My daughter is overweight and I can't seem to manage it.

[Biblionerd]

Just that really. DD is 8, incredibly beautiful, kindest heart I have ever known but she is also overweight. I struggled with weight all my life and it was the one thing I didn't want for her. I have never discussed it with her, I do not want to give her the fatness narrative I had to grow up with! I have told here that now I'm home more (change of job) I'm going to cook more and we will be trying to have more adventures for a healthy life.

I have been watching her portion control, encouraging more sports and fruit as snacks as well as adding and hiding veg where I can. She has 3 days at her dad's where the food is ... convenient, but surely that wouldn't be enough to stop her losing any weight. Any advice please?

ExH is definitely someone I can speak to about the worries, however, he is also likely to speak to DD, he isn't very subtle. I don't want to unburden myself of responsibility, but I do know the food they have there is too much, they've told me about dinner being meatballs and chips or pasta woth garlic bread and beans, or Pizza and chips.

Could you ask your ex to focus on keeping the food relatively low calorie even if it's still processed so at least she's not putting on weight in the 3 days that she's there.

Oven-cooked french fries aren't that high in calories (all greens/oranges on the colour coding ). And breaded fish fillets/fish fingers are fine and you just shove them in the oven. It takes a couple of minutes to boil some frozen peas. Meatballs fine but ideally with wholemeal spaghetti rather than chips. And you don't need chips with pizza...maybe they could do carrot sticks/a ready-prepared salad instead. You can substitute frozen yoghurt for ice-cream...ben and jerry's do some yummy ones! Nothing wrong with beans on toast with a little bit of grated cheese for lunch.

@AmIPeriOrAreYouJustAnnoying

It's just puppy fat. You are anxious about weight & you are passing this on OP

Puppy fat is a myth and is just use to justify and normalise overweight children. www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2006/may/researchers-expose-myth-disappearing-puppy-fat

@Biblionerd removing the ultra-processed food is the first thing you should do, from the breakfast cereals to crisps and biscuit on a daily basis, and any other very processed food you use for meals (the wraps are one of the most processed ones, list of ingredients goes on forever, ditto the enchilada)
Watch the recent BBC documentary what are we feeding our kids www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000wgcd

It is difficult to find the right words to justify not buying a certain food and we always have the fear of damaging out children and their relationship with food. But there is certainly some flexibility. Make it an experiment, a whole summer of fresh food, of fun preparing food together, a colourful kitchen without food that comes out of a factory with a ton of additives and transformation.
Select recipes together, go to buy ingredients. It could even be a cake once a week for Sunday .

I have a DC who puts on weight easily. They just love food so much. We eat so healthily we’re like an ‘overheard in Waitrose’ family. It’s all about portion control for my dc but that’s really hard to do when you have another dc who under eats and for whom you have to get emergency bowls of food at bedtime

@GentlemanJackie

I have a DC who puts on weight easily. They just love food so much. We eat so healthily we’re like an ‘overheard in Waitrose’ family. It’s all about portion control for my dc but that’s really hard to do when you have another dc who under eats and for whom you have to get emergency bowls of food at bedtime

That seems like an impossibly fine line you have to tread there!

This is very hard. I’m looking at my children and knowing that their diet and lifestyle is worse than mine as a child despite my being very aware of it and actively trying to manage it for their better health.

If you have a larger body, then genetically it is very likely that your daughter will too. I’d focus on getting her to feel positive about her health and feeling like she has some control over it and that it isn’t all about her body weight.

Also, Restricting calories when growing can have a significant affect on the body. As someone mentioned earlier, children put on weight before a growth spurt. I heard a nutritionist recently talking about children having their calories restricted, or restricting themselves, in response to that will stunt their growth.

I’d focus on high quality food, where you can. (My children prefer low quality food!) The high protein breakfast is a great suggestion. It’s what I’m currently doing for myself and my eldest daughter, so eggs or porridge with whole milk etc. Also meat products have more protein to calorie ratio, so you’ll be satiated (because it’s stuff like protein that the body measures, not calories) on less than on foods like bread etc.

@Biblionerd yes it’s hard especially when as the one who eats too much is very sensitive to fairness and constantly feels short changed! DC2 is growing up with me constantly limiting her portions and constantly trying to get extra portions/ bigger portions into DC 1. I feel like some kind of eating disorder is inevitable. We don’t have cake/ crisps/ biscuits in the house and we have mountains of fruit and veg for snacks but I still have one DC who is slightly overweight and one who is skinny and prone to deficiencies due to picky eating. Reading all the comments here with interest. Upping protein is a good idea but my picky eater won’t eat any high protein foods so we have to serve carbs too.

I also came on to add about the evil wraps and how calorific the white ones are. Small brown roll or wholemeal sarnie would be better.
Save crisps for weekend treat and put a handful of pop chips or mini cheddars or a few Doritos.
I also started doing pasta and chicken salad light on the pasta.
Maybe add more finger foods but healthy like chunks of chicken lots of salad bits some chopped up grapes and a cheese triangle. Less carbs. My kids love the picky lunches.

You are doing all the right things.
Encourage plenty of exercise everyday. Walk to and from school if possible. Play outside. Ride bikes, roller-skate, scooter. Dance in the kitchen while waiting for dinner to cook. Buy her a hula hoop, a good properly weighted skipping rope, a mini trampoline.

You could set her and yourself a mini challenge, like learning to swim a mile (together!) and go to the pool once a week to increase your stamina.

If you exercise at home often - even just doing 15 minute yoga or body weight Youtube workouts, she'll probably copy you. My DC did. They always joined in.

When you discuss food never talk about naughty food or weight gain. Never mention getting fat. Talk about different food groups and what each one does for you - good for your heart or your bones or your brain etc. Help her learn that proportions we need - 1/2 plate full of veg, 1/4 protein, 1/4 carbs.

You could explain some things about sugar without mentioning weight. How it is addictive and causes energy slumps and cravings which aren't real hunger and how manufacturers make the food like that on purpose so we will buy and eat more of it than we need. You could ask her if she notices that - if she has a biscuit does she want another one soon after? Is the same true of a banana? Can she spot when food is causing a craving?

If you get on well with her dad, you could say to him that she's working on getting fitter and eating more healthily and would he be up for taking her out for a bike ride, hike or swim or to football/netball trials when she is with him. If not, just encourage her when she is with you. As she grows older, she'll make healthy choices because of your influence.

Just wanted to recommend porridge for breakfast. If she doesn’t like the texture of porridge oats (some kids don’t), try oatbran (I use Mornflakes), it’s a smoother consistency and tastes a bit sweeter like semolina. Add berries or a teaspoon of honey.

Cherry tomatoes are a good addition for a lunchbox.

@Cowbells

You are doing all the right things. Encourage plenty of exercise everyday. Walk to and from school if possible. Play outside. Ride bikes, roller-skate, scooter. Dance in the kitchen while waiting for dinner to cook. Buy her a hula hoop, a good properly weighted skipping rope, a mini trampoline.

You could set her and yourself a mini challenge, like learning to swim a mile (together!) and go to the pool once a week to increase your stamina.

If you exercise at home often - even just doing 15 minute yoga or body weight Youtube workouts, she'll probably copy you. My DC did. They always joined in.

When you discuss food never talk about naughty food or weight gain. Never mention getting fat. Talk about different food groups and what each one does for you - good for your heart or your bones or your brain etc. Help her learn that proportions we need - 1/2 plate full of veg, 1/4 protein, 1/4 carbs.

You could explain some things about sugar without mentioning weight. How it is addictive and causes energy slumps and cravings which aren't real hunger and how manufacturers make the food like that on purpose so we will buy and eat more of it than we need. You could ask her if she notices that - if she has a biscuit does she want another one soon after? Is the same true of a banana? Can she spot when food is causing a craving?

If you get on well with her dad, you could say to him that she's working on getting fitter and eating more healthily and would he be up for taking her out for a bike ride, hike or swim or to football/netball trials when she is with him. If not, just encourage her when she is with you. As she grows older, she'll make healthy choices because of your influence.

Thank you, this is amazing advice and so simple to do, I will definitely be including a lot of this in our summer 😊