My beautiful Joseph with his blue eyes, ready smile and arms always open for a hug or a tickle fight

[Trazzletoes]

He has survived the most horrific cancer treatment with his smile, joy and love intact. Unfortunately the neuroblastoma has survived too.

Trazzle, if you tick nothing else off your list today, at least send a short email to work telling them you are very sorry but you can't focus on anything but Joe at the moment.

Having that job nagging at you cannot be helping. You need to get it out of the way so you can put work to the back of your mind.

Thanks all you lovely people. The work enmail isn't really a big deal. They aren't pressuring me, I'm pressuring myself. I just want to keep them up to speed with what is happening, when I'm expected back, how the treatment is likely to be set out. They have been so good to me, I don't like leaving them guessing whether I will be in or not. They've told me to take my time going back, they have been fantastic.

I think I'm just upset because Joe and I have rowed again this morning. I'm fed up of it. I hate it. He'll pick a tv programme he wants to watch, I'll put it on and he will scream at me to turn it off. So I do and then he has an EPIC tantrum because he wanted to watch it.

Ditto for any outings, nappy changes, mealtimes...

We are off out this afternoon for a play date though so hopefully that will cheer him up. DD is coming too.

I just want to go to bed for a day and not have to do anything or think about anything. But that's not possible.

Still, on the plus side, I've been in for my scan this morning and the nice lady couldn't see anything wrong with my liver, kidneys or gall bladder. So I can carry on eating lard with impunity

Honestly, it's very kind of you all to offer help but I'm certain I will manage fine - 3 day weekend, then DD at nursery for 3 days, then DM is back so no problem really!

I think I'm just upset because Joe and I have rowed again this morning. I'm fed up of it. I hate it. He'll pick a tv programme he wants to watch, I'll put it on and he will scream at me to turn it off. So I do and then he has an EPIC tantrum because he wanted to watch it.

You probably know this but I'll say it anyway just in case.

Joe's world is very topsy turvy at the moment and that won't help him feel secure. Part of what he's doing is lashing out because he feels safest around you. He knows that you will still love him whatever her does and he needs to express those emotions somehow.

He is also probably testing the boundaries because so many normal rules and routines have gone out of the window so he needs to find out where they all are again. The more firm and consistent you can be, the more quickly he will get to know where he stands again and settle down.

Add to all of that the fact that he still probably feels pretty awful, it's no surprise that he's kicking off. Also, given what you've got to deal with, it's not surprising that you are struggling. Just keep telling yourself that this isn't personal. He isn't angry with you and you aren't angry with him.

Can you find him something new to watch, just in case what he's watching is bringing back memories of being in hospital?

"He'll pick a tv programme he wants to watch, I'll put it on and he will scream at me to turn it off. So I do and then he has an EPIC tantrum because he wanted to watch it."

Trazzle - can I refer you to the cutted up pear thread? It may console you to know that it is normal 3yo behaviour to do just that. :)

Yep.
Typical 3 year old behaviour :)
It everyone is spot on...he is lashing out at you because he feels safe to do so.
Xx

Absolutely what Thumb said, you have just described my life with my 3YO. He has tantrums when I put on the telly, when a programme starts because he wants something else, when it finishes and repeat. I hate cbeebies the programmes are so short. It's a continual loop of squawking, grumping and writhing. It is not relaxing. Gah.

And clothes, shoe choices, which way we drive out of our street, meals, snacks, cats walking off. Everything is a problem. Then he accepts it. Then he changes his mind. I am thinking of installing ear plugs in my head.

Terrible Twos. My arse. It's 3s that are worse. They don't sleep as much.

Poor Joe. Bet he's tired so it is just constant.

Hope Family Trazzle has a good weekend, and that gives you a little energy. Look after yourself.

They can all be little sods at this age - tantruming about anything and everything - for no apparent actual reason It's just much harder for you with Joe to ignore it or tell him off... but at least he's behaving like a normal child!!

They're all right, and if you didn't just spend 7 or 8 weeks in hospital, enduring gruelling therapies, etc., you'd take it all in your stride. But, you did and your body has been borrowing energy for weeks. It's ok to fall apart a bit now

Everyone above is right. Three year olds are by definition tricksy.

I can understand totally how arguing with Joe would upset you . I wonder whether for him, though, it is actually more reassuring to have you behaving normally towards him- no doubt you regularly argued with him before he

sorry, posted too soon... got ill with the NB?

Hope you have some good times this weekend. Do you have a garden at your place??

Bit like the cutter up pear! You can't do right for doing right ...

Trazzle you have been going on adrenalin for so long that you are bound to have a huge energy crash when there is a bit of calm. Throw in 3 year old logic and it is more of a challenge. Thinking of you x

Yep, thinking of you too. I too have a regularly irksome almost 3 year old who I'm often at my wits end over...she loves to be contrary, but then gives me this sweet butter wouldn't melt grin as if to say...go on, what's your best comeback to that. And my gosh she can make me mad, but 5 minutes later does something hilarious. It can be utterly draining, and that's without all the weeks that you've been through. Totally agree with what everyone else has said. Try to not give yourself too hard a time, and be kind to yourself. You deserve it xx

;( sending you both hugs.
X

You are doing brilliantly. Totally well three year olds can drive the best of us to distraction. Award yourself a big medal for getting through every day. X

he sounds just how I would expect a three year old to be, especially one who has had to cope with so much. You are doing a brilliant job and I hope you are able to get some time to yourself occasionally. don't beat yourself up about the jobs that never seem to get done!

Thanks all, I know it's just his age, but with everything else, I HATE having to discipline him - I do it but end up sat crying myself while I'm doing it wondering whether he actually does hate me and really thinks I don't love him. When I love him joint-most in the whole world.

Still, today he went all crazy about wanting to be sat on the sofa, so I out him there. Then he said actually he wanted to be say on the floor so he could play with his toys - preferable to watching tv all day so I moved him down. Then he immediately screamed to be moved back up. Of course, I refused so he turned round and climbed back up himself bearing in mind he doesn't like twisting his body round and hasn't borne his weight on his legs since February RESULT!

:)

Well done lovely Joe! I am very sure he knows how much you love him. X

Oh Trazzle, he sounds such a fab infuriating little boy! Not much comfort to you, but I do hug my boys tighter every day & thank God for them when I took things for granted before.
Thank you. (I don't mean this to sound horrible, more to say thank you for helping me be a more patient mum - I truly am grateful just sometimes they are hard work). Actually, I don't know what I'm trying to say, I just wish Joe & all the little ones mentioned were ok.

Well done Joe

:o at Joe doing so well
Your point about joint-most has brought a bit of a tear to my eye

Determined little chap you've got there! Think of you all regularly.