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Original poster

Just received a "battering" in am I being unreasonable

58 replies

staycalmandcarryon · 29/04/2012 22:08

Posted this in AIBU as received a shit load of abuse!

I am not singling anyone out, I am just wanting to somehow prevent DS from being sick.

I just need practical advice not a slagging match :)

My DS2 is 7 months old, he has had several infections, Bronchiolitis and now an infection in his right lung... pneumonia, we have spent most of the weekend in hospital, he is now under a specialist etc

My DSS who is nearly 4 has constant coughs and colds, my eldest DS who is 7 is never ever poorly (touch wood) other than terrible croup when he was younger and a random attack last year.

I have said that in future when DSS has a cough and a cold, I need to keep them separate as my youngest doesnt just get a cough or cold it gets serious, resulting in numerous hospital visits, sleepness nights, medication, steroids and antibiotics which is extremely stressful for him, his lungs and me.

I am expecting another baby in October, so my emotions are heightened.

However I feel this is reasonable, I know it is difficult to do that and not the best situation but I dont want my baby being this poorly I am his mother and I have a natural instinct to protect him, I dont enjoy watching him struggling for breath, not eating and generally being really poorly so if I can prevent it then I will do whatever I can.

OP posts:
virgil · 29/04/2012 22:13

I read the other thread and I think the issue is the way you expressed it. If your plan is to keep your baby away from anyone else who is sick then fine (although impractical). If your plan is to keep your baby away from your DSs who is prone to sickness then not fine.

thisisyesterday · 29/04/2012 22:16

not read the other thread, I think you're being over-protective to be honest.

your little one could pick up coughs and colds anywhere, unless you keep him shut up all day.

i also think that keeping them separate risks alienating your step-son, and that would be very sad.
he is only 4, how do you think this will make him feel?

i KNOW you don't like seeing him poorly, but blaming it on a 4 year old and keeping them apart is not the way to go, in my opinion

Northernlurker · 29/04/2012 22:18

I've read the other thread and posted there too. Your problem OP is that you don't like being told you're wrong. Well sorry to hurt your feelings but you're wrong. You cannot protect your baby from viral illness and by assigning this to dss you ARE singling him out. Having a sick baby is very upsetting but you have to stop looking at this in terms of somebody being to blame.

chillidog · 29/04/2012 22:19

You won't get the answers you want on here, OP. Sad

totallypearshaped · 29/04/2012 22:19

Make sure all children wash hands even your own DS who is never sick.
And ask them all not to sneeze / splutter / cough over the baby.
Take off shoes, and school clothes in the house and wear your poorly baby in a sling to keep him warm and snuggled.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and try and not get a cold yourself - it affects the baby in utero.

Sorry you got a bashing, but bear in mind, as you say yourself, your emotions are heightened, so you maybe are taking things more personally than they were intended?

Your way of posting about your DSS might be interpreted as believing your DSS is somehow responsible for bringing infection into 'your' house - of course he has a different immune system to all your biological children, but I've never seen posts about adoptive parents bemoaning an adopted child as some Typhoid Mary, so that might be a factor.

AIBU is well known for its bun fights, so maybe you might have posted here first and avoided the mud slinging differences of opinion you received there.

Hope all your children get well soon.

Original poster
staycalmandcarryon · 29/04/2012 22:19

Its from anyone who is sick, I do realise that what I was saying came out wrong and also my initial thoughts were impractical, I think I am just desperate for it to stop as i'm exhausted with it.

It hasnt helped getting heated on AIBU and then digging myself the biggest hole ever by making flippant comments!

Why just because he is my step son, and he is in this situation do people automatically assume I am neglecting/victimising him. I truly am not, yes I sometimes find it hard being a step mum but surely that speaks for most mums out there who are. That being said it doesnt mean I dont love him or care for him, we thought he had meningitis not long ago, i was in turmoil.

OP posts:
ThreadWatcher · 29/04/2012 22:19

Isnt your ds just as likely to pick up infections from all sorts of children just as he is from your own children?

I understand that your baby is at high risk of serious problems but I think you are being pfb about him (even though its not your first born)

You have a family that has children and stepchildren, I think to single out one in a different way to the others is unnecessarily cruel.

Coconutty · 29/04/2012 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatyMac · 29/04/2012 22:20

DH has a compromised immune system

He is particularily vulnerable to childhood bacteria; I run a nursery from home. He is treated/admitted at Papworth.

We discussed closing the nursery to protect DH from the children; they said unless DH lived in a bubble/enclosed environment he would get everyone of those bugs, from touching me or DD, from a book or newspaper, from the containers his medication came in, from each visit to the hospital.

You are not able to succeed in your aim. It is impossible and impractical; I am sorry

ledkr · 29/04/2012 22:21

I agree with Northern Op i posted resonably on your thread,i am an ex nurse and a Mum of five 2 with health problems,you are being ott but why post on here again,just go to see your gp and im sure he will tell you the same.

puds11 · 29/04/2012 22:22

You did not recieve a battering op you made purposefully inflammetry remarks about which child you would save in a fire Hmm.
Coconutty you have hit the nail on the head. This is the reason op got 'flamed' on her last thread as the contempt for her DSS was obvious.

chillidog · 29/04/2012 22:23

Honestly, OP, it's just not worth continuing this on here.

thisisyesterday · 29/04/2012 22:24

I don't think you are neglecting/victimising him... but think about how HE will see it

he is 4! you can't say he has to keep away from the baby because he'll make him ill.
you just can't :(

like a pp says, make sure everyone washes their hands, make sure people are putting hands over mouths when coughing etc... keep baby in a sling if you want to keep him up and away from the children.
but don't say your step=son can't see him

topknob · 29/04/2012 22:27

Op shit happens, you deal with it..you CANNOT exclude your step child over your biological child...that is just down right mean !

chillidog · 29/04/2012 22:27

I'm often told I'm over-protective on here, if it helps, OP. I don't post on health issues any more. Except re the dog, where everyone seems more sympathetic.

Voidka · 29/04/2012 22:29

chillidog - have you read the other thread? The thread where the OP admits that she would save her own children in a fire over her DSS.

This is about much more than a few bugs.

topknob · 29/04/2012 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

FashionEaster · 29/04/2012 22:32

Am sorry your youngest has been unwell, but am not sure that it is desirable or possible to keep him in a bubble. I haven't read the other thread but if DSS was your DS would you really be talking about keeping him away from his brother? You can observe basic hygiene when anyone in the family is unwell, such as using flash wipes to clean door handles, use tissues to catch sneezes in and use soap and hot water to wash hands.

stinkymice · 29/04/2012 22:32

I am so worried that your SS might pick up on this and feel really guilty every time the baby is ill. Or to be too scared to play with him for fear of making him ill. I can't really see that this will end in the long term in a positive any for any of your family.
Relax, buy some hand gel, and enjoy your family as a whole unit.

chillidog · 29/04/2012 22:32

I do know people love a bunfight.

duchesse · 29/04/2012 22:35

Children with older siblings at nursery or school often pick up more illnesses. My third child was constantly ill until she was 2. Since then, she's hardly had a day's illness in her life and she's now 14.

It's NU for you to worry about your little one, but VERY unreasonable to suggest that the cure is to stop your DSS from interacting with his little brother.

Original poster
staycalmandcarryon · 29/04/2012 22:35

totally pearshaped said about preventing the older ones from coughing, sneezing and spluttering on him, this is what I meant by my orignal post, it sounds like some of you think I meant keeping them way by having them in separate rooms, if that is true then no its not what I meant. I just meant not going in his face to coo at him and just keeping it at arms length etc.

The fire comment was wrong for me to say, I was angry that people were consistently accusing me of singling my DS out, when my DS has had a cold, Ive said to both of them to keep a distance as just because DS1 is never poorly, you can never say never.

OP posts:
chillidog · 29/04/2012 22:38

It's called provocation, OP.

chillidog · 29/04/2012 22:38

I mean your response about fire was due to extreme provocation.

leftmysociallifeatthedoor · 29/04/2012 22:39

Your 7 year old will more than likely go through a period of illness at some point, he has to build up his immune system, what will you do then?

Have docs indicated your wee one has a supressed immune system because tbh it sounds like hes been unlucky, I say this as a mum who has had a baby in hospital with mystery infections at 3 and 5 weeks and as a mum who has had a kid with pneumonia. its shit and scary but i dont think you can avoid it, we all got swine flu but who knows where we caught it, it couldve been Tesco, the library, the doctors etc.