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I think I’ve got to talk to the tween / teen about weight

81 replies

Robotindisguise · 19/08/2025 07:49

We’re on holiday which I know makes things worse, but I have very recently entirely lost control in terms of the kids’ diet. We’ve recently moved house and now they have much more access to the local corner shop. It’s right by the school bus stop and I keep finding haribo packs (the big ones) in DD2’s school bag. She tells me she’s sharing them with friends, but admits they are her idea, so I suspect she’s buying them and eating 80% of them.

Part of our holiday was spent with friends who really don’t limit food choices (eg stocking up the kitchen with cans of coke, Fanta etc) and while we all shared food, my two went nuts and drank cans every time our backs were turned - 4-6 per day by the looks of it.

I’ve tried hard to be sensible and non-hysterical about food choices. They know we never have sugary drinks at home but they also know that is because I view it as a simpler way to limit sugar intake rather than anything else. There tends to be the 1-2 packs of biscuits bought per week at home but again, recently they have been inhaled the day they’ve been bought which was never the case in the past.

DH is concerned but also banned from addressing this directly as his efforts in the past have been the sort of language which would take a girl right into the arms of an eating disorder (“you will get fat” etc).

DH is also not especially helpful at times. Ice cream is his total weakness so one minute he is lecturing them on the evils of sugar (he does tend to lecture a bit) and then next he is announcing that it’s time for an ice cream.

While I feel I have approached this OK in the past, and have worked to build a positive body image for the girls, suddenly this is no longer working. They were always a healthy BMI but I would guess they are both edging out of that now. Can anyone give me some advice as to what to say to them? Just making healthy choices at home won’t be enough. It’s what they are choosing when my back is turned which is the problem. I can see more sport would also be an answer but I can’t afford another club. DD1 is 16 and DD2 nearly 13.

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Araminta1003 · 19/08/2025 11:34

Smoothies instead of cans of drinks. Find ways of making drinks that are healthy. Like fresh ice team with peppermint etc and ice. Get kids involved in food preparation as much as possible. There are loads of fun recipes online.
Walking and cycling to get places is always the way to go with girls. Not all like structured sports, it is the invisible daily steps that make all the difference.

cestlavielife · 19/08/2025 11:39

Tie in ice cream with drive to local rural car park and circular 3k to 5k walk. So ice cream is always after a walk or swim not just random or from the sofa. You can create Sunday morning routines .

Thunderdcc · 19/08/2025 13:15

Our two dc are (obviously) raised the same, we have all sorts of unhealthy food in the cupboard and we haven't ever limited it.

DD1 will naturally just turn down dessert if she's full, DD2 would exist solely on sugar given half the chance. So to a certain extent you can do everything right (or wrong) and I'm not convinced it will actually make a difference!

My approach at the moment is very much no you don't need multiple desserts (I think it is fine to say 3 puddings will make you fat!) and also going on about sugar crashes, and protein being more filling. It's not really working tbh 😅

GreenAndWhiteStripes · 19/08/2025 14:24

It's impossible to win on this one. I grew up in a house with no treats or snacks at all, and as adults my brother and I are both overweight / obese because we never learnt to self regulate. But my friend says that there were snacks freely available when she was a child and she also struggles with her weight now! Who knows what the right answer is?

As a parent, I allow my kids to help themselves to snacks (i.e. I've done the opposite of my own experience) and they're all v skinny (aged 15 to 19). But tbh I'm pretty sure that's mainly genetic as they all look like my slim DH.

Original poster
Robotindisguise · 19/08/2025 21:24

Driftingawaynow · 19/08/2025 10:08

if I’ve understood correctly they are buying shit because

  1. it’s a social activity to bond with peers?
  2. they are bored?
  3. They have gone mad with their newfound freedom?
  4. probably if they have started eating sugar every day they will be craving it
  5. they have the spare cash and and not prioritising buying other things

is that right? If so those issues all need addressing in different ways

eg 1&2 could be setting up a pool table and ability to play tunes in your garage (just an example obv, you may not have these facilities but a teen space of some sort could be a winner?)
3 could be giving them more autonomy / control with something else more interesting (decorating their rooms/ planning a family road trip /whatever)
4 interrupt the sugar cycle just by keeping them busy for a few days, and I think it’s so important to have “treat” foods that are healthy. A cheese plate, really beautifully prepared fruit salads, homemade popcorn, nice olives…often it’s about presentation. I thing a sugar day is also a good shout, like you could say you’re concerned about teeth but if they knock the shit in the head you’ll have an elaborate pudding once a week
5 if you can match their savings £ for £, talk to them about what they would want to save for

Lots to think about here. The way you put 1 really got me thinking about the difficulty of making new friends after moving house and maybe getting people sweets on the way home from school was part of social bonding. Now those friendship groups are secure, I’ll have a chat about teeth / money etc and suggest DD2 takes the new school year as an opportunity to get out of that habit

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Robotindisguise · 19/08/2025 21:28

Lottie6712 · 19/08/2025 11:29

When I was a teenager, I piled on weight - and wish my parents had the time/thought/energy/resources to approach this as thoughtfully as you. Personally, I'd ignore the "it'll sort itself out, advice". I really wish I'd had some help in my teens (from anyone!) as I hated the weight I was and my awful relationship with food, but it took me till my late twenties to figure it out myself. Some things that helped (some of which you're already doing):

  • Finding exercise that was enjoyable and making moving a regular thing. Would they be motivated by something like a Fitbit and everyone in the family join in with increasing movement?
  • Never having healthy food restricted, e.g., instead, being encouraged to have multiple portions of dinner, being offered a healthy snack, etc etc. My parents were so concerned about my weight that food was talked about ALL THE TIME negatively and it was all about trying to have as little as possible, instead of trying to fuel up on the good stuff (also learning about food and how the food stuff helps helped me)
  • Being helped to look as nice as possible at the weight I was. I thought it was impossible to look nice unless you were a size 8 etc. My self esteem was awful and food made me feel better, etc etc
  • Teeth being talked about in the context of sugar.
  • Never being told "you'll get fat" etc etc as if it was a bad thing.
  • Being taught about marketing of food and how it's designed to be addictive. I imagine they have phones - I just downloaded the Yuka app and have been blown away by the info on some foods! We talk about how some edible stuff isn't food, it's just fun stuff to eat - like crisps. I.e. they don't actually fill you up so they're not actually worth eating as a snack if you're hungry, but they are fun to eat. Better to eat a real snack and have a glass of water first and then have some crisps if you still really fancy the.
  • Enjoying sweet things guilt free as a family! My family were (and still are to some extent) so weird about enjoying sweet stuff. I try and be so careful with my daughters just to fully tuck into some chocolate/cake/ice cream etc and only talk about how delicious it is. I find homemade stuff leads me / them to naturally stop a bit earlier but I definitely will eat a bit of chocolate etc just to normalise it all

Try not to panic and definitely make a plan with your DH so you're on the same page. Small, positive changes and definitely don't go extremely and give them hang ups about their weight.

Thank you for sharing that Lottie

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