My daughter is overweight and I can't seem to manage it.

[Biblionerd]

Just that really. DD is 8, incredibly beautiful, kindest heart I have ever known but she is also overweight. I struggled with weight all my life and it was the one thing I didn't want for her. I have never discussed it with her, I do not want to give her the fatness narrative I had to grow up with! I have told here that now I'm home more (change of job) I'm going to cook more and we will be trying to have more adventures for a healthy life.

I have been watching her portion control, encouraging more sports and fruit as snacks as well as adding and hiding veg where I can. She has 3 days at her dad's where the food is ... convenient, but surely that wouldn't be enough to stop her losing any weight. Any advice please?

Have you spoken to her dad? 3 days is enough if she’s eating excessive cals.

Does she do any sport/exercise? Maybe family walks etc?

How large is she?
My understanding with kids is they shouldn't aim to loose weight, just maintain their current weight until their height increases enough to pull them back into the healthy region.

Are you in a position to talk to Dad about cutting out some of the snacking at his? Or talk to DD about making healthier snacking choices? Totally understand both those options might not be desirable, but it will probably slow any efforts you make if things are a little excessive for nearly half the week.

I think you are doing the right thing by increasing DDs excercise and watching the food at your house without making it into a bid deal. Keep trying and hopefully over time this will make a difference.

If she's eating rubbish for 3 days with her dad, that will be extremely difficult to overcome. You really need to speak to your ex about this and try to work together.

Does she eat a wide variety of foods now? What does a typical days food look like?

I agree with previous posters. If the 3 days is too much of the wrong things it will be enough to keep her gaining.

Is Dad likely to be onboard with a little more activity and the healthy changes you've made?

3 days is plenty enough to throw it all out it's nearly half the week.

I have the same problem with my son however he is 14 and his dad and I live together.
I think the last year or so has been especially challenging for our children being stuck at home remote learning and not getting nowhere near as much exercise as they would if they had been at school.
My son is autistic and has been comfort eating for a long time, I have involved him in meal planning and cooking, perhaps you could try this with your child. He was also more inclined to try new things if he was responsible for preparing and cooking it and it gave him a sense of achievement and we've also discovered he's quite a good cook.
I spoke to the school about my concerns re his weight and they have made time for him to do extra PE and luckily as his school is private he is able to swim everyday, maybe speak to the FLO at your child's school to see if they can help with extra PE or if there are after school clubs available.
All the best

3 days is more than enough!

What does she drink? My unscientific anecdata is that the children who only drink water and milk at DD's school are all slim and the ones that drink other things aren't. Her friend drinks energy drinks at 12 and is overweight I really worry about that girl.

Unknown to me my daughter was having three puddings at school every day! Grrrrrr!!!

Watching with interest as I’m anticipating my daughter having the same issues as she gets older (is only 4 currently). She is getting a little chubby and really loves her food! Some things I’m trying to do are ensuring she has enough protein in her diet to keep her fuller for longer, not having biscuits or crisps in the house at all, ensuring she has plenty of water to drink (thirst can be confused for hunger) and plenty of opportunities to be active -park trips, walking to school, swimming at weekends etc. Sounds like you’re a lovely mum with a good attitude to health and weight. Good luck x

@Ilikecheeseontoast

Watching with interest as I’m anticipating my daughter having the same issues as she gets older (is only 4 currently). She is getting a little chubby and really loves her food! Some things I’m trying to do are ensuring she has enough protein in her diet to keep her fuller for longer, not having biscuits or crisps in the house at all, ensuring she has plenty of water to drink (thirst can be confused for hunger) and plenty of opportunities to be active -park trips, walking to school, swimming at weekends etc. Sounds like you’re a lovely mum with a good attitude to health and weight. Good luck x

Thank you, you also seem lovely, already looking out for the signs. I will definitely keep an eye on the water not hunger aspect as I'm sure half the time she couldn't possibly be hungry (but I do offer fruit rather than crapsnack).

Many girls look noticeably chubby before the growth spurt that heralds the onset of puberty and at eight she is not too young to be at the beginning of this. You are doing absolutely the right thing by controlling her food intake while she is with you. Would you be able to talk to her father about this so that you are working together in her best interests?

Thank you for the replies everyone, I will try and respond as fully as I can (for the second time as first response got lost)

ExH is definitely someone I can speak to about the worries, however, he is also likely to speak to DD, he isn't very subtle. I don't want to unburden myself of responsibility, but I do know the food they have there is too much, they've told me about dinner being meatballs and chips or pasta woth garlic bread and beans, or Pizza and chips.

At home she typically has plain shreddies or chocolate weetabix (if they're on offer) for breakfast. Lunch would be either school dinner or wrap with fruit and a choice of biscuit, crisps or yogurt and I sometimes add chicken pieces or little sausages as a treat. Tea on a school day would be a hot wrap with chicken and lettuce or enchiladas or Pasta. Weekends we have meals or sometimes a takeaway. Fruit is the go-to snack on offer but of course she gets an ice cream treat or a little cake on occasion when we are out and about having an adventure.

Sports wise - she does swimming and Brownies, she was doing gymnastics but that closed due to pandemic and the teacher has now quit. We walk and I encourage her onto her bike as much as I can. I know her dad doesn't do as much activity wise.

You've all made me feel much better that I am trying to do the right thing, and the advice to maintain and waif for her to grow into it is the best thing I've heard!!!

It's just puppy fat.
You are anxious about weight & you are passing this on OP

Maybe try and keep a food diary for a week just out of interest for yourself. You don't need to share it with her. Portion sizes for kids are a lot less than we think. My kids love their snacks and they are not good around buffet type meals. Hopefully with a bit of a chat with the Dad you will see some changes. Plenty of walks over the summer will be good.

The Caroline Walker trust has really good information with pictures of portion sizes and calories actually needed for different ages and sexes.
It also has recipes.
In your example I don't see many vegetables. DS1's packed lunch now has sandwiches, 1 portion vegetables (chopped peppers or cucumbers normally - 1/2 pepper is about 80g), one piece of fruit and a small chocolate bar (Penguin / 2 finger kitkat) OR crisps (Quavers or similar).
If you know her actual height and weight, there is an nhs BMI tracker online.

@AmIPeriOrAreYouJustAnnoying

It's just puppy fat. You are anxious about weight & you are passing this on OP

I'm so desperately trying not to, I don't want her to have the miserable childhood I did. I never mention weight to her, I actually don't ever criticise my body near her either so she doesn't have that narrative of fatness. I am looking looking other ways to deal with this without impacting her.

@idliketoteachtheworldtosing

I have the same problem with my son however he is 14 and his dad and I live together. I think the last year or so has been especially challenging for our children being stuck at home remote learning and not getting nowhere near as much exercise as they would if they had been at school. My son is autistic and has been comfort eating for a long time, I have involved him in meal planning and cooking, perhaps you could try this with your child. He was also more inclined to try new things if he was responsible for preparing and cooking it and it gave him a sense of achievement and we've also discovered he's quite a good cook. I spoke to the school about my concerns re his weight and they have made time for him to do extra PE and luckily as his school is private he is able to swim everyday, maybe speak to the FLO at your child's school to see if they can help with extra PE or if there are after school clubs available. All the best

This is amazing advice, especially about involving her in planning and cooking. Lockdown and the loss of all their hobbies has definitely not helped, she is clearly going to be someone who puts weight on easily.

@Taswama

The Caroline Walker trust has really good information with pictures of portion sizes and calories actually needed for different ages and sexes. It also has recipes. In your example I don't see many vegetables. DS1's packed lunch now has sandwiches, 1 portion vegetables (chopped peppers or cucumbers normally - 1/2 pepper is about 80g), one piece of fruit and a small chocolate bar (Penguin / 2 finger kitkat) OR crisps (Quavers or similar). If you know her actual height and weight, there is an nhs BMI tracker online.

I will definitely look into that. I realised as I was writing it it didn't feature enough F&V, she takes fruit as her school snack and I add/hide as much as I can into her diet. But definitely not as much as she should, and I will be checking how much we all have as a family and making more small changes

My DD is the same and she’s 10. She has a very good appetite and tendency to want to eat the wrong things. It’s hard as I don’t want to pass my weight issues on to her so I understand how you feel op. I went through the same phase as her when I was her age to be honest & it did even out but thank you to the suggestions above I will have a look at Caroline Walker.

At 8 I'm curious about hiding vegetables. We don't hide them. They are with every meal and snack.

Also DD has cooked since 8 and that helps. You're talking about food and health naturally.

I will say cereal and fruit for breakfast is a pet peeve of mine. So many crappy carbs. That makes me hungry.

Be careful with wraps.

They're much higher calories and more processed than bread. Yet they're somehow seen as healthy.

2 in a day and I'd gain weight and I'm 5'3 and in my 30s.

Personally if my DC have a bread for lunch then they won't at dinner.

And breakfast doesn't contain bread or sugar. Generally they have either porridge (just oats and milk, add peanut butter, fruit and/or cinnamon) scrambled eggs, or full fat Greek yogurt with fruit. Protein first thing.

Lunch is generally whole meal pitta with hummus and veggie sticks. Or a wholemeal ham sandwich thin with veggies and some mini cheddars.

School snack they take a graze protein bar or soreen as fruit isn't enough energy I find for them so the fruit is the after school snack.

Dinner will be a protein fish/chicken/beef with lots of veg/salad and brown rice/potato/wholemeal pasta.

If you didn't see "what are we feeding our kids" recently then it's a good place to start.

Agree with @CantEnjoySummer. Up the protein for breakfast. Eggs or avocado on toast or porridge made with milk. Or wholemeal toast with peanut butter. Or even cheese and (low salt) crackers or a cheese toastie on 50/50 bread.

On days when I have a high-protein breakfast, I'm significantly less likely to snack on unhealthy snacks mid-morning and more likely to be active since I'm less sluggish.

My DC (a lot younger than yours, though) has a small helping of porridge, a piece of fruit and half a piece of peanut butter toast for breakfast, together with a small glass of milk. I think breakfast is their main meal of the day ! Then a snack meal for lunch with a protein and a vegetable (eggs, baked beans, sandwiches etc.) and a proper meal in the evening (typically meat or fish with a carb and 2/3 veg). Snacks are cheese, nuts, carrot sticks or fruit. Occasionally popcorn but not often as it's bad for teeth. Pudding is "special" fruit (strawberries/watermelon etc.) or yoghurt, with cake/ice-cream once or twice a week. Only drinks are milk and water.

Could you cook together at the weekend? One favourite with my DC is making sweet potato pancakes or waffles for brunch - absolutely delicious with a bit of maple syrup and not that bad for you and an extra veg. Or we like making pizza or veg and cheese muffins.

Also get out of the house more at weekends/holidays. We snack much more when we stay in due to boredom.

So grateful for all the advice on here. I can see so many new small changes we can make 😊