Overweight child

[BettyBoobles]

I need some help to get my little girl to a healthy weight without messing up her body image or relationship with food. Basically my beautiful DD7 is overweight. She's currently in age 9 clothes and is noticeably chubby. She has told me recently that a (mean) girl in her class has called her fat whilst getting changed for PE and she was really upset about this.

The problem is that despite being active (walks 25 mins to school and back x 3 per week, does martial arts, dance and gymnastics on other days, sometimes swimming as a family and out at the park at the weekend weather permitting!) she eats far too much! Even when I think she can't possibly be hungry. I think she just loves eating! She she has always been a 'good eater' and will try anything. There's not much she dislikes at all.

She has something like weetabix or scrambled egg for breakfast at 8am although toast if we're in a rush. She has a drink of milk morning and night as she loves it. She drinks water the rest of the time. She has toast, milk and fruit at break time in school (am unsure whether to stop the toast and send in something healthier??). She then has a school dinner (with pudding) and then has a snack after school (either nuts, dried fruit, yoghurt, cheese and crackers, Soreen type things). She would eat and eat at this point if I let her. I make home cooked healthy meals 80% of the time and she has her evening meal at about 5.30pm; the usual roast dinners, lasagne, shepherds pie, pasta dishes, fish pie, curry and rice, omelettes etc all with salad or veg. She will polish it all off and then ask for more. Sometimes she finishes what her siblings have left or will ask for pudding. I usually offer her yoghurt or fruit. She has school dinners so two hot meals a day. At weekends we might get a takeaway or go to a restaurant but only once a week. She will eat anything basically but prefers savoury food over sweet. She loves cheese, crackers, nuts and things like Olives. I don't buy crisps as she would eat packet after packet although she has these at Grandma's house. She literally is never full and the amount of food she eats is obviously too much. My other children are both a healthy weight as am I. My husband is slightly overweight (as is most of his family) and they are of the 'short and stocky' build, as is my DD.

I have been using the excuse of her poor sleep to stop her asking for supper as she would have toast or cereal then as her toddler sibling does (he's a rubbish eater at dinner). I've told her no food after 6 as it disturbs her sleep. The thought that I am refusing requests for food when she might be genuinely hungry really upsets me and I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not.

I love her so much and just want her to be healthy. Please be honest. Two things I'm considering are sending her with a packed lunch (although such a pain!!) and replacing the morning toast at break time with just fruit or maybe fruit and cheese??

She is eating a lot of bread and dairy which are both not great for weight . I would give rice cakes with her school snack and buy skimmed milk. I would also cut down on
the cheese as this is not good for her to eat cheese all the time as a snack.

If she’s overweight cut out the snacks. The food diary has a lot of snacks in it.

Is most of her weight central?

It sounds as if portion sizes are an issue. Also she needs a lot more aerobic exercise.

That's a heck of a lot of bread, milk and cheese, especially as she has hot dinners! Can she start taking a healthy packed lunch with plenty of veg and fruit? I'm also staggered that you send toast in as a snack! Mine take an apple or banana, at most. It sounds like she's fairly active, but her diet absolutely needs an overhaul. Cut out seconds and all the bread, introduce more fruit and veg and look at portion sizes.

she's chubby all over really! Tummy, chest, bottom and thighs. I can't really stop the mid morning snack as all of her classmates have one at the same time. After school she is ravenous! Early dinner maybe?

I don't send in toast. The school provide it unless you opt out of it.

You could try starting with fruit and vegetables at all meals - it’s a good habit for everyone. So in the morning she fills up on fresh fruit and nuts and yoghurt and then eggs and skip cereals / toast. No toast for snack (does she need a snack at break or is it just a habit?) school lunch you can’t control so don’t worry about that now. When she gets home - carrot and cucumber sticks, cherry tomatoes, sugar snap peas etc. and then protein but again not bread or crackers.

at dinner the same - everyone gets their plate filled with veg. And the protein and carbs make a much smaller part of the meal. Move away from carb heavy food like lasagne and more towards stir fry which priorities veg and protein.

you eat very early but if she can manage without a late evening snack then that’s better.

Great advice. Thank you.

You sound a lovely mum.
I was a plump child, loved my food but was active. I developed early and have never been bulky since.
Gentle changes, veggie sticks for snacks, cheese and apple (thin cheese) and do not focus on weight. Just good food.
Good food makes us feel good!
Good luck, you have got this

Why is your DD having 2 breakfasts? If she’s having toast and or eggs in the morning she doesn’t need toast milk and fruit mid morning. Isn’t she out playing at break time? If she’s having a school dinner with pudding as well as a full dinner at night that’s a lot of food.

I say this kindly, but the amount of exercise she’s doing isn’t burning off the calories she’s eating. Could you swap the morning toast etc at school for a piece of fruit? You say she loves cheese and savoury things, how much of this is she eating? I’d be stopping the eating leftovers too.

I totally sympathise op. I have 3 dc and one has a very different attitude to food than the others . He is obsessed with it. Always asking for more.
always asking what time dinner is and what we are having. He says he is never full. He is over weight. My other two are slim … their attitude to food seems more like “normal children” i.e fussy…. Often don’t finish their meals. Always needing encouragement to eat. Genetics are definitely at play here. Some children are really programmed differently. I am actually quite honest with my overweight child and say that he obviously has an issue and that we need to face it. I have said to him he is going to have to learn that being hungry is okay and he is going to have to learn to tell himself he has had enough etc. it makes me so sad for him though. He is so driven to eat.

She needs about 1500 kcal per day. She doesn’t need any snacks, she doesn’t need 2 cooked meals both with 2 courses a day. She needs much much smaller portions.

Is she definitely hungry? Or is it a habit to eat all that? I know sometimes my dd says she is hungry when really she is bored. I would look at upping her protein and making sure she drinks plenty of water.

Thank you. I also love food but I know when I'm full. It's like she doesn't recognise the signs!

Why are the school making toast etc for all children as a mid morning snack? Sorry, I’m trying to undersand as schools I worked in never had this except for children who we knew weren’t fed at home and it was for a specific group of children. Is break spent with the full school having this mid morning snack?

You say she's a good eater, which is great.

Could you begin making her carbs healthier? Wholemeal toast (& less often) porridge, wholemeal pasta/rice, sweet potato etc? Might help with feeling fuller for longer too.

Instead of the cheese (I'm assuming here it's cheddar?) Low fat cream cheese with rice cakes instead?

I'd cut the dried fruit almost completely. They are so calorie dense. You wouldn't eat 8 apricots in one sitting, but dried easily could! That's a hell of a lot of sugar.

You sound like a great mum BTW!

I think she needs to up her activity levels. Dance and gym aren't always very active for small kids, she needs to do something that has more running around like football, rugby, hockey, running etc. Kids need a lot more activity than most people realise. An hour a day where she's getting out of breath and her heart rate up.

If she's hungry make sure she's had a drink first and up how much water she is drinking. If she needs mid morning and afternoon snacks they could just be fruit. Her list of afternoon snacks is what I'd give to a child who needs to gain weight. Just offer her a piece of fruit or some veg sticks. She really doesn't need all of this milk and cheese etc. Saying no is fine, and if you don't want to say no if she's hungry after a proper dinner etc then offering and apple or carrot sticks is fine. These are all things that can be introduced by focusing on health, not weight.

This is what I've been thinking. I think she reaches for food when she's bored or out of habit. She likes to snack whilst watching TV (like her dad!). I'm also thinking of containing all eating to the kitchen table. Am so conscious of not messing up her relationship with food though, I don't want to come accross as too restrictive or controlling!

Yes basically all children are offered toast and milk at break time unless parents opt out. l think im going to have to opt out and send some fruit instead. Am also considering a packed lunch.

Too much smacking I think and maybe not enough protein and fibre at meals.

Milk - it’s a lot of calories but not filling. It’s usually recommended kids have a couple of cups a day up till 8 but under the circs I’d ask the Gp if you can wean her off it now. (Do it over 6 months - I’d stop in the evening now).

Make sure she has protein and fibre at every meal, so not just toast or cereal for breakfast. Wholemeal not white starch, fibre-y veg. She shouldn’t need toast at break honestly - fruit and yogurt or a small portion of nuts.

Be aware of portions of cheese and nuts - they are very calorie dense. As are bread and crackers if she’s having a lot. olives too if an awful lot.

School meals aren’t usually very big - but they are often stodge that doesn’t really fill you up for long. Do you think they are letting her double up on puddings? The fact they give them toast at break might indicate they are more worried about getting food down kids that don’t eat enough than healthy eating.

It sounds like you do need to move to packed lunches. Maybe a wholemeal bread sandwich plus soup in winter is pretty easy.

I would ask the Gp to refer you to a dietician - these things are so much easier with support.

A takeaway once a week is pretty awful tbh. Maybe do it once a month?

Great advice, thank you. Am going to look into some aerobic activities. She's not keen on football or rugby unfortunately as that would be easy, I could just send her along with her brothers!

Oh - don’t let her snack in front of the TV - except as a Friday or Saturday night treat. It’s an awful habit, it makes most people overeat.

Food should be around the kitchen table almost all the time.

Takeaway or restaurant, the local pub for tea or a Sunday lunch! We don't have a takeaway every week!

Thank you, this makes me feel better!