13 year old wants circumcised

[allthatremainsislove]

Will preface this by saying I have 0 religious background / beliefs around this topic and neither does my son.

DS13 has asked me to help him be circumcised. Took me by surprise, but he was very open to my questions. He says his foreskin is “annoying” and gets in the way when he urinates. I’ve made an appointment with the GP and explained (to his disappointment) that it’s not for the surgery but to see if there is a medical need for it and that we can have a chat after that. I wondered if he’s under peer /comparison pressure so asked if it’s a cosmetic issue but he looked bemused when I asked him if he’s heard from friends that they have it done / maybe thinks it sounds “better” and said no, us boys don’t sit around talking about that kind of thing. I wondered if he’s watched porn and got an idea but again he said absolutely not, he’s not interested in what it looks like it’s just uncomfortable.
He asked me if the GP says no, if there are any more options (I guess privately isn’t impossible) but I’ve not told him this yet. Looking for any experience on here for anyone that has had this. He is generally terrified of drs/ needles so it must be seriously bothering him to even contemplate it, as I briefly talked him through what it entails.

When he was a baby in NICU for months I do recall a Consultant saying something about his foreskin but cannot remember what, and it paled into insignificance compared to everything else going on at the time and was never followed up. It’s been about 4 years now since I’ve seen him properly naked in eg bath so can’t objectively say if there’s any issue (though I imagine it’s not obvious just by a glance).

Single mum here and no father figure in his life so I’m doing my best to handle this on my own and desperate for any insights.

My son had it done at aged 8 for medical problems. i cant remember him having problems with recovery.

Your son sounds like a clever, brave boy to speak so openly to his mum at his age. Hes told you weeing is giving him discomfort and he thinks its his foreskin. Going to the GP is the right thing.

Tbh i wouldnt have asked him about porn or comparison to his friends, at least not until after GPs.

But if my DS said weeing was uncomfortable, id make sure the Dr helped find a solution whatever that may be. He might not need a full circumcision, but he does need this resolved

That’s so very kind and means a lot to me just now. Thank you 💛

Thank you, I have requested a male GP and offered to go in with him and advocate / or stay quiet depending on what he wants.

Does sound like there's a medical need.

Did you discuss erections with him? A relative had balanitis and phimosis as a child and it supposedly successfully treated with "exercises" (gentle retraction of the foreskin whilst bathing) when younger and circumcision was avoided, however when he was older and started to get erections, they were painful and he needed a circumsision at that point.

Awww that’s kind, he is a clever sausage (though doesn’t do any school work
as far as I can tell!) that’s a battle for another time!

I only asked about porn/ peer influence because he’s recently started high school, has a girlfriend who is a year older and because I’m “ancient” and don’t understand the lay of the land with teenagers now other than to know everything happens so much younger than when I was young, my initial thought was that his girlfriend or new friends might have mentioned something about it perhaps through porn or heresay and that had put an idea in his head that it was “better” to be circumcised. He’s quite impressionable I’d say. However, he said definitely not that, it’s annoying when he pees and he wants circumcised. I guess the only way to find out is for a GP to examine him and see what, if anything, might be wrong.

Good point, no I didn’t specifically mention erections. Didn’t think of this.

Yeah id defo advocate for something. My friendship group has been mixed and we've known eachother since my teens and within the group 1 was circumcised as an adult due to tightness and another had a "trim" opposed to full circumcision as an adult.

If its uncomfortable, then he does need something medically to fix that. But youve got the appointment, hes happily open with you so id just take it from there ans support him. I hope he feels better soon

I think those circumcised as adults might argue with you that it's not a "big" operation. My husband had to have a circumcision several months, ago for medical reasons and he found the op (under local anaesthetic) to be fairly unpleasant as he could feel intense heat from the cauterisation and smell the burning flesh. The recovery was then fairly lengthy, painful and unpleasant and the DH struggled with even soft clothing touching his penis for weeks. This is absolutely not something anyone, especially a child should be undergoing without a clear medical need.

I imagine now he has started masturbating he has realised it doesn’t retract properly and is uncomfortable. It’s probably why he won’t elaborate on the issue. It’s best to get it sorted out. A relative had to have it done when his foreskin split during his first sexual encounter with a woman, by all accounts it was quite distressing for both of them and an emergency circumcision is, like most emergency operations over elected ones, rather harder to recover from.

My son was circumcised at 13. He had a couple of episodes of balanitis and phimosis. His foreskin was extremely long which didn’t help.

Anyway, lovely (female) GP, referred us to lovely (female) urologist. Both were extremely supportive and helpful. He had the surgery privately under GA. Very straightforward and stress-free.

At 13, I would tell him if he still feels like that in a year, then ye will discuss it further. They charge so much at this age. It's probably something he saw online or heard from a friend

My ex husband had this op as an adult and the recovery time was extensive - it was so painful for him.
It is a big deal.
If the foreskin is affecting your son, as much as it seems to be, then I would definitely want to understand what's going on in terms of physical or aesthetic issues. Then if it's decided by you both it's needed, then potentially look to get it done sooner rather than later I think.
Really hard for you to deal with as a single mum. Great your boy is talking to you about it though xx

This is really bad advice imo. The younger the better as healing time will usually be faster and the older they are the more embarrassed they can become and potentially the problem can get worse. He needs a GP appt and the GP will decide what needs to happen.

some men have a very tight foreskin which does impede urination and the skin does not go back properly so sex can be difficult. i do not know if it runs in families but my partner his twin and father all had it done the father later in life

Also just popped on top say that you sound like a wonderful, thoughtful mum who is diligently considering all possibilities and looking to safeguard your son while keeping lines of communication open. 10/10 no notes, as the kids would say!

One thought - I wonder if there's an opportunity for you to have a quiet, quick telephone call with the doctor in advance of the appointment just to air your concerns and say that you don't know whether it's a genuine medical need or a teenage boy insecurity issue (possibly less likely but possible) and would they please bear that in mind during the appointment? It may be that they examine him and it's blindingly obvious it's medical, in which case great, but if not I wouldn't want a doctor to blithely say it's optional and he can do what he wants if it might be driven by social issues. He's too young to really comprehend all the risks fully (possible loss of sensation etc.) as weighed against just a peer pressure motivation in my opinion, but not every doctor will share that view.

It's so tricky - well done you!