13 year old wants circumcised

[allthatremainsislove]

Will preface this by saying I have 0 religious background / beliefs around this topic and neither does my son.

DS13 has asked me to help him be circumcised. Took me by surprise, but he was very open to my questions. He says his foreskin is “annoying” and gets in the way when he urinates. I’ve made an appointment with the GP and explained (to his disappointment) that it’s not for the surgery but to see if there is a medical need for it and that we can have a chat after that. I wondered if he’s under peer /comparison pressure so asked if it’s a cosmetic issue but he looked bemused when I asked him if he’s heard from friends that they have it done / maybe thinks it sounds “better” and said no, us boys don’t sit around talking about that kind of thing. I wondered if he’s watched porn and got an idea but again he said absolutely not, he’s not interested in what it looks like it’s just uncomfortable.
He asked me if the GP says no, if there are any more options (I guess privately isn’t impossible) but I’ve not told him this yet. Looking for any experience on here for anyone that has had this. He is generally terrified of drs/ needles so it must be seriously bothering him to even contemplate it, as I briefly talked him through what it entails.

When he was a baby in NICU for months I do recall a Consultant saying something about his foreskin but cannot remember what, and it paled into insignificance compared to everything else going on at the time and was never followed up. It’s been about 4 years now since I’ve seen him properly naked in eg bath so can’t objectively say if there’s any issue (though I imagine it’s not obvious just by a glance).

Single mum here and no father figure in his life so I’m doing my best to handle this on my own and desperate for any insights.

Thanks so much. His sister has had several long and complex surgeries so I’m pretty familiar with GA’s and tough recoveries (though mainly starting off in HDU which this feel much less than) but obviously I don’t want him to undergo surgery unless he nees
too. The part that feels a bit grey to me is where is wishes get taken into account given his age. If he was 4 I know I’d have complete say over it, but I know he will be asked his opinion (and I agree he should) but if it’s not medically necessary and more because he wants it to happen, I get a bit lost.

My 17 year old son has just been circumcised, he’s had Phemosis but didn’t tell me until a couple of weeks ago so I had no idea. We took him to a local Jewish doctor that will circumcise adults, it’s cost 1K and was done that week (this was my sons preference, he has a girlfriend now and has apparently never been able to retract his foreskin).
it was done in the doctors office with a local anaesthetic and he was fine. He says he could feel pulling but no pain, apparently almost fell asleep whilst it was done. He took paracetamol afterwards that evening but says he didn’t need to.
he struggled to walk for 1 full week due to the sensation of his clothes touching the very sensitive area and then took a further 2 weeks of gradually reducing the time that he kept gauze over it to reduce the sensation until he was confident to walk normally.
no issues at all for him, but the doctor did say that he expected my son to only find the recovery uncomfortable due to his age, if he was a younger teenager then he would find it more painful. I’m not sure why this is though

He was also cut all around and had dissolvable stitches. No infection, was given a private prescription for antibiotic cover if he needed it but thankfully didn’t

my son had it done for medical reasons....only thing now is that he has to sit down to pee which he doesnt mind

Reading this whilst breastfeeding my baby boy. All I can say is that I wish my boy feels this comfortable speaking to me about this kind of thing when he's your son's age. What a great relationship you two must have!

That’s too kind 🥹actually gave me shivers 🥹in many many ways my DS is still the tiny tiny baby I held in my arms 13 years ago who wouldn’t stop breastfeeding 😂💛

Most teenage boys would rather die than talk to their mothers about their genitals so for him to bring this too you suggests to me it's causing him significant issues.

Take him to the GP appointment but let him talk to the GP alone too.

It won't be done on the NHS for frivilous reasons, so if the doctor agrees to it then it needs doing.

Hmmm, imagine the skin around your clit being removed. It might not be a 'big' operation but can be an incredibly painful recovery.

OP, see what the GP says and take it from there.

Yes I was really surprised too, he knows he can come to me about anything and I’ll meet it with understanding but I was still taken aback. He was also so calm and so clear that he wants it done and how “annoying” it is, so my guess is there is something that’s really bothering him (as he has an almost phobic level of resistance to anything medical). Hopefully I can help advocate for him and that he can explain or show the GP what he’s experiencing and if there is something wrong it will be good to know that now, and if there’s not and it’s more psychological that’s also important for me to know and work through with him.

I would suggest that there is an almost definite medical issue to be investigated and it sounds as though you are already but would really prioritise getting it looked at by a doctor. It may have been a very long lead up to him mentioning this and will be a massive relief to him that you’re taking it seriously.

FWIW my son had a tight for skin as a child, couldn’t pull it back properly, caused some discomfort etc, but as things grew and changed during puberty it sorted itself out.
There was a time I thought he might have to be circumcised but he’s fine now.
Telling you as it’s not inevitable that he will need circumcisision, the dr will know best but there might be a period of wait and see how he develops before surgery.

My son came to me at about 15 to tell me he was having issues. It was such a weight off his shoulders, he went from a sullen miserable teen back to the lovely boy he was. He did have to try creams for a few months first but when he went in for surgery the Dr said nothing would have fixed the tightness. It was uncomfortable for him for a few days but we were all able to joke about it. He can now pee standing up and anywhere, whereas that was impossible before. He is very happy with it all now.

I am so so glad he was able to tell you and that it got sorted 🥹💛lovely you could use humour to get him through the hard bits too. Amazing how his mood changed too, just shows how much it was weighing him down doesn’t it?

My DP was circumcised at around 20 due to medical need. It was a smooth process - he went to the GP, got referred for surgery, had the surgery relatively soon after as a day surgery. It was uncomfortable immediately afterwards but once it settled down it was fine. He wishes he’d had it done years before!

My ex had it done at the same age, his foreskin wasn't retracting fully & he wasn't able to pee properly or keep it clean.

the OP went ok, but he woke up the first night covered in blood (a lot) the stitches had burst and as a young 13yo he was frightened by it. It was a long time ago now so hopefully surgery has improved.

as an adult he said he just wished he'd been warned it might happen instead of waking up feeling like he was in a horror movie. The recovery very was painful, but didn't take too long. He was glad he'd had it done.

Oh he must have been terrified 😢thank you for the warning, if he does end up needing surgery I’ll definitely warn him of this so he’s not scared (well at least not totally unprepared).

Ds2 had circumcision in his early 20s for medical reasons.

It involved a general anaesthetic. He had dissolvable stitches so he didn’t need to go back to get them out.

He was off work for a week due to pain and discomfort initially and it was then hypersensitive for a while.

I think it was only when he started having relationships that it became an issue he wanted resolved. Either that or didn’t feel comfortable raising it with me earlier. I hope it was the former, as he did tell me about it once he’d been to the GP and put on the waiting list (which was ~18 months as not deemed urgent)

I suspect what happened with the stitches was a random erection contributing, which is very normal for a 13 year old going through puberty. And likely why a PP mentioned a doctor saying younger teens can have a more difficult recovery - due to random erections, older teenagers/adults tend to have a bit more control.

I wouldn't talk too much about the procedure in case it is medically necessary, given his fears you've mentioned. He can be consented by the specialist who should be able to explain it well, if needed

I think if he tells them it’s very sore they might operate. I bet there is a long wait though.

Sorry, haven't read the full thread, but just wanted to say my husband waited until he was in his 30s to be circumcised and he still talks about how he wished he'd done it sooner. His foreskin was too tight so sex was painful for him, not to mention the psychological damage and paranoia about his performance, etc. He went to the GP who examined him and he was referred that day. Yes, the recovery was uncomfortable, but definitely worth it. I also still giggle about his post-general-anaesthetic conversation with the cab driver. He gave to poor guy all the details 😅 All that to say, if your son is uncomfortable peeing because of his foreskin, it will affect other areas of his life in the future. If the GP agrees, it could be better to get it over with sooner rather than later. I hope he and you get the right outcome 💐

Both my sons had to be circumcised for medical reasons at the age of about 7. They had tried a stretching exercise before but this didn’t work for either of them.
Surgery was day case, GA . My eldest was sore and too scared to pee (a requirement for being discharged) so they sent him home in his gown and I had to call the ward the next morning to confirm that all was ok. Sore for a few days but he coped very well.

Younger son had some discomfort afterwards and chose to walk about naked from the waist down for a few days. I doubt your 13yo would want to do that!

It sounds like you have a great relationship with your son, that’s invaluable. When my youngest was about 12/13 he asked to be taken to the hospital one Sunday morning because he had ‘tummy ache’. This was a strange thing for him to ask but when I questioned him further it wasn’t his tummy that hurt but his testicle. I took him in to a&e and he had a testicular torsion for which they performed emergency surgery. If he hadn’t been insistent then he could have lost his testicle as it’s very time sensitive. So great to listen to your kids. ❤️

https://www.nhsinform.scot/tests-and-treatments/surgical-procedures/male-circumcision/

This is some examples for circumcision on the nhs. If it is just a tight foreskin, which it might be, a steroid cream can be used to help it to move easier.

I don’t know exactly what the issue is but my DP is getting circumcision soon for health reasons. But I don’t think he’d meet threshold on nHS and has gone private (our GP recommended this at outset if he could afford it). You’d hope if a teenager is in daily discomfort urinating and this would solve they would do on NHS, but you might have to advocate for him so have a good chat before GP about level of issue etc.my DP surgeon has reassured him and he’s not too concerned re the procedure itself v ongoing discomfort (and my DP issue doesn’t sound as bad as your sons

When you book the GP appointment ask for a male Dr in case he feels more comfortable with that.

One of my ex BFs had an issue as a kid where his foreskins would not retract - it was tight somehow? His parents would not hear anything about it...So he had it trimmed off when he was in his 20s. He told me it was incredibly uncomfortable and annoying before he had it done. He also was very shy with partners because of it.

I would let your DC to speak to the GP and explain the issue - and support him whatever the outcome, and maybe even pursue a private route if the NHS wont cover it. Well done for having a good relaxed relationship with your son, I might be old fashioned but its lovely to know he feels comfortable discussing it with you.