Put my daughter on a diet - advice would be welcome from parents who have done the same.

[dexiedoo]

My daughter (12.5years is overweight and it is concerning me, so, I have decided to put her on a diet/healthy eating regime. I will be doing it with her (But following weightwatchers).

Today is her first day, do any of you wise mumsnetters have any idea what I do to be encouraging?

Over the past few weeks I have started increasing the amount of exercise she does and I'm stopping snacking etc in between meals and bulking with fresh veg and salads.

Any more ideas would be welcome

I haven't had to put my kids on a diet but we don't have biscuits and snacks in the house as a rule.
This would stop your daughter feeling like the odd one out if others were allowed to have 'treats'
Exercise as a family then it cab be fun rather than a chore. We have a walking route that we do from our front door and it takes an hour. All four of us usually do it together.
I would make sure that you don't make a big deal about dieting to be slim but to be healthy. In fact I probably wouldn't mention the word diet, just have lifestyle changes.

Remember in this cold weather soups and stews can be healthy and provide nutriton and still help lose weight.

Do you have a Wii. The Wii sports is good fun and active especialy on days where you going to get blown into the next county!!!
Good luck!

How does she feel about it?

Personally I think 12.5 is too young to be doing Weight Watchers - or any other "diet". Especially since you say you are putting her on a diet. It seems more controlling than most almost-teens would tolerate for long. Plus if she doesn't want this, I'm sure she has plenty of opportunities to eat unhealthily that you can no longer police, such as school lunches and trips out with friends.

I think it would be better to talk a lot about healthy eating, insist she eats 5 portions of fruit and vedge a day, and doesn't eat too much bread/pasta etc. Also insist she does some form of sport outside school at least 3 times a week.

I have a DD who is 13, and I do the above. She is not a thin girl, but I feel I have to respect her decisions regarding her own body. if at any stage she decides she is unhappy about her weight. then I will talk to her about what she can do.

Define overweight

I wouldn't do diet as such but have a look at portion size and snacks. replace bisquits with carots (or other raw veg).

for mealtimes imagine those 3part toddler plates. put meat and carbs in the small compartments and the veg into the large compartment.

move more, just walking a bit more each day. and maybe look into a sport she would like to do. there are lots of sports that look low effort but take a lot of stamina/fitness (karate, fencing, horse riding).

It's better to aim to stay the same weight and grow into it if she's only a little overweight IYSWIM.

DON'T cut dairy products. You put on 90%+ of your bone mass in your teens and those who have troubles with osteoporosis in later life are often those who had eating disorders/strict diets in their teens. Weightbearing exercise helps here too (so good on 2 fronts!)

My gym does an intro class for 12-15 year olds which seems very popular, would that be an option?

Soup is a good hearty packed lunch at this time of year, and the River Cottage everyday book has a good section on balanced packed lunches (although not specifically diet ones)

I've struggled with my weight since at least that age and jumping back on the wagon this january once again. I was always rubbish when hounded into it though, so try not to appear too focussed on it.

Don't do it, please. Diets don't usually work for adults and they are less likely to work for this sort of age group than set up some lifelong food issues.
Agree with encouraging the whole family ( not just the FAT one) to move more, eat more fruit and veggies, talk about a hunger scale and how to recognise what your body is trying to tell you.
I'm speaking as someone whose mother put her on a diet at the age of 8. My relationship with food was completely destroyed by this and it did nothing for my relationship with my mother either.

"Over the past few weeks I have started increasing the amount of exercise she does and I'm stopping snacking etc in between meals and bulking with fresh veg and salads."

This sounds sensible, and also something that your whole family should be doing. So why not stop there.

Putting your daughter on an actual diet sounds like setting he up for a lifetime of yo-yo dieting and issues around food. At 12 she's still growing and hasn't grown into her adult body. Leave her be on that score.

Slimming world do a teenage version.

www.slimmingworld.com/our-members/free2go.aspx

Sorry

www.slimmingworld.com/our-members/free2go.aspx

I implore you not to put your daughter on a diet! You will screw up her self esteem and give her eating issues that will plague her whole life. Please please don't do it.

Wow, she's only 12 and she's already getting the message from her own mother that she's fat and needs to diet? You've had control of what she eats for most of her life, why is it that you didn't provide her with healthy food before now?

How about you all start eating normally (breakfast of cereal or toast and some fruit, normal lunch, normal dinner (meat or fish, potatoes rice or pasta, and veg/salad). Replace white bread with brown, buy lean meats to put on them. Make sure there are always nice treats such as fresh fruits or nuts around.

Nobody who eats normal amounts of normal food should need to any kind of "diet". Can even have an occasional biscuit or pudding (no need for puddings, crisps and biscuits EVERY day).

Otherwise you get into this ridiculous cycle of "naughty food" and "pigging out" and "takeaways" interspersed with non sustainable low carb or point-counting regimes .

For godsake don't let her have 'weigh ins' either in public or in the privacy of your home. My mum used to do this to me and it was awful.

I am 47 this year and in the last two years I have put weight on, Don't I know it! She mentions it every time she sees me and askes when I'm I going to do something about it!!!

Like I said earlier change your lifestyle without having it screaming 'DIET DIET DIET!!'

My opening post was a bit vague with regards to some details.

She is NOT doing Weightwatchers, I am doing that alone.

She will NOT be doing weigh ins at home or home or elsewhere.

It is something that she has mentioned herself wanting to lose a little weight and I have chatted with her in depth about it, advising her to stop snacking as much on unhealthy things and filling up on fruit and veg (all of which she loves)

DH and I have been shopping today and we have bought no biscuits, crisps or unhealthy titbits etc. But have got a wide variety of fruit and different things for packed lunches.

I disagree with many posters here.

My DM decided to do SW so she was eating the right things and then work with my little sister to help her loose weight in a less direct way that didn't involve weight ins.

DM has lost loads of weight and little sis has gained as by not going to Slimming World she has had to rely on my mother for advice, which as anyone who has a mother will know is a horrible idea.

If your daughter does WW she can take control and any problems she has are between the leader and her and not you and her.

dexiedoo I think I would tackle the situation from the exercise end first.
To build confidence and self-esteem I would offer your DD a choice of exciting new sports/activities to take up. That way she will burn calories without getting too stressed about things.

The advice I was given when I was concerned about dd's weight (she was younger than yours and very obviously overweight) was to get her to eat more food, not less, but to make sure it was all healthy.

So rather than say to her "I'm giving you less of x, y and z", I was to fill her plate fuller but with veg/salad/healthy stuff.

I was to cut out all white bread for the whole family.

I was to cut out all fruit juices for the whole family (especially apple juice, which is apparently full of sugar). Instead everyone had to have a piece of fruit with each meal

All fizzy drinks went (not that we had any at the time) and squashes. Plain water and low-fat milk only to drink.

Apart from that I was to leave her be.

You do the shopping, she doesn't. So you control the amount of crap you have in the house.

And for heaven's sake don't do what a friend of mine did - she put her daughter on a diet and had a special cupboard that only her sons were allowed to eat out of . Poor kid.

So, what is her weight/height OP?

Another person saying please be careful about this. I know, I know that lots of kids are overweight, but speaking as someone whose weight and size became a Huge Family Shame at the age of nine, it's very hard to live with.

(I am now 48 and still not great about my body size. I am, incidentally, a size 10.)

She is about about 5ft 2" approx and weighs 10st 9lb.

Maryzed, poor children, I would NEVER do that to her. I am going to try and fill her on healthy food etc and we have already started on low fat milk.

Why were you advised to stop white bread?

Wholemeal bread is better.

You have to be very careful how you word it all.

My mother was always on a diet of some kind when I was growing up and it really didnt give me a healthy attitude, I thought dieting was normal and it really isnt eating well and plenty of exercise is better, diets are not easy to maintain and you end up in a cycle of starving/over eating.

Also at that age they do tend to have a phase where they seem to grow outwards and not upwards, but it changes as they progress.

I think you ought to go to your gp (perhaps without her in the first instance) and get some proper advice and a referral to a dietician. It is possible that your DD has not yet reached her full adult height, in which case you have to be very careful with any sort of diet. It may be a case of her growing into her current weight as opposed to losing weight. Good luck!