Opinions Needed - Ongoing ‘Stomach Ache’

[Morganj28]

This is a longish one so please bare with me.

My step daughter (6yo) is constantly complaining of having tummy aches and the inability to pass stools when she’s at home with mum.

We have her every other weekend (Friday - Monday) and every other Wednesday- Thursday. During this time, she never complains that her stomach hurts, and has no issue with passing stools (she’ll go 2/3 times over the weekend).

The complaints have now started happening at school.

I did suggest to mum that it may be an attention thing - she’s got a 2 year old sister at home whom she would need to compete with for attention. At ours it’s just her so she’s the sole focus of our attentions.

She’s been to the drs and has had liquid laxatives. The only thing I will comment is that her stools are the size of a grown adults foot - I’m always surprised they come out of her.

At ours she has a very balanced diet. Not to say that she doesn’t at mums but obviously we can’t be 100% on this (I’m not bashing mum in anyway).

Does anyone have any experience of this? Or have any opinions?

@irvineoneohone i totally get that. I’m 28 and I’m much more comfortable doing a number two at home than anywhere else. And if I can wait I will.

Surely she would just go in the evenings at mums if that was the case though? Rather than just barely going there at all?

@haworthia thank you I’ll have a browser

My son is now 11 and has been under the care of CAMHS for a number of years. He had severe anxiety and autism. The autism probably compounds the anxiety and makes it harder to talk about.

It was when he was younger (probably 6-8) that he suffered most with stomach aches. The doctor could find nothing wrong with him. It was suggested to him that it was anxiety and he was very unhappy as the stomach ache was very real. After numerous trips to the Dr who was eventually able to reassure him that although the pain was real the problem was not with his stomach he started to get better. Well not better from the anxiety but the stomach ache stopped.

Anything can make him anxious, but it's mostly leaving the house.

Surely she would just go in the evenings at mums if that was the case though? Rather than just barely going there at all?

Not necessarily because holding it in can cause constipation so she doesn't have the desire when she gets home.

@lifeslemonslemonade I spoke to mum earlier and when she was telling me about the drs today apparently she said that she had stomach ache whilst at the drs so the dr got her to lie on the table and examined her belly and said he couldn’t see a reason as to why she would have stomach ache then - I’m guessing that means she wasn’t backed up in anyway way.

So your idea about anxiety may be correct.

Sometimes I get the impression she has a complex that mummy & daddy aren’t together (they’ve been separated for 4 years so they ended before she would have really known any difference) from things she says in passing when it’s just us. So maybe it’s that.

Its obviously very difficult I get a straight answer out of a six year old.

Yes, it is difficult to get anything out of a six old!

Yeah, I guess her parents break up will have had a impact on her. Break ups are always difficult when children are involved. Even when it's in the child's best interests that the parents split, it must still impact.

When my middle child was around 6/7 it transpired that he felt he was to blame for the break up of my marriage. We split when he was 3 and I had no idea that he had been carrying around the guilt for years.

I'm not saying that's the reason, just that there could be lots of things going on her little head. School being another.

I hope you are able to resolve the issue