Would you be cross that the school did this? Lunch box fiasco!

[poppycock6]

I'm new to the whole packed lunch vs school dinners etiquette. DD1 has always had school dinners and is a good eater. DD2 (in reception) is a poor eater - quite fussy and takes a long time, often messing about at the table and not eating everything on her plate. I give her small amounts of things which I know she likes. If she doesn't eat it then no treats (although this doesn't seem to bother her).
She decided she wanted to try packed lunch so we started today. I thought this would be a good opportunity to monitor what she eats at lunchtime.
So, I packed four triangles of cheese sandwiches, four grapes, a few carrot and cucumber sticks, a banana, a Frube yoghurt and some Animal biscuits plus some juice.
School contacted me this afternoon to say that 'she had to miss playtime because she took so long to eat it all and I should consider what I think would be a reasonable quantity in future'!

I didn't expect them to force her to eat it all! Is that what they do these days? Now it seems, I'll have to try and gauge exactly what she's going to eat

I'd maybe just put one fruit/salad item in.

I think at my dc's school they have half an hour to eat it and what's left is brought back home. They don't miss playtime in order to eat.

I am so glad mine left primary school before the lunch box police took over.

It is unlikely that you will get anywhere by negotiating.

I think I would put in only 2 triangles, and leave out the animal biscuits and see how that goes.

Do they insist on only plain water, not juice? It might be worth asking.

I know that some parents are clueless about what constitutes a healthy meal, but neither is the average lunchtime supervisor qualified in dietetics and nutrition.

that does sound a lot. What you posted doesn't necessarily suggest she was made to eat it all, but that it took her a long time to eat it.

I think it was very good of them to tell you

That's a lot for a reception child to eat during the time they have! The lunch assistants wouldn't know what to 'allow' them to leave from that list.

How about you put a note in saying, 'I'd like xxx to eat at least two sandwiches and most of the veg and fruit; there may be more than she needs but I don't want to pack too little. I don't mind if she doesn't finish the yogurt and biscuits. Thanks!'

(A whole banana is probably a bit much though)

I wouldn't be angry with what they did, but I think you need to speak to them and explain that you don't expect her to eat it all. It might be worth putting in a bit less as well

My ds went through a phase of just not eating his lunch, even the stuff he liked, and when asked if he was finished kept saying no - so he ended up missing playtime for a couple days until the staff asked how they should handle it. I suggested they warn him he had five more mnutes and then usher him out to play so he got a sensible playtime - if he's actually hungry he'll eat at a sensible pace.

If your dd kept saying she was still eating and didn't want to go out yet, then they would have been in the same situation.

At this time of year I bet some kids deliberately dawdle over lunch to avoid going out. Making them finish their food really doesn't sound sensible.

I think that's quite a lot of food for a reception child, particularly a picky, slow eater. I would cut out half the sandwich and the animal biscuits.

That does sound like a lot of food (an awful lot of sugar too fwiw). Mine have a small roll or sandwich, one type of veg, one fruit, a yoghurt. They have big appetites but still often leave half of it.

My dd was harangued by the lunch staff to eat her packed lunch. It got to the point where she didn't want to go to school purely because of lunchtime.

I stuck a piece of paper in the lid of her lunch box saying 'Please do not cajole or bully X into eating her lunch. She will come to no harm if she chooses not to eat it all. Regards MrsKa'

It caused quite a stir but at least they let her be after that.

We are told from the outset that they encourage children to eat all their lunch so not to put too much in, so I think you need to find out how it works at your school.

Thanks all for your replies and advice. Well, needless to say she hardly touched her tea tonight!
In my niaivety, I thought if I gave her plenty and she was hungry then she would eat it, if not then fine. It didn't occur to me that they would make her finish it all regardless!
Tomorrow we'll go for two triangles and ditch the biscuits

I usually overpack my daughters lunch box too - she decides how hungry she is and brings the rest home (she is very good about eating the filling, healthier bits first) so often it is the treat that comes home. It's never been a problem with the school. Surely the dinner ladies have some common sense, making her plough her way through too much food on her first day on packed lunches is just absurd & would make me

Don't shout me down but the mta's might have had hassle from other parents because their child has not eaten enough or finished their lunch. It is probably a fine balancing act.

LOL - it's lucky she didn't pop!!

Either put a note in with her lunch or go and talk to them re their policy about eating what is provided and a list of banned food - before she ends up staying in due to having 'contraban'!

All the schools have different rules - so you need to find out what your schools are - they range from sane to completely fucking barking!!

It must be difficult for them to know what to do with each child. My DD takes a packed lunch to nursery and I deliberately pack exactly the amount that I think she would want to eat to try to get her to eat her fruit. A little comes back sometimes (always fruit) but if I packed any more then the fruit would always come home. So in my DD's case, being cajoled to eat up would be fine. Though her nursery doesn't do this.

I usually over pack too and then just leave in what isn't eaten for the next day [lazy], I think leopardprint might be right that the ta's are trying to walk a fine line meeting parents needs - just have a word at school to set the expectation for your child - your packed lunch sounds lovely and balanced too

Nothing you have posted, OP, suggests she was 'forced' or 'made' to eat. As you say, she can be a slow eater. I hardly call it a 'lunch box fiasco' that your child took a lunch into school, packed by you, and ate it all. Nor would I consider you have any reason to be 'angry' with the school for giving her the time to sit and eat the entire meal you prepared for her. Would you rather they pulled it from her, and sent her out to play still hungry? Or would you prefer it that they made an arbitrary decision as to which parts of the meal you packed your DD would be made to leave?

Have you any information from your DD or the school that she was 'forced to eat it all'. Perhaps she kept going with cheerful gusto until she had cleared the lot. The school are not psychic and can't possibly know whether you meant for her to eat it all if you did not tell them.

It was a huge amount to pack for a child of this age. How are the school supposed to know you only want her to eat X amount if you don't communicate with them. They've communicated with you - give them the same courtesy.

I can see that it might be a fine line to tread between parents with different expectations, however the 'finish everything on your plate' mentality leads to obseity and children who don't know when they are full. Some TAs also micro manage which order they can eat in which intensely annoys dd2 as their idea of a treat (cake) she isn't fussed about and she would rather end her meal on something she really likes such as cheese. Good luck battling with lunchtime supervisors - I've never made much progress.

I didn't use the word angry and I fully accept that I should have communicated with them better about this. I appreciate they are trying to do their best and it must be difficult to see to the needs of all the children at lunchtime. I posed the question 'would you be cross'. Truthfully, I did have a slight giggle at the absurdity of myself, packing so much food and poor DD feeling completely stuffed

four triangles of cheese sandwiches, four grapes, a few carrot and cucumber sticks, a banana, a Frube yoghurt and some Animal biscuits plus some juice

If she is a poor eater as you say I would go for:

2 triangles of cheese sandwich
4 grapes one day / a few carrots another day / cucumber sticks another day /small banana another day
Frube yoghurt
No juice

She then will be hungry enough to have a hot meal when she gets home

I would tell them that yes, on consideration, I'm sure what I gave her was reasonable.

I just wish they'd stop this inefernal nose poking into food fgs.

It's really strange because when they go to senior school NO-ONE shows the slightest interest at all in who eats what or when and everyone survives perfectly well.

Eughh drives me barmy too. I had a similar "disagreement" with school where I put a note saying I was happy for my daughter to eat her lunch in any order - as she too sees babybell as the best bit of her lunch for some reason. But no, our midday supervisors can only cope with the order sandwich, other snack, biscuit, fruit. I stupidly thought a note might help as it might make them realise I didn't mind, but I was told it was very unhelpful.

We have ended up with me telling DD that different people have different rules, and to keep school happy she needs to eat in a prescribed order. But it frustrates me to no end that I am having to comply with nutritional advice from someone who doesn't actually have a clue, and also when a big part of my philosophy of eating is that I don't want sweet things to be seen as the reward!

OP - agree try a smaller lunch (although it didn't sound huge to me) and am sure you will eventually settle on a good balance. Frustrating though.