3 year old has never liked meat, I'm vegetarian and getting a lot of grief.

[cambsmumfrom2016]

Hi all,

I need some advice/suggestions...

I'm 30 and vegetarian, I choose to become a vegetarian at 8 years old on my own free will as I did not like the taste/ textures of most meat/fish and was learning about the production of meat.

I eat a lot of meat alternatives, Quorn mainly (the newer plant foods have developed too much of a similar texture to meat so not keen)

Anyway I'm a pretty laid back vegetarian and regularly cook meat/fish for my DH. When I got pregnant I was clear that I would not impose my lifestyle choice on my child and believe in the importance of nutrients from meat/fish when young.

She loves fish so that's fantastic, however she does not like meat...I can occasionally get her to eat a small bit if I do the 'you have to have a bite of Z before you can have yoghurt' etc but I'm really having to push it.

When we eat meals as a family, for example spag Bol / toad in the hole / stir fry / shepherds pie ...occasionally she will eat it but I'm talking ....about once every three weeks....it looks like we all have the same but she doesn't even like the Quorn!

I make sure she gets enough protein and she loves eggs.

BUT

My in laws are now saying it's on me due to being vegetarian she is middling my behaviour, and it is due to me not eating meat during pregnancy. ...is this even possible?

I have encouraged her from weaning and always had equivalent meals that look identical to hers but it doesn't make a difference. I introduced meat including ham etc early but she won't touch anything.

Do I back off her and see if she comes round to it. I don't want to push it too far and it create a bigger issue for her and her health and well being is my priority.

Please no nasty posts about my decisions so far...just a mum looking for friendly advice

It's none of their business even if you had imposed your diet on your DD. A veggie diet is completely fine.

I'm vegetarian, DH is vegan - so there's no way that DD was going to be brought up eating meat. If she wants to when she's old enough to choose then fine.

Why not just raise her veggie for now? That's what you are making for yourself anyway. She can always choose to eat meat later on if she wants to.

We’re omnivorous. My husband and son would prefer a purely carnivorous diet with steaks that looked at a heat source.
Our eldest daughter decided at about five to be vegetarian because she didn’t like the texture of meat. I cajoled and made her have odd bitsof meat such as sausages or mince in bolognese until she was about nine, then she decayed never eat meat again and I thought it wasn’t a huge issue except she wasn’t overly keen on vegetables either.
She’s 26 now. A very healthy vegetarian who eats almost anything that has never had eyes. Giving up meat didn’t do her any harm at all. I just made her a pomodoro sauce when we had bolognese, a root vegetable pie when we had chicken pie, and cheese an onion pasties if we had Cornish pasties. She had egg and chips when we had fish and chips.
It was a bit more work but not a huge amount extra if I just adapted what we were having; we usually had something meat free a couple of times a week anyway.

My DD (6) is vegetarian. She became veggie just after her 5th birthday of her own accord. We eat meat but not loads. She has never been a particularly fussy eater and knows she needs to eat fruit and veg for health reasons so I felt that she was making a heartfelt choice rather than just using it to avoid food she didn’t like. She has a balanced diet. She eats lots of eggs, cheese, nuts,
Lentils etc for protein. We probably eat veggie food around 80% of the time now including our 2 year old in part because of her. I suppose I’m saying a) don’t push it if she doesn’t want it - if she’s otherwise not fussy and genuinely doesn’t seem to want it then just cook the same as what you’re having - your life will be easier b) she can be veggie and healthy - give her a multivitamin to top up if you’re worried - I give my DD an iron supplement as well which I think has been a good move and c) I think best not to be too rigid at this age - I try to make my DD feel if she wants to eat meat or fish that’s fine. And it’s fine is she doesn’t want to as well. At first I was quite stressed out about the fact that she had decided to exclude a whole food group that the rest of the family was still eating but now I barely think about it.

There are problems bringing children up vegetarian.

Children need a certain number of essential amino acids from foods and you cannot get many of them from non-meat sources.

You can get them all though if you include fish in your diet, so that's absolutely fine, you just need to make sure you have enough iron in his diet (and for a toddler the amount is small). Eggs are a good source, lentils are okay for a toddler.

She may well be copying your behaviour, it may be as a veggie that you're not good at cooking meat, it may just be toddler fussiness and them pushing it makes it worse.

Just to amend my last statement
"Children need a certain number of essential amino acids from foods and you cannot get many of them from non-meat sources."
you cannot get all of them from non-meat sources.

I’d actually stop pushing meat on her. Have it available if she wants to try but it sounds like it’s becoming a battle because you want to make your in laws approve of her diet.

And if your in-laws don’t like her meal time preferences then the simple answer is you guys won’t meet up for meals.

@underneaththeash you absolutely can get ALL essential amino acids from only plants. You might not be able to get them all at once - I.e a “complete” protein, but if you include a wide variety of vegetarian and vegan foods you shouldn’t have a problem.

@underneaththeash, you're wrong. Why would you come up with this sort of stuff? Of course children can get all required nutrients including nutrients from a vegetarian (and even vegan) diet.

There is plenty of information available online, including from the NHS: www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/vegetarian-vegan-children/

I have one child who eats everything. And one child who is incredibly fussy. Raised them exactly the same. It’s almost as if they are people and not mummy-clone-robots!

There are absolutely no problems bringing a child up vegetarian, that’s ridiculous.

OP, whatever you attempt to feed your child is you “imposing your lifestyle” on them. It’s a big part of parenting. You know you thrive on being vegetarian, had a healthy pregnancy not eating meat or fish, your daughter was vegetarian for the first 6 months of her life whether BF or FF and she doesn’t want to eat meat now. If it’s good enough for you it’s good enough for her.

I’m veggie, DH eats meat occasionally, we’re bringing DD up veggie - that’s the choice we’ve made for her and we’re happy with it - and if she chooses to eat fish or meat when she’s older we’ll talk about it then. I’ve been veggie since conception and I’m happy with my choices and my parenting decisions, no one has ever criticised DD’s diet and if they did I’d tell them it was none of their business.

DSS became a veggie at 8 and PIL were so annoyingly worried. They obviously thought the diet DH grew up on (bacon, sausages, gammon, etc) was somehow better than vegetables and pulses.

I’ll echo that you can have a very healthy and balanced diet, including all essential amino acids from a vegetarian diet. Vegetarian parents are often far better informed and offer a healthier diet to their children than the nuggets and tinned spaghetti hoop parents. I say that as a meat eater.

Another saying ignore your ILs. We're a pescatarian household. I stopped eating meat for the taste/texture etc as I'm very visually offput with the fat, veins etc. DH eats meat but isn't fussed by it at home enough to find a way to include it. He was raised by pescatarian parents though. Therefore DC has a mainly veggie diet with some fish too, exact what we eat at home.
The choice will be his when he's old enough to make it, presumably when he's at school if they're given the choice of what they want at lunch. He's perfectly healthy and has plenty of protein and iron etc. It's perfectly possible for children to grow up with a non meat diet. Interestingly, niece 2 also rejects meat (although so does my sister), but niece 1 can't get enough!
My DM doesn't approve of non meat eating in general and makes the occasional comment, but I've got to the stage that I can let it wash over me, as I've had various spells of no meat since I left home for uni at 18.

Your in-laws are being twats, ignore them.
I hope your DH is supportive?

My DD never really liked meat, she would eat a bit of mince or ham or maybe chicken but she never liked the texture, despite the rest of us being definite meat eaters (especially DH)
From 11 DD went completely veggie and the rest of us have almost followed suit, we eat meat once or twice a week and it’s fine, even though we can’t use Quorn as DD is allergic to it.
Your in laws are talking rubbish and as long as you aren’t imposing your choice on her at an age where she can’t make up her own mind it’s largely her decision whether to eat meat or not

Echo all pp's who have said they are talking shit, completely ignore them!!
We're not vegetarian, but my nearly 3 year old refuses any meat that's not mince meat or McDonald's chicken nuggets!

Echo everyone else, ignore your in-laws.

I wouldn’t turn meal times into a battle ground. I’d ask DC to taste what is on the table but if after a taste she didn’t like a particular dish she doesn’t have to eat it.

I’d make sure she had full vegetarian meal alternatives. If that’s what she is enthusiastically eating.

I let mine choose what to eat (within reason), so long as they tasted what was on the table. Their tastes and preferences change a lot at this age.

My eldest was the worlds pickiest eater, I think it was a combination of not liking certain textures and the only thing she felt was within her control. I let her choose what she ate.

Have healthy veg and meat options and let her eat whichever she prefers.
I don’t think meal times should become something that you all dread.

Your in laws are trotting out the usual nonsense about vegetarians
I'm veggie, have been for over 30 years and my dc are too. I have never given them meat and they are now 15 and 19, both incredibly fit and healthy and both very keen to remain veggie.
Dh isn't and I've never 'forbidden' them from eating meat and I'm a very low key vegetarian and in no way have ever preached about it etc
Tell your in laws to do one, sounds like your ds just hates meat, I did from a very young age. Ds is 15 and fast approaching 6ft, my own mil used to tell me I would 'stunt' his growth if I didn't give him meat, she's surprisingly quiet about it these days!!!

There may be some truth in what your ILs are saying but they should still but out. Your daughter probably is influenced a bit by what you eat. Provided she is getting a balanced diet who cares? My eldest doesn't like meat because of the texture, although he does love sausages. I don't think I've ever met a child who dislikes sausages.

So many of your DC are exactly like I was as a child. I would tolerate chicken (but only the skinless breast), ham, sausage, rindless bacon and mince. Its purely texture. I don't eat fish either. The only disadvantage i have found is a lack of choice in restaurants but there's always something I can choose. I have an enviable sickness record at work and am generally very healthy (touch wood). I am also allergic to Quorn, it makes me puke.
If its a texture/ aversion to bones, sinews or body gristle bits I don't think they will ever change. In fact as they get older they might add an ethical perception to their food choices.
If you try to force them to eat a little bit or try different meat you will be setting yourself up for problems. They have to be able to trust you. I still only trust my own mum to cut all the rind off the bacon .

Go with the flow and follow their lead. Your in-laws are irrelevant.

Just nod and smile and carry on as you are. Your in-laws are idiots.

My 2.5yo dd also refuses most meats, I think it's a texture thing. The only meat she eats is when it's been roasted and finely carved or she'll eat steamed chicken breast and steamed salmon! She also eats tuna mayo sandwich. She will not eat chunks of chicken in a stir fry or curry or pie etc she'll pick them out and eat just the rice/noodles/pie crust! Sometimes she'll have a bit of lamb mince in a spag bol but not in a shepherds pie?! She won't eat ham or bacon, she'll eat sausages if I cut the skin off and fish fingers if I cut the breadcrumbs off! It's frustrating as neither of my other children were fussy eaters and she did try most things when weaning.

I have to say when I was pregnant all meat made me sick until about 7 months when I was able to tolerate small amounts of plain chicken so I do wonder if there is a link with what you ate in pregnancy and what they like now as she eats all veg and fruit, loves plain rice and plain Cheerios which is basically all I could stomach for most of my pregnancy!