Will I have to take partner to court to get baby jabs done?

[emijs]

My partner is anti-vax. I’m very much pro-vaccination and pro-science but I have been willing to look into both sides.

We have a baby together. I decided without doubt the best thing for the baby was to get vaccinations done. He wouldn’t budge, is very very argumentative and irrational on the subject. I took baby to get the jabs done anyway (without his knowledge, i felt extremely bad about this but I know what he’s like there’s no way I would have been allowed to leave the house if he knew)

Anyway, when baby had a slight local reaction - little lump in each leg - he twigged and hit the roof. Started smashing things up, screaming, saying I’ve taken his rights away - all while baby was in the house, it was terrifying.

I escaped for the week and am back now. He seems to have calmed down but now keeps saying things like baby has changed since his jabs - claims this is the reason he wakes up screaming etc (pretty sure that’s teething!) it’s making my life a misery. He keeps saying how I’ve poisoned the baby.

Anyway, now he says I have to take him to court to get any more jabs done. Is this right? While I have no doubt I’d win, because surely this is about the best interest of the child, it all seems so unnecessary when inoculations are something most parent just do as routine.

So my understanding it that he would have to take you to court to prevent you having them done, which of course no judge would ever agree too.

You don’t need to go to court to get permission for them as it’s it is in your baby’s best interest to have them done.

Speak to your HV, please, it’s not too late to report the damage to the police and explain why.
Please don’t feel bad about having jabs done, they are to prevent your DC from getting seriously ill/ potentially dying from diseases that are preventable through vaccines.

Let him take you to court. Either way you will win. These types of cases have been in the media before. The parent wanting the vaccines had always won.

Maybe report him for destroying the house and threatening behaviour?

Oh God OP ..... abusive, anti-vax and smokes weed ..... you have to get out of there. Yes you will lose some things along the way but important you will lose him. Don't stay under the sunken costs fallacy. You and your baby will lose far more by staying with him than if you get out now.

The chances of a stoner who can't hold down a job getting his act together sufficiently to take you to court sounds slim. And if he did he would lose.

But as others have pointed out, this is really the least of your worries.

You've got bigger problems than vaccinations
You're living with a drug using abuser and that needs to change. You need to contact a domestic abuse service in your area for advice. I have no idea whether your photos of the damage will be admissible as evidence, if you had phoned the police you could have got him removed from the house and got an injunction/order in the meantime to keep him out. You need to ask the DA service for advice on this.
In future when you aren't living together you will need his consent to medical intervention but realistically it will be more likely that he'll need to go to court to stop you rather than the other way around

You need him out of the house before the police/ health visitor/ child services gets involved. It's just a matter of time with that behaviour.

Op they absolutely can do something about it if you report to the police.

Can you leave and go back to where you stayed for the week previous?

The really important thing is yours and babies safety. He is controlling and manipulating you through baby and he is NOT acting in yours or babies best interests.

Why the hell did you have a baby with this man when you knew what he was like? You need to leave, tomorrow. If you don’t then you are neglecting your child, they didn’t ask to be brought into this ridiculous situation

You need to choose your child over him, now. Before social services don’t give you the option.

I would strongly suggest you discard any of the rude comments about "why did you go back" and ignore the vaccination issue, and leave him as soon as you can.

Play this carefully. Write down as much as you can remember. Try to be dispassionate. If family courts get involved, sad as it is, you will not be taken as seriously because you went back to him - his violence will be minimised. (although, if you had left after the first incident, his violence would still be minimised, so you are not in a winning situation here)

You can use his refusal to vaccinate the baby as a strong reason for why you left him, as well, and centre safeguarding as your primary reason for leaving him.

Family courts will almost always insist on contact between a child and its father, regardless of the father's violence or abusive behaviour. You will need to prepare yourself - this won't be easy.

But living him will be far, far worse. Please think carefully about what to do next - even if it means playing it cool and delaying vaccinations (talk to your GP about setting up a different schedule, if possible). If he is going to be violent again after the next appointment, you must be safe first before you go.

Please get this lazy abusive arsehole out of your life. If you can't do it for you do it for your child.

Did you honestly think having a baby with this manchild would change him for the better?

Raise your bar.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation. You do need to find a way to get away from him.
Police I think will be interested or at least should be able to offer advice?
I would also speak to the HV- she might have contacts that can help.
It is absolutely ok to go and stay elsewhere if you’re a victim of abuse which you are right now. PleAse do what you can to get you and your baby away from him.

Other posters are correct, this is very worrying behaviour from him, not letting you leave the house particularly scary, would he have kept you there through aggression, threats of violence? it sounds from your post that he’s done this kind of thing before?
I’ve seen this controlling behaviour first hand with my dsis, she sadly didn’t leave until her children were older, it has resulted in very anxious, emotionally damaged adults. I’m presuming that it was your babies first jabs, so they must be very young?
Please get some help here, wherever you left to before, go back there, the advice used to be stay in the house and get the ex to leave, but it sounds here from his rages that you may be in physical danger if he won’t leave.
I’ve been a single mum and I have to say, leaving exh was the best thing I ever did, no child should live with this kind of father, sending hugs op xx

This problem won’t go away.

Vaccinations recur throughout childhood. Boosters, tetanus, jabs for travel abroad etc.

He is being violent and wants to control his baby’s vaccinations, while not fulfilling his responsibilities towards feeding and housing his child.

How do you see this improving in the future? It won’t just magically all come right.

You did the right thing vaccinating your baby.
You did the wrong thing going back to this abusive waster.
You've shown you can prioritise your baby. Do it again.

Brunt, please dial it down. Nice work kicking the OP when she's down. OP's baby is here, and now she needs to protect herself and her baby from male violence.
OP, as everyone else is saying, you need to make yourself safe. You are allowed to travel in lockdown and make alternative accommodation arrangements to escape harm, so go. Wishing you strength and courage.

Contact the police and get him removed from the home. Get a restraining order so he can't enter the property again.

This will only get worse. He's taking drugs and violent in front of the baby.

Protect yourself and the baby. Get him out.

Yes you can still report it to the police now, and they will take it seriously. And yes, do tell your health visitor, and tell them that you want help to get both of you away from him safely.

My DS's Dad is not a fan of vacs. I did it anyway. Like your partner he twigged and wasn't happy but he didn't smash up my house. He moaned about me ignoring his view and I ignored it. 2 things for you to think about for the future. Firstly this will only get worse as PP have pointed out. Secondly I doubt a court will uphold his "right" over the agreed national health outcomes which see each LA and Trust monitor uptake. Whatever his opinion the state has decided that this is what should be offered to all children in their best interest. What might happen if he stays is your mental health will be impacted as you struggle to promote your wishes and feelings for your child while walking on egg shells in case he turns violent. What will definitely happen is your child will be in the middle of a toxic environment. When a person smashes up a home with a child present they have crossed a line. I would urge you to consider yours and your child's safety beyond vaccinations. You deserve to be able to disagree without being intimidated

I agree with pretty much everyone else who has responded - the vaccination issue is just one piece of evidence of your partner being wholly unsuitable, this is almost certainly the tip of the iceberg.

When you left for the week, where did you go? Can you go back there? Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that everything's fine just because he's calm(er) now. His underlying beliefs and patterns of behaviour are still there, just waiting for another opportunity to manifest in a way that causes more harm to you and your baby.

See a solicitor and ask for advice to get a non-mole station order and occupation order kicking him out. Use the photos as evidence

When the baby’s next jabs are due, give them. If he is so against it, he can apply to the court and ask a Judge to rule on his anti-vax crap.

Protect yourself and your baby from this druggy loon

His reaction was wrong totally agree but you were wrong too. Both of you needed to find a compromise to the vaccination situation. Not do what you wanted. You both need to take responsibility for the situation.

@IEat

His reaction was wrong totally agree but you were wrong too. Both of you needed to find a compromise to the vaccination situation. Not do what you wanted. You both need to take responsibility for the situation.

Can you be more specific about your suggestion of a compromise? Either you have the vaccine or you don't?

A father has parental responsibility if he is married to the child's mother at the time of conception, or at any time afterwards. An unmarried father only if he is named on the birth certificate.
You made one poor choice choosing this idiot as the father of your child, don't make another and stay with him.

It sounds to me as if the drugs are already affecting his mental health. The paranoia, violent outbursts and irrational behaviour are all side effects of heavy cannabis use.
I learned here on Mumsnet that a strong relationship can overcome many things but the 3As will detroy it, that is Adultery, Addiction, Abuse. He has demonstrated 2 of these behaviours. This is not acceptable when you also have a small child to consider.
I know this is hard because it feels like the boiled frog situation, things start off okay and then suddenly become unbearable and it can feel very confusing, but please take all the support and advice you can here and from your HV to end this relationship and make a happy life with your child.
You can do it and I wish you luck.