How do ‘normal’ parents react when their child is sick?

[anxiousupnorth]

Sorry if this isn’t the right place for this but…I have very severe emetophobia (fear of vomiting) and I’m trying to navigate parenting without scarring my child(ren) (DS 3, and I’m 20 weeks pregnant)

My son woke up vomiting tonight - on the one night I was in the room with him because we were camping in the basement because of the heatwave and I’d just gone to bed. It was bad, it was really everywhere, and he was upset and a bit scared. Luckily his Dad was nearby and I managed to get him in the room swiftly, and I patted my son’s back and said soothing things to him (while holding a towel over my face 😳), and then as soon as my husband was there I nipped off to get an ffp2 mask and then with that security was able to come back and help take care of him.

I’m aware this is far from the perfect response but I suppose I don’t have much concept of what a normal response is. I kind of imagine that non-phobic people swoop in and immediately cuddle their v* covered child without sorting any mess, but do you? My son has always been very calm about vomiting but tonight he said he wanted was scared and got really upset about the possibility of it happening again, and I suppose I’m just so worried about passing on my fear. Similarly I know it’s probably not great to wear a mask around your kid while they’re vomiting in terms of making them feel it’s no big deal but at the moment it’s either that and be able to look after him properly or no mask and constantly be trying to put distance between us.

so yes, if it’s not too weird a question, what do YOU do in that situation? Thank you!

It's a phobia you have so I completely understand to a degree. I myself am not afraid of vomit but I am deathly afraid of spiders. One was crawling towards my baby and I absolutely froze and started shaking. Most parents would swoop in and kill it but for about 10 seconds I couldn't do anything. I did in the end snap out of it and grabbed her and then got the hoover. I am seeking hypnosis for this because I can't continue.

Maybe try and get some help for this phobia. Our kids do a lot of vomiting growing up so it's best to try and combat your fear.

Good luck love xx

Sorry to answer your actual question - I normally pat their back, try and calm them while they are being sick and then clear up afterwards. Give them hugs and a glass of water 😊

I am not emetophobic. I usually carry vomity child into the bathroom (preferably at arm's length), pop them in the empty bath, give them a nice wash and then cuddle the clean child in a towel. Plus/minus Calpol. When they are a bit more settled I strip the bed and usually chuck that in the bath (as the bath will need bleaching anyways) and then remake the clean bed and put the child back to sleep. I try not to cuddle them when vomity as we've had vomiting bugs spread through the household before now and last time I was so sick I couldn't keep water down and was passing out when I stood up - which was not helpful for looking after the kids.

I'd say I'm a pretty 'normal' parent - DS1 is currently in our room with me as he's had a nightmare, so I'm not totally unfeeling!

My 3yo son was sick the other day for the first time and I did exactly what you said. Swooped in for a cuddle while DH started on cleanup. DH is quite squeamish about that sort of thing so if both of us are there, I’m the better one to do the hugging. Not sure what DH would have done if he was alone, possibly stripped him off and got him cleaned up (whilst reassuring him) and then offered a cuddle and then cleaned up everywhere else.

So maybe not what you wanted to hear but that’s what I do.

“What I did” is probably better phrasing. As I say, it’s only happened for the first time last week. PP makes a good point about bugs passing about though; if he is sick again I probably need to be mindful of not putting myself in the thick of it!

I say OH no! NO NO. then get the child to a bathroom and find someone to clean up the mess while i handle the child. I cant clean up vomit

Normal instinct is to reach out and try to catch the vomit. It’s bizarre behavior that you would only ever do with your own young child.

I have a phobia about teeth. A wiggly tooth makes me want to run screaming from the room. Sometimes you have to take a moment, compose yourself, and figure out how to deal just like you did

I’m not emetophobic and I don’t cuddle the vomity child - I just rush him to the bathroom and pat him and make soothing noises. Then once it’s safe to do so I’d cuddle him. Then I go and deal with the room. so I don’t think it’s abnormal to not cuddle them and I think it sounds like you’re making minimal fuss considering and dealing with it the best you can.

Practically? When dd threw up everywhere i immediate grabbed her bin, dumped its contents and shoved it under her to catch any further episodes, all whilst soothingly saying things like “oh, you poor old thing, it’s okay, it happens to everyone sometimes, it’s all going to be okay” etc. i deliberately have easy-clean plastic bins for kids for exactly this reason. Rubbed her back and comforted whilst she wretched (definitely not full cuddle).

then when she seemed like it wasn’t going to repeat, i whisked away horrible duvet, scraped the worst into the loo with a wad of toilet paper, shoved duvet cover into washing-machine, gave duvet itself a good quick scrub and shoved it outside over a garden chair to air.5 mins in all. Wash hands thoroughly.

Came back to dd with damp flannels, cleaned her up and stripped off pyjamas - dumped on bathroom floor- and put on new ones. Put fresh duvet on (keep one in cupboard with cover on for emergencies like this.) Cuddled dd for a while until she felt better/ obviously not going to happen again soon. Leave her to sleep with bin beside bed and promises to check in every five mins. Gradually lengthen this if she seems fine. Scoop pyjamas up from bathroom, put in with duvet cover and flannels with vanish on hot wash. Wash hands again.

does that help?

I'm emetaphobic, I trained ds from being small to sort himself, either grab a bucket, get to the sink or toilet, in 18 years I have only had to clear up once when he was sick over the side of his cabin bed. My tip is cover the sick in cheap shaving foam, then lots of kitchen roll, scoop up as much as you can, then repeat until it is gone. Then a cloth soaked in biological washing powder & water, wring out & give the carpet a good rub over, repeat until carpet is clean. I have found 1001 carpet refresher foam gets the smell out really well, then open the windows for a couple of hours.

The main thing is being calm and supportive or enabling others to support if you’re struggling.. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, so don’t beat yourself up about this. Look for small strategies. Physically patting someone’s back, getting immediate help, sourcing a bowl/towel can give reassurance without touching the sick. Masks are the norm right now so don’t give mask use too much thought.

I'm a single parent so always deal with it alone. She's older and pretty much deals with it alone now with me passing her what she needs ie water or clean pj's through the door.

When she was little Id whisk her into the bath at arms length, strip her, wipe her down put new PJs on and give her a sick bucket. We keep two Celebrations tubs for this use so t a t one can be emptied.
I'd then clean up her room, pouring cat litter onto any vomit on the floor. Catt litter absorbs the moisture and can be hoovered or dust panned up later. I keep a duvet premade up for emergency so would put that in the bed with an old towel over the end. Any vomity bedding would go in the bath with her PJs and rinsed before going in the washing machine. I would shout comforting words from a distance until I finished cleaning up. When she moved into a High Sleeper aid put her in my bed to sleep, she won't do that now so I make her a bed on the sofa so she doesn't need to tackle a ladder.

👆👆👆I do exactly this too.

Echo those who herd child to bathroom while making soothing noises (and trying not to vomit myself!).
I’m not phobic, but I really don’t deal well with vomit! DP is worse than me, so I tend to take over
We started having DD’s potette with liners handy for any travel sickness episodes when she was a toddler and since then, we’ve used it for sickness bugs. Then I don’t really have to handle anything (providing her aim is good). it’s been an absolute godsend! I carry one of the bags with me around and about, just in case she feels sick on public transport, etc, which helps with my anxiety!
I hope you’re ok, OP ❤️

I'm not emetophobic but the smell will make me vomit too. We've been "lucky" in that DD has only ever been sick when both of us have been home. If it's at night DH will carry her to the bathroom, strip her off, clean her up as needed then bring her to me for cuddles whilst he cleans up anything else that needs cleaning. Then she will go to sleep next to him whilst I sleep elsewhere.

The last bug she had a couple of months ago she was able to be sick in a bowl (she's 3.7 now) so that's easier to deal with.

It sounds like you did the best you could and he was looked after.

If there is both of us there. We would take child to the bathroom, constantly saying, it's ok, we're here. DP would usually deal with child, rubbing back, give comfort (he has a very comforting tone so he is better in that situation)
I will run round fetching a glass of water, change of clothes and grab the sick bucket. Once they are in place I will start cleaning up occasionally checking in bathroom to see how child is doing.

If there is just me I would stay with child until they have stopped V-ing and then sit them down with bucket whilst I clean. Whilst I am cleaning I will talk to child reassuring them that its ok and we will get cleaned up in just a few mins.
It isn't pleasant for anybody, but with a phobia I imagine it is awful. I have only ever been sick once, I was too young to remember. So really I am fine as I know I won't get ill. I can't imagine having a phobia of something our body does. That is awful for you OP. Your DC will not be scarred. When he is older he will understand

Fortunately I have more or less outgrown my phobia to some extent. The first time dd was sick dh dealt with it. The second time we were on holiday and I was trying not to throw up myself while cleaning it up. And the last time I was much better. Lots of dettol to clean up and get rid of the smell. Fortunately dd has only ever been sick 3 times in her life (touch wood!) as she's quite a robust kid.
I'm really bad with adults vomiting though, they're old enough to clean it up. Also I don't like noisy vomiters and pavement sick freaks me out.

We've just had my DS with a bug. He was sick all over himself in bed. I peeled off his PJs, popped him in a shower, stripped the bed, replaced bedding with a towel layer system so later sickness could be swiftly dealt with. Popped him.back in bed with a bucket nearby (he's 3 so as long as I hear him stir we can usually get to the bucket in time), and then put all the clothes, bedding on a hygeine wash.

I then do a 2x happy birthday wash of hands, and squirt a bit of bleach on taps and bath and wipe any door handles or switches I've used in that last 10 mins.

He didn't pass it on to any of us following this process and he's had several bugs this year that haven't passed either.

I don't consider myself to have emetephobia but no one likes sick and I don't scoop a child up covered in sick .. I direct them to the bathroom and make them be sick in the toilet .
Then stand in the bath while I shower them down ..then scoop up the bedding etc and rinse that off in the bath

Sick is gross ! Luckily in 19 years I've only dealt with a couple of sick episodes !

Hand them a bowl while I strip them and their bedding, give them a wash, change their PJs, put them in our bed with DP and a bowl, scrub my hands, change my PJs and sleep on the sofa.

Clean up first - with comforting words - cuddle second. No point in getting covered in vomit myself.

I'm squeamish so sure as heck don't want vomit on me, plus it's contagious & having noro sucks. I'm far more afraid of getting noro than covid nowadays. Vomiting hurts. It's not the worst pain of course, the nausea itself is more unpleasant: all unpleasant.

I would touch clean bits of child to support them & clean all mess quickly when vomiting paused. FPP mask sounds OTT but... I guess it might help reduce risk of OP getting sick, if there was a lot of projectile vomiting, so not completely crazy to use a mask.

We've paid pass the bucket in past (long ago) when 4-5 of us at once had norovirus. Plus I had bad morning sickness so puked a lot. I'd be a nervous shell if I had a phobia too.

One time a DC covered self in vomit in their sleep, I discovered about 11pm. I was so grateful DH dealt with that one because I was exhausted, tempted to leave it until morning. DH is A) not at all sqeamish, B) rarely ever got noro.

I’m not emetophobic but I do have sympathy vomiting…no idea what it is actually called but if someone is vomiting, I will gag and then start vomiting too. I can’t control it. I’ve tried. My eyes will start streaming and I’ll be gagging and then…I’m vomiting too even if I’m not sick. Even if my stomach is empty- I’ll start vomiting up bile/stomach acids.

So when the DC were sick

• If I were alone- First step is usually to herd the child to the bathroom as fast as possible and put in the tub. (pause to vomit in toilet). Then strip child of vomit clothes (pause to vomit again). If child is still vomiting, they can vomit in the tub. Then I take the hand held shower and wash the child head to toe (not looking at any chunks gathering in the drain- Erg probably will vomit at least one more time). Wrap the child in a clean fluffy towel then go and get clean clothes. Dress child and then take to another room, say reassuring things. Then I grab the washing up tub from the kitchen and take it with me to vomit in while cleaning up where the child vomited. All bedding and clothes go in the washer.

• If DH is there- I handle the vomit covered child while he does the clean up of where they were sick. Because it’s much nicer for me to just turn and vomit in the toilet vs rushing for a washing up tub while struggling with sick covered whatever- bedding, furniture, floor, etc.

All my DC know that I’m a sympathy vomiter and I don’t think it’s scarred them for life or anything. They know I can’t control it.

I actually think a mask is a decent idea-at least the kids are used to seeing them now so it shouldn’t freak them out.
I don’t cuddle vomiting children-although I have done the bizarre instinctual trying to catch it thing!
i herd them to bathroom, pat them on the back, get them a drink of water, then strip bed and clean up. I’ll then make bed with double layers so it can be stripped easily and put towels around it and a bucket.
child will have bath and hair wash before getting back into bed
then I clean and bleach the bathroom and myself and pray that I haven’t caught it.
I find that by being fairly practical and matter of fact no one gets too upset .

Thank you all for the really kind responses and sorry for the slow reply - it’s been A Night. It’s SO helpful to see what other people do, and perhaps my actual response is not as far off normal as I thought - my husband is amazing with this stuff but also I think doesn’t bother to think about trying not to catch things, so I sort of assumed no caution was the norm. There’s definitely stuff here I can aim for though, especially when he’s not around.

Ironically half the reason I’m phobic is my brother and I had absolute stomachs of iron when we were children so I had essentially no experience of it really. This is DS’s third stomach bug this year so I’m going to go out of a limb and say he’s not inherited that trait!

thank you all again 💙