Opinions Needed - Ongoing ‘Stomach Ache’

[Morganj28]

This is a longish one so please bare with me.

My step daughter (6yo) is constantly complaining of having tummy aches and the inability to pass stools when she’s at home with mum.

We have her every other weekend (Friday - Monday) and every other Wednesday- Thursday. During this time, she never complains that her stomach hurts, and has no issue with passing stools (she’ll go 2/3 times over the weekend).

The complaints have now started happening at school.

I did suggest to mum that it may be an attention thing - she’s got a 2 year old sister at home whom she would need to compete with for attention. At ours it’s just her so she’s the sole focus of our attentions.

She’s been to the drs and has had liquid laxatives. The only thing I will comment is that her stools are the size of a grown adults foot - I’m always surprised they come out of her.

At ours she has a very balanced diet. Not to say that she doesn’t at mums but obviously we can’t be 100% on this (I’m not bashing mum in anyway).

Does anyone have any experience of this? Or have any opinions?

Tummy ache can be the way that anxiety manifests in children- is she worried about something?

@fernandoanddenise not that I’m aware of.

Because she doesn’t suffer when she’s with us, we tend to not discuss it for fear we’re going to make it into a big deal - when we personally don’t think it is. I’m very conscious that the more of a deal we make of it, she will begin to get a complex about going to the toilet which will only make matters worse.

The only thing we can put it down (as it only seems to happen when she’s at mums) is diet.

Dd2 had constant tummy ache at 4yo

She was diagnosed with constipation and was on Movocol for about 4 years. If your dd is impacted she probably needs a full clear out.

However she did develop abdominal migraine, brought on by anxiety.
I wouldn't treat it as attention seeking, and it's more than possible that she feels more able to complain at her mums or something there makes her think of it. My dd used to complain regularly when we went past a certain shop in town. She said once it always reminded herto think if it hurt.

Large stools are indeed a sign of constipation. It shows that the stool is backed up in her gut for too long before eventually passing.

@witchend @Haworthia I had done some googling the last time it was raised and round some information about i can’t think of the name now a ‘dieseae’ as they called it. Where you do full back up, because the receptors in your bowel aren’t sensitive enough to let you know that you need to empty them - as they do with the rest of us. Basically you lack the sensation of having to need a poo.

Without obviously criticing mum, we personally feel that the reason she is able to go so frequently over such a short time span when she see’s us is because we provide her with a more balanced diet than what she gets at home.

Obviously as you can imagine this is a difficult subject to discuss with mum. And either way she’ll think that she’s doing what’s best - not that we disagree we just can’t think of any other reason why she goes so frequently at ours and can go one or twice in the 10 days between each weekend we have her (if that makes sense)

Without obviously criticing mum, we personally feel that the reason she is able to go so frequently over such a short time span when she see’s us is because we provide her with a more balanced diet than what she gets at home.

Unlikely. Because if she's with you Friday to Monday then assuming she's at school most of Friday and Monday then it's unlikely your diet would have effected her digestion enough over what basically is 48 hours.

It's more likely she's refusing to go at school (very common) and so is going much more at the weekend because she is more relaxed about it.

@witchend noted. The only reason we come to that conclusion though, is the lack of going at home full stop. It’s not like she’s just not doing it at school, and saving it until she’s at home. Between us taking her to school on the Monday morning and us picking her up 10 days later on the Friday pm. She can have literally gone 2.

Yet between our Friday & Monday it’s not uncommon for her to go every day.

If she was just not going at school then we’d understand. But it’s seems to be the only place where she happily goes is at ours. Which was also where we reached the conclusion of it potentially being an attention thing.

There’s doesn’t seem to be any consistency - and I Totally get that, that’s easier send than done when it comes to health & children.

We’re just at a loss as to what to do to rememdy it.

How is she during the holidays? It could be anxiety around school? I wouldn't have thought it was attention seeking.

What is it that you feed her that's different? I get constipated and some quite healthy foods like bananas I can't eat.

If she was constipated due to diet at mums, it wouldn't clear in a few days at yours

I agree.

@wheretolivenow @lifelemonslemonade no bananas at our house.

We just have normal dinners, meat/fish with some kind of veg. And at home I think from what she’s said she gets mainly pasta, pizza, chicken nuggets, chips etc. Mum makes the kids one dinner and then they eat another. Where at ours she will eat whatever we’re having.

I think she has very similar for lunches at school too (pizza etc).

Can’t recall what she was like during the holidays. Mum has said though, that if they’re out and about doing things it doesn’t get mentioned - it’s only when she’s at home doing nothing. The school complaints have only just started this last week or so.

Infreqyent, Xlarge stools, tummy ache = classic constipation signs.

As pp said your diet vs mums diet isn't a factor in this. Its just coincidence most likely the timing. The longer this is left unsorted, the worse it will get( impaction, faecal soiling, stretched bowel). She needs to see a gp pronto and get onto movicol asap. Plus lots water, dedicated toilet times etc. Its likely she needs this for a long while depending how bad/long its been going on. ( months/years)

Not enough veg/hydration, stress, disturbed routines going back and forth?
I agree, it doesn't make sense if it's only because of diet at her Mum's, she would suffer at yours and get better at her Mums, if that's the case.

I don’t think it can be to do with diet at yours because of the timings - she’s not with you long enough for it to take an immediate effect.

Both tummy aches and withholding can be connected to anxiety.

It doesn’t sound like attention seeking to me.

I get the impression you’re trying to blame her mum and make a point that you do it better at your house, but do bear in mind that children often behave worse “at home” and will be better eaters/make less of a fuss for other people. The pizza/nuggets/chips diet isn’t exactly horrific and isn’t going to cause chronic constipation per se (although the Mumsnet food police will disagree, I know ).

The fact she seems to have more bowel movements at your house is likely just coincidence. If a child is backed up but eventually manages to go, there’s a backlog that soon follows.

I agree that the first line treatment is Movicol and it’s best to go down that road to avoid serious long term issues.

She’s been to the drs numerous times - most recently she was given Lactulose Solution. Which from my googling I thought was the wrong thing to be given (I read it was for hard rabbit dropping poo - which isn’t what she has)

@haworthia definitely not a case of we’re better than them. As long as she’s happy that’s all we care about.

Just trying to figure out the root cause as there doesn’t seem to be consistency.

@irvineoneohone the lack of veg kind of ties in with my comment about diet at mums house and my initial query.

She’s been to the drs again today and they’ve asked for a stool sample and they’re running some bloods. No prescription of medication though.

And this has been ongoing for at least a year now - but solely at mums. We only hear about it when mum keeps her off school because of constipation - hence my post today as we got a text at lunch time to say the teacher had raised it yesterday.

I’m not sure what she’s got to be anxious about - again the could tie in with what I mean about attention. Maybe I don’t use the right word. I don’t know whether the her now having another sibling at mums is a contributor - age of sister kind of ties in. Anxious of sharing mum - where as at ours she doesn’t have to share us.

I feel like I’m clutching at straws but trying to figure it out when we kind of see the inconsistencies is hard. I’d get if it was only occasionally she went at ours. But it’s every time we have her, makes me think it’s more than a coincidence.

Perhaps it's just the constant switching between different diets?

Also if it happens when she is not doing something, that suggests anxiety. It's not attention seeking, more that the less you have to do the more likely you will get intrusive thoughts. Which is often why anxiety is worse at night when people are alone with their thoughts. Is she an anxious child? My son has terrible anxiety which used to manifest as 'stomach ache'.

Also a child doesn't need a reason to be anxious. Some children just are. That's anxiety, it's irrational.

I didn’t it in the sense ‘she’s a child she has nothing to be anxious about’.

Perhaps it is anxiety. How old is your son? How did you broach the subject with him?

Even if anxiety is a factor in this it sounds like she has become very constipated. It needs resolving.

GPs are not that great at picking up and dealing with chronic constipation. I would google children's bowel and bladder in your PCT region and or lookup your children's constipation nursing team service. You can ring them for advice on how to take forward. Alternatively ERIC charity can help.

As an aside, Lactulose is not as effective as Movicol in clearing out which it sounds like is needed.

@lifelemonslemonade sorry didn’t tag you.

In reference to her being an anxious child. I would say there’s a line. It’s peaks and troughs. There’s certain circumstances - she started ballet during the summer and I had to do the first class with her (I mean not just being in the room I had to do the entire lesson by the side) otherwise she got upset. But then on the other hand we can be at a party around people she doesn’t know and she’ll be on the dance floor rocking out on her own.

She’s not very good at being alone - she’d rather sit downstairs with us than play in her bedroom alone.

I don’t know what you’d define as an anxious child.

This website is very good: www.thepoonurses.uk

When I was a child, I was really anxious about going to the loo at school. I hold it and I often ended up having a tummy ache.
Having tummy ache at Mum's sounds similar to my case. She is ok at yours, because there's no worry about school at the week ends when she is with you.

@SpaSushi amazing. I shall have a google tomorrow when I’m at work and see what I can find. Everyone is at their wits end with it now.

I think it would be easier for everyone if she was the same 24/7 no matter where she was as then that would at least make sense to us.