Can’t stop worrying about Cerbral Palsy

[Qwerty93]

Hi,

I’m hoping some people can put my mind at ease!

My little one is 5 months and sometimes feels really stiff, and other times not. Her stomach is weak. Like once I had to use full force to lift her arm up.

I first noticed things where odd when she looked asymmetrical, the left shoulder appears internally rotated and hand is 80% of the time with thumb in.

She never really moves her arms above her shoulder. Only occasionally have I seen her do it. And it’s really hard to like get her in jackets etc! Her fingers seem curled.

The right side can also be fisted too but I would say more open than the left.

Her movements can be jerky and her co-ordination for a 5 month old seems to be behind I would say.

She can hold toys, and grab at toys and bring to midline, and bring to mouth etc.

She has okay head control!

She can roll back to front (right to left). On tummy time though she’s not very good at lifting her head. She’ll do it. Then get tired I guess and have to then lift it up again.

Her legs also concern me. Again. Look asymmetrical. Can kick them, Infact does so quite a lot. My concern her is that the feet tends to turn inward, and she does cross them at the legs, and when kicking the legs will go over and under and hit each other after a few kicks.

She can get feet to mouth and does play with them.

She babbles, smiles, laughs, can track with her eyes. Very alert. For sure.

When she’s eating and falling asleep her hands/arms will move up and down.
She also arches her back ALOT. And I can’t think why!

All I can think of is CP.

I have seen a dr, general paediatrician, 2x nhs physios and they’ve all said she’s doing great developmentally and actually think I’m crazy first time mum. So much so I’ve got referred to a psychiatrist, but all I’m telling them is how much my little one has CP and no one believes me.

Is there anyway the above could not be CP and something else?

The only thing I can think of what caused it as I didn’t have a traumatic birth, but when she was 2 days old in the hospital, I was putting her the hospital crib and she sort of dropped into it. I didn’t think anything of it as she stayed asleep. Now I’m wondering what if she was unconscious or something and had lack of oxygen with brain swelling and I’ve not noticed!

Help :(

Mine didn’t sit til around 7/8 months. And then fell over for ages after that. Wasn’t like those little babies who seem to sit really early. Totally fine now. You can’t really help them learn. They do it themselves.

OP, this really varies. My DS sits unaided since 5.5mo and can reach out for toys and play and won't fall over. He learnt earlier than I thought but he had good head and neck control for his age from day one, he was just born this way. On the other hand, unlike your DD, he's decided not to roll after he randomly did it once months ago when he was very little 🤷🏼‍♀️ They really hit their milestones at various times and it depends on the baby. You can't teach them. You can encourage gentle exercise to develop their strength and coordination but that's about it at the moment. No one knows if your DD might be ready to sit unaided at 6mo or say, 8mo.

you don't teach them to sit, you prop them up in a sitting position with pillow etc. support, & eventually they can sit unaided.

DS could stand up independently before he could sit unaided (both about 8.5 months)

I can’t help thinking what if I was just unlucky

What if you're "just lucky" & your DD grows up to be very academically successful & in the top 0.25% of earners in the country? What if she is one of the top 0.25% of earners even though she also has cerebal palsy? I mean, why focus on a negative you can't change if it did happen (probably didn't). Why not focus on all the good things you could help make happen?

That's why it's a mental illness -- some part of you wants a reason to punish you, finds that a comfortable relationship to have with your self. Actually feels safer thinking negatively as though worry and guilt somehow atone for your imagine mistakes, meanwhile pretending those feelings are not totally crippling, disruptive & damaging to your present.

I'm probably not being nice, am cheesed off with a friend who can't let go of the past & as a result she is ruining her present. Now I see it everywhere -- oh, and she's consumed by anxiety, too.

Still your responsibility but Not your fault -- govt has told everyone to be nervous wrecks for last 2 years. Pah.

when I look at a typical baby sitting. My little ones hips/calf look tight.

My baby is the first one.

This is I would say typical baby sitting

I don't know what you want from this thread?

Your baby looks fine, not sure what you see?

Whatever we say you will find something else ‘wrong’. Honestly your baby is fine, I think you need to get help for your anxiety.

The second photo to add is not my baby but a friends and the first one is mine.

Her hips just seem different and posture!

First of all, don’t compare your baby to others. Every baby is different.

Secondly, both babies are sitting differently hence why it looks different but both perfectly normal.

My one has never sat like that though always sits with tights hips :(

My DD’s hips looked the similar. She’s now 21 months and absolutely fine.

Personally I can’t see any problems.

My DD had a turned in foot when she was born. It was instantly picked up by the doctors. But it was nothing to worry about she apparently was just abit squashed (she got her height from her dad). We had one physio session and then it was fine by the time she started walking. I think your baby looks completely normal on the photos OP.

Just wanted to say I’ve had really similar feelings to you. Not CP, paranoid about a different condition, but I know how all-consuming the anxiety can be. I would spend hours every day researching the condition, driving myself mad. You’re not alone. What helped me was seeking reassurance from several different professionals and medication. Tell your GP you need to see a psychiatrist. Good luck OP.

Omg. I’ve just realised obviously you are right with the dropping in the cot it weren’t that.

I think she was severely de-hydrated. Basically we went to the hospital as we thought she had reflux and constipation, and they said oh probably over feeding her…. So we dropped it down, and now I think she was too hungry and probably didn’t feed her enough for about a week and she got badly constipated! And basically we took her in cause she refused to feed! Now I’m thinking she was too weak to even suck. I can see photos of her looking back doing sheer hunger cues but we thought it was reflux. When we went in because of vomitting and not taking milk it was around 18hours before she was given fluids. She also lost weight. She was three weeks and 7lb 9oz

Would this have done damage?

@Puppyseahorse

Just wanted to say I’ve had really similar feelings to you. Not CP, paranoid about a different condition, but I know how all-consuming the anxiety can be. I would spend hours every day researching the condition, driving myself mad. You’re not alone. What helped me was seeking reassurance from several different professionals and medication. Tell your GP you need to see a psychiatrist. Good luck OP.

The OP has already been referred to a psychiatrist

OP - your baby looks perfectly normal to me. Even if someone on the internet does say 'oh that looks a little odd', then what? You can't really go to your GP and tell them that a random person on the internet thinks there may be an issue and on the strength of that, refer your baby for tests.

Please see the psychiatrist. I asked about your partner because I wondered if you had some real life support. It must be agonising obsessing about this and not enjoying your baby.

Oh dear. I mean this really kindly, OP, but you need to pause, now. Pause and try to stop looking for issues and guilt-tripping yourself for no reason. I understand you're waiting for help, in the meantime have you tried grounding techniques? As well as distraction, postponement, meditation, mindfulness? At least one of them might bring you a little bit of peace for now. Is your partner aware of your intrusive thoughts?

Your last post really shows in what anxious overdrive your brain is right now. None of the things you've said would have caused harm to your child, honestly. None.

She must have been getting about 2oz a feed at three weeks? Maybe 6/7 feeds a day? But then she had a milk allergy/constipation/vommiting and didn’t drink for 18 hours by the time the hospital gave her fluids.

That would constitute severe dehydration right?

Yeah, I have my partner and my mum!

They’re great, they all think along the lines of you guys.

I can see how it looks to everyone I can honestly. But this feeling I have is so strong!

I do appreciate your replies on here… I really do.

OP lots of children go through extremely traumatic illnesses and diagnoses during the first year of their lives.

You wouldn't need to "search" for the illness. Because it's there.

Try to stop searching now, rest, enjoy your baby, she is thriving and well.

My baby was desperately ill in the first few month is of her life, we didn't have to search.

I understand the obligation is on you to notice and advocate for her - I understand that it's a huge pressure but know that's been shared now by professionals- they've searched too and they know your baby is well.

Really hope you find some peace xx

Also…. I forgot to mention…. The cord was wrapped around her abdomen… would that cause any issues? Anyone had similar

my ds had the cord wrapped around him,
totally no effect on him at all

you need to take a break from this op
ask for some help in person for your anxious thoughts.

@Qwerty93

Also…. I forgot to mention…. The cord was wrapped around her abdomen… would that cause any issues? Anyone had similar

Op. These thoughts are intrusive and damaging to your mental health. You need to work on these intrusive thoughts with a professional- preferably someone who specialises in health anxiety and/or OCD because you are going to pass these extreme anxieties on to your child which will not be in her best interests.

Please step away from this thread, which seems to just have you spiralling, and find the help that you need, for the benefit of your baby girl.

hey guys, just wanted to mention also, my waters went at 39 weeks, and they done 3 sweeps when I had strep B!

Now I’m wondering whether that my little one has CP from Chorioamnionitis or having to fight an infection caused cytokines.

Am I being unreasonable or would you mention it to health professional?