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Original poster

PLEASE HELP A DESPERATE MUM!! Toddler scald from kettle

47 replies

Molly2020 · 28/12/2022 14:43

My DD (2 years old) was scalded on her face, chest and arm nearly 8 weeks ago. Her face and arm suffered superficial second degree burns which are healing really well. She still has some redness on her face which I hope will fade with time. Her arm suffered deeper second degree burns and took 4-5 weeks to heal. We are currently applying bio oil and mederma scar gel. She has 4 marks on her arm which look like iron burns and are very red. I keep praying they won't scar but I'm also preparing myself for the worst.
I'm undergoing therapy and my life has been torn apart. My daughter on the other hand had dealt with it so well and kept me going.
If anyone has any advice or recommendations or even a positive outcome from their experiences. I would be SO grateful if you could share it with me. Photos are a massive bonus just so I can compare the injuries.
Thank you in advance ❤️

OP posts:
DifferentYearSameShit · 28/12/2022 14:52

Each skin type will differ so will depth of injuries hotness of water etc. what does the Dr say about scaring?

OnemoresliceofChristmascake · 28/12/2022 14:57

My ex boyfriend (fabulous guy, just didn't work out) experienced massive burns from a kettle when he was a toddler. They didn't think he would make it. He still had scarring on his neck, but you absolutely wouldn't have noticed unless you got up close and personal. (Which I did, because he was gorgeous and frankly a few scars here and there did not bother me, likewise, he didn't give a damn that I wasn't a 6' supermodel)

My daughter had a close encounter with a sharp garden ornament when she was three. She had a scar running from her forehead, down the inside of her eye socket (not actual eye but a whisper away) and onto her nose. Took out a large chunk of flesh too and gave her two black eyes. She looked like Worf from Star Trek for weeks and being a pale skinned red-head, it was just so noticeable.

Nowadays (23) you would not notice at all unless she pointed it out.
(For a few years after she thought she had a cool Harry Potter scar, and enjoyed telling everyone the story!)

Honestly, these things happen and we beat ourselves up with 'what ifs'. Accidents happen, none of us are perfect and now you need to focus on the future. It will be fine, she will still be just as beautiful, and you sound like a very caring and lovely mama.

Original poster
Molly2020 · 28/12/2022 16:31

DifferentYearSameShit · 28/12/2022 14:52

Each skin type will differ so will depth of injuries hotness of water etc. what does the Dr say about scaring?

She is pale skinned, they didn't think it was that deep so was surprised at how long it took to heal. I know that if it's longer than 3 weeks scarring is likely. They aren't sure on scarring but they think minimal, i know I can't magic it away but I can't see myself returning to normal unless my daughter heals without scarring. it's just a constant reminder of what she went through. Thank you for replying.

OP posts:
RLOU30 · 28/12/2022 16:41

Hi OP
i was burnt on my leg as a baby with freshly boiled kettle water. Mum instantly ran it under cold and kept it there whilst calling for an ambulance. It got treated and was sore for a while but you cannot see that it ever happened now not a mark on me so you really never know how it can turn out.
either way I can’t imagine what you are feeling inside (I have a 4 year old) and am sending you prayers for an outcome like mine and for strength in healing ❤️‍🩹 xx

NoSquirrels · 28/12/2022 16:43

I can't see myself returning to normal unless my daughter heals without scarring.

I mean this very kindly, I promise, but you must not tell yourself things like this. Self-talk is very powerful and you owe it to your DD to tell yourself that you will feel better about the accident in time, and that how she looks is not linked to your mental well-being. You cannot put the responsibility for you ‘returning to normal’ onto his her skin heals.

MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard · 28/12/2022 16:43

Kindly, poring over pictures of babies with scars is not going to help you.

Think back to your last therapy session and think what techniques your therapist has offered for when you have these thoughts and practice those, rather than asking on MN. Other posters' experiences won't help you rn.

Badger1970 · 28/12/2022 16:50

My grandaughter put her hand down onto the hob, and burned it really badly. She had weeks of dressings on, and it looked so red and angry for weeks after. DD was beside herself with worry that it would leave a permanent scar. Now, 12 months on, you'd never know she'd had such a horrific burn.

She was treated by the county burns unit and saw the community paediatric nurses for dressings etc. Can you ask for an appointment if you're worried? But 8 weeks on is barely any time at all.

headstone · 28/12/2022 16:54

My toddler got a second degree burn on his hand. Though it healed quickly I was told it would take 2 years for the redness to go completely. I think you will have to be patient and really try not to stress about it. We all end up with scars at some point and this is unlikely to effect her life in anyway. Don’t forget the sun cream.

Badger1970 · 28/12/2022 16:56

Re the bio oil were you told to use that? DD was told to use a really thick moisturiser (she used the dark blue topped Aveeno tube) and also to use emollient cream rather than soap.

It's also important to use sunblock for the next few years as it heals.

Amicompletelyinsane · 28/12/2022 16:59

My toddler has scalding to his face and chest. Eventually it went pink and gradually went. Now he's 8 and no scar at all

watchfulwishes · 28/12/2022 17:02

NoSquirrels · 28/12/2022 16:43

I can't see myself returning to normal unless my daughter heals without scarring.

I mean this very kindly, I promise, but you must not tell yourself things like this. Self-talk is very powerful and you owe it to your DD to tell yourself that you will feel better about the accident in time, and that how she looks is not linked to your mental well-being. You cannot put the responsibility for you ‘returning to normal’ onto his her skin heals.

Think this is an important thought from @NoSquirrels - you must not restrict your mental healing process.

DingDangMintyBells · 28/12/2022 17:02

I had very severe burns on one of my feet in my 20s. The scar lasted about a year but went eventually. Toddler heal quicker. Having said that a few marks on an arm are really not a big deal, no one has a perfect body.

TheOtherBoleynGirls · 28/12/2022 17:09

DD managed to burn her whole forearm with an iron when she was 5 through my carelessness. They fix those kinds of burns by taking the skin off and letting it regrow, and the dressing had a mesh pattern, so she now has a large triangular patch on her arm which is darker and almost looks like snake skin. Oddly, she likes it - she feels it makes her “unique” and she actually has fun memories of being in hospital and watching the doctors work on her, the little odd ball.

Accidents happen, sadly, and an awful lot of children emerge from childhood with some kind of lasting scar from a trip or break or even a burn.

I hope your DD’s burn heals well but as PP say, you need to stop linking her looks to your mental health, and to forgive yourself for the accident.

Flowerfairy101 · 28/12/2022 17:24

My DD suffered hot drink burns to her chest with splash mark burns under her chin back in Jan this year and there are no visible marks now unless she gets hot then the places that were burnt turn redder. We were told this will lessen in time. I can't remember what degree the burns were, I think some were 2nd degree though. Really sorry this has happened Flowers

LeroyJenkinssss · 28/12/2022 17:39

NoSquirrels · 28/12/2022 16:43

I can't see myself returning to normal unless my daughter heals without scarring.

I mean this very kindly, I promise, but you must not tell yourself things like this. Self-talk is very powerful and you owe it to your DD to tell yourself that you will feel better about the accident in time, and that how she looks is not linked to your mental well-being. You cannot put the responsibility for you ‘returning to normal’ onto his her skin heals.

This in spades. You cannot place all your recovery on whether she scars or not - it’s not healthy for you or for your daughter.

where are you accessing therapy from? Our burns unit had specialist therapists for patients/relatives to access who were fantastic at unraveling the particular feelings/fears associated with burns.

Original poster
Molly2020 · 28/12/2022 17:43

NoSquirrels · 28/12/2022 16:43

I can't see myself returning to normal unless my daughter heals without scarring.

I mean this very kindly, I promise, but you must not tell yourself things like this. Self-talk is very powerful and you owe it to your DD to tell yourself that you will feel better about the accident in time, and that how she looks is not linked to your mental well-being. You cannot put the responsibility for you ‘returning to normal’ onto his her skin heals.

I wish I could think and feel differently, but every time I look at it, I just feel this really horrible low feeling of depression. She will grow up and ask questions and people will ask questions and I will just relive every moment. I do have positive days.
When I read positive posts of recovery it lifts my mood so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Molly2020 · 28/12/2022 17:51

MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard · 28/12/2022 16:43

Kindly, poring over pictures of babies with scars is not going to help you.

Think back to your last therapy session and think what techniques your therapist has offered for when you have these thoughts and practice those, rather than asking on MN. Other posters' experiences won't help you rn.

When I read positive outcomes from people's experiences it really does help me stay positive. The internet doesn't help me much and I know that every child/person heals differently but when I see a child that was more severe and recovered with no scarring it gives me hope. I'm consumed by it, the unknown terrifies me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Molly2020 · 28/12/2022 17:58

Badger1970 · 28/12/2022 16:50

My grandaughter put her hand down onto the hob, and burned it really badly. She had weeks of dressings on, and it looked so red and angry for weeks after. DD was beside herself with worry that it would leave a permanent scar. Now, 12 months on, you'd never know she'd had such a horrific burn.

She was treated by the county burns unit and saw the community paediatric nurses for dressings etc. Can you ask for an appointment if you're worried? But 8 weeks on is barely any time at all.

That's very positive so glad she healed.
The bio oil is for scar massage, I am using moisturises too she was treated at East Grinstead burns unit and they said Bio Oil is ok to use.

OP posts:
MuchTooTired · 28/12/2022 18:08

My DD got scalded by a just made cup of tea when she was around 18-20 months. It scalded her scalp, forehead (they had to shave her hair off), her shoulder and her arm. It was bloody horrific and it was my fault, I made a mistake, I thought I’d set the cup back far enough but either I didn’t or she’d grown, but either way it happened.

I can’t remember the burn degree but I do remember we were back and forth to the burns unit for a good couple of months. The net result to her is there were a couple of patches of burns where they were deeper than realised and they have scarred white and bumpy on her arm, but the rest of her is like it never happened. Her hair has grown back from where it was shaved, and her skin is unmarked everywhere else.

My fuck up has scarred my daughter for life. We’re 3 years on from this now, and whilst her caregivers have asked about the scars, only one child has laughed at her because of it in her new primary school which broke my heart because it made her feel ashamed of her body and she was trying to hide her scars. However, after a few body positive chats, teaching her an age appropriate way to tell the little shit to do one and speaking to her teachers it’s not a problem anymore.

Obviously I wish to God I’d never been so stupid, and I pray my DD never receives any bullying over something caused by me, but I have forgiven myself as much as I can. I made a grave mistake that my DD ultimately paid for, but she’s happy and healthy and we’re extremely lucky because it could’ve been much worse.

SirVixofVixHall · 28/12/2022 18:08

OP most people don’t get to 18 without some scars here and there. My DH fell over while holding dd as a baby, she cut her face on a glass and for years I felt grief and guilt at the scar. She couldn’t care less though ! Now a teenager, she isn’t bothered and actually seems fond of her scar. It is really flat as I used a scar healing gel/cream prescribed by a dermatologist, and then Healgel. I was religious about sunblock on the scar for years. So although it is a visible line (it was mismanaged at the start and so not dealt with properly, or she would be scar free). It is as flat and well blended as it could be.
If you can afford a chat with a dermatologist privately, I would do this, to have advice on what to use on her skin now to keep the scarring to a minimum, and to keep it flat and smooth. My dds scar wasn’t a burn, burns may need a different type of treatment at this point in the scar development.

Useitorloseit · 28/12/2022 18:16

No advice on the burning/scarring but I do hope she heals quickly and isn't scarred.

My son had an accident coming up to a year ago that has scarred his face (not badly), I was solely in charge of him when it happened although I couldn't have done much to prevent. I beat myself up for months about it and it sent me into bad anxiety and a bit of depression. I came very close to asking the doctor for medication to help me but in the last couple of months I have felt a lot better. The guilt does start to ease, I promise. If it really gets you down then please speak to the doctor, my mental health really suffered and in hindsight I definitely should have spoken to someone. Please try and go easy on yourself, everyone seems to have a tale of an injury to their child, you are doing amazing with her using the creams to help and seem like a very caring mother.

Original poster
Molly2020 · 28/12/2022 18:25

MuchTooTired · 28/12/2022 18:08

My DD got scalded by a just made cup of tea when she was around 18-20 months. It scalded her scalp, forehead (they had to shave her hair off), her shoulder and her arm. It was bloody horrific and it was my fault, I made a mistake, I thought I’d set the cup back far enough but either I didn’t or she’d grown, but either way it happened.

I can’t remember the burn degree but I do remember we were back and forth to the burns unit for a good couple of months. The net result to her is there were a couple of patches of burns where they were deeper than realised and they have scarred white and bumpy on her arm, but the rest of her is like it never happened. Her hair has grown back from where it was shaved, and her skin is unmarked everywhere else.

My fuck up has scarred my daughter for life. We’re 3 years on from this now, and whilst her caregivers have asked about the scars, only one child has laughed at her because of it in her new primary school which broke my heart because it made her feel ashamed of her body and she was trying to hide her scars. However, after a few body positive chats, teaching her an age appropriate way to tell the little shit to do one and speaking to her teachers it’s not a problem anymore.

Obviously I wish to God I’d never been so stupid, and I pray my DD never receives any bullying over something caused by me, but I have forgiven myself as much as I can. I made a grave mistake that my DD ultimately paid for, but she’s happy and healthy and we’re extremely lucky because it could’ve been much worse.

It's so heartbreaking, this is how I'm feeling! It could've been prevented and that's what eats away us but toddlers are just into absolutely everything and it was an accident... I have to keep telling myself this.
I'm glad to read her hair grew back, that would've been hard to deal with.
Can I ask, were you advised to do scar massage on her arm and how long ago was it? Her arm does feel quite lumpy underneath but the wounds on top are flat.
Your daughter sounds like a brave little girl ❤️

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 28/12/2022 18:32

NoSquirrels · 28/12/2022 16:43

I can't see myself returning to normal unless my daughter heals without scarring.

I mean this very kindly, I promise, but you must not tell yourself things like this. Self-talk is very powerful and you owe it to your DD to tell yourself that you will feel better about the accident in time, and that how she looks is not linked to your mental well-being. You cannot put the responsibility for you ‘returning to normal’ onto his her skin heals.

Another who thinks you really need to read and digest this very caring, sensible and well worded post.

Your DDs future isn't balanced on a few scars. If there are any marks it won't define who she is.

My ds has a genetic condition. It's degenerative. Tests show I have the same gene fault although I don't have any symptoms. I felt guilt for a while. Realistically I've come to accept I couldn't know and therefore couldn't prevent it. I made the decision not to have more children though.

My focus is on giving him the best possible future rather than living in the past of what and how it happened.

Fwiw I've managed to scald the same hand twice on scalding water. As an adult I might add. I don't have any scars despite it being twice in exactly the same spot about 8 years apart 🤦‍♀️

FurAndFeathers · 28/12/2022 18:34

My good friend pulled a bucket of boiling water (soaking nappies) over herself as a toddler - it melted the tights she was wearing into her skin and her mum ripped the skin off her legs pulling the tights off ☹️

she had some scarring on her upper legs that tbh just looked like tan lines - you’d never know and though she was a bit self conscious as a teen she got over it with no lasting effects

honestly kids heal well, please don’t compound the damage by ‘grieving’ it and making it a thing - that’s much more likely to create problems for your DD

WorriedAboutDurham · 28/12/2022 18:49

This picture was taken about a week after a boiling water burn. I did it as an adult. There's nothing at all to see now.

Many many children of many generation suffered horrific sunburns, accidents happen. Learn from it but carrying the guilt helps no-one.

It won't let me add the pic but I can PM it if you'd like to see it.