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Original poster

Girl Talk - How & when to have the period chat!

48 replies

BreatheFocusRelax · 26/04/2023 16:38

My daughter turned 10 this year.
Her mannerisms have changed over the last few weeks.
She has been getting very snappy & moody.
They have lessons at school about bodies changing but she doesn't like to tell me what they have spoke about so I am unsure on how much she knows.
I didn't have a open relationship with my mother so I never went through any of this with her.
I don't have regular periods so its not like I can tell her I'm on my period cause I can go a year without having one!
How can I bring the subject up without coming on to strong & scaring her?
Any advise would be greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
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JJJSchmidt · 26/04/2023 16:39

Does she watch malory towers or Anne with an e? Both have episodes dealing with first periods that could be a good conversation starter

tarheelbaby · 26/04/2023 16:43

Hi OP, there are lots of threads about this and they recommend great books too.

My experience is that sooner rather than later is best so that girls understand what will happen to them and their friends.

When DD1 was about 8 or 9 I gave her the book and then let her come to me if she had questions. I did the same with DD2 at a similar age. The schools teach about it in PSHE too.

waterlego · 26/04/2023 16:44

You could say something like ‘I gather you’ve learnt about periods at school. What did you think about it all? Have you got any questions or worries?’ And see if that opens a dialogue.

RuthW · 26/04/2023 16:45

As soon as possible if she is nearly ten. Ideally the talk should be around 7/8 in my option as my dd had a few friends who started about age 9.

waterlego · 26/04/2023 16:45

I bought a book for my DD. Can’t remember what it was called but I know it’s a popular one because it often gets mentioned on these threads.

Original poster
BreatheFocusRelax · 26/04/2023 16:46

Ok I will be having the chat sooner rather than later!!
I will have a look & see if I can find it on some threads! x

OP posts:
soberfabulous · 26/04/2023 16:52

A girl in my DD's class just started her periods aged 9 which prompted us to chat about it.

I got a few books online but I have to say I was really disappointed with them. Both the ones I got talked about it being embarrassing and quite frankly I am over the period shaming! I thought we were over that.

I read them first and then read the bits I thought were most appropriate to DD together one weekend morning in the garden.

I am glad I didn't just give her the books as I don't want any negative messaging being programmed into her.

So my advice would be to check any books you do get.

Good luck, I didn't feel at all ready to chat about it as in my head she's all a baby and 9 seems so young...

Wallabyone · 26/04/2023 16:53

Try not to overthink it-just be matter of fact and explain what happens and why. I try not to moan about pain etc too much in front of my daughter because I don't want her to think it will be painful. I started talking to her (and my son), when she was about 4.

Original poster
BreatheFocusRelax · 26/04/2023 16:56

@soberfabulous
I am with you on that one.
In this day & age, surely period shaming shouldn't still be a thing.
I don't want my daughter getting upset or embarrassed about it & that it is a natural process as you get older.
Girls seem to be started their periods way much earlier than my age group did!
Do you remember what the books were that you were disappointed with?

@waterlego
Thank you for sending me the link to that book, I was just looking at that when your message come through.

I will make sure if I do order some books I will read those first before passing them over to her.

OP posts:
Arucana · 26/04/2023 16:58

We have the recommended book. We’ve found it good as first starting point for discussion.

Original poster
BreatheFocusRelax · 26/04/2023 16:59

@Arucana
What is your recommendation?

OP posts:
WheelsUp · 26/04/2023 17:04

Lil-lets do a starter pack
Lil-Lets Teens Starter Pack, containing Teen Pads, Panty Liners & Lil-Lets Non Applicator Tampons https://amzn.eu/d/6bFhxjT
Don't be put off by the word teens. They are designed to fit in smaller knickers.

However I would get some period pants as they are much easier than pads. Can't recommend one for girls as my dd is an adult.

https://amzn.eu/d/6bFhxjT?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-childrens-health-4793535-girl-talk-how-when-to-have-the-period-chat

Needmorelego · 26/04/2023 17:20

Schools usually start teaching about periods in Year 5 (at least for the girls - they don't always include the boys at this age).
Have a chat with her teacher about what has been covered in PHSE lessons. She probably knows quite a bit already.

Arucana · 26/04/2023 20:24

BreatheFocusRelax · 26/04/2023 16:59

@Arucana
What is your recommendation?

Sorry I was unclear. We used the book a pp had already mentioned - what’s happening to me. They do a male version which has a chapter on females and a female version which has a chapter on males.

Heather3308 · 26/04/2023 23:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
BreatheFocusRelax · 01/05/2023 13:27

Thank you everyone for your comments.

I decided to just go straight in & ask her, after speaking with her teacher.
Her teacher explained that they went into a lot of detail in Yr.4 as they found that a lot of girls had been starting their periods earlier so they wanted to make sure they were prepared.

I'm disappointed with the school that they didn't give us as parents the heads up on what they would be discussing the PSHE.
I expressed my concerns to the teacher & she mentioned that should go to the head teacher with this & make sure that parents in the future have a outline of what will be discussed throughout the school year in PSHE.

She was actually really chilled when we had the conversation & I think it was me possibly worrying more about it than I should have!

OP posts:
VeggieSausage · 01/05/2023 13:34

We had the "What's happening to me" book which I thought was a good starting point. I also ordered a first period kit for my daughter from a company called "Hello from Aunt Flo" which had lots of different types of pads in it. I use period pants myself and my daughter has said she'd like to use those but I'm going to wait until she starts her periods before buying them as they are quite expensive.

Original poster
BreatheFocusRelax · 01/05/2023 14:05

@VeggieSausage
Thank you, I have just googled "Hello from Aunt Flo" but they don't seem to have a first period kit on there.
I will keep looking & if I find anymore I will pop it on here as they sound amazing!
I have heard a few peoples thoughts on period pants.
I may be being naive but do they work well? Do they leak? I know depending on the Flo, but do you have to change them often?

OP posts:
Jellycats4life · 01/05/2023 14:09

I’d recommend “My Period” by Milli Hill.

It’s so in depth and talks about menstruation in a really practical and positive way.

My daughter started just before she turned 11 and when I praised her for taking it in her stride, she said it was because I’d prepared her so well. All I did was buy that book!

Girl Talk - How & when to have the period chat!
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 01/05/2023 14:10

DD is 3 years younger than DS. When DS was in Y6, school sent a link to a Newsround Extra report about periods. I suggested that we all watched it together.
DS's reaction was "it's not going to happen to me though is it?", which prompted a discussion on the differences between m and f puberty. (I thought dh needed to watch it too as he only has brothers).

So I knew DD knew, at least in theory, when she was 8. At 9 we had another chat, where she reassured me she knew, but was very dismissive and didn't want to talk about it. I gave her "What's happening..." then, and got the Lillets teen starter pack in, for when she needed it. She started at 10y 10m, and once she was over the initial shock, has been very matter of fact. Period pants are amazing, particularly Modi Bodi.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 01/05/2023 14:12

(Also, with a son 3 years older than his sister, they both pretty much hit puberty together. In the last year or do we've had broken voice, acne, shaving, periods, boobs and not enough deodorant all round).

TitoMojito · 01/05/2023 14:13

waterlego · 26/04/2023 16:50

That's the book my mum gave me back in the day. I was mortified at the time but was very good. I learned a lot from it.

Mischance · 01/05/2023 14:20

Gosh - she's 10!! That is very late in the day for this to be discussed - some girls start their periods before 10.

My DDs knew when they were 3 or 4. It was openly talked about in the house - no secrets here!

My GC, boys and girls, have all known about periods from very small - I remember one of them (a boy) at age 6 asking my DD if she had PMT when she was being irritable!

Your DD will already know about all this as some of her friends will have started their periods already. Just talk with her about it - it is part of normal life and she needs to know you will support her when her periods start and that you have all the right equipment in place for to use. Why would it scare her?

Mischance · 01/05/2023 14:22

I see you have talked with her about it now - not such a big deal either. The school teach this stuff as part of normal life - I do not think there is any need to go to the head about it.