Worried about bug for Christmas

[Londongirl86]

Hi everyone. My friend's sister had a sickness bug last weekend and into the mid week. My friend went around Friday with her little girl. I sort of said to be careful as it can linger. Her daughter's never had a bug before. I thought she was being to casual about it.

She messaged me this morning and said her daughter has been throwing up all day.

I know this sounds selfish and I get that these things are out of my control but.... It's Christmas next week. I was so excited for these last four days of school before breaking up for family time. But my dd is best friends with this child and she also gets stomach bugs most years. So if my friends child goes back this week there's a huge change we will have it by the weekend and it could be in our house then for Christmas. I don't mean to be a dick but I'm feeling so anxious. I don't want my little boy to get it either his birthdays next week.

All the money we have spent. We've made plans to have family to ours for the first year. I'm cooking my first dinner. Now it's looking highly likely we will be sick. I know my friend wont keep him home for four days. But 48 hours was not enough in her sisters case.

I can't exactly tell my child to keep away from her or not hold hands on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Not really looking for advice but just feel so gutted we have to worry about this ruining this long awaited break and family time. Please don't let us be ill for Christmas

Hi @bobstersmum it's tomorrow she's so sending her child back. She's still had diarrhea this morning so will be sending her back about 36 hours after the bug started and less than 24 after the squits began

It is awful this time of the year. Why can't people just do the right thing I'll never know [sigh]

She needs to be stopped. She is potentially going to ruin 30 families Christmas. Families who may be in contact with immunocompromised family members. Put your big girl pants on either ring the school or your friend. I would risk losing a friendship over this - she obviously knows your child will be in contact with hers and doesn't care.

This really frustrated me, too. I'm always extra careful when my children have a bug and probably keep them off for longer than necessary, if only to give them a full day of relaxing and eating properly before going back in. I do appreciate that I have a very flexible working arrangement, though, and this isn't possible for all working parents.

No suggestions but I feel very angry on your behalf. I'm terrified about my children catching something in this last week. I wish they'd broken up already!

Ring the school. I absolutely would.

We had this in DS' class last year when a girl turned up for a school trip when her mum had posted on FB that she had been throwing up. Luckily my friend is a TA in that class, told the Head and they sent her hone before the trip started. I was so relieved - I have stomach issues and if I get norovirus I end up in hospital.

I can't believe how selfish your friend is being.

Hi everyone. She's text me to say she's sending her back tomorrow as the school's said she can. The school obviously have the watered down version. So annoyed. I think I'll have to send DD in tomorrow and let her skive Wednesday and Thursday. I'm so anxious and angry that my child's attendance is going to be poor due to this. She's basically ruined Christmas for me now. I was so happy yesterday before all this. I had things to do this week. I've sat at home all day doing nothing. We will need these fake sick days when she's really poorly and then I'll be the parent getting the letter about attendance. Gunna have a chat with her dad tonight. I really wish I wasn't in this situation. Even walking home from school is not ideal as she touches my toddler and to kisses him. She's a lovely child and obviously I'm sad she's poorly but I'm really annoyed her mum is lying to the school and not thinking of anyone else. I do feel like ringing the school and saying I don't want to send my child in when there's norovirus in the class. I don't wish the poor little girl to be ill anymore but it's a shame her squits cleared up so quick. If they hadn't she wouldn't be able to get away with it

Aww op I really do know exactly where you're coming from because I feel exactly the same. Why don't you tell the school you're going to visit family at the end of the week and see if they'll let you take 2 days off then it's not sick days, it might make you feel less guilty about not sending her in and then you can relax.

Do schools allow that sort of thing? It's a nightmare. But I kinda feel the bad attendance is better than a week of vomit and anxiety. Such a shame she will miss the last two days. I can't risk it though can I. Not fair on my son either who's so little and already poorly. Thank you

OP I completely identify with you. I often feel completely suffocated by anxiety and worry, I find if I’m prepared it helps also for me to feel in control. I am also terrified that I too will be sick. Invest in some anti viral foam, most of which last 6hrs so will help to provide a little extra protection if she pops some on before school. It’s a worry that won’t really go away but I tell myself IF the worst happens we can do xmas in a different day, I try and focus on Xmas time not Xmas day which makes me feel better. People will always be idiotic and super selfish, and it makes me cross, I wish I didn’t care so much but I can’t help it. Sorry you’re going through this, I have had some difficult conversations with some selfish fuckers over the years... worse was a birthday party where two siblings had been puking ALL night but the mum didn’t want them to lose out on money spent on party, needless to say we left very quickly! All I can say is if and when ever they are poorly it is NEVER as bad as I imagine and I find myself actually feeling a sense of peace because it’s actually happening and I realise I can do it and it DOES pass- whatever is missed can be rearranged and is often even more special because of that. You sound like the loveliest Mum x

Your friend has done a shitty thing by sending her kid back to school early under false pretenses. That’s not a nice think to do. But I think you may be focusing your anxiety a little too strongly in one place right now. You know your friend and what she did so if she kept her kid home you would have the illusion that your child was “safe” but the fact is he is exposed to everything from every child in that school. Yes this is her BFF but like you said kids are not hygienic anyway so it’s likely he’s sharing germs with many many children inadvertently. As are you, most likely, if you or your DH ever go out in public, grocery shop, take the tube or bus, go to a workplace, dr’s office, playground, or if you ever let anyone else into your home, touch or hug or shake hands. You can sanitize your hands if it makes you feel better but that’s the point, it’s all about how you feel. I guarantee there are other parents in the class every week who send their kids into school before they should. Because you don’t know about it you don’t sweat it. Worrying about your friend gives you some feeling of being in control, like if you could just keep this child out of school you could save Christmas!!!

The thing is, it is not “highly likely” that your Christmas will be ruined. It’s just not. People’s immune systems are strong enough to ward off most things that come their way. I don’t know the scientific ins and outs of how contagion but if it was as direct as you believe we would all be ill every day of our lives.

And if someone gets ill, they are ill. What are you going to do? It’s not the end of the world. Years from now you and your family will all look back fondly on the Barfmas of 2019. This is what being in a family is about. When you have kids, you roll ith the punches and sometimes you get a curveball but you just deal with it! You can ruin your Christmastime worrying about it but that won’t change anything.

This is from someone who has had 3 out of 5 family members pass a bug around for the past week. There’s two of us left and we are flying to New Zealand on Thurs. Yes I am concerned, yes we are hand washing like crazy and there is a ban on family affection, but what else can we do? We’ll figure it out.

Good luck OP. I hope your Christmas isn’t ruined by the worrying or the sickness or both.

Hi. Yes I am focusing too much on it. I do have anxiety around it as you may be able to tell. It's making me worse because I know there a high chance in this case. Her daughter caught it because she went in the home of the adult who had it. I presume they cuddled and stuff as they usually do. I'm painfully aware our kids will hold hands and she's going to breathe on her aswel. I just feel we are doomed.

My partner and I have talked and we will send her in today and then keep her off for two days. Such a shame because my child's missing out on Christmas fun and the last day of term. But id rather than than risk us all being so poorly for Christmas. If she catches it today then we should be able to get it out the way for Christmas day. Any other week id think it sucks but we will get through. But in this case we have my youngest birthday and family travelling for Christmas too think about. I hope her child enjoys her Christmas dinner. I also feel sorry for the unknowing kids who play with her or have to sit with her today. I just hope she doesn't vomit or poo herself at school.

@RoyalMail also want to say have a fab trip. I hope Nothing gets in the way. What an amazing place to go! X

I really think you should tell the school this morning that the child has had norovirus. I realise she is your friend, but no friend of mine would do such an awful thing and potentially risk 30 other children getting ill.
This happened at our school recently (though the child had been sick at school the previous day) and the child and parent were blocked at the door from coming into school. Such utterly selfish behaviour from your friend.

OP I am 100% with you, I get like this around Christmas. I completely missed Christmas Day the year my DS was born and I think because of that I get so anxious about it happening again. A cold is fine, but stomach bugs are debilitating and spread like wildfire through a family.

Your friend is being very selfish. I agree with PP, ring school and tell them x child has had norovirus and as your child tends to suffer with stomach bugs, you're not comfortable sending her in when x child is being sent back to school too quickly.

The school may not care. My friend text our school yesterday to say her ds was sick overnight so wouldn't be in due to the 24 hour rule and she received a reply to say "we don't follow any 24 hour rule if he is well now send him in" they are so big on attendance it's unreal.

Anyway, if it's going to cause you this much stress keep her off but I do agree with everyone else it's always horrible when you know someone who has had it but there will always be kids who have just had it or just about to get it and you wouldn't know, sometimes my kids have avoided sickness bugs doing the rounds and other times they've got a bug seemingly from nowhere! I hate sickness bugs I really do but I have noticed other people don't seem to be as bothered and I'm trying to relax a bit over it, you can't control everything (and I'm a control freak )

I really do sympathise with you though I do understand your anxiety.

Surely there’s very little point keeping her off weds and thurs if they’ll be in together today anyway?

Thanks everyone. I am thinking of sending an email to suggest they send a letter out stating 48 hours.

Yeah the reason I'm thinking of risking today is because we can get it done with by Christmas. But she's going to be contagious for a couple of days yet so it's more riskier as the week goes on. She might not wash her hands properly Thursday and spread the virus on Thursday. It's honestly disgusting. I am a no bullshit kind of person and I can tell she's told the school a different story and has tried to tell me there isn't a 48 hour rule. I know there is as my child was sick a mouthful in the car last month. I took her home and she was 100% fine it's just I didn't give her a tablet for that short journey. We usually walk. I did send her back the next day but the school told me it's 48 hours if it's linked to being unwell. If they had said keep her off another day I would of done. I can't understand my friend being so casual about it. She obviously has no idea how stomach bugs work. Her sister was sick two days after the original day of vomiting after having a meal again.

I have severe emetophobia so I understand how frustrating and upsetting this is. That's a very selfish thing your friend is doing. Is her child even feeling well enough to go into school? I had a friend that several times said "DD/DS was sick last night" when we met up to play and at after school groups. I really wish people would stick to the 48 hour rule, it's incredibly unfair and selfish not to.

I just had food poisoning whilst away from home and although i'm still feeling a bit traumatized I survived, it was my worst nightmare having to travel home with it. I have always been anxious about getting sick whilst on holiday and now it's happened and I coped so I think i'll feel less anxious in future when going away. Not wishing your DC get this of course, but if the worst happens then you'll get through it. As others have said, any other child in their class could be exactly the same as your friend and you just don't know about it.

I understand why OP and totally get what you're doing - I would do it too.

However, you really do need to ring the school. Whilst you're preventing your Christmas from being ruined, there's 30 odd other children who will still be at risk.
I'd be mightily pissed off if my child got ill with something like this when there was a parent who knew and said nothing.
You know your friend isn't going to tell the truth, so it's up to you to inform the school.

Oh god OP. My worst nightmare. I have severe emetaphobia too. Plus Dd is immune suppressed. A sickness bug would land her in hospital. She’s had nearly 3 weeks off school due to sickness bugs looming. She went back today after I’d been told by the school that it seems to have passed. However in the first few mins of the day, the boy she sits next to announces his brother has been vomiting all night!!!!

I’m so sooo scared of Christmas being ruined. Like you say..any other time of year it’s scary but manageable. This time of year it is stressful.

I would deffo call the school. I’d also keep dd home and tell the school why. Surely it wouldn’t be a sick day..but an authorised absence. After all..school should be a safe place to learn. This would be them openly risking the children....as long as they’re told.

Do it. She certainly wouldn’t be a friend anymore in my eyes

Hi @Flossie44

I have told the school my DD is Ill. The reason I feel slightly less guilty is my son is really poorly. He has had a hospital stay this year with his chest and tonsilitis. Now he has swollen glands and a bad throat again. He's so drowsy too. I also feel I'm getting it now 😥

Your poor child. You must be constantly on edge at this time of the year. I know it's not physically possible but sometimes I think if the whole country was ordered to stay home for a week whilst everywhere had a huge deep clean we would wipe it out 😂 I know that's extreme though.

Are the school supportive of you? How old is your child? My friend's been very selfish. There's a million reasons too. Like she hasn't even thought of my children who she's supposed to care deeply about. Then there's all the other kids. All the siblings of the other kids. The teachers who are ready to have a nice Christmas! No consideration of anyone with cancer in the family etc. I could go on. The attitude of my child's better now so they need to be in school drives me crazy. It's much better for a sick child to have 2-3 days off than give five more kids it. I'm so peed off as my DD has had 6.5 days off now and she might actually get poorly in January and February.

I've probably made a really bad decision but she's not five yet so I cannot be fined etc can I? Let's hope year one she's a stronger, healthier child. I love how my friends child's had one day off and mines had two for him!

Like you I'm phobic and everyday the worry is there. I'm worse knowing my child's best friend has it. Unfortunately my child played with him yesterday too so I'm hoping by tomorrow night she's still ok and then hopefully we've dodged it x

Will keep everything crossed for you oP. I think you made the right decision for sure. It deffo would change my attitude to my friend’ though. It wouldn’t be the type of person I’d want to be friends with tbh.

My dd is 11. The school are fantastic.

I hope you get well soon and nothing develops with the bug. Take care x

Thank you. Guess what. The child's mum has started with it in the night! She said it's awful and she's so poorly

Your friend is being really selfish. My son caught a bug from school the other week - half the class and the teacher had it. I kept my son home for 48 hours after as advised by the school, but I heard parents in the playground saying “oh X had that bug yesterday, he’s fine now though!”

Did you inform the school OP?

@LunchBoxPolice it's no wonder it spreads is it. I find it hard to believe anyone is fine the next day. If I do get a stomach bug I am sick for 10 hours and then I go to sleep. Wake up feeling achy the next day. Then the day after that I try to eat but feel dreadful. Might go for a walk the on second day after its finished but I feel like a vampire coming out into light. So how kids can puke and be up for a full day I don't know.