Just received a "battering" in am I being unreasonable

[staycalmandcarryon]

Posted this in AIBU as received a shit load of abuse!

I am not singling anyone out, I am just wanting to somehow prevent DS from being sick.

I just need practical advice not a slagging match :)

My DS2 is 7 months old, he has had several infections, Bronchiolitis and now an infection in his right lung... pneumonia, we have spent most of the weekend in hospital, he is now under a specialist etc

My DSS who is nearly 4 has constant coughs and colds, my eldest DS who is 7 is never ever poorly (touch wood) other than terrible croup when he was younger and a random attack last year.

I have said that in future when DSS has a cough and a cold, I need to keep them separate as my youngest doesnt just get a cough or cold it gets serious, resulting in numerous hospital visits, sleepness nights, medication, steroids and antibiotics which is extremely stressful for him, his lungs and me.

I am expecting another baby in October, so my emotions are heightened.

However I feel this is reasonable, I know it is difficult to do that and not the best situation but I dont want my baby being this poorly I am his mother and I have a natural instinct to protect him, I dont enjoy watching him struggling for breath, not eating and generally being really poorly so if I can prevent it then I will do whatever I can.

Sure it was

you mean I lost control or I was provoked?? Probably a bit of both to be honest.

When I said that statement I was talking in extreme circumstance where you have no choice but to choose. Dreadful I know and very extreme but I was trying to get across the role of a step parent when it gets to the base of it.

I started to read your other thread but decided life was too short - you didn;t do yourself any favours.

That said I feel similarly about sick child + infection = hospital, usually in an ambulance. We also send DD to a nursery now so we have has some nasty bugs!

We cannot avoid it but we CAN mitigate it. Ensure if people are sick (adults) then stay away, become 100% committed about hand washing and put anti bac gel next to each sink. Use it. Implement a house cleaning routine, leave coats and shoes by the front door, ensure clothes are changed after school. I won;t take DD to places which I know are dirty, I am a bit anal about her playing in dirt, I don;t take her out on the farms - just until she is bigger and better able to fight off anything she picks up.

The whole DS/DSS issue is a bit but you need to treat them equally! But for you all you know if might be your older child passing germs to the DSS which he has built up immunity to. I would (IMHO) sit them both down, explain that your littlest has become very poorly because he isn't big enough yet to fight off the colds and bugs and so can they wash their hands, not stand too close to him when they have a cold, not touch babies face etc.

Think basic hygiene needs to be put in place but you can;t do a great deal more than that.

Erm...no it wasnt chillidog! People instantly picked up on the contempt, and if you post in AIBU then you need to be prepared to be told that you are infact being unreasonable
It should never have been posted there in the first place hence people thinking op was being pruposely inflammetry!

The point is imo in a fire I would get out whatever kids I could...mine or someone elses, whoever I could get to.

Yes. AIBU is like that.

So if someone posts in Children's Health to avoid further attack, is it OK for the same attackers to come over and have another go? At a pregnant woman with a sick young child?

TBH I think you need to seek medical advice on this. With the best will in the world, although people on here try and give honest advice, few are medical professionals. Talk to your GP or if relevant, the consultant and get their advice. Alternatively, ring the British Lung Foundation. They have a helpline staffed by nurses and are more likely to be able to give useful advice than posters on here.

And I hope your son gets better soon. I know how worrying it is when your child is ill.

Yes, I agree. Go to a health support website where you will - hopefully - get sensible advice.

I was saying you were wound up so that you would post ill-advisedly, OP.

puds11 there was no contempt in my op...I just said the facts that DS1 is never poorly, I should have also said that that aside, I still keep him at arms length from DS2 as well when there is sickness, DS1 is just lucky, I am the same, never ill! Just exhausted which is part and parcel.

My only purposeful inflammatory was in replies to all the constant accusations about me victimising my DSS, yes I can OCD which really doesnt help at all, but I am in now way victimising him, as it stands with all sick children.

Don't let them grind you down, OP. You're fine.

Look, while I think the Op hasn't expressed herself very clearly, and let's face it it can be a bit unnerving to have the whole world pouring over every word... I do think that the personal attacks and name calling are out of order. And because I don't like the breach of MN guidelines, I've reported your 22:31 post 'topknob' as a personal attack.

Can we all calm down now pls, and cut the OP some slack - she has a seriously ill babe and is preggo and has two other kids to look after as well. she sounds like she's at wit's end.

OK, she said some silly things, but we don't all have to knit and cackle at the guillotine.

Good luck OP.

Its ok, like you say and others have said even doctors have said that there is no way you can stop it. I will just explain to the children that its important to be extra clean, as he's poorly alot and keep them from coughing and spluttering in his face, etc which is what I was saying in the first place I am just shit with words.

Thanks for you kindness and support, its saved me from a screaming out loud

I have been tempted in the past to ship ds1 off to my mum's when one of the other kids is ill and his immune system is compromised, but I've had to make myself relax about this. it is really hard when you have older kids, they do bring bugs back home but your ds could pick up a bug anywhere and off anyone and realistically, a child prone to illness is going to pick those bugs up somewhere, anywhere, even off shopping trolley handles (which I used to routinely wipe clean with an antibacterial wipe before putting ds in btw, just to give you a flavour of the lengths I used to go to)

he was immune compromised and chicken pox was something to avoid so I kept him well away from large groups of children (he was 3). he then caught cpox of the blooming nursery nurse!! so these germs pop up everywhere

dd had bronchiolitis and pneumonia and did go on to have bad chest infections every winter, but it would be any and every bug that would settle on her chest, so as we all get at least 2 colds a year and kids get an average of 7 I think, you are never going to win the war against viruses and have to learn to accept this. I do sympathise but you need to take a step back here. you sound a bit traumatised, unsurprisingly, and might benefit from talking this through with his specialist or your GP

And try ringing the British Lung Foundation for support and advice maybe?

thankstotallypearshaped I think I need to get some english classes, as it would have saved alot of confusion.

Unfortunately I just say it as I think it and that doesnt help.

Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it!!

Don't worry, Staycalm, people just love to pile on and attack. It's such fun.

Pregnant women who are worried sick about their dc shouldn't be abused because of their use of English. But of course they are.

Thank you mercibucket DS2 had chicken pox also at 6 months, dare I say it he caught it from DSS who caught it from nursery. he ended up with secondary infection and then straight after that bronchiolitis.

Anyway, thank you for your advice

Dont get me wrong, I am english chillidog, just badly educated!! i.e never went to secondary school.

I guessed that some may be enjoying the attack, like an idiot I walked straight into it

Yup, that's about the size of it.

It happens to people all the time; you need to know it's nothing to do with you, or whatever you're posting about.

Your ds needs his immune system building up to stop him getting so poorly from a simple cold. The only way to do that is to expose him to coughs and colds. By trying to keep him away from people you are doing him no favours.

I think better advice would be constant and frequent handwashing and to get your older children to change their clothes the minute they come in from school or nursery.

This might reduce the infections your DSS gets, and therefore make the whole thing better for you. Just because your elder DS is healthy doesn't mean he's not the one bringing the germs into the house, you have to remember that. The ones with the weakest immune systems go down with it and unfortunately that includes your baby.

Preventative measures are much better than trying to separate them out, which I highly doubt will work. If you're all in the same house and one is ill, those germs are everywhere, on the door handles, in the bathroom, on clothing, on the books you read. Obviously prevent the others from directly sneezing and coughing over the baby. But other than that I don't think trying to separate them out will help.

I do have some sympathy borne from experience. DD1 nearly died from whooping cough at 5 and when they let her out of hospital they told us to quarantine her for a month - no one into the house apart from those who lived there and no one out of the house except as an absolute necessity. They said a cold on top would have killed her and it was terrifying. I took a month off work and my business nearly went down the pan.

You could always home educate! Not attending school or nursery will reduce the amount of stuff coming into the house by masses and children don't seem to pick stuff up in the same way from home ed groups. But I think it would be better to investigate why both your baby and your DSS are ill all the time.

But honestly, I don't think separating out family members is necessary or even beneficial and will have the potential for enormous resentment as you are bound to be with the baby more by virtue of age. I know this isn't the answer you want, but I think a lot of people on here speak sense.

I think you got much more of a pasting because you said 'DSS'. A lot of people thought you were being evil SM IMO.

Nothing wrong with trying to stop an older child coughing all over an infant, if you ask me. Now, if you were trying to quarantine the older one to protect the baby by shutting him in his room or something, then that would be just evil - but if you're just asking your DSS to not lean over the baby then that is fine.

It'll likely have fuck all effect, of course..

Interesting that the people dishing out the abuse on the other thread know how to avoid deletion: "You sound like a total cow"; "You sound like a twat"; etc. Clearly they must be people who have frequently been deleted for personal attacks before, and now know that they have to put "sound like" in front of the personal attack, and then everything will be just fine and dandy.

Having read the other thread and being horrified about the fire comment (pushed into or not) I posted another comment in the light of your other info. It was a lot more sympathetic. It's very easy to put a very negative spin on a poorly worded comment.

Basically, it was to say my DS had bronchiolitis loads at the same age as your DS. He was in a box on the kids ward to 6 days it was so bad at one point. We were in and out of hospital.
But the last thing I wanted to do was keep him in a bubble. Children, within reason, need to be exposed to germs to strengthen the immune system. You need to talk to your GP about sensible realistic precautions, when to know your DS is in danger and preventitive measures.
Personally, I would rather put up with my DS having bronchiolitis but having a worry free life the rest of the time, rather than keeping him in an atmosphere of tension about germs that are probably inevitable.
Get some advice, that's the best advice!