How do ‘normal’ parents react when their child is sick?

[anxiousupnorth]

Sorry if this isn’t the right place for this but…I have very severe emetophobia (fear of vomiting) and I’m trying to navigate parenting without scarring my child(ren) (DS 3, and I’m 20 weeks pregnant)

My son woke up vomiting tonight - on the one night I was in the room with him because we were camping in the basement because of the heatwave and I’d just gone to bed. It was bad, it was really everywhere, and he was upset and a bit scared. Luckily his Dad was nearby and I managed to get him in the room swiftly, and I patted my son’s back and said soothing things to him (while holding a towel over my face 😳), and then as soon as my husband was there I nipped off to get an ffp2 mask and then with that security was able to come back and help take care of him.

I’m aware this is far from the perfect response but I suppose I don’t have much concept of what a normal response is. I kind of imagine that non-phobic people swoop in and immediately cuddle their v* covered child without sorting any mess, but do you? My son has always been very calm about vomiting but tonight he said he wanted was scared and got really upset about the possibility of it happening again, and I suppose I’m just so worried about passing on my fear. Similarly I know it’s probably not great to wear a mask around your kid while they’re vomiting in terms of making them feel it’s no big deal but at the moment it’s either that and be able to look after him properly or no mask and constantly be trying to put distance between us.

so yes, if it’s not too weird a question, what do YOU do in that situation? Thank you!

I'm another emetophobe and have just had my DTs with the most hideous sickness bug. I struggle badly. Luckily DH is wonderful but if I'm on my own with them, my instinct is to RUN. Obvs I don't and deal with it but it literally terrifies me. Mask and gloves are always handy anyway and bleach bleach and bleach. Luckily now my children are 5 it's getting a bit easier because they can at least tell us when they feel sick and we have time to get to bathroom or a bucket. My DH eventually caught the bug and I slept downstairs. I did not catch it!

@anxiousupnorth I'd just like to say thank you for starting this post! I'm another one with bad emetophobia and I find myself thinking/worrying about sick all the time. I've come across a couple of similar threads where 'normal' people explain what they do when they are sick, or their kids are sick. It has been really fascinating to read and also quite comforting, knowing that maybe one day I'll have a different, more rational view of sick. I've never known any other reaction other than gut wrenching anxiety which really isn't helpful when looking after an ill child! I find the more it happens though I'm getting slightly better at coping.
So thank you very much to those that have taken time to describe what they do, it really really helps. It's an awful phobia to have, but it's made me more understanding of others phobias too, even if I can't relate to what they are scared of.

And also @anxiousupnorth I think your reaction was actually really good! It sounds like you did your best and it wasn't too far off how a non-phobic would deal with it. I find I can cope in the moment but it's the days and days of irrational worries before and after that are different to what would be classed as 'normal'. And I also then obsess about whether I did everything "correctly" , and analyse whether my DD noticed anything "off" about my actions etc etc. I think we have a tendency to worry about every detail!
When my DD was sick recently I also caught it instinctively in a muslin, so that makes sense about the instinct to catch it, how interesting! It was actually much easier to do that as she really hates the bucket and pushes it away!

I'm not an emetophobe, but I don't like vomit or blood or wobbly teeth or other similar things. I have managed to get through 25 years of childrearing, although I do have to say my DC learnt to be self reliant from a young age. Talking to them now they don't have bad memories of my bad parenting, they just know that the sight of blood is likely to make me light headed or faint. And as for vomit we use big rubber gloves and disposable floor wipes to clear it up. Plus Dad if he is actually at home!
Being sick - get yourself to the bathroom and try to use the toilet or at least the sink.
Bleeding, don't drip on the carpet, run it under a tap.
Teeth, I don't need to know, unless it hurts.

No I think most people do as you did. Comfort them while it's happening then try and clean them up - the actual vomit is distressing to a child too, they don't want it on them and I'm sure just your presence, remaining calm and soothing words is enough until the mess is wiped away without hugging them and getting it on you - and you could take them away from the mess and change their clothes and deal with the mess later once they are back to sleep.
Last thing I'd want is someone touching and holding me if I feel I'm about to be sick.

I’m not scared - I’m a nurse - and remember getting in the shower with my little sister once when I was babysitting as a youngish teen because she was vomiting. So frequently we just sat under the water together.

But! I did make a decision when my second was about 3 or 4, maybe older, that I wasn’t going to just accept that I was going to catch the bug too every time. So she vomits into a trug and I wear gloves etc and everything is cleaned down, very good hand washing. Etc. So definitely prioritised that over comfort which sound awful written down but she had such a weak stomach compared to the others it was getting ridiculous. She has no ill effects!

I used to say "Ah shite!" then pick him up at arm's length and put him in the empty bath and then put on the long gloves and start showering everything down the drain and collecting puked on items for cleansing. Luckily he is now 7 and hasn't puked in years, but no way would I be hugging any vomit covered child.

Our DD1 very thoughtfully has only been sick in the evenings/at night time, so I've never had to do a single-handed cleanup operation. Generally, I clean the child and DH cleans the surrounding area, and then I do cuddles and hope I won't catch whatever she's got. I don't, usually - I did last time but I was also pregnant, and it was still very short lived (one evening, with three separate pukes, which I don't consider too bad at all). Shame the same couldn't be said for the diarrhoea, but I'll take that over vomiting any day.

Not phobic but I really, really hate vomiting bugs. We have had several awful ones. So I’m quite non huggy with vomiting child, and wash and disinfect everything asap. And shower child and wash their hair as soon as they have stopped being sick.
I am a kind and loving parent most of the time!

My mum couldn’t deal with vomit so I learned pretty quick to get a bucket or get to the loo. I don’t think it hurt me. She’d bring me anything I wanted in between the vomiting so I learnt not to take it personally and how to identify if I was going to do it.

I also have emetopobia. Which was super fun when I had hyperemesis in pregnancy.

I deal with my daughter being sick by kind of dissociating myself mentally. Dd only wants me in that situation and I kind of power through it by pretending I'm not really connected to what's happening. I try and be there as a quiet source of calm and comfort when she needs that and clear up anything quickly. I have a special wide tall plastic jug that I "use" for those situations. I also used to keep a towel under her bed to pull out to protect anything that needed protecting.

I try and keep a bag of ice chips in the freezer to help her with rehydration.

I may be screaming inside but I try to be outwardly as calm, quiet and practical as I can.

I cannot overstate how terrified and distressed I get by anyone (including me) being sick. I bottle my feelings up and maybe have a private cry later.

We have had that many vomiting bugs here that DH and I have it down to a fine art now. One of us grabs the child and relocates them at arms length to the nearest bath or shower cubicle. Strip them off and hose them down, while patting and soothing as much as you can in that situation. Washing vomit out of the hair of a 2yo who hates having her hair washed anyway is not a particularly cuddly or soothing moment but needs must! The other strips the bed/cleans up the carpet/lobs dirty stuff in the washing machine etc. We have spare sheets for both kids beds ready to go, so whichever one hosed the kid down does cuddles and clean pjs, while the other makes up the bed again. Bowl/bucket by the bed, and a cuddle til they settle down and go back to sleep.

Now she's in her mid teens, I'm afraid she's the same as me. I never told her how I felt so I guess she picked it up despite my best efforts. It's very rare now, thank goodness. At least it'll put the brakes on her drinking (I hope) when she's older.

OP - sorry I might be a bit late to the party here!
DW has emetophobia and our DS is 3, he has had two night time vomiting episodes in the last 6 months and I can tell you the first time around we did not deal with it very well! DW was sort of running around the house holding a bin bag (which I ideally needed in the bedroom!) and panicking whilst I was trying to deal with sick covered child, bedding, cuddly toys, carpet etc. Second time around we did better:

• DW went and got the bin bag / cleaning equipment whilst I comforted DS from an arms length in his bed.


• DW deposited said cleaning things at DS's bedroom door and then went to run him a bath.


• I removed DS pyjamas and wiped him down as best I could, leaving the sicky stuff on his bed.


• I carried DS into the bathroom and put him in the bath.


• DW bathed DS, dried him and reassured him whilst I cleaned up the bedroom and put everything into the wash (on an extra rinse intensive cycle with a load of that dettol stuff!)


• Then I took over looking after DS for the night whilst DW slept (as she was concerned he would be sick again)


• DW came down to take over sleeping with DS at 05:00 so that I could go to bed for a couple of hours.

I know that DW would prefer it if we set fire to everything instead of washing it (last time I did have to cut the pyjamas off though, so they were a gonna) and ideally she would like move house after it has become contaminated... but usually after 24 hours she settles back into the normal routine of things. The way that we did things meant that nobody was stuck doing everything themselves, DS wasn't alone or covered in sick any longer than necessary and DW wasn't freaking out in front of him or passing on her phobia.
I consider us to be fairly normal parents but neither one of us would cuddle him whilst he was covered in sick - it just seems stupid. The idea is to get child clean, not cover yourself in the sick as well?!

I'm not emetophobic but like Nat69 my children have been "bowl trained" from an early age.

They're not sick often and if they are they always vomit into a bowl (or the toilet) and have done since the age of 2 or 3.

Three children, the older ones now well into their teens, and I've only had to clean up vomit (other than wash a bowl) during one bout of d&v when the older two were both under 3 (and DH was working away... which was fine until I came down with it too).

Training your child to use a bowl means you're much less likely to catch it and you can cuddle him because he won't be covered in vomit. 3 is a good age to do this.

I’m currently in the ‘48-hour incubation period panic’ so I know it well. Also my son (who is totally fine now) just told me he licked all around the glass I’ve been drinking from so I think I have to reset the clock! 🤦🏻‍♀️ I have to assume at least that sort of stuff won’t happen when he’s a bit older…

Sorry that was meant to be in response to @Caneloalvarez

Sorry for the multiple posts; I'm being a bit slow on the uptake on how to use this forum.

@easyday I totally agree I wouldn't want someone touching me either! Unfortunately (I mean that only in this particular instance) DS is the most huggy child I've ever met, so he makes it quite clear that he would like a cuddle even in the midst of things! But at least I know it's not unusual/cruel to not do it.

@sullyhug Your list is basically exactly how my husband and I split it. I indentify with your wife on moving house, ha. Pre-children I used to consider the houses I'd lived in slightly cursed if anyone had been sick there. Post-children that would obviously just make everything cursed.

@sparklecrazy yes I totally understand the RUN instinct. I haven't yet and logically I know I never would but I still worry about it.

Thanks again for all the info both from non-phobics and emetophobes! It's really helpful to know I'm not alone. Also I think really helpful for me to know that 'child upset by vomiting' is not the same as 'child completely distressed and traumatised by vomiting', since I was only ever the latter.

Btw my mum got tired of cleaning up vomit when we were little and offered a bounty of £1 if the puker got all the puke into the toilet. £1 was enough then that she only had carsickness to deal with after that.

And for carsickness she used to cut the top off 1litre cartons, fold them flat and keep one in every map pocket in the car.

OP there is nothing wrong with some good infection control as many pp have described. It makes sense to prevent the spread as much as possible, why would you, your DH, and any siblings etc want to get ill?! For the sake of a quick wash and clean up before the cuddles? It's just good sense and you reacted as most ppl would. I've managed to prevent the spread through the household in the past by doing things mentioned on the thread. Usually a child feels a bit better straight after being sick and can sit in the bath whilst you clean up.

Most ppl wouldn't wear the mask, I wouldn't bother but then we've all been wearing them for two years out and about so as far as I'm concerned it's probably not a bad idea!

Well done and hope he feels better soon.

OP is your little one feeling better now and did you manage to avoid it? I’m a single mum to my 6yo DD who is currently 3 days into a nasty sickness bug and I have emetophobia. I am petrified of catching it 😬

@coffeepleeease oh poor you, and I hope your little one is on the mend. My DS was basically ok the next day (though we got an email saying it was going round nursery) - my husband got something like it a couple of days later he things but just felt really rough, no v*, and I avoided it as far as I can tell. Fingers crossed for you - it's definitely not a dead cert that you'll catch things!

Well if my child is sick it is a bit gross but I can't see I really mind. Same thing as changing my child's nappy.

I wouldn't have strong feelings about it tbh.

That good neither of you were sick. She's finally eaten some small amount after 4 days of no good. It's been 2 days since she was last sick but I'm still feeling very anxious about it happening again

If my kids are sick I nearly faint I am no help whatsoever

but I've never phoned a sick bug from them and nor do the family