PLEASE HELP A DESPERATE MUM!! Toddler scald from kettle

[Molly2020]

My DD (2 years old) was scalded on her face, chest and arm nearly 8 weeks ago. Her face and arm suffered superficial second degree burns which are healing really well. She still has some redness on her face which I hope will fade with time. Her arm suffered deeper second degree burns and took 4-5 weeks to heal. We are currently applying bio oil and mederma scar gel. She has 4 marks on her arm which look like iron burns and are very red. I keep praying they won't scar but I'm also preparing myself for the worst.
I'm undergoing therapy and my life has been torn apart. My daughter on the other hand had dealt with it so well and kept me going.
If anyone has any advice or recommendations or even a positive outcome from their experiences. I would be SO grateful if you could share it with me. Photos are a massive bonus just so I can compare the injuries.
Thank you in advance ❤️

Not a burn but I have scars from something else that wasn’t anyone’s fault. Doctors and my parents told me repeatedly that they would fade. I was okay with the scars and I think what harmed me more was seeing how important it was to my parents that they faded. I still have some scarring today and I wish my family had accepted me as I was. It made me feel lesser and made it harder for me to accept myself because the messaging was that I should be unhappy with the way that I looked.

I was scalded with boiling water from a kettle when I was 3. It was on my lower legs and feet mostly. I was in hospital for 3 weeks. I have some odd discolouration on my feet/ankles which tans and looks like I've got dirty feet. A patch on the top of my foot just before my toes where I had a huge blister. On my foot it's not really noticeable. My legs have slightly bumpy skin in places.

You wouldn't notice any of this unless I pointed it out and you looked closely

I think burns tend to fade, my sisters did. Hot drink spilled onto her chest as a toddler. No marks now.
I have a scar down my forehead / eyebrow from an ex headbutting me. The skin split, I think those type of injuries leave a deeper dent in the skin that will never heal.
I hate it but I'm used to it now.
Hope you're ok. 🙏🏼

OP if you haven't already, please discuss with your therapist your feelings about not being able to 'return to normal ' unless your daughter heals with no scarring. This is something you need support with to process and work through. Feeling this way isn't fair to you or your daughter but it will be hard to let go of that belief on your own.

Coming up to the 'anniversary' of my burns soon. I was treated at a special burns unit. I believe this was in between dressings being changed (a horrifically painful experience, I must say) All fully healed now though. 😊
Our bodies are amazing and our minds are even more so.

Apologies btw for the graphic photo.
I was always advised to keep arm elevated to lessen the risk of infection (though you have probably moved beyond that risk now hopefully) I also tried to carry on as normal as possible, which I think may have helped with physical and psychological healing. (My facial / head burns also healed nicely too, although I think there is some sensitivity there, especially in direct sunlight on a summers day)

Whether or not your daughter has permanent scarring, please don't let her grow up believing that scars are a terrible, unacceptable thing to have.

It's not so much the scarring it's the reminder of what happened that hurts. I can deal with scars, I have scars but it's the fact the scars could've been prevented that cause me a lot of pain and heartache.

Can you let me know how your little one is getting on? We've had a similar situation this week and I'm absolutely broken.

Hello, i am so sorry to hear that. I'm here to talk anytime. Her arm had developed hypertrophic scars so we are currently having to put on silicone sheets and a pressure garment. This is because it took longer than 3 weeks to heal. If your little one heals in 3 weeks you will have the best possible outcome, so I'm praying for you. Have they advised on what grade they burns are? X

I got scalded as an adult on my arm. It was huge deep second degree burn. I had to keep having it dressed at the GPs for weeks and weeks - more than three. I am very light skinned. Yes, it was very red for quite a long time but that faded. I can't actually tell which arm it was now. It was an accident. I couldn't believe how quickly and badly I burned despite the 30 minutes in running cold water immediately after. Small children can be incredibly quick. You have to forgive yourself for this. I went to school with a girl who was very badly burned on her neck and arms - skin graft burnt - she had friends, got married, had a family etc. Your daughter might have a few little marks on her arm. My school friend would have been delighted to have a few little marks on her arm. In her case, it was a moment's carelessness with a nightdress catching fire and years of skin grafts being let out as she grew.

If it makes you feel any better I nearly concussed my youngest child by accidentally banging his head against a wooden door frame and was responsible for a riding accident which meant he got tossed off a rather large horse. I let the oldest one fall off a bed as a baby. (They were in middle and couldn't crawl yet and I was only a yard away and I still don't know how they did it.) The oldest crushed his little finger on a door hinge and youngest came down to tell his dad that his brother had hurt himself and my husband thought he was joking - why? My son had to come downstairs himself blood pouring out of his hand to be be rushed to hospital. He went on to do medicine so maybe that's a positive for early exposure to a hospital environment.

I think the actress Amanda Redman is badly scarred on her left arm as a result of an accident when she was 18 months old. She was scalded with a pan of boiling soup. She doesn't go out of her way to cover it up and she's obviously been very successful in her career.

My DS got third degree burns from a bowl of soup he pulled over himself 38 years ago. He doesn't have any scars at all. You simply cannot tell. I was absolutely devastated at the time like you.
I'm so sorry it's such an awful thing to go through and I know the guilt.

That's very reassuring to hear that your armed healed well and very pleased for you. I try to stay positive but the unknown of how her arm will be once the redness fades does get the better of me at times. I try to take comfort in the fact it was only her arm that will scar and it seems to get me through. I am doing absolutely everything I can to get the best possible outcome for her.

That's it children are children and accidents will happen. I'm probably an anxious mess at the moment and have wrapped her in cotton wool for now but I know with time it will get better.

Thank you for taking the time to comment.

Oh my goodness! Third degree burns... that must have been such a traumatising experience for you. What was the recovery process for him? Was there scarring that faded? Fantastic outcome for him. That gives me even more hope x

It was so traumatising, I was lucky there was a burns unit up the road. His skin was very discoloured/red for a year or two and I thought it would be permanent but as he got older it just faded to nothing. Nothing to see now.
My guilt lasted longer than the burns, especially as I was a nurse at the time.
But it can happen to anyone, it only takes a second.

I don't have any photos because no smart phones in those days.

@Molly2020
I used to be a ScarWork therapist. It's a kind of massage specifically designed to work on all types of scars. Although it's main purpose is to help with the functional restrictions some scars can cause (for example feelings of tightness or tugging around the scar), it generally can help with the aesthetic side too.
I don't do it anymore (thanks covid), but if you do a Google search for Sharon Wheeler's ScarWork you should be able to find some info and hopefully a therapist near you, should you want to look into it.
Echo what others have said about not linking your mental well being to the visibility of the scars.

I've name changed for this because anyone who knows me or works with me will then know it's me! My 80 year old father chucked petrol from a can onto a bonfire in November 2021 despite us all shouting at him not to, so just over a year ago. The fire came right back at him - his clothes caught on fire as did the hand holding the petrol can. He had terrible burns on his legs and the skin was hanging off his hand, not to mention his eyebrows and eyelashes were gone.

The legs needed skin grafts, and there is scarring there yes, but the hand - as I said, the skin was hanging off - but now, you wouldn't know anything had ever happened to that hand. They used manuka honey and dressings with pure silver in. This was at the burns unit at the Chelsea and Westminster.

The whole family were there when he did it. We all had flashbacks. Still do sometimes but can cope with them now. I remember initially just wishing, wishing, wishing it had just never happened. A horrible sick feeling.

I really hope (and I do feel) that your little one will be ok, and that most of all, you can - and should - forgive yourself.

Her burns are 2nd degree SPT. We are on day 5 now and I think it's looking much better .

I also mean this very kindly.

You are trying to predict the future and seeing it either as good (she heals perfectly, no scarring) or bad (she has lasting scars from it). Whereas actually what we are dealing with here is uncertainty about what the outcome will be. Nobody here will be able to tell you what your daughter’s scarring will be like in weeks, months, years, or how others will or won’t react to the scarring she has, if she has any. The thing to be able to work towards here is being able to sit with that uncertainty and work through your own feelings about what it means to have physical scars, and what it would mean if that physical reminder of what happened does not disappear, and how you come to terms with that.

Your mental state can’t be dependent on your daughter’s physical appearance, as that is really unfair pressure to either consciously or unconsciously place on her.

Did anyone suggest colloidal silver? I got burns from splashes of boiling oil on my lower face, neck and chest. Most of them weren't very deep but there were lots of them. I was prescribed a cream with colloidal silver to massage in. I'm not sure how effective it would be after 8 weeks but it worked amazingly for me. A few years down the line I have virtually no scars at all.

Also 8 weeks is no time at all. It will have been traumatic for you both but you will feel better as time passes.

For what's it's worth I was told that you need a year to see what the final state of a scar is. I had a small skin cancer removed from my face and the dermatologist dog eared the scar at one end. A plastic surgeon would't touch it for a year to let the scar mature. Thanks to his work, I have a scar which, if you knew where to look and it was a very strong light, you might see a tiny line.