Mini-trazzle and his candles vs. neuroblastoma

[Trazzletoes]

Hi, continuity thread for my little DS (3) who was diagnosed with neuroblastoma last week. Much gratitude for all the support the Trazzles have received. You nasty nest of vipers, you

A virtual hug for you Trazzle and fingers crossed you have many many more Christmases with your lovely ds.... x

Lost you for a bit with the Christmasy name change. Massive hugs lovely. Hope dh sorts himself out xxxx

I'm sorry your DH is either being a twat or an ostrich :( Unfortunately many men are like this and it makes a very very difficult time even more difficult and worse still, brings yet another problem into the mix, where the other partner feels angry, upset, let down, unimportant and the relationship begins to break down as well - you need to talk to him so this doesn't happen :(

Christmas is a lot of pressure for most parents, for parents with a child as sick as Joseph it comes with a monumental amount of pressure. That need to make it absolutely perfect JutInCase :( I think the thing to hold onto is that it needs to be as perfect as you can make it for Joseph. So, forget all the time consuming, fancy, do dahs - Mummy, Daddy & DD there, Nan/Gran if she can be, any other favourite people, quick easy food that you know he will love, lots of boxes to uwrap with bright paper (can be a small cheap toy in each), lots of sweets (if he can have them) and most of all - time spent playing with Mummy & Daddy, pulling crackers, telling jokes and whatever else it is that you think will make his Christmas perfect, anything else anyone else wants they can sort out themselves. DD is too young to care :) I presume you have told all other adults that presents are off this year and delegated any shopping that needs to be done for other peoples children.... you need to take any other stress out of it.

Organise some nights out with friends and TELL DH he will be at the hospital with Joseph and book your Mum/babysitter for DD - have things to look forward to.

Joseph's results are looking good xxx

DaisyDotAndGertie - so very, very sorry to hear about your DH, it's something no-one should have to go through, it's so unfair :( I'll be thinking of you. Lots of love & strength xxx

I'm really sorry that even though Joseph is battling through it's so tough for the rest of you. The physical and mental strains you're under are huge. I know I wouldn't be able to keep a tight reign on my darkest thoughts if I were under the same pressures you're under. I think you're brilliant - your posts are full of love for your family.

Keep those results in the forefront of your mind. Your Christmas magic can be served up to your kids when you can manage it. Do it early or do it later if that's best for you.

If finding the time to express how you're feeling is hard with DHs job, the trips to hospital etc. could you email him with no blame and tell him you're struggling. I get the impressions from your posts that you are very capable and it might not be visible as he's focusing in on other things - perhaps maximising money coming in so you don't worry about it. He might just be a lazy fecker mind but I suspect not, bearing in mind how you spoke about him earlier in the thread.

I wish that I could do something practical to help you. boot DH up the arse?

PS love the word knob. Tis one of my favourites. Reminds me of being young.

PPS I know I know feck all about your situation so what I've said could be utter bollocks apart from me thinking you're brilliant and me loving the word knob

Daisy I'm sorry about your husband.

Oh Trazzles . I'm with teaandtinsel...and trying to add my thoughts but they're all jumbled and not making sense in my head apologises in advance if no-one understands what I'm going on about
I'm wondering if you feel it's helping you to come on here and let it all out, so to speak - have a very understandable rant and share your ups and downs. I'm guessing it probably does help a little...and I'm also presuming your DH isn't a MNer or any other forum-er so perhaps
a) he's presuming you're coping just fine
b) he doesn't want to offload his fears and anxieties as you're already dealing with your own so doesn't want to add an extra 'burden'
c) he doesn't realise the extent of your frustrations so is just bumbling along trying to keep things as normal as possible thinking if he behaves as though everything is normal ostrich stylie then everything is normal blinkers on without noticing that this is driving you a bit potty.
A friend of mine went through a similar situation, a v v poorly newborn with an older sibling at home, 10 weeks in hospital, and her DH behaved in quite a similar way from what you're describing. I think some men try so hard to keep it together emotionally, thinking that's what will help you..to keep strong and all that, that sometimes they forget to let you know they're petrified too, terrified of what's happening and v fearful of what might happen.
Men are from mars and all that.
Just my quite possibly way off thoughts.
Maybe let him know somehow that you need to see in his actions that he's supporting you, suggest to him that putting work first might be his way of dealing with things, but it's at the expense of you thinking he's not putting you and the kids first.
Sorry for the essay - big un-mny hugs to you and xx

daisy I too am sorry to read about your husband x

Daisy so so so sorry to hear about your DH. I can't imagine what you are going through .

The special measures of the DLA form is only for terminal illnesses so, thank God, we don't get to fill that bit out.

Thank you all for your advice. You are all completely correct. DH is, for the most part, wonderful. This is just his way of coping. We have not spoken about lie-in-gate today, but he got up very smiley, announced what we were having for lunch (one of my hated things is when we dance around meal choices and whatever I pick is WRONG), and then said he would cook one of my favourite dinners. He has played with both DCs plenty today.

I think he knows he pushed it too far.

I, for my part, have done lots of Christmas present choosing and buying online, and made whoopie pies.

Oh and if I get to bed in time, he's doing the meds at 11.15... I'm off!

xx

Glad today got better.

I think that sometimes, too, you can empathise then get the killer retort in.

He says 'I'm tired'

You say 'Oh are you darling, it's draining being at the hospital isn't it - even when it's only a short time - I'm sure you can't even imagine how tired I must be :)'

I hope you get a good nights sleep tonight.

Oo that's good, chipping. Must try that next time DH says he's tired (I don't have an ill child, just a new baby).

Glad your DH has been better today, Trazzle. :)

Hope today goes well. Love the Christmas name.

Daisy, so sorry. You are in my thoughts.

Phew!

It's odd how having to decide what's for dinner/tea is more irritating that shopping for, making and tidying up the blelly thing

Glad you had a better day with your DH, big hugs to you Xx

I've just uploaded a photo - I saw this image and thought of you all straight away. Have a look in my profile Xx

Hi Trazzle

Joseph might like this - a friend sent it to me today.

This is absolutely amazing. If you have not seen it before just type in your address or any family addresses and look through the window at the snow falling on your home today. It's hard to believe how it works!!!!
Click below...

www.pusher.com.au/clients/pusher-christmas-2011

Just popping in mid-week to say hi Trazzles

Sorry have not been on much as spent the whole of yesterday Christmas shopping , back in hospital today for chemo #7 (already!) and Joe is doing really well at the moment so haven't had anything to say!

Hope you are all well and enjoying the Christmas prep

[mulled wine]

Pistey the pic made me smile - especially as it features my home town

barefoot thanks.

More good news - marvellous

Glad things are going well - keep it up with the good news!

... bringing a over from the fledgling thread for you ... hope your commute wasn't too onerous this morning x

Thanks sc. A broken fridge here means no milk and therefore no RL for me . And [sleepy]