Worrying about autism

[Worryinglots]

Hi everyone,

Have name changed for this so it isn't too outing. I have a 7 and a half month old DD and I can't stop worrying about autism. It's mainly because I have a close friend with an autistic child, who keeps saying 'My child did that as a baby. If only I'd known. Get her assessed early if you can'. What she's referring to are the following:

Wrist twirling/stimming (mainly in her high chair and when tired. She doesn't do it if she's distracted - eg at a baby class).

Head shaking from side to side (again, only randomly and never when she's focused)

Only responds to name sometimes (which I thought was totally normal at this age!)

She plays with her food like sensory play unless it's obvious finger food (again, I thought this was normal!)

She very very rarely smiles at strangers, but unless she's under the weather, she's happy round people she knows.

Was fairly late to sit.

Doesn't babble (just makes noises).

I am losing sleep over this and wish I didn't know any of this (ignorance is bliss!). I know it's far too early to know, but I'm so worried.

What difference would it make? Your DD would still be exactly the same baby you love and cherish.

Far too early to sound the alarm. She is being over zealous. And I say that as a parent of an autistic son. I would just relax about it and enjoy your baby.
And yes if it does happen it will make no difference to how you feel about your child so it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Your DD sounds charming, and nothing she is doing is out of the ordinary for her age. 7.5 months is far too young to be flagging up concerns, anyway. Your friend is projecting her anxieties on to you and your child, and passing on her anxiety to you.

Can you ask her nicely to keep her concerns to herself, as she is making you anxious? Or distance yourself from her so she is not constantly dragging you down?

If you do have any concerns, speak to a HV or GP about them. But I really wouldn't be worried from what you've said.

It's early to assume anything, OP.
I mean, kids change so much. It's really much more obvious around a year to 18 months. I too had a friend with an autistic child when I had DC1. She too used to always tell me to get DC1 assessed. DC1 is the antithesis of autistic. But she was doing with me exactly what your friend is doing with you until one day, she really laid into me and shouted that my DC was autistic and I couldn't see it. He really, really wasn't. But at the time, I was terrified.
Years later, with this friend long gone from my life (we drifted apart and I moved away), her son did NOT come into my mind at all when I started worrying about DC3 who IS autistic. The irony is, I broke a sweat worrying about DC1 and autism. Years down the line, I didn't worry a bit about DC3 until I had to... until I really knew. And I had nobody shouting at me that DC3 was autistic. I just totally knew. I had two other kids to compare to by this time. That helps!

Your baby sounds like a totally normal baby. Really. Most babies are not smiling like darling little angels at everyone who meets them. Babies are only human too. I think the lack of communication at 7 months makes us more anxious and prone to worry about the 'what ifs'. Everything is much clearer from 12 months onward, as communication advances.

I shouldn't say your baby sounds like a 'normal' baby. But you know what I mean.

Your baby is 7.5 months old. By definition she was not 'late to sit' because normal range is approximately 4 to 7 months.

Playing with food as sensory items is exactly what she's meant to do. Food is sensory.

Responding to name only begins at about 6 months anyway, so don't worry about that. Some babies will respond earlier, but that's the average.

Babbling, do you mean she is mute?? Or do you mean that her sounds don't correlate with obvious meanings? She must be making some sound other than crying?

I really wouldn't worry at this stage. If she has ASD you'll notice things later. If she doesn't, you'll have wasted precious time worrying.

now there are early warning signs for autism, but mostly you only see them when you're doing an ASD questionnaire that they were like this as a baby. We've several diagnosed ASD kids in the family, from HF to LF and the most severe was diagnosed in the 3-4 year old range.

Is her eye contact normal with family? If you say it is, I wouldn't trouble the HV. I would ask your friend to stop mentioning it. Early intervention matters, but by that they mean 2-4 years old, not 10 years old, not 7 months old.

I do feel sorry for your friend, she is obviously feeling needlessly guilty about not picking up on signs but it's really hard to tell with babies - this below study was small and it's early days for diagnosing babies!

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/can-autism-really-be-detected-in-babies/

You really don't need to be worried op. Your baby sounds like every other 7 month old. It would be very rare for autistic traits to be apparent at such a young age.

I'm trying hard not to be offended by your posts because I have a dd who is autistic. She is wonderful and autism isn't the end of the world.

Far too early to assume or even assess as these are all normal baby things, normally things are flagged at their 2 year assessment for any delays etc but I would not be worried about any of this.

oh i didn't see that bit zzzzz, that's a totally crazy statement!

there are a few studies looking at signs in under 2s but I know of nobody that got a diagnosis under the 3-4 year age range - the waiting times in any case almost guarantee it.

I do feel for the friend, it's awful to feel so guilty. I put my dc1 in nursery thinking it would improve her social skills, how stupid am I? You can only live forwards.

My 19 month old does a lot of those things, I don't believe there's anything for me to be concerned about. I definitely wouldn't at 7 months old!!

Well, my DS is autistic and he didn't do any of those, except be very late to sit etc.
As others have said, she's your gorgeous child and will be whether or not she's autistic. A friend said that to me when DS2 was diagnosed. She just smiled and said, 'But he's still the same Small Trainsong that he was five minutes ago. Nothing's changed.' And she was right.

It’s perfectly possible to get a dx before three but you need access to competent professionals, rarer in the nhs in this space than they ought to be. DS was diagnosed at two years five months. I knew he was on the spectrum from about 19 months. It was obvious.
Op I agree with those who say your friend is projecting. I see nothing to be concerned about.

TBH, the issues linked to autism at that age are often more physical. Chronic colic is very common, as is severe reflux. Stiffening when you hold them too. DS stiffened like cardboard when I cuddled him as a baby. It upset me. But he's the snuggliest person in the family now.

We knew very early something was wrong with our son.autism was diagnosed at age 5.
As soon as he could lift his head as a baby he was head banging in his cot to help himself get to sleep.he still does it now age 20..as a toddler we first thought he was deaf as he wouldn't look at you when you called his name ,eye contact came and went.
..he hasn't got aspergers or hfa..he has autism,you can tell when you look at him,you can tell when he talks.he attended special schools...he's doing A levels at the moment,a couple of years behind ,most students doing A levels are younger.. I do worry about his future when I'm gone..he's not bothered he has autism.he knows he's loved and respected...autism is not so scary op .its still your child .but seven months is very soon to be noticing things.just try to enjoy your baby,and not stress.you can't get these years back.

It really doesn’t help when people say that autism isn’t the end of the world. No in most cases it isn’t, but people still don’t want it. It’s not offensive to prefer your child not to be disabled.

OP your child sounds exactly like mine. I had similar concerns with regard to arm waving and head shaking and food squashing, but the HV said that they all do that and it’s only something to worry about if they don’t grow out of it.

Don’t let your friend’s obsession with the subject ruin your carefree enjoyment of your lovely baby just as she is.

Why does she wish she'd known earlier?? There isn't a magic pill to cure autism.
7 months is too young to tell.

If you think it may help, keep a little diary for when the time comes for her to be in nursery/school and IF it is picked up on, you can refer back to these little habits and nuances.

@LeekMunchingSheepShagger I'm so sorry. Please accept my apologies. I feel terrible now.

Thanks everyone.
@TrainSong she did have severe reflux, but she has grown out of it now.
@Lougle I got her weighed recently and the HV said she was 'late to sit' (her words not mine!). She also said there would be concern if the no babbling continued by her 9 month review (by babbling she meant things like bababa dadada etc). That hasn't helped me in any way!
@TheVanguardSix Your friend sounds exactly like mine! Every time we meet, it's like she's looking for signs of autism in my DD. I'm going to have to make excuses to avoid her!

She's projecting. Tell her that you need her to focus on her own child and let you worry about yours. If she can't do that you'll need to wind down your friendship.

My DD was diagnosed the week before her 4th birthday and didn't display any of the issues from your list.
Enjoy your baby.

Thank you @Notonthestairs xx