Overweight child

[BettyBoobles]

I need some help to get my little girl to a healthy weight without messing up her body image or relationship with food. Basically my beautiful DD7 is overweight. She's currently in age 9 clothes and is noticeably chubby. She has told me recently that a (mean) girl in her class has called her fat whilst getting changed for PE and she was really upset about this.

The problem is that despite being active (walks 25 mins to school and back x 3 per week, does martial arts, dance and gymnastics on other days, sometimes swimming as a family and out at the park at the weekend weather permitting!) she eats far too much! Even when I think she can't possibly be hungry. I think she just loves eating! She she has always been a 'good eater' and will try anything. There's not much she dislikes at all.

She has something like weetabix or scrambled egg for breakfast at 8am although toast if we're in a rush. She has a drink of milk morning and night as she loves it. She drinks water the rest of the time. She has toast, milk and fruit at break time in school (am unsure whether to stop the toast and send in something healthier??). She then has a school dinner (with pudding) and then has a snack after school (either nuts, dried fruit, yoghurt, cheese and crackers, Soreen type things). She would eat and eat at this point if I let her. I make home cooked healthy meals 80% of the time and she has her evening meal at about 5.30pm; the usual roast dinners, lasagne, shepherds pie, pasta dishes, fish pie, curry and rice, omelettes etc all with salad or veg. She will polish it all off and then ask for more. Sometimes she finishes what her siblings have left or will ask for pudding. I usually offer her yoghurt or fruit. She has school dinners so two hot meals a day. At weekends we might get a takeaway or go to a restaurant but only once a week. She will eat anything basically but prefers savoury food over sweet. She loves cheese, crackers, nuts and things like Olives. I don't buy crisps as she would eat packet after packet although she has these at Grandma's house. She literally is never full and the amount of food she eats is obviously too much. My other children are both a healthy weight as am I. My husband is slightly overweight (as is most of his family) and they are of the 'short and stocky' build, as is my DD.

I have been using the excuse of her poor sleep to stop her asking for supper as she would have toast or cereal then as her toddler sibling does (he's a rubbish eater at dinner). I've told her no food after 6 as it disturbs her sleep. The thought that I am refusing requests for food when she might be genuinely hungry really upsets me and I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not.

I love her so much and just want her to be healthy. Please be honest. Two things I'm considering are sending her with a packed lunch (although such a pain!!) and replacing the morning toast at break time with just fruit or maybe fruit and cheese??

Some kids don’t seem to have an off button - that’s not your fault or hers, it’s just about helping her manage it. I would defo call on GP support. You do sound like a great mum, and she sounds delightful.

When my kids were that age, they were given a snack bowl of carrots, cucumber, tomatoes, peppers etc to munch on in front of the tv. You can just change the snack rather than take it away.
Judging by how she is at dinner, I do wonder if she is getting seconds of toast, finishing off her friends' toast etc. She could be getting hundreds of extra calories.

Thank you. She is delightful. She's hilarious and kind and beautiful. Shame she's a greedy so and so! 😂

Hello Op.
my son is 6 and literally eats and eats and eats and eats. And I am talking he eats a whole chicken clean, and is sugar obsessed. I recently had a letter from school saying he was overweight 🙄😩So...

I try and focus mostly on protein (so I don't mind so much when he eats chickens and lots and lots of eggs) and veggies, and try my hardest to moderate sugars and carbs (which is very very challenging!) I offer a apple and peanut butter for snack first after school (they always behave like they're never fed when they get home - I don't get it!) and they have supper quite early (1730/1800) otherwise every other word is.. "I'm hungry!" he is also very active, he does karate x3 a week, swimming, Beavers, musical theatre and a running club on a Thursday lunch time at school.
No advice. Just lots of solidarity here xxx

That's a great idea about the salad snacks. I hadn't thought about getting seconds at school! Oh my goodness she probably is!

Watching with interest! My six year old has an enormous appetite and would eat and eat if we let her. She’s always thinking about food, what is for breakfast etc, what’s for snack (her school request they bring in a morning snack), and finishes her meal in minutes while her brother slowly picks through his.

if your daughter is having a hot lunch at school I would do a simple thing for dinner - omelette, scrambled egg on toast, sometimes we do what the kids call ‘picnic tea’ like oatcakes and hummus, veg and fruit, spicy crackers, sandwiches. For breakfast would she like to try overnight oats? I do porridge oats, frozen fruit, plain yoghurt and a bit of milk and leave it in the fridge overnight.

I will try her with overnight oats. She is a fan of something we made up by accident and call 'pink suprise'... its natural youghurt with some granola and raspberries, if you mix it together it all goes bright pink. She loves that and has it for breakfast sometimes.

It’s so lovely to hear that some schools do this especially for children who may not have great home lives. I wasn’t being nasty or anything by asking, I haven’t come across a school that did this before.

I do think you need to opt out and provide a packed lunch. There’s nothing wrong with restricting eating to the table and get her dad on board too with that, if everyone is ‘singing off the same hymn sheet’ it makes things so much easier.

This going to sound very odd but during school holidays it used to cost us a fortune with snacks for our 3 children. We decided to have lunch boxes that we filled with veg sticks, mini cheese packs (or we cut cheese up onto little cubes), a few crisps, some fruit etc. Once the snacks were gone, they were gone - no snacking from the fridge after they’d eaten the contents of the box. Of course they still had breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper and unlimited water or sugar free squash on offer. We also did this on weekends and on weekdays, it’s a bit of a pain in the arse but it made them aware that snacks weren’t unlimited.

I’ll probably get my arse handed to me on a plate for this post but hey, it worked for us.

So different background, but when my 2 stepsons came to live with us full time 2.5 years ago they were both extremely overweight. They never exercised and ate enormous portions but most of the adults would praise them for this saying how they were 'great eaters', I'll never forget my oldest SS being so proud of the fact that he would eat literally anything that he said he even ate one of other SS's snotters one time 🤢. Since they have lived with us we have tried to work on this with them, however have been trying to ensure we're not being overly restrictive/causing other food issues while doing so. They are both still overweight but would be more likely to be described as chubby now, previously they could have been described as obese.
Here is what we have done:
We have tried to encourage physical activity most days. This hasn't always been organised clubs or activities, even just getting them out playing with each other or their friends, out on their bikes, etc. At weekends we will do lots of physical things as a family- go hikes and cycles, go swimming, things like trampoline parks are great fun and will burn loads.
When it comes to meals and snacks, breakfast for us is often just toast or cereal during the week and we will often have eggs at the weekend. Snack at school is often fruit or yoghurt, sometimes both if it's a small piece of fruit. Once, sometimes twice, a week they might have a cereal bar or similar.
We have a toddler so tend to have dinner quite early so when they come in from school we don't offer a snack but if they ask for one as they're hungry they'll usually have fruit or veg or a yoghurt.
At dinner time they will often want big portions and were used to portions that would be big for an adult so we have gradually reduced this over time.
They usually have a glass of milk and a biscuit at bedtime.
Unless we're having a movie night, we don't let them eat in front of the TV as we learned that this apparently discourages "mindful eating" as you are focusing on the TV and not paying attention to the signals that your body is sending you that you're full. We always eat at the table or kitchen island. Sometimes, if one of them is asking for more food and we know they've had a lot we will encourage them to drink water and wait a bit to see if they might actually be thirsty. I think it's okay to say that they've had enough if you know that they are starting to overeat or to let them know that it's okay to feel a bit hungry sometimes if a meal is coming.

We're still working on it but they are definitely developing a far better relationship with food, my older SS in particular who was actually the worst one and we had really worried about his obsession with food previously. Now he seems much better at knowing when his body has had enough and doesn't gorge or overeat (he also used to eat everyone else's leftovers previously) the way he used to. It's a bit of a journey and I think at this stage it's about forming the habits and attitudes towards food that they will take with them through life and I think if you take the time to get that right, then the weight issue will solve itself over time.

Another great idea! And great timing with half term next week! Thanks!

That last paragraph is exactly what I want to achieve... a healthy relationship with food for life. As well as self regulation skills x

Thank you! Great ideas!

It's great your daughter eats a wide variety of food. And she's still young enough for a few changes to be made to set her on a healthier trajectory. Some great ideas from PPs. All I'll add is that snacking shouldn't routinely be necessary if meals are filling enough - so ironically make sure she is eating enough of the right things at meal times (fibre, protein). And drinking enough water as thirst can be mistaken for hunger.

And I would restrict food to the dining table. No mindless snacking in front of TV (I'd make this the rule for the whole family). She may be less interested in having a snack if it means leaving what she's watching/doing to go and sit at the table.

Wishing your daughter all the best.

3 glasses of milk is 300 calories so that’s a lot of calories that she is drinking - I think I would start with reducing the milk - but gently. One of mine just seems to have no off switch with food either. I praise her lots when she says she is full - rather than encouraging her to eat past full but just want her to have a healthy relationship with food.

op I think it’s the two breakfasts and quite a lot of heavy dairy?.At the age it only a small excess of calorie intake vs output that if daily, would mount up ti weight gain. I suspect school provides the toast etc to cater for those who don’t have breakfast but your daughter doesn’t need it, so opt out. Other than that sounds ok. (Manage her expectations that she doesn’t need pudding at home during the week when she has it as part of her school lunch). Is there a chance she’s eating more than you think? My son is a sneaky fridge raider when I’m not looking.

So a morning update... thanks you all for your helpful comments. Lots of great ideas. This morning she had fruit and Greek yoghurt for breakfast with a cup of decaf tea instead of milk. So far so good. 5 minutes later she was in the fridge looking for cheese! I told her no, if she was still hungry she could have some fruit. She wasn't happy! When we were getting in the car (heavy rain here this morning so couldn't walk) she found a half eaten bag of pretzels that her brother had left after football practice last night and she started to eat them. I took them back into the house and again she wasn't impressed!!
I will be stopping the school toast after the half term break and have told my husband only fruit or veg snacks between meals. Will try to up the veg at meal times too as that's good for all of us.

3 meals a day. No supper.

No snacks, no processed food, no sausages, no fast food, no sauces in jars, no pizzas, no afters/ puddings,( just fruit), no bread sticks, no sweets, no sugary drinks/cereals. No take aways. No movie nights with snacks.

No food your (great) grandma wouldn't recognise.

She's probably hungry because the food she's eating is not satisfying her need for vitamins etc.

Consider not opting her out of toast. If the rest of the kids are getting it - she’ll wonder why she is left out. The very last thing you want to do is make her feel like her food is being restricted. Just control the meals you are offering her.

Great advice but try not to make food a 'thing'.
Maybe play up she can't have pretzels as she has brushed her teeth. You don't want her fixating and begging food at school.