Circumcision - what to tell them?

[MandiBarker]

Hello;

I was wondering if anyone could share experiences on preparing a child for circumcision - this is for an older child (3-11 years old), so please don’t yell at me about baby circumcision.

In particular:

• How much did you tell your son beforehand, what did you tell them and how much detail did you go into?
• What did you tell your son afterwards what did you tell him happened? What kind of questions did they have? Do they remember?
• What are the cosmetic differences to expect after a circumcision and how hard is it for them to get accustomed to that?
• How empowered did the doctors make you feel as to how much it was a choice for you to go forward with the procedure versus being a medical necessity, etc?
• Did you explain to them it’s permanent, if so how did you do that?

This!

My DS was circumcised for medical reasons. His foreskin was really stuck and I felt the operation was brutal. DS (7 at the time) was in a lot of pain after. It was the right decision for him but I wouldn’t choose to do it unless medically necessary.

Let's presume it's for medical reasons as rational adults would not be chopping bits of flesh off babies or children for any other reason.

How you would explain it and how much information you would give them would depend on whether the child is nearer to 3 or 11. Generally if you explain clearly in simple terms what's going on, and answer any questions honestly, that's the best policy.

I agree. Plus I'd say that I'd want really solid medical reasons, and not just cultural reasons wearing a white coat if you see what I mean. I call it male genital mutilation when done for so-called cosmetic reasons. If anyone tried to do that to my boy I'd fight tooth and nail to stop them.

@caringcarer spot on.

Circumcision should only ever be done for medical reasons. I have 2 boys and would never even consider putting them through an unnecessary painful procedure on the most sensitive part of their body just for religion / culture. It's abuse and mutilation and incredibly poor parenting. Why it's not illegal in this country I will never know. And as for "it's the done thing"............ shame on you.

This is tricky - I find it difficult to see how it can be totally acceptable if done for medical reasons but sexual mutilation and abuse otherwise. It can't be as black and white as that, surely. What if as a parent, you are told it would 'probably be for the best and may help avoid long term problems' if you do it, but you're given the choice of waiting to see if it gets better on its own. If you make the decision to go ahead with the circumcision, even though it's not life-or-death necessary, does that make it 'a bit' abusive?

What if, in that situation, it's culturally normal to circumcise, but you've chosen to go against the grain. So you make a decision to press ahead mostly because it seems the better choice from a medical perspective, but a side benefit is that you're also the complying with cultural tradition. Where do we fall on the 'abuse/totally acceptable' spectrum then?

3 - 11?
Don't you know your son's age?

Sure you're not a journalist?

Fucking disgusting isn't it. I knew I shouldn't have clicked on this thread.

Just because something it legal it doesn't mean it's moral.

You’re very unlikely to find someone on a forum aimed mainly at women who have “gone through the procedure”.

it’s your baby that will have to go through it. Not you.

@ludocris

'probably be for the best and may help avoid long term problems' if you do it, but you're given the choice of waiting to see if it gets better on its own. If you make the decision to go ahead with the circumcision, even though it's not life-or-death necessary, does that make it 'a bit' abusive?

As a parent you have to make decisions sometimes. For me, 'probably' is not good enough to hack at my kid's willy. Better a sore willy for a while than a lifetime deprived of sexual pleasure.

Or the risks concomitant with all surgery.
I was a midwife and I know of a baby who ended up in Intensive Care after circumcision. He developed sepsis and nearly died.

The only reason his parents had it done was cultural.

He was less than a week old.

@raegan1993 Why did you resurrect a zombie to derail it into a totally different situation in every way shape and form? The only thing the OP's thread had in common with your situation is the word "circumcision".

Also I've seen a lot of naked Muslim men of all ages (healthcare) and the vast majority weren't circumcised so IDK why you're so hellbent on doing this, loads of people don't. Are you trying to prove something or impress your husband with how Muslim you can be? Honestly women need to STOP THIS SHIT when it comes to fucking with children's genitals for cultural reasons that aren't even their own culture.

My ex had it done while we were together because he was absolutely vile with it and he never cleaned it properly, despite being a grown adult. It was quite a big procedure to be doing to a grown man but he got over it and recovered just fine.

My husband had it done when he was a baby and when I asked his mother, she said she got it done because she couldn't pull it back to clean it and he would sometimes cry.

Not really sure that is a valid reason and all the info says you shouldn't even try to pull foreskin back in a child!

My son isn't circumcised because it is his choice, not mine. I certainly didn't try pulling his foreskin back when he was little! No problems whatsoever.

He is nearly 20 now and we had a conversation about his penis years ago, just before puberty and said if he gets any feeling of pain or discomfort, he can talk to us about it. We checked in from time to time to see if he had inherited any of his dad's issues. He cleans himself and takes care. No issues. I am glad I insisted on waiting. I don't believe it is anyone's place to remove parts of an infant's body and tantamount to abuse. Ignorance at best.

If anyone is getting pressured by others to circ. Just tell them you've had it done. How are they going to check?

Or if you're brave enough, tell them to fuck off.

Makes me so cross! If someone thousands of years ago said 'chop off a male child's left ear' and it was done then, wouldn't people question that now?!
That nonsense about 'all the men in our culture are 'cut' 😳🤢' is insane ... I just don't understand how people don't question traditions

'Deprived of a lifetime of sexual pleasure'

This isn't true.

Reputable studies have shown that more than half of all circumcised men report lower levels of sexual pleasure. The foreskin is a sexual organ.

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23937309/#:~:text=Conclusion%3A%20The%20highest%2Dquality%20studies,%2C%20sexual%20sensation%2C%20or%20satisfaction.

Like I said he is Muslim I didn’t say I am how can someone be “so Muslim” that’s totally ignorant of you. Idiotic

Well, @ludocris you chop off the end of your kid's dick if you want to, poor little sod, but I'm not going to. OK?

@raegan1993 i come from a Muslim family and refused to have my son done despite tears and tantrums.

Male circumcision decreases penile sensitivity as measured in a large cohort

Comparative Study BJU Int . 2013 May

Fucking hell, what a dick comment. Sorry you were wrong...

I was talking about someone who is in the position of having to make a choice mainly for medical reasons. You giving false information about that depriving the child of sexual pleasure helps no one. And referring to 'chopping bits off' and the child as 'poor little sod' is exactly what I'm talking about here. Where there are medical issues, how is that type of language going to help any parent preparing for and worrying about the procedure?

Well, I apologise if I came over like that. I would never want to steer anyone away from a well founded decision based on medical advice. But I am so utterly opposed to cosmetic or 'cultural' male (or female) circumcision, as I am against any unneccessary surgery. Maybe that has influenced the tone of my posts. I acknowledge that female genital mutilation is a more far-reaching and cruel thing than male circumcision.

@Manadou understood 👍🏻

My DS is 13 and is currently going through a problem with phimosis, however, circumcision is a last resort as I disagree with it unless necessary, and DS has said he doesn’t want it (again unless he has to). Doing it for cultural reasons is fine in my eyes BUT (and it’s BIG but) the person having the procedure should be old enough to consent. It’s his body, not anyone else’s. Yes a willy can be kept clean with it done, and it can avoid some medical problems, however it also looses sensitivity, and again, that’s up to the boy/man to decide.