippery slope to being vain about everything.

That's very reassuring EchoBeach, I feel so much happier about looking into this seriously now. I won't push her into anything, just gather info, and see how things go with her. thanks all

I had it done at 21 - had to sneak off to London on my own - and wish it had been done at 7.
good luck, don't wait for her to be teased. it isn't like other kinds of plastic surgery.

im one whos not had it done.i was always very consiese of my ears but as i grew up i realised its not my problem its other peoples.im an individual,im happy

Hi - my DS1 (9) had this done 4 weeks ago. I asked him when he was 8 what he wanted to do and he chose to have it done. He even had it done under a local anaesthetic, was in hospital for 5 hours only.

He only had one ear done and they are a perfect match now.

He had a bandage round his head for a week, followed by a sports band day and night for two weeks and now he's wearing it just at night for another two weeks. He was back at school after about 10 days and still has stitches in now but they're not bothering him.

wasn't too bad at all really and he;s very happy

Had it done at 13 after being on a waiting list for years. A very painful procedure/ recovery as I recall. I think it gets worse and less effective the older you get.

It worked at first, but by 2 years later, my ears had sprung out again, as nature intended! But by that stage I didn't really care, so I actually wish that I hadn't bothered. I was also by that time a glasses-wearer, so there's always something to focus on, if someone really wants to take the pee.

The teasing was worse at junior school, which had prompted the initial consultation.

I had mine done at 10 as mine were very obvious and had them done under GA at private hospital. NHS waiting list was 3 years and my parents wanted them done before I started secondary school as the teasing had already started. I have very fine hair and it was impossible for me to cover them up, and I do firmly believe self esteem issues I have now stem from feeling awkward due to ears as a child.

I remember disliking the whole anaesthetic thing but I do not remember any post op pain - just some discomfort and itching from bulky bandage. Was absolutely the best thing I could have done and have not regretted it for even a second. My ears are not totally flat they stick out a little at the top still in a slightly elf like manner - I like to think of myself a la Cate Blanchett

surprisenumber3 that's lovely to hear,I am pleased for your ds. Was he OK with just local anaesthetic or did he find it weird/unpleasant?

Dd mentions her ears every time I do her hair in the morning. Today she said, 'once I've had my ears done I'll wear my hair up in a ponytail all the time'

Thank you also wingandprayer, I love the idea of slightly elf like ears!!!

MrsSprat, it's true that if people want to pick on you, they'll find something... It's nice to hear that some people just get used to it as they grow older. I wonder though how often the operation fails after a while, as in your case?

Frog - he did find it strange and he cried a little bit in theatre but when the surgeon asked if it was hurting him he said 'no, I'm just scared'.

But apparently he was asking them questions throughout and wasn't too worried.

He has said if he had to have the other one done (which he isn't as the match is brilliant), then he would have had a GA.

He didn't even want pain relief the next day! Just moaned it felt like knives in his ears when I showered his hair. But that's the only time he ever complained.

Going for his stitches out on Monday and he is a little worried.

He is so happy with the result though. They are not 'stuck to his head' so to speak, they just look natural. On his school photo he was SO pleased at how they looked

thanks, he sounds like a very brave boy!!!