7 year old boy. Really worried 😟

[MrsGxx]

Have a GP appointment on Thursday for him but in the mean time, I’m just looking to have my mind put at rest.

Before lock down, happy, healthy boy. Since lock down, I let him play a bit of PlayStation to communicate with friends, over headset on fortnite.
I feel like such a bad mum as it got quite out of hand, he would only do 1 hour of work the rest he would want the PS4, cry over it, got really attached to it.

6/7 weeks ago, he started getting headaches & feeling sick once every week or so.
At first I thought it was a bug, then it happened again and again.
It happened last Tuesday, and now it’s happened again today. (Headache and been sick) and still feels sick.
I have taken the computer off him.
Last week, I rang school concerned as he seems to have developed anxiety around family, and always wanting to be at home.
He has been sneaking on the computer without me knowing at silly hours of the mornings 5/7am hence why i have taken it off him.
Seems to have lost appetite more. He does eat but only small breakfast, hardly anything at lunch time but would always eat dinner. (Acceptable amounts)
He’s had no food today, only an apple which he’s bought back up.
Any ideas what this could be?

Please no nasty comments I feel awful I let the PS4 games happen a lot and I know I should have taken it sooner x

Could an adult with ill intentions be in contact with him online, either via a game or otherwise OP?

@RedCatBlueCat
Thankyou for that. It sure has been removed he has just woke from his nap, still had nothing to eat so I will try and get something down him later and get more exercise outdoors too.
I always offer to play games with him, and play with his toys but he’s never interested.
Hopefully now I’ve removed the computer he will want to play games etc with me.

I’m wondering if to see how he feels later if to send him to school tomorrow purely for the exercise and interaction of friends and to get his brain going again.
It’s sure been a tough ride for all of us and even I lost myself.
I think routine is key for him I need to keep him busy. He’s definitely lost more energy since all of this.
I will keep the GP appt and see what happens x

He only plays with the children in his friends list and even his uncles (my brothers) I do keep a check on all of this, and there’s nobody else he can hear/play with on there I locked that down x

The children in his friends list are my friends children, and children from his class at school whom I know x

I get headaches from too my screen time, especially if working on a laptop with the bright screen in the dark. Could he need glasses? I think a lot of kids will have developed anxiety due to lockdown , it’s unnatural to stay home all the time and not see friends!

My friends son has childhood migraines. He has had them since 7. They present like this. The computer games might be bringing it on

Also, once my son went off his food, and then I think he liked the attention he got from not eating, so then refused most foods for a while ( I then caught him secret eating!!) and once I didn’t mention it he went back to normal!

I think he needs to see a GP too as it could point to an underlying health condition.

First, you are not a bad mum. Lots of kids have PS4's and use them to communicate with friends. You are aware that he has issues with self regulation, so you've taken it away. You've done the right thing.

Second, you don't know that these health issues are connected. They could be, but equally could be due to something else. I would be thinking eyesight. Hopefully the GP will be able to help

Seven is a really key stage in childhood development @Fanthorpe can you say a bit more about this?

I think it’s a mixture like you say of anxiety, a lot of screen time and no routine. We all fell of the wagon in my house. Husband is self employed and I suffer with m.e and I know I fell of track with having no energy, constantly tired I was no good with him for a while and I thought to distract him the computer was the right idea I now understand it really wasn’t the best thing to let him do so often. He actually mentions the game in every conversation.
I think the anxiety is mainly being in the house so much, also everything that’s going on he now is worried.
I do have a doctors appt for him on Thursday after speaking to the GP today who said he will see him.

I blame myself if the computer has caused this, I will also get him in for an eye test. He has the choice to go to school 3 days a week but doesn’t have too. I just think school is good for interaction with friends and keeps him occupied.
I have activity’s he can do at home now i have taken away the computer.
The eating side of things I will work on especially now there are no computer games he won’t be pre occupied to not eat a meal.
He has perked up since his nap today and has eaten a poached egg on a muffin x

Yes @BagelsWith at around seven children start to make their own relationships, and they begin to form a deeper understanding of the world around them. They need to have a set of skills to make friends and have a reasonable attachment to their parent/carer to navigate this stage.

One of my children went through a very upsetting time, they realised that it was possible to lose a parent and became quite distraught, but tried to hide their fear. Luckily a family member had expertise and supported us.

We have the charging docks and iPad chargers in our bedroom, all the controllers etc go in there so our two can't be tempted. Definitely too many screens can cause headaches. You can set the times on the games consoles in the parental controls. Also is he getting enough water? If he's been addicted he might also be forgetting to get a drink.

@TimeWastingButFun I have just taken the remote and put it way up high in my bedroom so he can’t access it at all.
I was always making him drink something and was always reminding him. He’s had quite a bit of water today and I will look at those settings but I’m just taking it away for now.

I know it's all been hard on everyone but at 7 I wouldn't let him play fortnight at all. I won't let my 9 year old on it, they are still to young.

My son has been keeping in touch with some of his friends by have WhatsApp calls with them through parents phones. I go with the school and scouting policy that we as parents should always be in the room as well when they are on these calls.
He's in cubs and they have had weekly cubs meetings on Zoom which has helped to.

These are just some alternatives rather then allowing him to play computer games. DS does play games but not online gaming.

And I agree with some of the suggestions on hear that actually childhood migraine could be a issue. Possibly triggered by to much screen time. Have you tried any painkillers at all? ibuprofen would be the best one to try if he can take it. This would also explain the lack of apitaite as eating is often the last thing you feel like doing with a migraine.

The children in his friends list are my friends children, and children from his class at school whom I know x

Can you review the messages and can they be deleted? Others from the same household could presumably access these accounts? I would just doublecheck this to be sure, as well as checking for any possible medical causes.

While fortnite is 12 rated from talking to my workmates lots are using fortnite as a distraction tool at the moment with their boys, including friends who are educational psychologists!

I have a 7yo and while he is not allowed on fortnite he does have two older sisters so has more company than the OP's son at home and they are more interested in Minecraft so that is his obsession (and he absolutely is on screens for more than I'd like at the moment). I do think my 7yo is suffering most in lockdown, his older sisters have phones to speak to their friends and one has started weekly training with her football team and the other has met up with friends. DS doesn't like zoom so we can't even have zoom chats with his pals.

I have sat this morning and gone through everything. I have fount a message that says FU in his inbox actually from one of my oldest friends sons. I have spoken to her this morning and she’s also going to check her sons inbox.
He is much better today so I have sent him to school for some interaction. Moving forward I have the remote so he cannot access the PS4 at all and when I do let him have it back, fortnite has been deleted.
He can play mine craft and games more suited to his age with a time limit that I have set also this morning.

I genuinely feel awful that I let this happen. I have been suffering myself, not being able to see family and friends has made it hard for all of us I guess I was doing the correct thing by letting him interact with friends I still don’t think it’s a bad thing, maybe just too much for him.

Thankyou for all your comments. I will still take him to the GP appointment tomorrow and hope we can resolve this x

Please don’t feel awful, you didn’t let it happen; it’s happened, you’ve now intervened, focus on moving forward rather than what’s happened. I’m pretty sure even if he was at school this whole time some older kid would probably have said FU to him at school at some point!

Don’t feel awful! You have picked up what is going on and are doing something about it. These are tough times for everyone, you are doing just fine!!!

A summary of PP posts that I agree with

Remove all screens for min of 3 weeks. Tell him you are doing a detox. If you and his Dad can do similar it will probably help (set out working hours that you need screens for but put them away apart from this)

Let him get bored, agree with him he is bored, suggest a few things he can do but DONT fix it for him. He needs to find his own ability to entertain himself with things that are not screens. If you help him too much, he wont develop the skill himslelf.

If he gets cross, nervous, figity it is the anxiety. He was probably using the screens to sooth himself. He needs to find another method, you can help with this by suggesting things, providing options etc. Reading books is a good one, Knowing 7 yr old boys I would suggest getting some non fiction books on castles and warfare, space and true or not silly stories

Take him to the GP, the headaches and nausea might not be related to the screen issue (but probably are) so you should look into it as well

Take him for an eye check up, headaches and nausea are both classic signs of a change in eyesight causing strain. Make sure the eye test includes checking the pressure in his eyes and a look at the retina, not just reading letters on a board.

Go for a drive and chat to him about being stressed and ask him if anything is stressing him, what does he think about before bed, what are his top two worries in the whole world. There is something about driving in the car that gets kids to open up. The other good place is in bed when its dark.

Hope you find something that helps.

I found from talking with my 7 year old some of his friends play fortnite in his class and he wanted it but I said no. It's the kids in his class that have older siblings that played this game, so it makes it harder for the parent. My 7 year old is the oldest, he won't have that game and no older sibling around to temp him. So if no other siblings around even though it's hard at first the game will be more at the back of his mind if you take it away after some time. I've told my son when I make mistakes. Mum shouldn't of let you have that game I thought it would be good to chat to your friends but I realized you are too young and so are your friends in the class but that's up to their parents. Telling him why and he will know it's because you care even if it will take him awhile to adjust. You can add friends in Minecraft to it's far more age appropriate but my son only has his cousin and 1 friend added on his list. I actually have a profile and join him building stuff when I have time.

Don't feel bad. You sound like a lovely mum. It's a tough time on everyone. I have a 7 y.o. DS too and I do find it a sensitive age. Hope all is well again soon.

It's a tough time for everyone and most of us (me included) have allowed more screen time. No judgement from me. Hope your little boy is OK and feels better soon.

I will definitely do some of these tips for sure.
He’s now home from school and has mentioned the computer multiple times. I have told him I was wrong for letting him on it so much I didn’t realise the age rating for the game.
I have noticed even when he was playing the computer he has one of those really tiny skateboards 🛹 and he puts it under his feet and plays with it. He has been to get it to sit down and play with it with his feet.
I have agreed with him it’s boring and have offered multiple things we can do together or he can do alone.

I am taking him to the gp tomorrow and will also book an eye test. He is finding school fun as most of his friends are there too.
I am starting a new bedtime routine also.
Tea, bath, a story and I will take sometime to talk to him and see if anything is bothering him, and then lights out.
He seems to be taking the no to the computer pretty well, he just keeps asking and I am firmly sticking to my answer.
His dads at work tomorrow and we will have the day to ourselves I am going to drive somewhere with him and take his bike for some outdoor fun. Maybe collect things and make something when we get home. Xx

Thankyou for all of your lovely comments. I do feel better now I have taken action. Sometimes as a parent to only 1 child, it’s much harder to keep them entertained as much and screen time was my escape, it did get too much. X